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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.
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Thread starter Sean Simms
Start date Oct 4, 2002
Hello,
I was turned on to this site by my friend Rick who has started a Survivors of Incest group in my town. I am writing because I want to meet other men who are molested by their mothers (whether physical or not). I was made my mother's lover since I was born. She always kept me close to her adn on a short leash. I was not allowed to be away from home for very long without her. After my parents divorced and my sister ran away (age 8) she made me sleep in her bed every night. This was until age eleven. I would wake up often and feel very scared. Of what I don't know. I know she wasn't physical with me in bed but I still felt as if I were her husband.
I've read stories of other men who were "special " in their mother's eyes. I never felt that way. I always tried to think of ways to get away from her but never had the courage until I was 18. I don't even talk to her anymore (I'm 31 now).
She always made me go to dinner with her too as well as complain about her problems. She didn't have any friends or boyfriends after she divorced so I was the only one to keep her company. She was always afraid she would lose me so I didn't get to play with my friends unless she was home. I remember the pain of spending all day home everyday during the summer without any one to talk to.
As a teenager I rebelled against her and left the house whenever I wanted. I hated her and even hit her a couple of times. Once I remember Walking into her bedroom while she was masturbating. I always thought it was an accident but now I realize she left the door open so I would walk in. How disgusting!
Well my computer time at the library is running out so I have to go. If anyone would like to communicate with me please do so.
Sean
"When you are Real you can't be ugly. People who think you are ugly just don't understand."
-the Velveteen Rabbit
Hello Sean and welcome,
Again I see I'm not alone. My father died when I was ten yrs old. I was his stand in,
in her bed, from when I was about 12 -13 until about the time I went into
the Navy at 17. She had been abandoned by her dad when she was young and now she
had been abandoned by her husband/father. He was 60 and she was 33 when they
married. Being her "special Bobby" felt pretty icky and I couldn't stand it. I hated
her for what she was doing to me even though I really didn't fully understand why.
It just meant I was to be there for her needs. I was complient and loyal, my big
brother did the acting out. My rage was expressed in my self loathing. I have rare
contact with anyone in my family to this day. I had the sense she could not live
without me and I was responsible for her well being. The training for this "special"
position started very young. She once told me "Don't ever tell anyone they won't
understand." Most of her friends were really acquaintances, and she discouraged
any friends for me.
She died before I got married, but had met my then future wife. She was definately
threatened by her. What she had done to me definately wreaked immeasurable
havoc on my marriage, but it has still survived after 33 years.
Your story resonates with mine, and I thank you for sharing. We know your pain
here and you are not alone.
P.S. Say hi to Rick
--------------- be gentle with yourself
Sean,
you're not alone. Lots of us here (and "out there") have very similar backgrounds. Stick with the talking, to us or whomever - a therapist would be a big help. Just getting the crap out of your head is a giant step forward.
Welcome brother.
-Al
Hi Sean,
Another son/husband/friend/therapist here! My dad abandoned me and my mother by retreating into his own world, leaving me vulnerable to her thick love. We did everything together. When I should have been at a Little League game, I was holding her purse for her in the lingerie section of a department store while she shopped for underwear. I learned way early that my life would be about attending to her needs and sublimating my own, a pit which I am only crawling out of today at age 40. She took baths with me until I was 10. Pretty creepy, huh? Hard to get your head around the idea that you are being sexually abused by your own mother, especially when there is no actual sex and you think (as a kid) that men abuse girls, not the other way around. Besides, she loves me, she wouldn't do something to hurt me out of her own selfish need. Or would she?! Anyway, glad you found us. You need never be alone with this crap ever again.
Roy
Hi, Sean
You are definitely not alone. I was sexually abused by my mother from age 0-5 or 6. After that it was emotional abuse for the rest of my childhood. She was alcoholic manic-depressive suicidal and in and out of the rubber Ramada (mental hospital)- several times.
I got to be the family problem acting out and tried suicide twice, at age 7 and 15. The hard part was that I had no memory of the abuse until 50 years later, but I had lived with all the symptoms. It was an awful way to grow up. I could not understand why I did not love her or feel bonded. I thought I was the only one like that. The rest of the family never talked about any of her behavior and just accepted that I was the problem one. They sent me to shrinks at age 7 until age 20 who never asked me about my family and they knew how screwed up she was. Result was that I am still phobic about their mannerisms
I was her special person. She confided stuff with me about her therapy. The word special still gives me chills. The result was that I lived in an unreal world with no clue Until a year ago I did not even remember my first suicide attempt they said they sent me to a shrink because I stuttered Im sure I had something to say then that wouldnt come out but I learned to accept that it was me that was weird and that the distance I felt from everyone was because of who I was, defective and different.
The symptoms invaded every part of my life, causing sexual dysfunction, sexual identity confusion, trust issues, inability to set boundaries and cycles of depression. I have been through two awful marriages, which ended poorly and only now can I see that I
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