I M Having Sex
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I M Having Sex
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As you mature, you may start thinking about having sex for the first time. In addition to this, you may be wondering how it feels, how to handle any anxiety that may accompany it, and how to be safe.
There are probably lots of things going through your mind if you are thinking about having sex for the first time. You may be wondering if your body will change or whether it will hurt. Read on to find answers to some of the questions you may have about first-time sex.
Your body will not display any telltale signs after you have sex for the first time. The only way anyone will know you’ve had sex is if you or somebody else tells them.
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While having sex, you might breathe heavily and sweat, and your skin could become flushed. These changes are caused by the physical nature of sex. During sex, your vulva may also become swollen due to increased blood flow. After sex, your body will go back to normal, just like it would after exercise.
Most women are born with a hymen, which is a membrane in the vagina that can stretch or tear during exercise, first-time sex, or other activities. During your first time having sex, your hymen might stretch , and you may experience some bleeding if it ruptures. However, bleeding doesn’t always occur during first-time sex. Many people have already inadvertently broken their hymen before they ever have sex. If you’re worried about bleeding , lying down on a dark-colored towel or cloth can prevent stains.
Much of the anxiety surrounding having sex for the first time is centered on whether it will hurt. If you relax, feel comfortable, and pay attention to your body, there probably won’t be any pain. What you might feel is a bit of discomfort because this experience is new to you.
If you do feel pain, it is more than likely caused by friction. Friction during penetrative sex occurs when there isn’t enough vaginal lubrication to ease the entry of something entering your vagina. Engaging in plenty of foreplay can stimulate the vagina to become more lubricated.
Using lubricant can make intercourse more comfortable and enjoyable.
When you and your partner are figuring out how to have sex for the first time, you might believe that it will be as magical as it is often depicted in the movies. However, it’s possible that your first time won’t be nearly as smooth or well choreographed.
For many people, their first time is an awkward and somewhat uncomfortable affair. On top of that, both of you might be nervous. Under circumstances like these, it can be difficult to achieve an orgasm . This is perfectly normal. In fact, sex without orgasm can be quite enjoyable and might be a good way for you and your partner to connect further.
There’s a myth in some societies that you can’t get pregnant when you have sex for the first time. This is false. If you have already started getting your period, you can get pregnant if you have sex.
If you don’t want to become pregnant, you should use a birth control method whenever you engage in sexual intercourse.
If you’re having sex for the first time, you may feel anxious. This is common and completely normal. There are lots of things you can do to deal with this anxiety.
Some studies show that you are more likely to have both psychological and physical satisfaction when you have sex with someone you trust and with whom you have a steady relationship. Being with someone you trust can help you feel safer and more in control of the situation.
If you want to have sex but feel anxious about it, plan to do it in a place you find comfortable. An unfamiliar or uncomfortable location could make it hard to focus on what’s going on and enjoy what’s happening.
Anxiety about the first time you have sex is pretty common. However, foreplay may help reduce your anxious feelings. Foreplay involves a lot of kissing and touching, which can help you feel more comfortable with your own body as well as your partner’s.
A lot of anxiety can come from trying to rush sex to get to the next step. You might find yourself thinking about what you should be doing and what you should do next. If so, take a moment to center yourself and focus on the present, letting things happen naturally.
Some people are in a hurry to achieve orgasm. Taking your time and enjoying the journey can make sex a more relaxed and enjoyable experience.
It’s very common to have a less-than-perfect first time. However, that doesn’t mean that sex will always be bad. Any number of things can contribute to an experience that doesn’t quite live up to your expectations.
You can always try again later when you are feeling more comfortable. However, you’re under no obligation to commit to a next time, either. The best time to have sex is when you’re sure you want it, not just when your partner wants you to.
If you’re considering having sex for the first time, you should be aware of ways to protect yourself from unsafe sex. Having unprotected sex can transmit infections. It can also cause unwanted pregnancy.
The risk of contracting infections is much higher if you don’t use protection when you have sex. Some sexually transmitted infections (STIs) include:
While some of these diseases can be treated with antibiotic medication, some are incurable and can have serious health implications. HIV has no cure, but there are medications that can suppress the virus almost completely. Left untreated, HIV can develop into AIDS, which has no cure. Using condoms when you engage in sexual intercourse will greatly reduce the risk of contracting an STI.
Unless you’re planning to have a baby, you should use contraceptive methods to reduce the likelihood of pregnancy.
You can opt for barrier methods such as condoms, diaphragms, or caps. These stop sperm from reaching the egg. Other methods, like the birth control pill , alter your hormones to ensure that an egg is not released. Only condoms protect against both pregnancy and STIs, but it's important to remember that no protection method is 100 percent effective.
If you’re puzzled by how to have sex for the first time, that’s a totally normal way to feel. It’s common to be anxious, but being with the right partner in a cozy place and taking things slowly can help. Be sure to practice safe sex to avoid unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.
Higgins, Jenny A, et al. “Virginity Lost, Satisfaction Gained? Physiological and Psychological Sexual Satisfaction at Heterosexual Debut.” Journal of Sex Research, U.S. National Library of Medicine, July 2010, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3572537/. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Sexually Transmitted Diseases | STD | Venereal Disease.” MedlinePlus, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 1 May 2020, medlineplus.gov/sexuallytransmitteddiseases.html. “What Is Contraception?” NHS Choices, NHS, 2 Jan. 2019, www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/what-is-contraception/?tabname=getting-started. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. “Barrier Methods of Birth Control: Spermicide, Condom, Sponge, Diaphragm, and Cervical Cap.” ACOG, Mar. 2018, www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Barrier-Methods-of-Birth-Control-Spermicide-Condom-Sponge-Diaphragm-and-Cervical-Cap?IsMobileSet=false. “Is Sex Painful the First Time?” NHS Choices, NHS, 28 Mar. 2018, www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/is-sex-painful-the-first-time/. Mishori, Ranit, et al. “The Little Tissue That Couldn’t - Dispelling Myths about the Hymen’s Role in Determining Sexual History and Assault.” Reproductive Health, BioMed Central, 3 June 2019, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6547601/.
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6:40AM Saturday, November 19th, 2022
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Three women get real about what sex, love and libido looks like later in life – including a 56-year-old whose having the “best sex of my life”.
From toy-boys to sizzling sex parties, fifty-something women are getting their kicks between the sheets in all kinds of ways.
It will no doubt be a hot topic of conversation for Sex And The City ’s Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte when the show returns to our screens, titled And Just Like That , focusing on life for the trio in their fifties.
To get in the mood, The Sun ’s Claire Dunwell and Rebecca Pascoe talk to three women about what sex is really like for women in their sixth decade.
Shakti Sundari has been married twice but says sex with her new partner, business owner Rob, 36, is the best she has ever had. The mum-of-two and tantric sex teacher, who is from North London, says: “Sex has always been a huge part of my life and now I am in my fifties it is the best it has ever been.
“I was a virgin until I was 21, got married at 24 and the sex was so boring. I remember thinking: ‘This can’t be all there is.’ After my four-year marriage ended, I met a younger lover who introduced me to amazing sex, which blew my mind. He understood how to please a woman and led the way with exploration.”
“When I was 35, I got married again, and we had a great sex life. However, after a difficult labour with our first child I found having sex painful, which drove a wedge between us.
“Our marriage ended about five years later. Since then, I have always attracted younger men. I look younger than I am because I keep healthy. I dance, run, practise yoga and meditate.
“Four months ago, I met Rob at a charity event in London. We have sex two or three times a day. I couldn’t imagine not having sex when we are together and it always lasts longer than an hour. I would be disappointed if it was rushed because a quickie isn’t for me.”
“Younger men are more of a match for my energy and stamina. I’ve been going through the menopause for two years but that hasn’t affected my sex drive at all.
“To me, sex isn’t just about the physical act. Rob and I are on the same wavelength – we’re both confident, open and have similar values, which makes us compatible in the bedroom. I don’t feel I need to do anything to enhance myself for a younger man. I rarely wear make-up, dye my hair or even shave my legs.
“But the men I’m attracted to find me really sexy. It’s nothing to do with looking conventionally attractive. It’s about an inner confidence, which I have. I think a brilliant sex life is available to every woman.
“I want to inspire women to connect with their bodies and understand their sexuality because it is key to having better sex. Women in their fifties shouldn’t feel that their sex life is over. Mine keeps getting better.”
Sarah Tilley has a non-monogamous relationship and also says she is having the best sex of her life.
The relationship coach, 54, who lives in Hampstead, North London, started going to sex parties in her late forties and says they enrich her relationship with partner Tom, 36, a retail manager.
She says, “When we go to a sex party and I see Tom enjoying himself at the other side of the room, surrounded by women who find him attractive, it makes me want him even more.
“The sex we have together when we get home is really passionate because we have spent the whole evening building desire. What we do is completely different to having an affair. They are secretive and selfish but what we do enhances our relationship.”
“Sex in my thirties and forties was a chore and just one more thing to do once the children were in bed. I had secret fantasies about what I knew sex could be like, but it wasn’t that way with my ex-husband.
“When my marriage ended after 17 years I knew I didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship again. I was 45 and single when I went to my first sex party and it felt good to be around like-minded people.
“It was a high-class adult party in London with round beds and velvet furnishings – everything you would expect. I only ever went to parties where there were couples and single women like me. It was very empowering sexually. I felt confident and excited to meet open-minded people who wanted me and felt sexually comfortable with themselves.
“Four years ago, I met Tom through mutual friends, and we went straight into the sex-party scene together. It wasn’t easy at first because jealousy and insecurity crept in. So we took a step back and established ground rules. Now, I am in charge of who he is allowed to have sex with and I pick women out for him, so it becomes part of an exciting game for us.
“Neither of us is allowed to have sex more than three times with the same person and there’s no contact with them outside the room. We work hard to resolve any disagreements, which is key. Before the pandemic we went to a party every few weeks but COVID means we’ve had to put them on hold.
“We still enjoy sex three times a week and spice things up with sex toys and candlelit bubble baths. Women in their fifties should live their best lives. We can reinvent ourselves and have everything we want. We need variety in life, and I am having the best sex of mine.”
Teacher Chandini Wilson, 57, says her libido became non-existent when she hit menopause and it has been six years since she last had sex.
Chandini lives in Micklefield, West Yorkshire, with bank worker Jack, 57, and has a daughter and granddaughter. She says, “As soon as my periods became irregular during my late forties, my sex drive dwindled. Until that point, I had a healthy libido and enjoyed sex at least once a week.
“I began having hot flushes and the tiredness was overwhelming. I was so lethargic some days, even making a cup of tea left me feeling exhausted.
“Finding the energy to have sex was at the bottom of my list of priorities and when I got into bed at night, I just wanted to go to sleep. My lack of libido came on gradually at first but now I have no sex drive whatsoever.
“When I get into bed it is the last thing on
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