Infj Male Dating Info Female
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Infj Male Dating Info Female
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I'd like to hear of experiences with this match. What were the good/bad dynamics? What did you learn, wish you had done differently etc...
She cheated on me so.... Yeah. Lol. Let it be said though that not all intp types cheat.
In the seriousness of it though, before that happened, it wasn't all bad, but once again this is only one experience.
. She was kind of aloof. Had a childlike demeanor but could still be serious when we needed to be. Sometimes quiet, took some work to get her to open up a bit more.. She had a hard time coping whenever she was wrong about something, or when things just for a bit to stressful, she'd shut down. Didn't much care for words and poetry, but loved art and painting/sketching. Investigative. Smart on a number of technical topics and programming.
A very "don't tell me what to do" attitude. Initially loved it, which was why I fell for her. I don't know if every INTP is like that, but, not gonna try again with that particular one again probably.
A very "don't tell me what to do" attitude.
File that under "all NTPs". Convince me: fine. Try to force me and you can fuck right off.
INFJ Male here, who at least /was/ best friends with an INTP who I loved deeply. INFJs live in duality of valuing Emotions and Logic equally, but they foremost live in this world of Emotions. The INTP values logic truly, and the better the INTP the better and truer the logic. Both of these types of brain systems suck when it comes to finding happiness/peace. When you put these two together, you get the picture big of the INFJ, the INFJ pulls from his Ni that stores countless info from his Fe and his Ti, but INFJ fails at making proper sense of it; leading to vague ideas and feelings that tend to have a lot of truths and maybe even genius at times. When you add the INTP, you add the type that can make sense of it all, as long as the INFJ has developed enough Ti to give the parts that are important. So in that you have an ocean of conversations you can have. Both types are super super self aware, but the INFJ's self awareness can be weird because of the value left into emotions, which are just confusing and weird. From a relationship stand point, since both types honor truth and have very high standards of viewing the world, a love relationship is going to require a lot of fucking commutation and work. I think it's always going to take more from the INFJ, because this value in emotion, the world teaches us that we should value certain things that have more complicated turn out than most realize and the INFJ just romanticize a lot of love things, but the INTP sees it clear as fuck. So, I guess the INFJ tends to have a skewed view of like boundaries, since they think that the INTP just doesn't understand what is true regarding the emotional side of the world. Also INFJ tend to be needy, want hugs and shit, but most INTP don't want to be touched lol even by loved ones. What I wish I would have done differently, honestly... I just wished I listened to her : \ . I've gone through a lot of what shes told me recently and I just feel like....I never actually listened to her.I wish I learned sooner what was truly important, what I was truly doing, I hurt so much now knowing what I did because how I acted for her to leave me, isn't who I am. I could go on for a long time with what I wish I could done different, it's been a giant wake up call for me, just a huge learning experience, but this isn't the place for me to get into everything. A lot of our needs as INFJs, idk they're foolish maybe and having the INTP in your life is honestly a gold mine of learning if you can keep them as friend, lover whatever. The good dynamic is that, its a combo that can produce a well of knowledge. Honestly, I don't know what else I could want. I want someone like an INTP in life always, that combo of viewing the world, at least to me is just..everything I could ever want. Also since the INFJ male is rarest type and then Female INTP is the 2nd rarest type, it's heart breaking when it doesn't work out because for me even as friends I could never have a deep friendship with other male, so having a female INTP even as the friend, is just beautiful. I think if any of you, INFJ or INTP meet a one of the other type, give it a chance. Don't get your hopes up about making anything happen. If you as an INFJ love the INTP, listen to them, give them infinite freedom and take a lot of time to understand your emotions, write them down and be honest. If you as an INTP love an INFJ, you could be very lucky depending on how developed the INFJ is, they have a love that is probably obsessive, but its real honest love, they wont just feel this for you but for a lot of people, but if they chose you, their happiness becomes you. I don't think any other type does this without it being a super unhealthy co-decency, the INFJ lives to love, but if you wanna keep them around, you might not have do much, just becareful of their mental health, I feel varying on INFJS, if it gets out hand, INFJS can be very weird in bad mental states. Bring them back to reality if you can, if not in a committed relationship, this isn't your job. In this relationship, I don't think the INTP should ever have to do much, because the problems that arise are most likely going to be from the INFJ not feeling love or whatever the fuck, and the INTP can't do anything about that, you shouldn't as an INTP change to suit an INFJ needs. All you can do is push commutation and both of you need to be very honest to each other. I miss the INTP I knew, I honestly think I always will, I want nothing more than another chance to just be their friend. Edit: I wrote this tired as fuck. My brain is scattered and this isn't everything I would have want say or as accruate as I would to be about this topic, but whatever cheers friend.
That was really precise, I can relate to a lot of that. Just one thing: please use paragraphs! ;)
Hey dude, I know this is oldish now, but you said that what you wrote wasn't everything you have to say? Is there any chance that you could expand/ finish this though process? I'm an INTP in a complicated situation with an INFJ and any sorta insight would be amazing
Wow. A lot of that I could have written about a INTJ I knew. Good stuff.
Is there really nothing the INTP can do to help the INFJ with his/her inner problems?
[F/INFP]I made a throw-away because my sister is on this sub all day. I hope a lot of people have sisters because she'll kill me for saying this. she got out of a relationship with a guy who I think is an infj, shes an intp for sure. I am friend with him now, hes really easy to talk to and down to earth, hell I kind of have a crush on him now but hes still really heart broken from my sister leaving him, even after years. i feel like you hit right on the money with this, my sister left because she felt shity about not being able to love him like he wanted and he still doesnt understand how she is and is kind of an asshole because he thinks shes an asshole, but I feel for him because I understand why he feels this. I think I even feel this way about her sometimes too, maybe hes right. Dude I think you shouldnt blame your self so much, what I saw from my sisters relationship is that are intps are jerks and it seems like theyre design to make infjs feel crazy. you seem like a real smart dude, not any intp deserve an infjs love, not many do. You should really try to look for a type that can love you, truths and logic are not that important in the long run, your need for love is everything that matters in life. if you find someone to feed it, youll be able to return it x10 fold, not just to the person giving it to you but to the world and we need more people you. My sis is smart, but she doesnt value or understand people, she says she does, but she ony thinks this through logic which doesnt work like that, I cant see how an infj could love someone who is that way her views about people are so cold that its "skewed" but theyre so blinded by 'logic', that they dont understand anything but 'math', with out using fe or fi, i dont think anyone could ever be 'smart'.
My intp male was a cheater, as well. Although, I'm also pretty sure that this does not have much, if anything to do with MBTI type. It seems like he ended up doing it more in a cowardly way though. Also, not to make excuses for him, but he appeared really thirsty for attention (from women) & this was likely because he did not get what he needed during childhood and also due to social ineptness/awkwardness that extended well into adulthood. For example, by age 35 he had only had one girlfriend, and she wasn't even in a real intimate/close relationship with him - she was more like a friend that happened to be a girl. I think that I should have seen that as a red flag, that and the fact that he admitted to having serious anger management problems. In retrospect, I wish that we had not went out with each other. The only thing that I learned, is that people rarely change - and if they are one way when you start dating them, don't expect them to make any serious self improvements out of the blue.
I too dated an intp with little relationship experience. She had though done an awful lot of thinking about what a relationship should be like, and was very inflexible regarding... we made it about two months before she hit me with a litany of decently crafted arguments as to why I should change my behavior. Nope nope nope nope nope... Cool lady though :)
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Discussion Starter
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#1
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Nov 7, 2010
I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
... and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
I'm not quite sure what to make of these subtypes, but they're very interesting. I identify a little more with the Intuitive, but still embody much of the Ethical side. I'd be surprised if most INFJs weren't well balanced between the two.
Anyways, like you said, there are a number of non-type related factors that would also need to be taken into account in this situation. So honestly, I wouldn't try to theorize about it too much. I'd just ask him straight up how he felt about you putting the moves on him, not to mention where he thinks the relationship is going. In fact, if I had to guess I'd say he's most likely just surprised by the sudden forwardness, which may have him guessing as to your own expectations for the relationship. As you said, it's more on the casual side right now, so he may be wondering if that's all you view it as.
So ya, being up front with what you're looking for in the relationship and the pace your comfortable going at should be all that is required, I think.
personally i don't like to be sexual with a girl unless i'm very comfortable around her. maybe it's just me being shy, but i have actually turned down opportunities for sexual activities solely because i knew they didn't know me.
if he is like me, make sure you two know a lot about each other before getting, shall i say, promiscuous?
Take into consideration that most INFJs need time to reflect on something unexpected. He just needs a little space to collect his thoughts and feelings to put them into perspective. So, if you choose to talk to him about your feelings, don't be surprise if it takes him a little time to respond. Who knows he may surprise you, since he has already backed off a little bit. :happy:
You yourself
are not above
the laws
that you create
~~Me
What is life? It is the flash of the firefly at night. It is the breath of the buffalo in the wintertime. It is the shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. ~~Crow, Blackfoot
I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
Beauty is a manifestation of secret natural laws, which otherwise would have been hidden from us forever.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Really? I think I'm doing this INFJ thing wrong :crazy:
On a more serious note, do you think he is the intuitive subtype of INFJ or the diplomatic/ethical subtype? Intuitive subtypes need a bit of a poke and more decisive partner while diplomatic subtypes are capable of stirring the pot themselves if they wish...
I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
"Water is powerful. It can wash away earth, put out fire, and even destroy iron..."
As an INFJ male I really have to be comfortable with the girl I am with to be sexual.
Always remember though, Individual>type. You will find out more answers to all of your questions by looking at him as a person and not as a type. Patience and understanding goes much farther then analyzing his type which is all just subjective and only estimations on how he will act. Give him time and don't retreat away unless it becomes clear that he isn't interested.
MBTI is not the end all be all and it is not "God's word."
Embrace suffering, through it comes power. Pain is a call to arms, strength or weakness are the results of your response.
I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
' 'A man should never be ashamed to own that he is wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday' - Alexander Pope
He may need some reassurance right now as to why you acted seductively. Leave an INFJ alone to wonder and he'll have more theories than brain cells when he's done.
On what Vel spoke of: Im glad I was able to read up on the subtypes. The explanations were well-written and insightful. Thanks!
By what I can ascertain from your post, I play the ethical subtype to my friends, and the intuitive subtype around love interests. Interesting stuff!
I am an enigma, wrapped in an INFJ, wrapped in a flaky ENTP crust.
We're never so vulnerable as when we sink ourselves into our relationships.
It could be that he is not quite certain upon which side of the friend/lover line he wants to remain. It sounds like the two of you are off to a great start. Perhaps he needs a bit more nudging. Not enough data to form a more accurate guess.
Wow, Vel. Thanks for posting those subtypes. I am definitely of the Intuitive persuasion. The Ethical subtype is me well into my third glass of wine...:laughing:
Discussion Starter
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#13
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Nov 8, 2010
It seems like a lady would have to be quite engaging / intriguing to appeal to an INFJ male.
Discussion Starter
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#14
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Nov 9, 2010
As well, what y'all are telling me is that I'm not going to see any action anytime soon. :frustrating:
OMG! Vel! you are like a Type / Relationship Guru. Did you write this? Or do you have a source for this information? Actually my first vision was like 'Barbara Eden' in the classic 'I dream of Jeannie'. Great information...hmm.
As well, what y'all are telling me is that I'm not going to see any action anytime soon. :frustrating:
much more the intuitive type here. i'm waitng for the right women to sweep me off my feet.
"So how does a litter box work in zero-G again?"
Vel - you are amazing. Thanks for sharing those two types. And I totally agree with your post following that as I tend to lean on the intuitive side.
As well, what y'all are telling me is that I'm not going to see any action anytime soon. :frustrating:
' 'A man should never be ashamed to own that he is wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday' - Alexander Pope
I'm an INTJ female. I'm seeing an INFJ. It's a casual relationship so far. We like each other a lot and share similar values and interests. Right now, it could be BFF or serious relationship. On our last date, I acted seductively, and he responded. Nothing physical came from it, but damn it felt good. Since then, he's backed off a bit from our relationship. He finds me attractive, and he values me as a friend. But he's classic INFJ. I have a feeling that I've stirred the pot, and he's uncomfortable because a relationship with a woman should be deep, sincere and respectful, and he shouldn't be constantly wondering what she looks like naked.
Do I play it cool? Any insight on this would be appreciated. There are lots of variables like man vs. woman, INTJ and INFJ to be considered. Dating is complicated enough as it is.
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