I'll Cut Your Hair And Blow Your Husband

I'll Cut Your Hair And Blow Your Husband
I Let My Fiancé Cut My Hair With Kitchen Scissors, and Yes, We’re Still Engaged

June 23, 2018

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If there's one mundane task in this world that I f*cking hate doing, it's getting a haircut . I have no specific reason, nor can I point to a bad past experience to blame, but my feelings still stand: I dread it. Don't get me wrong: if my group of friends is relaxing with a blowout and a glass of Champagne after work, sign me up! But when it comes to the shears, swiveling chairs, and attempting to stay still for more than 30 seconds, it's a hard pass.
Long overdue for a trim, I started to dread the thought of making a salon appointment until a brilliant idea popped into my head: I'll just have my fiancé Chris — who's a hockey reporter with absolutely zero haircutting experience — do it at home while I watch Catfish reruns. What could possibly go wrong?
A few things to know before assuming I'm totally crazy: first, the plan was to do a straight up trim. Nothing fancy. It had been a year since my last trim, so I wasn't too concerned about my layers. Surely, they had grown out by then, right? (Insert nervous laughter). Second, I don't color my hair, which knocks out a very long — and often costly — step of hair care I don't have to bother with yet.
And make no mistake, I desperately needed a haircut. I have a sh*tload of hair and started to resemble Cousin It if you weren't wearing your glasses or were standing more than 20 feet away. Proof of that phenomenon:
After getting the green light from Chris, I ran to Target to pick up some hair products I needed for my makeshift salon, like a set of combs, a blow dryer (I didn't own one beforehand, don't judge me), a round brush, and a squirt bottle. I couldn't find salon-caliber shears at the store, so I went with the next best option: kitchen scissors from my knife block. Peep my high-end (read: janky as hell) salon:
Do I live in the lap of luxury or what? Seriously, contain your jealousy.
After doing an initial hair assessment that took all of six seconds, we agreed to cut off four inches. I said a quick prayer before wetting and combing my hair through. I wanted to hack off four inches and had Chris use a tape measurer to eyeball it before sectioning my bottom layer of hair off. Then he started snipping away. As soon as I saw the first clumps hit the floor, I knew there was no coming back from this.
I'm going to shoot it to you straight: the bottom layer of hair was a breeze to deal with. I put the rest of my superknotty hair in a bun at the top of my head, and the rest was history. Sure, he needed to go back and clean up some of the uneven ends, but it was going, dare I say, relatively well.
Until it was time to deal with the rest of my hair, that is.
Figuring out how to attack the rat's nest of dead ends piled on the top of my head was tricky. I remember hairdressers would cut some of the hair right in front of my face. I recall this vividly because, like clockwork, I would want to furiously itch my nose — and couldn't — the second the hairdresser got to work on that particular section. It's truly a terrible feeling.
Chris and I decided there was only one option: to comb the remaining section of hair in the front of my face and go at it. And I'd be lying if I didn't have a myriad of concerns during that particular five-minute period of my life. I almost turned back, but my bravery (and hatred of the salon) prevailed.
After cringing through the rest of my cut, I was finally done. All that was left was evening out the sides, which I'll admit almost took as long as the haircut itself. But, hey, it's important, because you can't show up to work totally lopsided, right? When all was said and done, I was pretty impressed with Chris's handiwork. My hair felt about million times healthier and and I got to watch TV and play with my cats throughout the whole half-hour saga. Win-win! But seriously, although I was initially nervous to leave my hair's fate in my fiancé's hands, he pulled it off in a huge way while staying totally calm. Seems like a pretty good guy to marry, if you ask me.

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advice column: Husband says if she cuts her hair short, it will ‘blow up’ their relationship

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MatureDJ

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Hi, Carolyn: My husband and I have been married 15 years, and about five years ago we nearly got divorced. Lots of therapy later, we are in a better place.
During the rough times, I had a pixie haircut I loved. He hated it, and said a) he isn’t sexually attracted to me with that cut, and b) he can’t stay married to someone he isn’t sexually attracted to. I grew back the hair, but always missed it.

Now that we are in a better place relationship-wise, I want to cut it short again. He sees this as a return of the bad times, and doesn't understand why I would do the one thing that “blows up our relationship.” Which means he thinks of this as a selfish act.

I told him a) hair is not responsible for bad times, b) the cut would be different, and c) it is my body. Long hair is hot and requires maintenance so this is not to stick it to my husband, though the therapist did explore this with me. Any suggestions?

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my opinion: The Alpha husband is laying down the law for wifey. I see the hair as a sh!t test - soon to be followed by the much more dire fattening.

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There is never a time when a woman looks better with shorter hair than her longer hair version. Also, I avoid all short hair women, and I always discourage any woman who says she wants to cut her hair. Long hair is one of the traits of women that we as men enjoy. Cutting it short is pure feminism.
There's no feminist in a house fire. - Bill Burr
A woman's test in life is material, a man's test in life is a woman. - Dave Chapelle

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Women look like 12 year old boys when they have short hair.

I think the man really needs to leave this woman, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

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A woman cutting her hair short is akin to a man deliberately growing man boobs. Both "features" make you significantly less attractive to about 99% of heterosexual members of the opposite gender. In either case, only a person with serious psychological issues would do something like that.

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**** test? Maybe but keep in mind some older women can't grow their hair long.
Younger girl? Sure maybe so.
Too much reading into the hair length thing.
Does it come with bleaching?
Nose ring? Tats?
Face metal?

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He is not doing a good enough job of complimenting his wife's long sexy hair....If he made her feel sexy and desirable with long hair she wouldn't think of cutting it. But she isn't attracted to him because of something else so why would she WANT to please him?

Remember guys you need to make her WANT your approval through frequent, but not overdone, positive feedback that is meaningful and sincere. This is Relationship Management 101.

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He is not doing a good enough job of complimenting his wife's long sexy hair....If he made her feel sexy and desirable with long hair she wouldn't think of cutting it. But she isn't attracted to him because of something else so why would she WANT to please him?

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This is hilarious. If your girlfriend doesn't compliment you on your d!ck, are you going to chop it off?

To every more or less normal woman that I know, her hair is just as important as your d!ck is to you. It defines her femininity and there is no way in hell that she's going to cut it off. The only women with short haircuts that I know are either lesbians or batsh!t crazy.

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We ware dealing with the way WOMEN think , not Men. Newsflash...they think differently. Don't be a moron...

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Women with short hair are almost always psychologically broken.
"Reason is and ought only to be the slave of the passions " - Hume

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Agree.

Shoulder length hair or longer is much more desirable.

It's rare that a woman looks good with hair shorter than shoulder length. Even in the rare cases where she is attractive with short hair, she'd be more attractive if her hair was shoulder length or longer.

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**** test? Maybe but keep in mind some older women can't grow their hair long.

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Long hair are a sign of femininity which is why its men and old women to have short hair.

For a woman to cut her hair short is like for a guy to lose muscle mass.

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This old chick can:

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