[Interview]Denise HO and the slogan JMGGJ on her T-shirt

According to schedule, Denise HO (HoCC) should be holding her concert at the Wanchai Art Centre at 8pm on 12 Sep 2021, but it did not happen.

Eight days before the show, Art Centre cancelled her venue booking in writing citing “it might endanger public safety”. Roughly at the same time, three pro-China newspapers coincidently criticised HoCC and that “she is closely watched by law enforcement agencies”.

Without the venue, HoCC decided to hold her concert online.

With only one week left, she was worried about the uncertainty of renting an alternative venue. Luckily her friend secured a “secret place” to accommodate all the stage designs originally intended for Art Centre. With no air-conditioning and just one fan, 30 to 40 people squeezed and sweat in that place just because “the show must go on”.

Ten minutes late, no audience, no lavishing stage - from such a low point her show still proceeded.

The process was a rush. HoCC said she never hurried to prepare for a concert like this.

Her last concert was 3 years ago in Science Park while her last show in Hong Kong Coliseum was in 2016. Over the past months, she was busy seeking a venue for her show. All places declined her booking request although some cooperated with HoCC before.

Not until Jul 2021, she was informed by Art Centre that she could rent the Shouson Theatre for her show in early Sep 2021. HoCC was excited, “I felt like hope returned to my life and I got something to focus.” On the other hand, two months were tight for preparing a concert. She immediately organised a team for the show while continuing her podcast channel as usual.

At that time her plan was to free up the entire August, only focusing on creation and rehearsal of her show.

Put it simple “when you have a chance to formally hold a show, you treasure it. Also, I have a responsibility not to be distracted. You never know whether this is your last time.”

Nevertheless, her plan was disrupted. From Wong Yiu-Ming got arrested in early Aug, to “612 Fund” got shut down two weeks later, HoCC was constantly disturbed by external affairs. She even had to change her rehearsal schedule to attend a “612 Fund” press conference.

“Everyone is experiencing the same thing. A lot of affairs do not directly affect our life, but our daily routines are unavoidably impacted.”

Throughout the process, HoCC felt scared and got alert in the dawn. “Anxiety will always attack in a sudden. Since I chose to stay (in Hong Kong) how do I manage to live with it, so many events and other emotions? This is the most acute test to all of us.”

Different from Wong Yiu-Ming who sings directly about politics, HoCC tends to start from human nature angles such as “how to be faithful with yourself” and “how to live freely” etc. Her theme to be shared in this show is exactly a lesson to live as usual under such a troublesome period with lots of emotions, and not get defeated.

Between the two interviews, too many things happened.

Recently, the music sector returns to livelihood in Hong Kong. That weekend, fans either went to Hong Kong Coliseum for a show by Charmaine Fong, or EMAX to watch “Ar P and Nicole” sing (OK, why not both). It looked like only HoCC was quarantined and forced to perform the show in front of a camera.

Obviously, her quarantine is not because of the pandemic.

HoCC persuaded herself that it was a tough exercise - like the main character in “Matrix”, not only to avoid the attack, but also to maintain balance and focus. She smiled bitterly, “Otherwise I will think I am so pitiful. Why can others run their shows in Hong Kong Coliseum, but not me? You cannot function if you think in such perspective.”

HoCC kind of expected this when she was informed of the cancellation of her venue booking. Her emotion was not really affected.

Yet she was disappointed that a lot of Hongkongers looked forward to see her on stage, to be comforted by her music face-to-face. However reality disallowed her from doing so.

This day the rehearsal was not smooth when she was singing “Glory Home”, so she asked for a tea break. Everybody in the band went noisy while munching Siu Mai and French toasts. It looked like they didn’t have any worry. She observed that every member in the team got scared when some bad news came. However it was valuable that their fear did not last long.

“Provided I am calm, they will be, too.”

Everybody returned to their positions for rehearsal after the time-out. HoCC said, “I tell my team all along the time that this might be the 'last resort', our last chance. We have to treat it like this. In the foreseeable future under this status in Hong Kong, this might be my last time on stage unless there is a great circumstantial change.”

“See? Even this show is not allowed! It proves again that it is absolutely not what some officials say that Hong Kong remains unchanged. In the past, it was not so difficult to run a concert.”

Though in-person and on-line shows are totally different, she had never thought of giving up. “I think as a minimum I have to continue to sing - when singing seems like a dangerous action.” In such a circumstance she wants to send a message, “Even when trapped in a corner, you can still use your most basic abilities to complete what you want to achieve.”

Back in 2020 she felt lost and hid herself. She did not know what she could do and what her role was. On a boring day, HoCC picked her guitar up again and enrolled to an online course. The lesson was in early morning at 8am. Hundreds of classmates appeared on the Zoom screen while she was the only Asian. It felt like she went back to her secondary school life in Montreal, Canada while she was the only Hongkonger in class. In that moment she felt embarrassed, shy and wanted to disengage. Her past feeling came back as familiar and also strange.

HoCC started from the most basic guitar theories but she was full of interest. From then onwards she played guitar and music whenever she faced bad news or issues out of her control.

She needed music like she never did before.

HoCC held an online concert in an old camera shop for members only. She was touched by her supporters in an online sharing session right after the concert. Some of her long term fans in Mainland China who hesitated to show their faces, shared that no matter where HoCC performs they will support.

Therefore in the newsletter for fans club HoCC wrote, “After 2 years with no performances, the most touching part of this show is: I longed to sing so, so much. It feels good for you but also for me.”

In the afternoon of 12 Sep, before the commencement of the final rehearsal, Carmen the producer stood at the stage and seriously reminded everyone to strictly adhere to security. All officers were reminded not to wear the crew tee outside the studio, to cover the entrance with curtain and to tightly lock the door. Lastly she said, “Let’s all try to make it a success, okay?”

HoCC asked the reporter with a smile when doing her make-up: “Does our event look like an exodus?”

Two hours before the show, in front of the mirror, HoCC recalled she had been a singer for 20 years. In 2001 when she was 24, she produced her first EP and the first song she sent to broadcast was “Thousands of Me”. After 20 years, the song’s composer “Master Ying” is still sitting next to her, playing guitar for the show.

Most of the 23 selected songs in the show were not her popular ones. It was because HoCC felt deeply touched when she replayed her old songs while designing the run-down.

Though some of them are even side-trackers and not widely known, she believed these songs are good for comforting under special moments.

In recent years, she did a lot of things she wasn’t familiar with. Now she reaffirms that she feels most relaxed on stage.

At nearly 8pm, HoCC stood beside the stage amidst many cheers of “good show”, ready for the concert.

Suddenly the server of KKtix was cyber-attacked and needed some time to fix. Meanwhile the membership website of GooMusic (her fan club) was overloaded. HoCC looked nervous when she was standing there for preparation, she asked her assistants to keep updating her of the live broadcast status.

With no air-conditioning in the studio, sweat kept dripping from her forehead. The crew kept wiping sweats from her face to preserve her melting make-up and hair-style.

Finally, all technically issues were solved. HoCC cheered loudly, and went quiet. She closed her eyes, slightly lifted her head and made a hand gesture of “Añjali Mudrā”.

08:10pm, with music and lights on, she walked on to the stage slowly. A sentence [in English] appeared on the backdrop, “I have been circling for a thousand years, and I still don’t know if I am a falcon, or a storm, or a great song?”

With no audience in front of her, this might be the beginning of her last concert. However she truly believed that she belonged here, the stage and Hong Kong.

The show started. HoCC opened her mouth to sing what she had to.

Epilogue

Starting from 2020, HoCC has been producing podcasts regularly up to nearly 100 chapters now. In the program a session named “Lovers, Haters” she and her partner Wong Wing-Sze would read some messages left by fans or Wu-mao.

In recent months, the most messages left on her Facebook were about asking her to leave Hong Kong. These messages are normally from Lovers.

She understood all of these messages were of good intentions, but it was sometimes frustrating. 

One day during a tea break in a rehearsal, someone passed her an iced lemon tea without syrup and asked, “Are you leaving (out sugar)?” HoCC joked and shouted, “Don’t ask me to leave!! I am not leaving ar~”

Actually, she can’t explain to everyone about her own decision. “Everyone who is staying has gone through repeated considerations, the last question is: in this era, where could you perform your best?”

“Everyone has to live with their own choices. If you have enough mental preparation that something will or will not happen, it’s enough.”

After the show on Sunday evening, holding a towel and sweating, HoCC was interviewed. She could not hide her happiness before the camera. However, her crew tee in black colour was more eye-catching – imprinted with 5 English letters likes a password: JMGGJ.

In the discussion forum at HoCC’s fan club website, many fans discussed the meaning of these few letters. Someone asked - was it “Jo Mud Gao Gao Zhen”? (How come (you) stir things up?)

HoCC laughed, “This is the initial working title of this show: Jo Mud Gum Gang Jack?”

How come (you are) so scared?

Source: The Stand News #Sep13

Author: Ah Guo

Interviewers: TANG Ho-ying, Ah Guo

Camera men: Fred CHEUNG, Matthew MAK

#HoCC #PopMusic #Concert

https://bit.ly/3zhBLDz (archive.web.org)