I Can't Cum

I Can't Cum
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Anejaculation is the inability to ejaculate semen despite stimulation of the penis via intercourse or masturbation. It’s actually a fairly common problem and can be frustrating for a couple trying to have children.
The symptoms presented by anejaculation are not to be confused by those of erectile dysfunction . During anejaculation, a man has a normal libido, gets aroused, has an erection, gets to the orgasm phase but there’s no sperm (which was the male reproductive cells and derived from the Greek word sperma meaning “seed”) that is ejected from the erect penis. After his orgasm, he loses the erection. Because of these conditions, anejaculation is usually self-diagnosed but due to the symptoms, it might be confused for sexual dysfunction or retrograde ejaculation. It’s important to know the differences.
During a retrograde ejaculation, the semen (also known as seminal fluid – it is an organic fluid that may contain sperm and other enzymes that allow the sperm to swim and fertilize an egg) goes backward into the urinary bladder, rather than coming forward. In this case, the post orgasm urine is cloudy. When sent to the lab for examination, the doctor will find sperm in the urine. This is why it’s important to figure out whether it was retrograde ejaculation or anejaculation?
What causes anejaculation? There are two types: anorgasmic anejaculation and orgasmic anejaculation. An anorgasmic anejaculation is when a man never reaches an orgasm either via intercourse or masturbation and therefore can’t ejaculate. There is no physical defect, instead his orgasm is limited by psychological factors like stress therefore, he might need additional stimulation during intercourse to reach an orgasm.
The other type is an orgasmic anejaculation. In this case, a man is fully erect, able to experience an orgasm, but not ejaculate. This could be due to blockage in his tubes or damage to the nerves. This could also be a combination of retrograde ejaculation, which is why it’s important to check the urine post intercourse and/or have an exam by a primary care doctor.
To receive treatment for symptoms of anejaculation, start by talking to your primary care doctor, however the catch is, they will ask for either a urine sample or a sperm sample. How does one give a sperm sample if you can’t ejaculate? In a relaxed environment, the doctor will create something called “coitus interruptus” – this basically the “pull out method” aka pulling out of a vagina before ejaculation and is often done at home so that a sperm sample can be collected in a beaker. If this is not possible, the doctor will attempt to vibrate the penis in an attempt to stimulate it to reach an orgasm and collect a sample for testing. This type of stimulation results in 60% of ejaculations. If vibrator therapy fails, the doctor will then perform electro-ejaculation. This involves the direct stimulation of the nerves in the seminal vesicles and is also a way to test if the nerves are damaged. During this procedure, the doctor can also check for any blockage and if surgery is needed to clear the blockage in the urethra.
Anejaculation can also be physical. If you have had surgery due to an enlarged prostate, have Parkinson’s Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, or diabetes – these can also cause anejaculation. Therefore, it’s important to talk to your doctor and find out what exactly is causing your condition and if there are treatment options available.
The Boston Medical Group Telemedicine is a Men’s Health online network dedicated to research and treatment for Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation.
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I can't ejaculate during sex. Is it because I masturbate?
Concentrating on giving and receiving pleasure will make climaxing more likely, advises Pamela Stephenson Connolly
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
I enjoy sex with my girlfriend but can’t ejaculate during sex. We have had sex six times and no matter how much I try I still can’t. Does my masturbation habit cause this?
There are a number of possible reasons for this relatively common complaint. First, certain medications can lead to orgasmic problems, so if you’re taking anything, check out the side-effects. Sometimes men who can’t ejaculate are considered “studs” by their partners because they last a long time, but this actually makes such men feel like work-horses and they can become frustrated and resentful – does this ring any bells? Do you really always enjoy sex with your girlfriend? I wonder if, while thrusting, you’re actually sufficiently aroused to reach orgasm?
Your frequency of masturbation is probably not an issue; however, men who’ve become accustomed to self-pleasuring in a particularly rough way eg using high friction with a towel, sometimes have difficulty climaxing during intercourse, because no vagina feels like that.
Seek help from a sex therapist who can make suggestions that are particular to you and could also provide treatment if your difficulty is based on something else, such as fear or anxiety.
Finally, instead of worrying about climaxing, concentrate on giving and receiving pleasure; then nature is more likely to take its course.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms .
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

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By binnyjinny18916 | 302 posts, last post over a year ago

Sasa Milosevic, MD
answered this
Female Orgasm And Orgasmic Disorders

Ok, I'm an 18 year old girl and I cannot cum for the life of me. I have a boyfriend (whom is my first and the one that took my virginity and I love him very much) and we really do have amazing sex! I enjoy it so much, I just don't know why I can't cum! Also, I've tried masturbating, but it really isn't my thing... mainly because I can't please MYSELF. I'm just confused and somewhat frustrated. My boyfriend and I have talked about it and he says some girls don't have an orgasm until they're 30 because that's usually when women reach their sexual peak. To be honest! I don't want to wait that long! I'm eager hahaha. Does anyone have any suggestions?

**I suppose I'm eager for myself, but I'm mostly eager to finally have an orgasm because my boyfriend feels as if he doesn't please me, when really he does! I just know it's something wrong with me! I don't want him to blame himself.

Reaching a cumming orgasm for girls, I've heard is extremely difficult. I could be wrong, but, I believe it's mostly g-spot orgasms that cause it. So, it may be easier if your boyfriend has a big one lol. But I could be wrong about that.

binnyjinny...

i know EXACTLY how you feel. Im in the same boat. im 18, i lost my virginity to my current bf, and i cant lose it either.

i dont understand...

i hope that at least makes you feel like youre not alone.

In reply to binnyjinny18916 on 2007-01-04 - click to read

hey! I'm an 18 year old male and may only seem like a baby to most people reading these posts, but i've been with my girlfriend now a few months and love her to pieces, she means the world to me, but the other day she told me that she couldn't cum. She's never been able to, and she hates herself for it. She keeps tellin me shes a freak, but no matter what i say to her she wont listen to me. Before she told about this, i was getting wound up cause i thought i couldn't please her. And now because she's told me about it she's gettin upset because she thought that i want her to cum. I would like her to... but only because it'd make her feel "normal". I don't know a lot on the subject, but is there anything i can say to her to make her feel better. If i tell her she's perfect does it seem like im lyin to her? she is perfect to me, i wouldn't change her in anyway shape or form, but she won't listen. Some advice about it would be great. xxxx

Well it's almost been ten years since I was 18, but I remember the frustration when I first lost my virginity and wondering why I couldn't cum. It's still not very easy for me, and for many women.

That being said it's not a physical impossibility, and you certainly don't need to wait until you are 30!

To get a woman to cum takes A LOT of patience especially at first. My first boyfriend was never able to make me cum, but my next boyfriend was a bit older, and knew a lot more which helped.

First every woman cum differently, but the majority of women are anorgazmic which means that most women do not cum as a direct result of intercourse. It is very very few women who can reach a g-spot orgasm through intercourse, or with toys alone.

Most women need manual stimulation... and this is where you can have lots of fun practicing with your boyfriend.

First of all there are fingers and manual stimulation on the cliterous (many men have difficulty finding this - although most every man will swear he knows where it is... make it a fun game and find it together).... some women really enjoy a combination between oral sex and fingers, and you can always use toys as well.

Women unlike men also typically need some variety, so unlike men where one action repeated usually produces a result, for women a variety of oral, manual stimulation and toys tends to produce better results.

As much as many women especially younger women (myself included) feel mastrubation isn't our thing, it's a good skill to learn, if only to learn about your body so you can better show your partner how to please you.

Try mastrubating together. Also, many women have dificulty making themselves cum with their own fingers, so expeiment using water from a shower head that has a pulse setting, or again explore some toys.

Good luck. And don't wait till you're 30!

First of all, if you are only 18 and he is your first; how do you know that you are having amazing sex? Obviously, you are not. Second, its not about the "G-spot." It's about the technique and experience of your lover and you.

It is not your fault and it is not his fault. Neither of you should be having sex until you learn more about how your bodies function alone. My professional opinion is that you do not know how to have an orgasm, especially if you can't please yourself by masturbating. Get a self help book and learn more about your body and how it works before and after sex. Seriously, if you don't know what gets you off; why should you expect someone else to?

Okay boys and girls gather round Mr. D and I will cure all that ails you. Being a gentlemen I'll start with the ladies and the gentlemen can help themselves to the information I present. If you're having trouble reaching climax (having an orgasm) try the following.

0) This isn't really all that important generally speaking but can make a big difference. Think about either shaving all of you pubic hair off or getting it waxed. It makes the skin more available to sensation and will make accessing your self or your partners access to yourself a lot quicker.

1)Make sure you know where the "sweet spots" are. The clitoris and the g-spot is what we're focusing on. It's horrible to overlook so many other wonderful places on your perfect bodies but we need to concentrate.

2)RELAX! Nothing is more important. Calm down. Eat a light meal before hand. Turkey and Alfredo pasta is a great idea. Have a couple (two, you don't wanna be drunk or even tipsy). Relax.

3) Get naked. Don't be shy. You're beautiful. You are perfect and gorgeous. There is no word in any language to describe how amazing you are.

4)Lie on your back. Prop yourself up on a few pillows. Make sure you're comfortable. Dim the lights. If they don't dim candle light is even better. Make sure it's the light isn't too dim or too bright. Make sure you're comfortable in the room.

5)Now on to the mechanics. Either you or your partner should start by massaging and kissing the inner thigh. Don't tease though. Move on to the upper-vascular hood. The covering of the clitoris. Lick with the back of your tongue from top to bottom. SLOW AND STEADY. You're not a musician. Don't try and be tricky. After a while (1 to 2 minutes) start licking upwards. Slip your tongue or finger under the hood and stimulate the clitoris directly. Use the tip of your tongue now. Try this rhythm. 1-firm, upwards with the tip of your tongue. 2-Down with the tip. 3-Slow and firm with your whole tongue starting from the back all the way to the tip.

If you're taking care of yourself start by fingering downwards over your hood. When you're feeling good rub little circles over you clitoris and hood in whatever speed and size feels best. Again when you're comfortable, pull your hood back towards you and massage your clitoris directly. If your finger(s) are dry then you will want to lick them. Continue gathering speed as you go. And remember to relax.

The G-Spot. This is found very easily. Insert your fingers inside and press up towards the "top". You should feel a "ribbed" spot. Small ribs or hills will be present. And if you've found it you'll be sure to know. Use 1 or 2 fingers and make a "come here" movement. Pull your fingers nearly out dragging them along the g-spot at whatever pressure your partner or yourself finds most pleasurable. Repeat repeat repeat.

6)MOST IMPORTANT. Forget you ever read this. Don't think about this. Don't think about work, your mom, school, tomorrow night's party, how long it takes, or what your partner is thinking. And why would you? All that other stuff is unimportant now. And the longer it takes the stronger it'll be. And don't worry about your partner. They're blessed. They couldn't be more grateful for this opportunity. They get to pleasure a goddess like you. They'll gladly worship you for as long as you desire.

If you have any questions or concerns. You can reach me at **emails not allowed

Orgasms4usall
Newbie

Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 1

Posted by Orgasms4usall
"First of all, if you are only 18 and he is your first; how do you know that you are having amazing sex? Obviously, you are not. Second, its not about the "G-spot." It's about the technique and experience of your lover and you.

It is not your fault and it is not his fault. Neither of you should be having sex until you learn more about how your bodies function alone. My professional opinion is that you do not know how to have an orgasm, especially if you can't please yourself by masturbating. Get a self help book and learn more about your body and how it works before and after sex. Seriously, if you don't know what gets you off; why should you expect someone else to?"

Ok, What kind of professional are you? Certainly not a therapist, for I wouldn't imagine anyone with half a drop of compassion to write "Obviously you are not" having amazing sex to someone you have never met, spoken with, and don't have any relevant information about. How rude and presumptuous. True it isn't either of their faults, and true learning about how their bodies work is very important, but so is not being a downer know-it-all. 18 year olds do have amazing sex, believe it or not, and they are also often self conscious, shy, scared and confused about what is going on. With that in mind, maybe you could take a hint from the post above, where good information is supplied in a kind and gentle manner. Try not to slam your "professional" opinion in someone's face, slamming things doesn't always produce the desired results.

hi all,
this is simple, just relax and have fun, its not a race to the finish and if you so called shoot your load too soon, its all over but the frustration.... I am a 39 year old man who has had many partners, i jokeingly call myself an orgasum donor, lol, a few first cummers in there as well and have always been patted on the back for a job well done, my key to success is oral, oral, oral but if your man doesnt know his way around your clit he is just gonna piss you off, lol.... sad but true.....
alot of what you have been told is correct, expirience is lifes best teacher and with age cums wisdom and knowledge ;-).... just chill and be a firm beleiver in fore play, fore play, fore play..... Explore your own body when you are alone and let him explore when you are with him, hell, luis and clark did it why shouldnt you, lol, i wonder if they were gay ;-)...... The main thing is to relax, have a drink if need be and go to town trying new things to drive each other crazy...... Good luck and also remember practice makes perfect....... recomended reading, "the Kamasutra for 21 century lovers"

Peace,

Anthony from brooklyn

a 100% sure way to come is to get a spoon sorta big lay on a bed nude with your legs spread as far as they can go and put the spoon in and point it up a little bit the twril it around you should come after that \

I agree, orgasms4usall is a dickhead
Just because the chick hasnt had sex with anyone else, it doesnt mean she doesnt know what girl sex is. An 18 year old is old enough to tell the difference between whether they are immensely pleasured or not
Get a real profession orgasms4usall, you fail at life.

Okay, so yes, orgasms4usall is not professional and is an uncompassionate penis, however he is somewhat right. If you don't know what pleases you to that level, how is anybody else supposed to know? You're placing WAY too much focus on the grand finale and that is distracting you and and adding a ton of pressure to a fun, amazing time. If not consiously then definitely subconsiously, which is just as distracting. Orgasm is in the mind. Guarantee to those who don't know, that sounds rediculous. It's true! I challen
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