I Like Black Girls

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I Like Black Girls
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“Black women were created of brown sugar and warm honey, the sweetest thing to bless the earth. Be wary of anyone who tells you otherwise.” – Alexandra Elle
Despite knowing how prevalent ignorance is, I am still unbelievably baffled at some conversations that take place among social circles. It seems like opportunities to praise Black women are overlooked, while verbal thrashings are in abundance – especially when it comes to love, sex and relationships.
In an effort to remind some of how wonderful it is to date a Black woman, here are five reasons, and frankly, it’s a shame that I feel the need to craft a piece like this.
A very good friend of mine is an excellent cook. She’s had a culinary degree for a few years now, but decided to hold off on pursuing a career in the field to raise her family and support her man’s professional career. Another friend of mine is one of the smartest people I know when it comes to information technology, but she, too, decided to hold off on jump starting her career in order for her husband to complete law school. Both women not only kept the house in order, but made sure their significant others were well-groomed, well-fed, had emotional power and any other support they needed to face the world. One of the most annoying myths out there is that Black women do not support their mates. We tirelessly wear several hats in sacrifice of those we love – just like women of other races. The only difference is that we go unappreciated, unacknowledged and unpraised. Black women do not lack a supportive bone, people do. Not caring about someone else is not limited to a certain ethnicity and gender. It is a personal choice not to give a damn.
2) Believe it or not, it really doesn’t take much to please us.
I was watching old Martin reruns with my homeboy one night when the episode where he finally proposed to Gina came on. Not the one where Brian McKnight showed up and serenaded Gina to tears. I’m referring to the first proposal that felt more like pulling teeth than a genuine act of forever love and commitment. Noticing how jacked up Martin was to Gina, I commented on it. “Yo, Martin is bogus as hell. I’m glad she didn’t accept his proposal. Whack city.” My boy replies, “See? The man is giving in and marrying her and that still isn’t enough. Black women are never satisfied.” SMH. What my friend and Martin both failed to realize is that Gina didn’t just want a proposal; she wanted a heartfelt, genuine symbol of the love she felt for Martin returned. She simply wanted to feel loved, nurtured, coveted and appreciated. For most people, those four feelings can go a long way…fat engagement ring or not.
3) Black women are highly desirable.
Kylie Jenner bought our lips. Kim Kardashian purchased our derrières. Britney Spears rocked our curly hair…before she shaved it off that is. Enough said.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but thots come in all forms. Men are thots, women are thots, Black men are thots, Black women are thots, white men and women are thots too. My point is this. The argument that Black women settle for anything is old, tired and just plain inaccurate. The notion that Black women are willing and ready to just sign up for the role of “side chick” is also false. Stop believing what you are being force fed in the media. Black women are royalty, and royalty does not eat scraps.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane for a second. Good Times showed us ride or die through both Florida and Thelma. The Jeffersons showed us patience through both Weezy and Helen. Vivian kept Uncle Phil calm when Will did something cray on The Fresh Price of Bel-Air. It’s rare that people stick by your side these days. Black women are ride or die. Kanye rapped, “But you stay right girl/And when you get on he leave your ass for a White girl.”
As a Black woman I refuse to believe that I am anything less than desirable. Forget the fact that we are “statistically” doomed to be single, have the lowest marriage rates than any other ethnic group in America and supposedly have the worst luck at online dating.
My Black is beautiful and so is yours.
Since 1945, EBONY magazine has shined a spotlight on the worlds of Black people in America and worldwide. Our commitment to showcasing the best and brightest as well as highlighting disparities in Black life has been, and will always be, cornerstone to EBONY.

What All Men Need to Know When It Comes to Dating Black Women


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What All Men Need to Know When It Comes to Dating Black Women




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Dating is complicated, and with a global pandemic, heated political climate and protests against police brutality, things just got a lot more tricky.
In the wake of the devastating court decision on Breonna Taylor’s murder, one thing remains true: Black women still don’t get the protection that they need. Often being both the first and last ones to love themselves, many Black women are branded as bitter, angry, and somber. In reality they are ambitious, loving, and compassionate people that remain resilient despite insurmountable odds, and they’re looking for men that want to add to that tenacity, not take from it or diminish it.
When it comes to being the best partners, men need to step up and be ready to stand firmly beside Black women while fostering relationships based on uplifting companionship. It takes quality men to understand and respect us the way they deserve.
No matter what their background is, it’s important for all men of varying cultures, colors, and creeds to learn more about the specific experiences that Black women go through. They should start by understanding the unique obstacles that Black women come across in their daily lives and be willing to educate themselves on why these adversities happen to Black women especially.
One of the key things to begin learning about is intersectionality. American lawyer and civil rights activist Kimberly Crenshaw does a masterful job explaining this concept in her writing, as well as her TED Talk, titled “ The Urgency of Intersectionality .”
Crenshaw addresses how Black women have experienced multiple forms of exclusion in society, often being erased. Black women are constantly told that they are not important, and they need partners that will not only advocate for their importance, but also believe their narratives and defend them.
That starts with reading work from writers like Crenshaw, Angela Davis, Alice Walker, Gloria Edim, or watching films like Say Her Name: The Life and Death of Sandra Bland and The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks . It means listening to what Black women have to say.
“I don’t expect the man I date to know every issue Black women face, however, it is essential that he is willing to learn,” says Najja Haynes, a Black woman in her 20’s.
In fact, Haynes, CEO & founder of Naturals by Naj , expects a man to take an interest in her identity. If not, there’s absolutely no potential for any type of relationship whatsoever.
“If the man I date does not want to learn about issues I am facing as a Black woman, then I would cut ties.”
Black women are looking for men to not only honor their identities and struggles, but also be willing to listen to the unique stories that an individual Black woman may experience that isn’t necessarily a monolithic experience of all Black women.
“Men should give ear to Black women and demonstrate patience when learning about their particular intersectional experiences because ideally, they want to be as informed about the issues and concerns that affect society and the subsets of society as a whole,” says Ayana Ali, a licensed social worker. “Further, if they're interested in dating Black women, they should at the very least be inquisitive about their lives. Larger society has just started recognizing the importance of Black women and the fact that they hold a very specific role in America and globally.”
When dating a Black woman, it’s important to remember that for many, they’re often the last to be seen and heard. They might not say it outright, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the truth. They need someone to be rooting for them, and they want to know the person at their side will fully support them with no questions asked.
Action is even more important when it comes to pursuing a relationship with a Black woman, especially during such a difficult year like this one. A simple move in this scenario? Asking questions, listening, and encouraging discussions.
“Black women are the mothers of civilization, there is wisdom and knowledge in them, explains Ali. “Men should ask Black women about what it is like to be them day in and day out, and how racism and anti-blackness manifest in their lives. Then, these men should believe them. They should not doubt them and they should not question or argue with them about their experiences, rather they should validate them and trust them.”
It’s necessary for men to understand that Black women are doubted and discounted so often that they need a great amount of trust and empathy to foster a healthy relationship.
Relationship coach Arnitis Strong builds on this point, noting that “the first step is just to understand that all of our relationships should be safe spaces and whenever the relationship is no longer a safe space for either party, man or woman, they are no longer conducive to growth.”
“We have been inundated with a lot in the Black community since the beginning of 2020, we haven’t really had the time get over one situation before we have something else to unpack,” she adds. “So, part of creating that safe space is allowing us to feel the way that we feel in that moment.”
Strong points out that during the Black Lives Matter protests and the pandemic, there are many negative emotions that may arise, and that’s OK. What’s not, however, is when we suppress those emotions.
“When we dismiss those emotions, or when our men dismiss them, that makes our feelings worse,” she says.
Men that date Black women need to be active listeners that don’t just listen to respond, but rather, to listen with empathy and compassion. It’s a grave misstep to gaslight Black women. A man will never understand our exact experiences, but he does need to be present, supportive, and attentive.
Many men believe that their support for Black Lives Matter affirms their undoubted endorsement of Black women, but it barely scratches the surface.
Allyship from non-Black men, as well as Black men when it comes to advocating for Black women, has been historically lacking. In conversations of allyship, non- Black men need to understand that they’ll sometimes be uncomfortable, and will sometimes be called to action in relationships in which anti-blackness will occur.
This could mean defending a Black woman, whether she’s your partner or not, when witnessing a microaggression or deliberately racist act against her. This could also mean calling out a friend or family member when they make anti-black comments.
All men need to understand that many Black movements fail to address the misogynoir , a form of sexism and misogyny that specifically targets Black women. With any and all allyship, especially romantic partnership, Black women need men that will practice what they preach, and actively back all Black women.
“Men dating black women during this historic time should be considerate in their communication patterns firstly by not making assumptions about women's feelings on the matters and secondly, making certain that their words are as sensitive as possible when discussing these issues with them,” states Ali. “Educating themselves about the BLM movement, trying to understand why its message may resonate with the Black woman they are dating and then following that up with genuine questions is a great basis for beginning to understand. Not assuming that Black women's outlook and/or feelings about the pandemic and the rise of racial tensions and brutality of this period mirrors theirs is essential to demonstrating consideration and thoughtfulness. It also sets the groundwork for open, personal and honest relationships.”
One assumption not to make is that all Black women feel the same way about the movement.
For Haynes, not supporting Black Lives Matter is a dealbreaker.
“I would not date anyone who is not a supporter of Black Lives Matter,” she says. “If you are not willing to stand up against injustices against Black lives and do not support the advancement of Black people, then I would not be interested in dating you.”
Conversely, not all Black women advocating for Black lives necessarily support the efforts of Black Lives Matter specifically, still believing that Black lives need protection. Pay close attention to the nuances of the conversation. Men need to understand that if they’re not promoting Black women and social equity in a capacity that extends beyond Black Lives Matter, they aren’t truly seeing Black women or even taking note of the complexities of Black identity.
At the end of the day, even if all Black women don’t have the same approach to social change, most of us affirm that our specific narratives matter and deserve to be cherished.
Black women are such a phenomenal combination of inspiration, vulnerability, and love, but are often erased, belittled, appropriated and hurt. They’re tired of doing the emotional labor of explaining why they matter and need men that will stand with them undoubtedly. They need men to be ready to take a stand despite the often arduous process of growing into a better partner and ally.

Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude
Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude
Why Do Italian Men Love Black Women?
Oprah Winfrey & Reginald Hudlin Talk Sidney Poitier's Life & Legacy
PART 2: The Tragic Story of Larcenia's Boy and What It Says About America
Oprah Winfrey & Reginald Hudlin Talk Sidney Poitier's Life & Legacy
PART 2: The Tragic Story of Larcenia's Boy and What It Says About America
"I went to Italy, where Italian men love black women. My male friends here in the U.S. seem to think I'm exaggerating this when I bring it up, or act offended when I rave about the great time I had there and how much I enjoyed the unusual amount of attention and praise (yeah, I'll admit it!). How do I explain to them that it's not an attack on U.S. men — it's just true? Also, what is going on over there, and how can we get American men in the same frame of mind?" —Into Italy 
Well, when it comes to Italian men, black women and "What is going on over there?" you're not the first one to notice something. Not even close. It took about four seconds for me to confirm that, as I did some preliminary poking around in response to your question.
In addition to the (possibly legitimate? I don't know, it looks a little sketchy) " Black Women Love Italian Men" blog, an initial search revealed a good-size handful of inquiring minds asking the non-experts at Yahoo questions similar to yours . There, at Ask.com and on plenty of other forums, the Internet provided some very anecdotal and unofficial validations and explanations for what you experienced. Here's a taste:
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Satisfied? Me, neither. And I thought your question was an interesting one that required a more authoritative take, especially because given recent headlines, the answer to "Why do Italian men love black women so much" very clearly isn't "Because all black people are warmly embraced by all Italians."
Quite the opposite. The country has had more than its fair share of bigotry and hate-fueled incidents over the past few months. Think bananas thrown at Cécile Kyenge , Italy's first black government minister (prompting the Guardian to ask "Why Is Italy Still So Racist?"); hateful taunts against black soccer players that are practically as common as goals at games in the country; and, most recently, an Italian gymnast's racist remarks after she lost to black U.S. gymnast Simone Biles.
That you're asking the question back in the states is also relevant in light of the old racism- and colorism-fueled narrative about black women getting shunned in the dating department. This was most recently brought to our attention by this guy who announced that he would never date a black woman . It was a reminder of some of the depressing data about how race plays out in online dating and the real-life attitudes that likely reflects.
So I did some real research. Why, in Italy, of all places in the world, do we keep hearing that black women are not only welcomed romantically but also seemingly put on some sort of a pedestal?
Admittedly, I started writing this response assuming that I'd end up speaking to someone who had authored a book on this phenomenon or studied interracial relationships across the world, or at least had some well thought-out theory about Italy's specific culture and history (maybe something to do with Ethiopia ?). I was expecting something that could explain why what appears to be widespread bigotry didn't touch black women in this area (or, maybe it did, but just manifested in some type of hypersexualization way).
So I put my feelers out to my normal Race Manners experts and to the Internet more broadly and got … nothing.
I posted an inquiry on Facebook: "So, what kind of an expert would one talk to about whether/why Italian men love black women?" My friends proceeded to take over my thread with jokes about Robert De Niro. 
(Seriously, if there is some agreed-upon explanation or official analysis that I'm missing, let me know on Twitter. I'm still curious.)
So I don't know how to explain that "It's true" to your friends except that, well, it's true to you. And shouldn't that be enough? What's with the skepticism? Why would people who know, trust and like you require verification from a cultural anthropologist to appreciate your experience? Is it that unbelievable?
And do we ever make people explain the "what's going on?" of attraction and connection unless we think it's somehow wrong or weird?
In fact, it always seems to get messy to try to explain these things with broad cultural theories. Whether it's a black man who marries a white woman , a white guy with a thing for Asian girls , the participants in a May-December romance or simply members of an "opposites attract" couple, it rarely goes well when you try to tell people their relationships are somehow influenced by cultural forces beyond their individual connections.
No one wants to be just part of a pattern.
So maybe that’s where the tension is coming up in your conversations with your male friends. Here's a theory: Implicit in your comments "Oh my God, Italian men loved me so much. I'd never seen anything like it. It was the best thing ever! So much better than here!" is the idea that "American men like you can't compare. What's wrong with you?"
Cue the "I don't want to feel like a stereotype" defensiveness on their part. (And on that note, you are going to be forever frustrated if you make it your mission to convince large swath
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