Incest Lactation
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Incest Lactation
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I have been nursing my son for almost 4 years. During that time, I have had just about every breastfeeding-related experience one could have. By my third year breastfeeding, I figured there was nothing else that could surprise me. But apparently, I was wrong.
Sometime after my son’s birthday last fall, I began feeling what I can only describe as an odd bodily sensation while I was nursing. As I breastfed my son, I felt a tingling sensation in my nether regions, similar to the feeling I would get when I was aroused. It was weird and disconcerting, and I tried to forget about it, figuring that it was totally random. Then it happened again. And again. Soon, this feeling became a regular occurrence.
I was weirded out, to say the least. Even though I obviously wasn't turned on by the act of breastfeeding at all, because it is a totally natural and non-sexual bodily function, my body was having some sort of visceral reaction to it. At a certain point, I had to admit that I felt sexually aroused while breastfeeding , and as it turned out, I wasn't at all alone.
When I started doing some research, I realized I wasn't the first person to point out a link between breastfeeding and sexual arousal. In fact, research on the subject goes all the way back to the 1970s, when a study found that breastfeeding can produce uterine contractions , which are associated with orgasm. The milk letdown reflex also produces oxytocin, the "feel-good hormone" that is produced during sex.
As you can probably imagine, breastfeeding and sex also involve stimulation of the breasts. While my son nurses, for instance, he is often stroking one breast and touching the other . (This is, I later realized, far from uncommon.) There was a brief period when he was a nipple tweaker, but it was painful and I quickly put a stop to it.
I think the sudden feelings of arousal came from a change in the way my son latched. As he gets bigger, it's harder for him to fold himself up in my arms the way he used to and his latch is more shallow than it used to be, so it feels different on the breast. A study from 1992 also found that the sensation can be exacerbated if moms breastfeed with their legs crossed , because that can cause the inner labia to rub against the clitoris. I've definitely found that it happens more if I sit with my legs pressed together, versus sitting with my legs crossed at the ankles and my thighs apart.
It's important to realize that the physiological response to breastfeeding is just that: a bodily response that isn't at all rooted in the brain. And it's totally normal. " The breast is an erogenous zone ," Mary Jo Podgurski, a nurse, told Fusion back in 2015. "But if a woman feels anything sexual while performing a motherly duty [she might think] 'What’s wrong with me?'"
At first, that's exactly what I thought. When I started regularly feeling sexually aroused during nursing, I thought there was something wrong with me. "Maybe I'm feeling this way because it's been so long since I had sex," I'd wonder. "Maybe it's somehow manifesting itself in my breastfeeding relationship with my son." Needless to say, I was horrified by this notion.
I thought back to the time that a woman made a joke to me about whether I derived sexual pleasure from breastfeeding my then-infant son. At the time, I was aghast. Now, here I was, dealing with this horrible feeling. I was devastated and feeling truly disgusted with myself. It also made me want to breastfeed less. But as much as I tried to pull away, my son would not give up the boob. I realized that I was going to have to power through the feeling until I could FINALLY wean this kid.
Ultimately, if you experience these feelings, the biggest hurdle you have to overcome is yourself . It's so easy to think that something is wrong with you, and that you're some sort of sexual deviant because your body is having a completely normal reaction to physical stimulation. I never told anyone about what I was feeling because of the shame I felt over it. I wouldn’t even Google it in broad daylight. Instead, I'd look it up secretly on my phone at night, when I knew no one would be awake.
Even though I know this feeling is totally normal, I still have immense guilt and discomfort about it, because people who don’t experience it will never understand. There's so much stigma associated with breastfeeding, because breasts are so heavily sexualized in our culture. But women shouldn't be ashamed of a physiological reaction they can't control, nor should they be scared that it will somehow negatively affect their child. It is a purely physical reaction, full stop.
If I didn't have this platform to talk about this experience, I probably wouldn't have told anyone about it at all. But I want women to know that if they've felt this way before, they're not freaks, and they're not alone.
Dad In Consensual "Relationship" With Pregnant Daughter
Editor's Note: This article was originally posted on January 5, 2015 and was updated with the latest information.
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By Nicole Weaver — Written on Apr 24, 2020
There are definitely lines that should never be crossed between parent and child. Dating or having a romantic or sexual relationship is at the top of the list — that's sexual abuse , no matter what age.
We trust parents to set up boundaries for their children. They have more power in the relationship and must be held accountable for their actions more than the child.
However, one father who goes by "Dave" decided to admit online that he abused his pregnant 19-year-old daughter by having a sexual relationship with her.
" Her mother died in labour, and I have been her sole caregiver, and she, my sole companion, until she was 18 years old and left the house to move in with her steady boyfriend. We have an excellent father and daughter relationship ," he writes on Reddit .
Sounds more like a grooming situation than a "companionship." But there's more: Her relationship with her boyfriend didn't work out so she moved back home. She then found out she was pregnant.
Three months into the pregnancy, her father installed a surveillance camera in her room after he noticed she was spending a lot of time alone in there.
He then saw her masturbating. Instead of respecting that she's a normal human being who should have her privacy, he started abusing her by initiating a sexual relationship with her.
" We had a mutual agreement to have a long-term sexual relationship with each other for as long as we were contented with it. She told me that having sex with me felt no different or more perverse than having sex with her ex-boyfriends. In fact, she had never felt safer and more loved ," he continues.
He also writes that she's mentioned wanting to have a child with him one day, to which he responded, "We'll see how it goes after she has delivered her baby."
The only selfish concern the abuser seems to have about the situation is that he'll lose his daughter if the sexual relationship ends.
The sickest part of it all is that he seems to be asking for advice on how to prevent this, not what he should do for her well-being or the effects this relationship might have on her. How thoughtful.
" Even the most loving of couples may one day split and go separate ways. If that should happen to us, I fear that I will lose my little girl. I would be happy to let her pursue a new life if she leaves me for a better man. But if she decides to erase all the memories by disregarding my presence, I will be crushed. "
He goes on: "I see myself as a father before her lover, and I would do anything that is best for her. I have spoken to my daughter on this matter, and she resolutely says that Daddy is all she ever wants ."
This is definitely NOT love by any means; this is a seriously gross abuse of power by a parent, and a reminder that there are truly gross people in the world.
As a parent, your job is to protect your child, NOT exploit them. And this father more than crosses that line between parenting and abuse.
Hopefully, his daughter gets the help she needs.
Nicole Weaver is a love and entertainment writer.
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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.
Posted April 28, 2008
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Fellow "Experiments in Philosophy " blogger Jesse Prinz posted about UVA psychologist Jon Haidt's work on political differences. I want to continue exploring the philosophical implications of Haidt's work by asking whether it's all right for Julie and her brother Mark to have sex .
Here's a scenario drawn from a study Haidt conducted:
"Julie and Mark are brother and sister. They are traveling together in France on summer vacation from college. One night, they are staying alone in a cabin near the beach. They decide that it would be interesting and fun if they tried making love. At the very least, it would be a new experience for each of them. Julie was already taking birth control pills, but Mark uses a condom, too, just to be safe. They both enjoy making love, but they decide never to do it again. They keep that night as a special secret, which makes them feel even closer to each other. What do you think about that? Was it okay for them to make love?"
If you're like most people, your response is "absolutely not," but you'll find it more difficult than you think to come up with a justification. "Genetic defects from inbreeding." Yes, but they were using two forms of birth control. (And in the vanishingly small chance of pregnancy , Julie can get an abortion.) "It will mess them up emotionally." On the contrary, they enjoyed the act and it brought them closer together. "It's illegal." Not in France. "It's disgusting." For you, maybe, but not for them (obviously). Do you really want to say that private acts are morally wrong just because a lot of people find those acts disgusting? And so on.
The scenario, of course, is designed to ward off the most common moral objections to incest, and in doing so demonstrate that much of moral reasoning is a post-hoc affair—a way of justifying judgments that you've already reached though an emotional gut response to a situation. Although we like to think of ourselves as arriving at our moral judgments after painstaking rational deliberation (or at least some kind of deliberation) Haidt's model—the "social intuititionist model"—sees the process as just the reverse. We judge and then we reason. Reason is the press secretary of the emotions, as Haidt is fond of saying—the ex post facto spin doctor of beliefs we've arrived at through a largely intuitive process.
As Haidt recognizes, his theory can be placed within a grand tradition of moral psychology and philosophy—a return to an emphasis on the emotions which began in full force with the work of Scottish philosophers Adam Smith and David Hume. Although the more rationalist theories of Piaget and Kohlberg were dominant for much of the twentieth century, Haidt-style views have gained more and more adherents over the last 10 years. Which leads to the question: are there any philosophical/ethical implications of this model, should it be the right one? Plenty, in my view, and I'll conclude this post by mentioning just a few of them.
First, although Haidt may disagree (see my interview with him for a discussion about this issue), I believe Haidt's model supports a subjectivist view about the nature of moral beliefs. My thinking is as follows: We arrive at our judgments through our emotionally charged intuitions—intuitions that do not track any kind of objective moral truth, but instead are artifacts of our biological and cultural histories. Haidt's model reveals that there is quite a bit of self-deception bound up in moral beliefs and practice. The strength of these intuitions leads us to believe that the truth of our moral judgments is "self-evident"—think: the Declaration of Independence—in other words, that they correspond to an objective moral reality of some kind. That is why we try so hard to justify them after the fact. But we have little to no reason to believe that this moral reality exists.
(I should add that contrary to the views of newspaper columnists across the country, claiming that a view might lead to moral relativism or subjectivism is not equivalent to saying that the view is false. This is not a reductio ad absurdum . If Haidt's model is vindicated scientifically, and it does indeed entail that moral relativism or subjectivism is true, then we have to accept it. Rejecting a theory just because you feel uncomfortable about its implications is a far more skeptical or nihilistic stance than anything I've discussed in this post.)
Second, and less abstractly, I think it would make sense to subject our own values to far more critical scrutiny than we're accustomed to doing. If Haidt is right, our values may not be on the secure footing that we believe them to be. We could very well find that upon reflection, many of our values do not reflect our considered beliefs about what makes for a good life.
It's important to note that Haidt does not claim that it's impossible for reason to change our moral values or the values of others. He just believes that this kind of process happens far less frequently than we believe—and furthermore, that when values are affected by reason, it is because reason triggers a new emotional response which, in turn, starts a new chain of justification.
Finally, I think we might become a little more tolerant of the moral views of others (within limits, of course—sometimes t
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