If one is not enough
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If one is not enough
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^ Kasindorf, Martin. "Jackie Susann Picks up the Marbles" . The New York Times . August 12, 1973. Retrieved January 8, 2017.
^ Seaman, Barbara. Lovely Me: The Life of Jacqueline Susann . 2nd ed. (New York: Seven Stories Press, 1996), p. 441.
^ Clifford, Garry. "Mr. Jacqueline Susann Honors His Late Wife by Hawking Her Final Book" . People . August 9, 1976. Retrieved January 8, 2017.
^ Seaman, Lovely Me , p. 231.
^ Seaman. Lovely Me , p. 233.
^ O'Reilly, Jane. " Once Is Not Enough : A Guide to the Good Parts of Jaqueline Susann" . The New York Times , April 1, 1973. Retrieved January 8, 2017.
^ "Adult New York Times Best Seller Lists for 1973" . Hawes Publications. [n.d.] Retrieved January 10, 2017.
^ The 20th-Century American Bestsellers Database: 1970s . University of Virginia, via Publishers Weekly , 2016. Retrieved January 10, 2017.
^ Canby, Vincent. "Film: If Once Is Not Enough, Then...." The New York Times . June 19, 1975. Retrieved January 8, 2017.
^ "Once Is Not Enough" [n.d.]. Box Office Mojo. Retrieved January 8, 2017.
Every Night, Josephine! (1963)
Valley of the Dolls (1966)
The Love Machine (1969)
Once Is Not Enough (1973)
Dolores (1976)
Yargo (1979)
Once Is Not Enough is the third novel by Jacqueline Susann , published in 1973 following her huge bestsellers Valley of the Dolls (1966) and The Love Machine (1969). With Once Is Not Enough, Susann became the first writer in publishing history to have three consecutive #1 novels on the New York Times Best Seller list. [1]
The young and beautiful January Wayne, daughter of film and stage producer Mike Wayne, returns home to New York City after being hospitalized in Switzerland for nearly three years. But home is not what it used to be: the world which January knew has changed considerably.
As the naive January finds her way in this brave new world, she encounters such mortal souls as Deirdre Milford Granger, the fifth richest woman in the world, as well as Deirdre's virile young cousin, David Milford; Linda Riggs, the vulgar but successful editor of Gloss magazine; Tom Colt, the macho novelist who harbors a secret; and Dr. Preston Alpert, the dirty but invigorating "Dr. Feelgood". Also in the mix is Karla, the reclusive former movie queen who has more than one secret of her own.
It is a world of money and spiritual incest, of drugs and frontal nudity, in a complex story which reflects the social upheavals of the late 1960s and early 1970s.
Jacqueline Susann initially called the novel The Big Man , but changed her mind after visiting comedian Joe E. Lewis on his deathbed. Lewis, who had famously said, "You only live once—but if you work it right, once is enough," apparently reconsidered, for he told Susann, "Once is not enough." [2]
Susann was diagnosed with cancer two months before the book's scheduled publication date. Her usual efforts at promotion—including a grueling book tour—had to be curtailed. But Susann soldiered on; as her husband, Irving Mansfield , said, "The day the book came out, she was booked on the Today show. She left Doctors Hospital after a blood transfusion, did the show, walked around the corner, got into an ambulance and went back to the hospital." [3]
Susann was candid about the theme of the book, stating that it was one of "mental and spiritual incest." [4] After her death, film critic Andrew Sarris pointed out that "If there is any single key to the oeuvre of Jacqueline Susann it is to be found in an extended Electra complex ." [5]
Susann dedicated the book to her father, Robert Susann (1887–1957), and to her husband.
The book, published by William Morrow on March 20, 1973, met with largely negative reviews, as was typical for a Susann novel. A writer for The New York Times complained that the book had "nearly 500 steadily monotonous pages," populated by "a cast of obscure, unpleasant, implausible, stupid or sly characters [who] lurk in the mind for weeks only because one wants to meet and kick them." [6] However, two of the book industry's most respected trade magazines--LIBRARY JOURNAL and PUBLISHERS WEEKLY--gave the book positive reviews. LIBRARY JOURNAL said, "Spectacularly successful. There are plane crashes, drug orgies, motorcycle accidents, mass rapes, attempted abortions, suicide, evil doctors and assorted other activities; and I couldn't put the damned thing down." PUBLISHERS WEEKLY said, "Our girl has done it again. There is no place for this sensational novel to go but straight up the best seller list." Which it did. Sales were enormous: the book spent 36 weeks on The New York Times Best Seller List, with eight of those weeks at #1. [7] It became the second highest-selling novel of 1973, behind only Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach . [8]
In 1975, Paramount Pictures released a film adaptation, Jacqueline Susann's Once Is Not Enough , directed by Guy Green and written by Julius J. Epstein ( Casablanca ). Starring Kirk Douglas as Mike Wayne, Alexis Smith (in her first film since 1959) as Deirdre Milford Granger, Melina Mercouri as Karla, and Deborah Raffin as January, the film was produced by Howard W. Koch and executive-produced by Susann's husband, Irving Mansfield. The musical score was composed by Henry Mancini .
The film received negative reviews; Vincent Canby , in The New York Times , offered a multiple-choice "audience participation" review, in which the reader was given four choices (ludicrous, bad, terrible, horrendous) by which to evaluate the movie. [9]
Despite the reviews, the film was a commercial success, earning $15.7 million at the box office. [10] Brenda Vaccaro , as Linda Riggs, received an Oscar nomination for her performance. Vaccaro won the Golden Globe award for Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture for her role in the film.
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On top of that; additionally; furthermore. Often used to introduce a further difficulty, problem, or misfortune in addition to that which has already been described. My poor car was smashed beyond repair in the accident, and as if that weren't enough, I also spilled coffee on my brand new suit! Languages, and English in particular, are a difficult thing to learn. As if that were not enough, idioms make the whole thing that much harder to master.
See also: enough , if , not , that
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Originally Published: Feb. 23, 2018
1. You Are "Everything" To Your Partner
2. Your Partner Prioritizes Other Relationships In Their Life Over Yours
3. You're The Only One Putting In Any Effort Into Your Relationship
4. You & Your Partner Have Different Major Life Goals
6. There's Doubt About Your Partner That Never Seems To Go Away
7. Your Partner Doesn’t Challenge You
8. Your Partner Is Unwilling To Meet Your Needs, Even If You’ve Asked Repeatedly
9. Your Partner Doesn’t Take Accountability For Their Actions
10. You Prepare For Arguments With Your Partner Before They Even Start
11. You’ve Grown While Your Partner Has Stayed The Same
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12. Your Partner Doesn’t Make You A Better Person
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Plus, how to talk to your partner about it.
Is love ever enough to sustain a happy, healthy, and long-term relationship? In an ideal world, it would be. But the reality is, you can love someone deeply and still feel like they’re just not enough for you. If your partner does not make an effort to make you feel like your relationship is worth fighting for, at what point is it time to call it quits?.
According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC , there are three elements that make up chemistry in your relationship : physical attraction, friendship, and intellectual stimulation. For instance, if you are physically attracted to a person , but find the conversation lacking or awkward, you're always going to feel like there's a piece missing . Maybe they're just too serious all the time, while you like a little more laughter. Or maybe you miss the close friendship aspect to a relationship . While you may get along just fine, you may not be totally in sync.
"It’s not necessary to have the same amount of all of these elements," Coleman says. "But if one part is missing, it will feel like 'something' is missing , and you will find yourself wishing you could relate to [your partner] like you did with [an ex], or couple you know."
According to relationship experts, these are signs that your partner might not be enough for you, even if you love them.
Being someone's "everything" may seem romantic. But if your partner came into the relationship with a few friends and hobbies, and have integrated themselves into your life entirely, that's a pretty telling sign they might not be enough for you.
"They don’t have their own life , " Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of online relationship community, Relationup, tells Bustle. "They have adopted your friends, your interests and you seem to be the planner and initiator in the relationship. You feel as if they don’t bring a lot to the table," and as a result, you may feel frustrated.
If you think your partner needs to be more independent in your relationship and have more outside interests, it's worth having a talk with them. Having space in a relationship is healthy for couples, and could help your partner bring more to the relationship.
It's healthy for you and your partner to spend time with other people in your lives, like your friends and family. But when you're serious about having a committed relationship with someone, it's important to nurture that relationship and make it a priority . If your partner makes you feel like other people in their life are more important than you, there may be something missing in your relationship.
As psychotherapist Meredith Prescott, LCSW tells Bustle, this can create a challenging dynamic in your partnership. "Spending time with others is healthy in every relationship," Prescott says. "But if your partner is consistently letting you down or not spending quality time with you to be with others, this can be problematic." It's hard to trust that your partner is reliable and will be there for you when you need them if they constantly put other people ahead of you.
It’s no surprise that relationships require work from both parties. And as Erin K. Tierno, LCSW-R , psychotherapist who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle, "If you are the only one doing the heavy lifting, then it might be time to consider seeking out a partner who is willing to show up for figuring out the hard stuff as a team."
Relationships involve caring for you, your partner, and the relationship itself. You shouldn't be the only one initiating check-in texts or calls, planning date nights, or bringing up issues that need to be discussed. A partner who's serious about being in a relationship with you will have no problem doing their part.
If you feel like your partner isn't contributing their share to the relationship , have an honest discussion with them about how you feel. They might not even realize they haven't been pulling their weight, and may be open to doing more.
If you feel like you and your partner are moving in different directions — you want to live in different places, have different goals financially, disagree on whether to get married or have kids, for instance — then these are pretty big red flags that your relationship may not be fulfilling for you, Stef Safran , matchmaker and dating expert, tells Bustle.
"You have to be realistic that people tell you things to give you information, not to have their minds changed down the line," she says. If your partner is open to discussing and compromising on some of these major decisions , then there is still potential for things to work out. But if you can't find a solution that works for the both of you, this may be a dealbreaker.
If you’re with someone you love and they aren’t ready to move to the next stage in your relationship, they may not be enough for you. As Elizabeth Cobb, LCSW the founder and lead therapist of Cobb Psychotherapy, tells Bustle, "If you're dating someone in medical school, with all the years of training and study ahead, they won’t likely be ready to settle down for a while. You may be in love but if your timeline is different it may be time to part ways for the meantime," she says.
This doesn't mean things can't work out in the future, but if timing is causing issues for you and your partner, it may be time to evaluate if what they can offer you in the present works for you.
As Gabrielle Applebury, LMFT , a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle, it’s not easy to find a partner who can fulfill all of you, but the right partner is one you can be honest with, trust, and work through problems with together.
If you have any sort of nagging doubt about them, matchmaker Susan Trombetti tells Bustle, that's a sign they might not be enough for you. "Perhaps they aren’t as outgoing as you and you seek out others while they seek solace. Sometimes they don’t want children and you won’t feel complete until you have children. It can really vary," Trombetti says. Listen to your gut and see what it's telling you.
Matchmaker Emily Holmes Hahn tells Bustle that the biggest sign your partner isn’t enough for you is if they don’t challenge you. “Intellectually, you need someone who mentally stimulates you and who you don't get bored talking to,” she says. “Physically too, you need to be challenged by a partner who you're excited to be with intimately, and who you don't just fall into a routine with."
When you're with someone who challenges you in different ways, there's opportunity for constant growth and having a relationship that evolves.
If you’ve asked your partner to spend more time with your friends and family, and they’ve responded by giving you numerous excuses, this is worth paying attention to. According to Prescott, this may be a sign that your partner is unwilling to put forth the effort you need from them.
If you don’t mind doing what your partner asks of you, but they constantly refuse your requests, this isn’t likely to change on their part. “This might not be the right relationship for you because you may be putting in more than you are receiving,” Prescott says. “Healthy relationships are a two-way street that require mutual understanding and compromise. When someone is not willing to do things after you have explicitly asked, the message is ‘your needs don't matter to me.’”
In a mature relationship, both partners take accountability for their behaviors. They won’t minimize the other person’s feelings or say disrespectful things to each other. If your partner ever makes you feel like you’re the problem in the relationship, you may want to rethink whether this relationship is right for you.
Chances are, if your partner doesn’t take accountability, they’re not going to change, no matter how often you argue or try work through it. “People who don't take accountability often blame their partners,” Prescott says. “It makes it very hard to have a healthy relationship with this type of person. It often results in one person making sacrifices and denying their own needs, which can ultimately lead to resentment.”
Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and fighting can be healthy , if done the correct way. But “when you start to constantly lock horns with your partner to the point that any conversation devolves into conflict, it could mean that both of you are placing emotional protection above emotional connection,” psychotherapist Skylar Ibarra, LCSW tells Bustle. And the more you feel emotionally neglected, the more you will shut down.
If you feel like you’ve grown as a person, but your partner is still at the same place they were in you first started dating, this could be a potential issue. “I see this all the time in couples who got together in their early 20s,” Ibarra says. “When we meet someone at the beginning of adulthood, we assume they’re going to continue to develop and grow because it’s what we expect for ourselves. Logically we expect it for others, so it can be frustrating and lonely when the person we love is consistently falling short of what we want in our ‘leveled up’ adult life.”
If you’re starting to feel embarrassed about bringing your partner around your family, you're constantly making excuses for them, or you find yourself pressuring them to clean up their mistakes, you may not be in sync anymore.
The right partner for you will add value to your life. Despite any challenges that you may face, they’ll make fighting for the relationship feel worth it.
“Some people are takers and don’t offer anything of substance to make you a better
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