I Want To Have Sex With My Crush

I Want To Have Sex With My Crush

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Okay there’s a girl I really REALLY like. Like I’ve written at least an album's worth of songs about her and I can’t stop thinking about her. Well, recently I’ve started to think about having sex with her. The thing is I’ve had sex fantasies before but those were with celebrities, and the thought of wanting to have sex with someone I know freaks me out because I’m only 14. Is this normal/okay to think about having sex with my crush when I’m 14 years old? I know it’s normal for people older than me but like I feel weird because I’m so young and like, what if I have Too Much Lust or something?
originally written 08.30.2018 • updated 12.06.2021 •
The good news is: you aren't suffering from Too Much Lust, although that might be a fun name for your album when it's complete. Jokes aside, it's not wrong or unusual to have sexual feelings about someone you're crushing on, whether that person is a celebrity you've never met or a friend you see every day. It's also ok, though, if you feel weird about it; sexual feelings can be weird or scary sometimes, especially when they're new to us.
You aren't too young to think about being sexual with someone else. Not everyone experiences sexual feelings at the same age, but at 14 plenty of people are experiencing some level of sexual curiosity or desire , whether it takes the form of a general interest in sex or sexual feelings for specific people. Even if it wasn't normal, and most 14-year-olds didn't have sexual thoughts or feelings, it would still be just fine for you to have them, just like it would be fine for you to have no interest in sex at all. People's sexualities develop and manifest in many ways, each on their own timeline; there's no one "right" time or way for it to happen.
Sexual fantasy can be a great way to explore and think about how you might want to be sexual in the future: what kinds of people you find sexually appealing, what sort of sexual activities or dynamics sound fun to you , how you might want to feel during sex. Keep in mind that these feelings don't necessarily mean you're ready to have sex with someone else yet, or that you have to be sexual right now just because you're having them. You might compare it to daydreaming about skydiving, or swimming with sharks; it's totally possible to enjoy thinking about those things and imagine how exciting they could be without feeling like you're ready to go out and do them. It's not odd to have general sexual desire, or fantasize about sex with someone, without feeling ready to actually put those fantasies into practice, so if you feel overwhelmed or scared of any of these feelings, just keep in mind that you don't have to choose to do anything about them right now.
It's a pretty big shift to move from a solo sexual life to a partnered one; suddenly it's not just your own pleasure and desires you need to keep in mind. Sexual fantasy is one way that people can explore the idea of being sexual, not only in specific ways or with specific people, but also the logistics of engaging sexually with another person at all. Having sexual thoughts about your friend and exploring your feelings about her through masturbation and sexual fantasy aren't a problem; in fact, they can be a helpful tool as you start to think about how you might want to shape a future sexual relationship .
However, sometimes fantasy can impact our thinking in small ways we don't expect, if we aren't looking out for them. Intense sexual feelings for someone you know can set up an unevenly-balanced dynamic if you aren't careful. Spending a lot of time having sexual or romantic fantasies about someone else can make it feel like there's more of a connection between you than what actually exists; it's a one-sided bond that the other person doesn't know about and hasn't participated in. This isn't necessarily a problem, but it's good to be aware of how the strength of your crush and your sexual feelings might impact how you see your existing relationship with someone.
If you ever shared your feelings with this person you really like, you'd be coming at that conversation with a lot of emotions stored up, ones she might not share even if she's also interested in you. If she said no, having all those sexual feelings and fantasies in your mind might make that no harder to hear, or harder to accept; if she said yes, it might make you inclined to push for a deeper emotional or sexual element to a relationship before she's ready, because you've explored those feelings and have felt ready for a while. It's important to make sure the intensity of your feelings isn't impacting how you treat her in person, but just being a little extra thoughtful in your interactions with her is likely to take care of that.
Hopefully all this makes you feel a little less worried about having these sexual thoughts. Whether you ever choose to talk to this person about your feelings or not, you aren't doing anything wrong by having them. Sexual fantasies can feel scary or strange when we're first having them, but hopefully they're something you'll feel more comfortable with given some time and experience with them. No matter what, I hope you can take comfort in the knowledge that you aren't doing anything wrong or inappropriate by having these feelings.
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.
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Talk about intimacy before you get to the bedroom, if possible. Bringing up sex ahead of time can help you and the person you're into become more comfortable with each other. If you're seeing someone, ask them about the right time to take things to the next level, how they feel about sex, and about their likes and dislikes. [1]
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If you're casually hooking up with someone, try asking:

"If you’re in the mood, would you want to head to the bedroom?"
"Hey, how would you feel about having sex right now?"
"You really turn me on. It’s totally fine if you say no, but would you be interested in sleeping with me?"

If you’re in a relationship, try asking for sex by saying:

"When do you think is the right time for couples to start having sex?"
"How do you feel about sex?"
"Do you feel ready to have sex with me?"
"Are you in the mood tonight?"

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Bring up sex in a comfortable, relaxed environment. Make sure you and your potential partner have privacy when you ask them if they're interested. Help them feel safe and comfortable, and try to read their body language to ensure they feel at ease. [2]
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If you're not dating the person you're into, you might not have the opportunity to have a conversation in advance. Before going all the way, be sure to get clear consent and discuss safe sex options.
You don't necessarily have to talk about sex alone in a room with the door closed. You might be on a date at a restaurant or other public place when you bring up having sex.
Be mindful of those around you. Don't ask your partner about sex when lots of people are within earshot. You don't want to put them on the spot or embarrass them.

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Be honest about how your potential partner makes you feel. Be straightforward, warm, and polite, and don't try to put on an act or drop cheesy pickup lines. Just be yourself and tell the person you're into how you feel. Let them know you find them attractive, but make sure any compliments you offer are sincere. [3]
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Try saying, "I think you’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met. I don't mean to put on any pressure or anything, but would you want to take things to the next level physically?"
Be courteous and respectful . Don't go into a vivid description of what you want to do with them. If they aren't ready for sex , this could put them off.

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Try to keep the conversation light-hearted . Talking about sex doesn't have to be super serious. It's one thing if you're talking about a serious topic, like a negative sexual experience or an STI (sexually transmitted infection). However, if you're talking about what turns you on or telling someone you want to have sex , try to be playful or joke around to keep things relaxed. [4]
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It's okay to be nervous , and having a sense of humor about your nerves can help put you at ease. If you get tongue-tied, try brushing it off with, "Geez, I sound like Google translate gone wrong," or just be honest and say, "Sorry I'm a little nervous. Let me start over." [5]
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A little laughter can release nervous energy. However, self-deprecating humor can kill the mood, so go easy on making fun of yourself. [6]
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Check in with your partner when you're fooling around. If you're already fooling around, read the situation and make sure they're into it before trying to go further. If they don't seem enthusiastic about kissing and touching, back off and check in with them. [7]
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In the heat of the moment, you could say, "You're such an amazing kisser, and you turn me on so much. Do you want to take this further?"
You could also try asking, "Should we head to the bedroom?" or "Can I touch you here?"
If you don't think they're into it, stop and ask, "Is everything alright? We can stop if this is going too fast."

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Joke around about pleasing them to break the ice . Let them know you want to make the experience as enjoyable as possible. You don't have to get awkward and directly ask, "What ways do you like having sex?" Instead, express that you care about their likes, dislikes, and boundaries in an appealing, relaxed way. [8]
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While it's helpful to talk about likes and dislikes ahead of time, talking about turn-ons can also be really sexy in the moment. Say something like, "So where's your favorite spot to be kissed?" or "Tell me about something you've always wanted to try in bed." [9]
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Let them know you won't judge them. Asking someone what they enjoy sexually or what they fantasize about puts them in a vulnerable position. Let them know that they can trust you and that you won't laugh at them or judge them. [10]
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Confiding something about yourself first can help them feel more at ease with you. Try telling them how you like to be touched or a position that you enjoy.
Talking about preferences in advance can make sex more enjoyable, but you don't need to go overboard and make each other uncomfortable. You and the person you're into don't have to share your deepest, darkest fantasies, especially if you don't know each other very well.

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Mention what you like, but don't brag about your sexual exploits. It's one thing to say that you like having your ear nibbled on or neck kissed. However, don't go into too much detail about your experiences or talk about past lovers as if they were conquests. [11]
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No one wants to hear all about the last person their date slept with, and bragging about sex is a major mood killer.
You can say "I like kisses on my neck," but don't say "Man, it really turned me on when my last girlfriend kissed my neck and gave me hickies."

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Ask about what they don't like. You don't want to make turn-offs the main topic of your conversation. However, the experience will be more fun and less awkward if you know that a spot is extra sensitive or a position is uncomfortable for your partner. [12]
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While it's good to check in now and then, asking, "Are you alright?" every 30 seconds is a turn-off. Be attentive to their body language, and try to stay in the moment instead of overthinking things.

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Make sure your partner gives their consent. Consent should be clear and enthusiastic. If they seem uncomfortable or aren't sure about having sex, don't try to pressure them. Respect their decision if the answer is no, and don't ask for an explanation. [13]
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They might want to kiss or touch, but that doesn't mean they want to have sex.
They also have the right to change their mind and
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