I Had Lesbian Sex With My Sister
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I Had Lesbian Sex With My Sister
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Countering "going to do it anyway."
I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.
We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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I stayed at my sister’s house recently, as I have done many times when my husband works away from home.
However, on this particular night, she was called into work at the hospital at short notice.
I went to bed early but got up to go to the bathroom.
As I passed her bedroom, the door was ajar and I heard moaning from inside where my brother-in-law was supposed to be sleeping.
I saw him through the crack in the door and, for some reason that I cannot fathom, I took a deep breath, opened the door and stood there watching him pleasure himself.
He got even more excited so then I dropped my dressing gown and joined him in the bed. We had fantastic sex and never said a word to each other.
Since then nothing has been mentioned about this by either of us – it’s as if it never happened – but I can’t stop thinking about him.
This is weird for me as I have never been the sort of person to take matters into my own hands before or do anything impulsive.
I’m also 50 now and have been through the menopause, so what’s happening to me?
Maybe it’s connected to going through the menopause in your 40s. You might have wanted to prove that you’re still a sexual being and attractive to men. However, it’s just terribly sad that you’ve chosen your sister’s husband to live out this fantasy with.
You’re also married yourself, so you’ve cheated on your own hubby as well as betrayed your sister.
I think you know in your own heart that if you have any chance of having a relationship with your sister in the future that you a) can’t revisit it b) you can’t stay the night at hers again and c) you can’t tell her what happened.
What’s worrying is that you can’t stop thinking of him. I’m not condoning what either of you did, but sometimes ignorance is bliss. This might be one of those times, if you can guarantee it won’t happen again.
If you come clean, she’ll either dump her husband and your relationship will never be the same, or she’ll stay and cut you out. If you stay quiet, you have to live with it. Only you can decide.
The chances are if you did stay at your sister’s and she was called into work, it would happen again and become a regular thing.
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The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
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When barmaid Sarah Rudkin’s boyfriend returned from her sister’s she smelled a rat and her suspicions were spot on.
Boyfriend Liston Dove had gone round to mum-of-three Lisa Bushell’s to do the washing as their machine was broken.
But he came home grubby having slept with Lisa.
The double betrayal devastated Sarah, 26, who said: “It broke me. I wouldn’t expect that from a friend, let alone my sister.
“The two people I trusted most in the world had betrayed me in the worst way possible.
“I was furious with Liston. I’m not an aggressive person but I felt like going to his work and beating the c**p out of him.”
“I couldn’t believe Lisa would do that to me.
"When she split up with her husband I’d done everything I could for her, looking after her three children and making sure she was OK.
“She’d repaid me – by sleeping with my boyfriend.”
Such an appalling deception would often be the death knell for a relationship. But, amazingly, Sarah has buried the hatchet with supermarket worker Liston, 29, and Lisa, 31.
Now Sarah and Liston have ten-month-old son Zack together. She said: “I’ve forgiven them but I don’t think I’ll ever forget.”
Liston was Sarah’s first crush when she met him at her mum Shirley’s wedding. She was 14 and he was 17. He had a girlfriend and they lost touch until 2014 when they bumped into other in a bar.
Sarah said: “It was very romantic. We recognised each other straight off and had a great night together before I dropped him off in the taxi on the way home.
“He called me a few days later and asked if I wanted to go for a walk on the beach together. More dates followed and we fell in love.
“Liston was always telling me I was the woman he was going to marry, but I was quite cautious as I had a two-year-old daughter from my previous relationship.”
A few months later they moved in together. They were desperate for a child to cement their love but, after a year of trying, Sarah was still unable to conceive.
She said: “We were seeing a specialist but there didn’t seem to be any reason why I couldn’t get pregnant. We weren’t arguing about it but it did put us under a lot of pressure.”
Meanwhile Lisa’s marriage had broken down and she was struggling alone with three young kids.
The sisters were very close and always helping each other.
So when Sarah’s washing machine broke down in February 2016, she asked Liston to take a load to Lisa’s house to get it laundered.
But Sarah smelled a rat the moment he returned.
She said: “I just had this funny feeling something had gone on. I had a weird suspicion but I can’t explain why.
"I sensed there was something different when we were all together but couldn’t quite put my finger on it.”
Still plagued with doubts two months later, Sarah turned to her best pal Emma, Liston’s sister.
Initially Emma was sure nothing had happened between Liston and Lisa. But then Emma changed her mind. A few days later, Emma called Lisa on her mobile as Sarah listened on a speaker phone.
And her heart broke in two as her sister confessed all.
Sarah said: “It was like a bad dream. Lisa was upset saying it was a mistake and she didn’t want me to know as she didn’t want to hurt me.
"I couldn’t listen to any more and ran out the room.”
Sarah texted Liston: “I know everything. Don’t ever contact me again.”
That night, Emma took her to the pub where she got “way too drunk” and just sat in the corner upset.
Numb with shock, Sarah felt unable to confront either Lisa or Liston who, by now, was continually texting and calling, begging for forgiveness.
Sarah said: “I still loved and missed him, but I also hated him.”
She kept Liston at arm’s length for four months but her daughter Amelia, from a previous relationship, kept asking to see him.
In the end Sarah caved in. She said: “When he first started coming round I couldn’t even look at him.
“I’d just disappear to another room while he played games with Amelia. I was so angry. I was really down and ended up on antidepressants.
“Liston kept asking if he could take me out to apologise properly but I was still furious. About five weeks later I gave in and went for a meal with him and we spoke about what happened.
"He said he was sorry and that he would do anything to have me back.
“I realised how much I missed him. He had been my best friend, my rock, but too much water had gone under the bridge.”
Liston finally won over Sarah when he bought her tickets to the Download festival in Doncaster, South Yorks.
She said: “He was really apologetic and said he didn’t know why it had happened and that he wasn’t even attracted to Lisa.
“He said his biggest regret in life was losing me and, being miles away from home at the festival, changed something in me. I could see that I had to take him back.”
But Sarah, of Norris Green, Liverpool, still hadn’t confronted her sister Lisa.
“I just couldn’t face it. I told my mum to tell Lisa to steer clear of me. Our kids were at the same school but thankfully used different entrances so I could avoid her.”
Sarah had nothing to do with Lisa until September 2017 when their mum Shirley engineered a meeting on the school playground.
Lisa has apologised for her “massive mistake” but Sarah doesn’t think it would ever be the same again between them.
Liston said: “I’m as mortified as anybody could be and I’m so happy that Sarah has forgiven me.
“It was a stupid mistake and I had to grovel to get her back.”
Lisa said: “It means so much that Sarah has forgiven me. My marriage had ended about a year before and I’d been through years of depression and was in a bad way.
“It was a sorry mistake. I can’t recall ever fancying Liston in the past. I think I was most likely for a bit of comfort.
"That’s what friends said to me afterwards.
“I felt awful when Sarah found out. There was absolutely nothing I could do to make it right.”
She added: “We were very close as sisters and I’m now working to build bridges.”
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Should I be worried that my daughter's game of "truth or dare" included sexually aggressive behaviors?
My daughter, age 11, and another boy, age 12, were on the school bus playing "truth or dare". They dared each other to pull their pants down and they did; but then the boy dared my daughter to perform oral sex. Well, she put her mouth over his penis, and he put his hands on her head and made her stay there. Is this a problem or normal behavior?
The behaviors you described are very concerning. It seems that your daughter started out playing this game, possibly knowing that it was forbidden territory, but then quickly found herself way out of her depth. It must have been very scary for her to feel trapped by the other child’s physical force. She will benefit from your acknowledgment of how frightening the experience must have been for her, as well as your support and comfort. She will also benefit from guidance from you regarding peer pressure and healthy sexuality. Prioritizing your daughter’s need for information regarding appropriate sexual behaviors and personal boundaries will provide you with some next steps. Some articles that may help you prepare what to say to your daughter are Stop It Now!'s Understanding Sexual Behaviors in Kids and Talking to Children and Teens ; and Talking About Sex and Sexuality: A Resource for Parents (link is external) from Planned Parenthood (link is external) . Gathering additional information about the situation may be very helpful. Some further questions you may want to ask include:
You may also want to find out more about the type of supervision provided on your daughter’s school bus.
Consider having your daughter see a counselor as well. This can provide her the opportunity to share more about what happened and how she is impacted by this event. She may also be facing difficulties at school seeing the boy there or even with potential witnesses on the bus. Additional supports for her may be very helpful and this may provide a support to you as the parent in helping to understand what your daughter needs in terms of information and guidance regarding healthy and safe behaviors.Additionally if you pursue counseling for your daughter, this therapist may feel that this is a reportable incident and you can work with the therapist through this process. To find counseling resources for youth, you can check with your insurance provider, primary care physician or your daughter's school counselor may have some resources.
Talking with this boy’s parents should be strongly considered. He is potentially putting himself and other children at risk for harm with his behaviors and when parents can speak up to other parents about children’s concerning behaviors, then steps can be identified and acted upon to better protect the children.The supervision on the bus needs to be addressed and this can present an opportunity to review your school’s policy on how they handle child on child sexual behaviors. I do not necessarily recommend at this time that your school respond with a full-fledged investigation that could potentially become very public and possibly damaging to your daughter’s sense of safety and well-being.Do you have information on how your school responds to these types of situations? Are you comfortable partnering with your school to help design a response to this situation that does not further traumatize your daughter, or put her or the other boy at risk for unwanted (and unproductive) exposure? I would review these questions with another trusted adult as you determine your action steps with your school.
However, should your own exploration determine that there are ongoing behaviors that are sexual and unhealthy in that they are aggressive, unwanted and are not age-appropriate, you may want to make a formal report to the police and your school. The possible impact on your daughter of bringing this into the open at school so that other children are made aware of what happened does need to be considered.
If you do decide to follow up with your daughter’s school, include a conversation with the school principal to find out what steps the school can take to minimize the risk that such an incident could happen again, and what steps the school will take to see that supervision is improved on the bus. If you are not satisfied with the answers you are getting, you have the option of meeting with the Superintendent of Schools in your district. Our prevention tipsheet, Nine Questions Parents Need To Ask When Selecting A Program For Their Child can help you formulate your questions and think about how your school’s environment can be as safe as possible.
This is a complex situation because it contains typical behaviors, as well as concerning behaviors that involve sexual activity and physical force. However you respond, your daughter will benefit from you taking her concerns seriously and in follow up activities to help protect her from further inappropriate and potentially dangerous situations.
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