I Want To Marry Him
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I Want To Marry Him
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I knew I was going to marry my husband within a week of connecting with him.
He was everything I never really knew I needed — and when I found it, it all just clicked.
Luckily for me, my husband felt the exact same way. Five weeks after our first date, we decided to get married, and our wedding day was just three weeks after that.
Although I hadn't been a huge fan of relationships before, my husband had several really important qualities that helped me just fall into him — qualities that were going to be critical for the man I spent the rest of my life with. Not only that, but it felt like we had a perfect connection from day one.
Every couple is different, but if the man you're with exhibits these qualities, those are some good signs you've found the man you should marry:
The most important quality that the man you're going to marry should exhibit is that he should love you for you — exactly who you are, including everything that comes along with that.
I'm not the best at relationships, and truth be told, I have some fairly crappy qualities. I'm moody, I get stressed very easily, and I tend to lose sight of basic necessities like eating and hydrating when I'm focused on something.
My husband knows about every single one of these — and he loves me, still.
He says he doesn't love me in spite of them, he loves me because of them. When I'm moody, he stays loving until I get out of my mood. When I'm stressed, he offers to help in any way he can and rubs my feet. When I forget to eat and drink water, he feeds me and fills up my water bottle.
The man you are going to end up with should love everything about you and should do everything he can to make sure you know it.
Although your forever partner doesn't have to be a stand-up comedian, you and he should be able to laugh together all the time, and you should find him funny.
My husband loves cheesy puns and he finds every opportunity he can to make them up. He also likes to just be goofy around the house. These are two of my favorite things about him. I love that it feels like my life will be a constant adventure full of laughter and fun because he doesn't take himself too seriously.
Laughter is an important part of a healthy relationship and it helps you connect. Even if no one else does, you should find your partner fun and funny — it'll make your life so much better in the long-term.
How your mate treats you is obviously really important, but you can also tell a lot about him based on how he treats those around him.
What I loved about my husband immediately is that when I talked to people who knew him better than I did, they'd always say first and foremost how kind he was and what a good man he was. It didn't take me long to see this for myself. Whether we're at a restaurant where the waiter messes up our order or waiting in a long line at Disney, my husband is constantly kind, considerate, and patient with those around him.
The man you are going to marry should be a good person — with or without you.
Finding the man you should make your husband will make you feel like you can be open about anything and everything.
One of my favorite things to do with my husband is just sit around and talk to him. We can talk about anything and everything, and we often do! Our conversations range from what our upcoming travel plans are to how we feel about what's going on in politics. I feel like I can connect with him on any topic and because of this, our connection grows every day.
When you meet the one you should make your husband, you'll feel like you want to talk his ear off — and he'll feel the same.
It may sound like a big "duh," but if you're thinking you might want to marry someone, you should like him as well as love him.
Too often, we find ourselves caught up in how attractive someone is, or how sexy they are, or other surface level qualities that don't define who they are as a person, and we forget that underlying any true relationship should be a genuine affection for the other person.
I not only love my husband, but I truly like him. In fact, I adore everything about him and I know that if we had never gotten married, I still would have been really happy to be his friend.
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure you actually like them instead of just being caught up in the love.
Along with liking your partner, you should also really respect them.
My husband is intelligent, hard-working, and would do anything for me and our little family of fur babies. I respect the way he treats his own family as well as mine, and I love that he has friends who speak highly of him. Even if he wasn't my husband, I would really respect him, and that makes me even happier that he is my husband.
When you find the man that will be your husband, you should feel a tremendous amount of respect for him, along with love and all the other positive emotions you feel.
When you think you've found your future husband, you should feel like he's your sanctuary.
At the end of a long day, whether it was a good one or a bad one, all I can think about is my husband. My favorite thing to do is to get all wrapped up in him on the couch or on our bed, and just feel taken care of.
I have never experienced that type of security before, and I truly love it with him.
Your forever partner should be the person you call home, and the person whose arms you want to shelter you day and night.
It would be hard to spend forever with someone if you thought true romance was a candlelit dinner and they thought it was putting the toilet seat down. Similarly, if you think a healthy sex life is a few times a week and they think it's once every six months, that won't work either.
My husband and I are on the exact same page about sex and romance. It just happened to work out that way — we didn't work on it at all.
We both feel like romance can either be the cheesy romance from books and movies, or just doing nice things for each other on a random Monday. We're also on the same page about sex: We decided when we got married that we'd prioritize our sex life and try to have sex at least once a day. (I know, it's a lot for some people, but for us, it works!)
You and your future hubby should feel the same way about these things to make for a more harmonious relationship.
If you think you've found the man you should spend forever with , make sure he feels the same way about you.
My husband reminds me every single day in some way that I am the most important thing in his life. Whether he's doing something sweet for me or just telling me with his words, he never fails to make sure I know how special I am to him. I love it. Life is already so stressful, and the last thing I want to question is how my husband feels about me.
Your potential partner forever should be prioritizing you in his life — and making sure you know it.
If you see any of these signs in your mate, chances are you've found the man that will be your husband. It's definitely one of the most exciting, wonderful feelings in the world!
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
Posted July 13, 2013
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you may ever make. If you're in doubt, print out these ten tips and put them on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door.
Obviously, these ten tips are just as relevant for men. My advice below is by no means for women only.
1. Don’t confuse intimacy with intensity . Intense feelings, no matter how compelling, are not a good predictor of true and enduring closeness in the future.
2. Evaluate him with your head, not just your heart . During the Velcro stage of relationships, we may automatically focus on the positive and overlook and make excuses for the negative. Be as clear and objective when evaluating a prospective partner as you would if you were hiring a candidate for an important job or a nanny for a child.
3. Become a clear observer. Observe your partner with his family and friends, and with your family and friends. Never insulate the relationship. Watch how he treats his mother, the waiter, and the dry cleaner. What kind of citizen is he in the world of work and family?
4. Observe yourself too. If you’re too accommodating, conflict-avoidant, eager to please, and desperate to make it work, you won’t get to know a prospective partner. Slow things down and practice having a clear, strong, assertive voice in the relationship. Use dating as an opportunity to practice having a strong voice and bringing more of your authentic self into the relationship.
5. Consider whether you’d want this person to be one of your best friends if you had no romantic interest . Don’t tolerate behaviors in a partner that you wouldn’t settle for in a good friend.
6. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re with him . Does your time with him leave you with greater self-esteem and more zest to connect with people and projects outside the relationship? If the opposite is true, consider whether the relationship is good for you. If phone calls or time together leave you feeling diminished or down, move on.
7. Know what you can compromise on, and what you can’t. Maybe it’s not so important that he likes cheese products and he talks too loud in the movies. But some things are deal breakers. Write your own list and refer to it. It may include addictive behaviors, dishonesty, irresponsibility, defensiveness, and trouble listening, immaturity, reactivity, and so on.) When it’s a deal breaker get out sooner rather than later. Ditto if you spot a big red flag waving in your face.
8. Focus on your own life plan that neither requires nor excludes marriage . Keep your primary focus on your own goals and life plan, which will put you on firmest footing whether you marry or not. Don’t forget that there are many possibilities for intimacy and connection other than pairing up.
9. Don’t be conflict-avoidant. This is not an invitation to engage in non-productive fighting and blaming that go nowhere. But don't preserve the peace by silencing yourself. Enlarge and deepen the conversation when you’re feeling disappointed or angry. You won’t know a prospective partner (or yourself) if you don’t take the conversation to the next level and test out whether he’s defensive or fair-minded when you have a legitimate request or complaint.
10. Never believe that marriage (or having a baby) is the solution to any relationship problem. It's not. Relationships get harder, not easier, after we marry and move along the life cycle. Don’t believe in the power of your love or nagging to create something later that isn’t there right now.
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. , is the author of many books, including the New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger , and Why Won't You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.
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Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
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