If You Want To Fuck Funny
🛑 ALL INFORMATION CLICK HERE 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
If You Want To Fuck Funny
By Brittany Cox
Updated January 16, 2022
Dangerously dirty texts for you to use, at your own risk.
By Brittany Cox
Updated January 16, 2022
Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Learn about us.
We welcome community contributions for Collective World.
Learn more about working with Thought Catalog.
Ontario real estate specialist. I write relationship advice, #GuysInsight, sex, and snark.
Follow Brittany on Facebook or read more articles from Brittany on Thought Catalog . Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page .
Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement .
Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially.
© 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC.
Copyright © 2022 Sayings Point . All rights reserved. Theme: ColorMag by ThemeGrill. Powered by WordPress .
Sayings Point is a website that has a huge collection of sayings on various topics.
In this post, you will find amazing Funny Sex quotes and sayings.
“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.” —Dorothy Parker
“My wife is a sex object – every time I ask for sex, she objects.” —Les Dawson
“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” —Oscar Wilde
“Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.” —Karl Marx
“I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you’re good with grammar, you’ll get it.” —Unknown
“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” —Woody Allen
“Virginity is like a bubble – one prick and it’s all gone!” —Unknown
“It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” —Unknown
“Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.” —Billy Crystal
“Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.” —Suze Orman
“Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.” —Robert A. Heinlein
“The best time of day for sex is anytime, because it’s sex.” —Cameron Diaz
“They say try everything once, not everyone once.” —Unknown
“Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.” —Woody Allen
“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.” —Swami X
“Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.” —Andy Warhol
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” —George Burns
“Sex is an emotion in motion.” —Mae West
“Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.” —Unknown
“Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.” —Unknown
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.” —Unknown
“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.” —Joan Rivers
“A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” —Gloria Steinem
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” —Woody Allen
“Having sex doesn’t make you an adult. but it could make you a baby.” —Unknown
“Software is like sex: it’s better when it’s free.” —Linus Torvalds
“Men get laid, but women get screwed.” —Quentin Crisp
“I cant taste my lips could you do it for me.” —Unknown
“It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” —Joan Rivers
“Sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don’t multiply.” —Phil Proctor
“Don’t do it behind the garden gate. Love is blind but the neighbors ain’t!” —Unknown
“Sex education classes are like in-home sales parties for abortions.” —Phyllis Schlafly
“Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results,but that’s not why we do it.” —Richard Feynman
“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.” —Jarod Kintz
“I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” —Chelsea Handler
“Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.” —Arthur C. Clarke
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.” —Bill Cosby
“Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.” —Kevin Costner
“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” —Frank Zappa
“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…Hate me because your boyfriend thinks I am.” —Unknown
“Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.” —Ian Fleming
“Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” —Sophia Loren
“Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You’re only interested in one thing,” and you can’t remember what it is.” —Milton Berle
“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” —Unknown
“Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.” —Fran Liebowitz
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.” —Woody Allen
“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” —John Barrymore
“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” —Bette Midler
“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.” —Joan Rivers
“I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.” —Phyllis Diller
Here you will find top ten Funny Sex Quotes and Sayings selected by our team.
By Rufus Lodge Published: Sep 2, 2014
Also: Some acronyms, as read by Richard E. Grant...
This content is imported from youTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
... And Richard E. Grant Breaking Down Laughing:
This content is imported from youTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from OpenWeb. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Here are 69 different ways to say fuck, excerpted from F**k: An Irreverent History of the F-Word , by Rufus Lodge, a successful and critically acclaimed author who lives in London under another name. Published today by HarperCollins. You can buy it here. It's funny.
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY: A prime example of what the linguists call 'infixation', in which one word insists on sitting right in the middle of another. Now you know what it's called, you can make up your own examples.
BUMBLEFUCK: 'Bumble' stands for 'bumbling idiot'; 'fuck' stands for everything that it usually does. So a 'bumblefuck' is a 'fucker' who is also an idiot: or an idiot, in other words. When applied to a situation, a bumblefuck is one that was probably designed by a whole circus of bumblefucks, and thus should be avoided wherever possible.
BUMFUCK: Forget the obvious definition, which is... yes, you've got it. A 'bumfuck' can also be a 'bum fuck': that is, someone with whom it is not much fun to share a sleeping bag. On the basis that someone's sexual etiquette is probably a reflection of their wider character, the word can also be applied to a person who is unpleasant with clothes on or off.
CLUSTERFUCK: A remarkably descriptive American term for a scene in which there are lots of people doing lots of unusual things with lots of other people, and none of them are wearing any undergarments. Fine as a fantasy, but actually rather annoying in real life, believe me. And so, by extension, it also applies to a situation that is extremely chaotic—but not actually that enjoyable.
FACEFUCK: At the risk of turning this into a sexual guidebook, 'facefuck' is a way of describing oral sex, particularly fellatio; and even more particularly if the person doing the sucking is lying on their back with an open mouth. Someone who is 'facefucked', however, is more likely in the twenty-first century to be 'off their face' having ingested something smaller, but probably more dangerous, in the way of drugs.
FINGERFUCK: A social activity in which a finger—or more: adjust according to taste—becomes an explorer, if you like, of dark caverns.
FLYING FUCKLAND: A more modern and less poetic way of saying 'Cloudcuckooland'—a place of fantasy that could surely not exist in real life. Book editor's note: outside the pages of Erica Jong's novel Fear of Flying , a flying fuck is rarely a good thing.
FUCKAHOLIC: An alcoholic is addicted to alcohol; a workaholic never leaves the office; a fuckaholic will fuck you even if you're an alcoholic and a workaholic, because they simply don't care where they put themselves.
FUCK-AROUND: The phrase 'fuck around' probably doesn't need any explanation, unless you've just come out of a convent, in which case the book from which this is excerpted probably isn't the ideal place to start. Don't try Fifty Shades of Grey , either. The more jaded of you can read on. Someone who fucked around sometimes came to be called a fuck-around; and then, starting on the island of Fiji, the word was applied to anyone who happened to be hanging around in the streets, usually with criminal intentions.
FUCKARSE: Someone who is a bit of a prat. As opposed to FUCK ARSE , which does exactly what it says on the tin.
FUCKATHON: Someone who is a fuckaholic, or who takes fucking around to the extremes, might take part in a fuckathon. In commercial terms, 'fuckathon' has been used as another way of describing 'gang bang' pornography, in which a female porn star attempts to have intercourse with as many partners as possible in a specified period. The supremely unerotic film starring Annabel Chang, The World's Biggest Gang Bang , is the best possible advertisement against the fuckathon, which makes a clusterfuck seem like afternoon tea at the vicarage. Like Boy George, I'd rather have a cup of tea.
FUCKASS: An all-purpose term of abuse, which doesn't usually have any specific connection to anal activities.
FUCKBAG: Nearly as all-purpose as 'fuck' itself: it can be a noun, denoting someone with little common sense; or someone (usually a woman, surprise surprise) who is known for having lots of sex; or it can be an adjective; or an exclamation of despair or disgust. And you can use it as one word or two. Satisfied?
FUCKBALL: Another derogatory term, familiar from the movie Get Shorty . Over to you, Harvey Keitel: 'Fuck you, fuckball.'
FUCK-BAR: An establishment in which fucking takes place, or in which one secures the vital connection to enable the same thing. A pick-up joint, in other words. Coined by the American gay community in the 1970s, it's used for a bar with back-room reserved for all kinds of sporting activity.
FUCKBEANS: I'd love to report that this is a slang term for Viagra, because it clearly should be. But disappointingly it's a piece of youth-speak meaning nothing more than that the person who uses it is slightly cross.
FUCK-BEGGAR: Originally, a man with a reputation for not being able to raise the mast when the, er, 'boat' is about to set sail. More widely, anyone who is so desperate for a sexual partner that they have to beg. Alternative term in the eighteenth century: 'buss-beggar' (not to be confused with someone who gets on a bus with a sob story about having lost their money on the way to the bus stop, like the woman I always see in the South Ealing Road).
FUCK BOOK: A work of pornography, designed to provide sexual excitement. Unlike the book this is excerpted from, which is strictly educational.
FUCKBOY: A male, usually young, and presumably not already gay, who finds himself the unwelcome recipient of attention from other males when he arrives in prison. The female equivalent, 'fuckgirl', doesn't seem to have come into such regular usage, perhaps because not all female prisons are like the ones in Hollywood porno movies.
FUCKBRAIN: A person whose brains have 'gone to fuck', and not because they want to have sex.
FUCK BUDDY: A friend with whom you have sex. In theory, this sex is wildly enjoyable, and totally free of complications and commitments. In practice, it usually buggers up the friendship.
FUCK-CHOPS: See FUCKBRAIN . Proof that you can add almost anything to the word 'fuck' if you want to call someone a prat.
FUCK-DUST: A multipurpose word, which originated in the 1950s as a description of stuff that simply wasn't up to scratch. By the 1980s, it had been transferred to people who were annoying, and in the modern century it is used as an exclamation in mildly upsetting situations. A hammer on an exposed finger merits the full 'Fuck!'; missing a bus when there's another one due in two minutes might deserve a token 'Fuck-dust!'.
FUCKEE: Someone who is being fucked, not necessarily in a sexual context.
FUCKERWARE: At a Tupperware party, the aim is to persuade gullible housewives to purchase household goods that they don't need by disguising the sales pitch as a social occasion. With Fuckerware, the principle can be the same, only the clients are being offered sex toys. Be wary of accepting an invitation to a Fuckerware party unless you know your host very well, however: the phrase is also applied to a swingers' gathering where men and women gather to experiment with a box of sex toys and partners who are not their own.
FUCKERY: The nineteenth-century term for a brothel has mutated in recent decades into a description of any kind of nonsense—no sexual activity required. It is used especially in state or corporate attempts to mess with our minds and our daily lives. Remember that the next time you're on the phone to a call centre.
FUCK-EYE: If you give someone the 'fuck-eye', you're employing what used to be called, in more romantic times, a 'come-hither stare'. If your 'fuck-eye' looks like your FUCKFACE , you probably won't be getting any.
FUCKFACE: The gurning expressions pulled by every man and woman when they're experiencing an orgasm. If there's no gurning, they ain't feeling it. Similar expressions can be achieved by other means, such as plunging into hot or cold water, punching someone in sensitive places, or pretty much every activity seen in the Jackass film series.
FUCK-FEATURES: Abusive, of course, and pretty much guaranteed not to get someone into bed if you try to attract their attention this way. It suggests ugliness, presumably because someone looks as if they've become stuck in their FUCKFACE .
FUCK-FEST: A glorious cavalcade of sex, which can involve as many people as you like. Sounds more fun than a FUCKATHON , doesn't it?
FUCK FILM: A film in which fucking occurs, usually in a more explicit fashion than you'll see in your local multiplex. Also known as a FUCK-FLICK .
FUCKFINGER: From the nineteenth century, this describes someone who was able to pleasure themselves with their own fingers: also known as a FUCKFIST . Not to be confused with the noun FINGERFUCK , which usually involves more than one person.
FUCK-FLAPS: Another way of saying 'cunt-flaps'. Which is another way of revealing that you're a young man who probably isn't ever going to get anywhere near anyone's labia.
FUCKHEAD: This isn't a sexual practice, but a description of someone who's such an idiot that he (and it usually is a 'he') isn't going to find a girlfriend.
FUCKING MACHINE: Someone who is a great lover—a stud (if it's a man). Or the habitual cry of anyone trying to use a computer, an automatic check-in at the airport, a ticket dispenser, a DVD player, a coffee-maker . . .
FUCKHOLE: The place where... look, you're going to have to work this one out for yourselves. First used in the Victorian era. And you thought they were all too busy covering up the legs of tables in case impressionable youngsters became over-excited. Like almost every other sexual term in the twenty-first century, this has been transformed into a term of abuse aimed at young women. The worldwide web has a lot to answer for.
FUCK-IN: We can thank American cartoonist Robert Crumb for this term, first identified in his 1968 illustration of the 'Grand Opening of the Great Intercontinental Fuck-in & Orgy-Riot' (published in the underground mag Snatch Comics ). See FUCK-FEST .
FUCK-IN-A-FOG: Chroniclers of English slang would have us believe that gardeners with foul minds use this term to describe the fennel flower—or, more poetically, 'love-in-a-mist'. Do not use this in any garden owned by the National Trust.
FUCK-IN-LAW: Someone who becomes related to you via sex. So if I have sex with your sister... No, of course I haven't had sex with your sister. Honestly. I don't know why I even mentioned your sister. I don't find her attractive. No, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her, she's a lovely girl. Not in that way, obviously. I told you, I don't want to go to bed with her. All right, be like that, leave. I can always phone your sister. What? It was a joke . I don't even have her number. I can get it from your mum. No, I haven't had sex with your mum, honestly . . .
FUCKJOB: Something that is well and truly 'fucked up'; and therefore also the means by which Person A 'fucks up' Person B, who may or may not deserve it. In the era of internet porn, almost anything sexual is a 'fuckjob', and probably just as mechanical as that term suggests.
FUCK-KNUCKLE: Our Australian cousins get the credit for this mild alternative to the more abusive FUCKHEAD —the gentle nature of the insult presumably conveyed by the fact that the finger is only involved as far as the knuckle.
FUCKLESS WONDER: Someone who's a 'chinless wonder' is posh and stupid (remember Tim Nice-but-Dim?). Someone who's a 'brainless wonder' doesn't have to be posh. And someone who's a 'fuckless wonder' doesn't even have to have a brain.
FUCKLOAD: Used in the phrase 'a fuckload of' on occasions when the more common word 'shitload' simply doesn't capture the moment.
FUCK-ME'S: American gay slang for a tight pair of trousers, though I would have thought that if they were too tight, they might restrict the blood-flow to vital organs.
FUCKMOBILE: A car which the owner believes will enable him to procure a sexual partner; and also the venue for what happens when he does. This only works with certain cars, and certain sexual partners, despite what Jeremy Clarkson might think.
FUCK-MUSCLE: As anyone will know who took biology in school past the point where they make you cut up rats, there is no bone in the human penis—despite the slang word 'boner' for an erection. But there is muscle, though it's not the kind of muscle that you can make grow by exercise, otherwise teenage boys would be even more active in private than they already are. The growth is all about blood, so anyone tempted to use the word 'fuck-muscle' should actually be prepared to accompany it with an anatomical explanation.
FUCK-NEST: See FUCKPAD , but cosier.
FUCKNOB: Slang term for sexual intercourse meets slang word for penis: inevitable consequence is a term of abuse.
FUCKNUT(S): See FUCKNOB , but replace 'penis' with 'testicles' (easier than it sounds). However, someone who is FUCK-NUTTY is also a FUCKAHOLIC : nobody said that the penis didn't have a mind of its own.
FUCKOLA: Sounds as if it should be an X-rated slot machine, but it's actually a right royal cock-up,
Porno Movies French Wife Cuckold
French Porn Model
Stockings French Milf