I Am Bad Nurse

I Am Bad Nurse

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Stress 101

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Kmc12
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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.

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Hey all. I'm really struggling here and need some advice. I am a new nurse at my first nursing job. I graduated May 2017. I just got out of the residency program at my hospital just last week. The closer it got to the end or orientation, the more anxious I got. Now that I'm off orientation and on my own, I'm absolutely miserable. I get paralyzed with anxiety before going into work. I work night shift on a cardiac/stroke unit, and I just wait all day making myself worried and sick until it's time to go to work. Even on my days off I get waves of anxiety just thinking about going back. I've thought about not showing up and having a no call no show so I don't have to deal with it. I'm so miserable. I hate it. I love everyone I work with and I they are all very willing to help as I work at a teaching hospital. I just don't think this is the right job or career for me. I don't want to quit because I think what if it gets better? I've been wondering what could I do with nursing that isn't this stressful and overwhelming?! I don't want to waste my degree, but the stress and anxiety I get working as a bedside nurse with 5-6 patients a shift is too much. It's crippling. I only have a few months experience as a RN , so I can't easily work somewhere else like a clinic. I just need something that doesn't make me feel like the world is ending every time I have to go to work. Please help!!
So I've been a nurse for about seven years and it certainly isn't puppies and rainbows. Firstly, don't feel bad about feeling bad. I struggle with similar feelings to this day. Secondly, don't quit nursing. You'd be doing yourself a disservice. There are a million and one options for you in this field. That doesn't mean going into a provider role right away either by the way. It doesn't mean enrolling in NP school is the right choice right now because you don't have enough experience or know how yet. But don't see yourself short. This career demands so much from you physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. I don't think any other profession can match that. But keep in mind, if you don't like the demand of that patient load, think ICU; if you don't like acute care, think doctors office (derm, fertility clinic, etc.), if you like forensics then get SANE certified and focus on sexual abuse victims. If you love drowning in paperwork then consider case management or legal nurse consulting ($$). You worked hard for that degree and there was a reason you did it. Don't give up on it now!

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Has 20 years experience.

142 Articles;

9,975 Posts

Welcome to your first year of nursing! Almost all of us feel the same way when we're new to the field, no matter where we work. I'd be more worried about you if you *didn't* feel nervous and scared. You don't know yet what you don't know, and that's why you need to keep asking questions and building your skill set. It takes about two years, minimum, to be competent and feel more confident in your abilities. The problem with moving to another job is, wherever you go, there you are---you'll still have a knowledge deficit, and some things you'll have to learn all over again because they're done differently in other settings.
I have been a nurse for 3 years and have had 4 jobs. The one I have now is tolerable, but pays nothing. I don't feel anything fits. I am not sure why, many people say I am good at it, but it's a very stressful job. It feels like it takes over your life and sucks all the energy in the process. I wish I had advice but it has been very a very disappointing career choice for me.
You took the words right out of my mouth. This is exactly how I feel, only this is my first nursing job. I can't imagine doing this much longer. I cry before work and think about just not showing up at all I feel so miserable sometimes
I felt the same way when I first started, sometimes I still do. It was rough for me the first few years. I had actually stepped away from it a few times just to get my head on straight, but I always came back to it. In the past I have done pain management, pediatrics, LTC and currently doing hospice. Dr offices were the least stressful, LTC was the worst. For me hospice seems to be the sweet spot, not too stressful but keeps me busy. Maybe try a different area in nursing. Really try to find a way to relieve the stress, for me running works I focus on my breathing and pacing for each breath. Deep breath, you got this
I completely understand how you are feeling. I've been an RN for almost 2 years now and still trying to find my fit and what works for me. Starting out I worked the night shift (11pm-7am) on a medsurg/tele unit. I've never had serious anxiety before in my life (except nursing school exams) until this job. I cried before work, thought about calling out all the time, HATED it and questioned why I chose this profession in the first place. I still question myself and this choice I made to be a nurse but I just keep telling myself that it's because I haven't found my place yet in the profession. I just accepted a new position in an MD office and hope to maybe go back for my MSN and become an NP in the next few years. The hospital craziness just isn't for me and I want to have a life again. I want weekends off to see my friends, I want to spend the holidays with my family, and I want to be human again. Nursing is NOT my life, it is just a part of it. I think the nights burnt me out really quick. They are not for everyone and I have NO shame in saying that they are not for me. Don't give up just yet. This is not a position that you have to stay in for the rest of your career. Just gain experience, take it for what it is and all the while, continue to look for something else. Find sanity in your coworkers and make the best of the situation. Hope this helps, and just remember that many of us know exactly how you are feeling.

Specializes in Geriatric/Sub Acute, Home Care.

Has 17 years experience.

351 Posts

from my experience seeing what new nurses have done to themselves in the past is ..they take on the highest stressed jobs first...ER, OR, cardiac/stroke unit like you yourself took...try stepping down a bit from that and alleviate that stress....to a more calmer unit if you can.....you will burn yourself out before you even get started.....I started in LTC..worked on a med surg unit briefly but even LTC I cant handle anymore....this is after over 25 years of it....so....step down a bit ...do something different or lower key until you settle in , then move up good luck.
I honestly feel like you just described my exact situation. I too graduated in May 2017 and everyone keeps telling me that I just need to give it time, but the thought of having to spend more time in this job fills me with dread. Multiple people have told me that night shift probably has a lot to do with how I feel, and I agree, but working day shift on our unit doesn't seem like a good fit for a new grad - it's too crazy busy. I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, but just know you're not alone!!

Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.

Has 27 years experience.

2,066 Posts

A brief piece of advice: Don't go the no-call-no-show route. It is disrespectful to an employer who has made a commitment to you, and since this is your first job out of school, this would be your only reference in the nursing field.
Revisit this when you have been on the job for two years. If you feel the same way, then move on to something that suits you better. Between now and then, make a conscious effort to approach each day with a positive attitude, meanwhile, on your time, explore the idea of a new line of work. That way, you will be prepared when you decide to make the change. If you quit next week, you will not have given yourself a chance to remove "new nurse jitters" from the equation.
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If we can only look beneath those Nursing ads, nurse-wannabes will get the shock of their lives.
Truth be told, Nursing schools and hospitals are running a business. And for them to thrive, they need to use clever tactics to entice more students–which includes covering up the truth.
Nursing shortage is so yesterday. And unless you’re taking up Nursing with the right intention, you’re in for a great surprise.
So are you really cut out for this profession? Here’s a rundown of what you need to know about being a nurse–and why you’re not meant to be one:
Nursing is not a ‘get rich quick’ scheme. The increasing unemployment rate is one screaming proof. In addition to that, being a nurse requires a willingness to do free labor more than a great desire for huge paycheck. It is a backbreaking job, so to speak. Worse, you might even volunteer during your first few years.
Someone else forced you to become a nurse
Nurses always have a share of a bad day. But during those instances, you can’t just tell “Hey, I was just forced to clean your shit” in front of a patient. You signed up for this so suck it up and face the consequences. This profession requires a lifelong commitment–something you won’t achieve by just faking your way to graduation.
Patience is a virtue and nurses learn it the hard way. From stupid co-workers to demanding patients, there is a slew of personalities you have to deal with as a nurse. It’s always tempting to lose your patience but with good social skills, you can still provide excellent care amidst personality clashes.
If you dislike “continuing education” like a plague
Nurses are lifelong learners. This means you’re only as good as the last skill you learned from a seminar. Healthcare is forever evolving and unless you’re always up to date, your patients are in great danger. Real nurses embrace learning not for the sake of brain stimulation. They always do it for their patients’ welfare and their own professional growth.
Varicose veins are one of the signs that Nursing is unlike any traditional 9 to 5 job. In reality, you will spend most of your shift running, walking, and standing up–all for the sake of your patients. Of course, you can choose to sit down while charting. But just like sleeping for 8 straight hours, sitting down is a luxury for most nurses.
Hospital duties can be very hectic that some nurses decide to wear adult diapers. Remember, you’re dealing with human lives here. So if your bathroom trips outnumber bedside caring, better fix your bladder ASAP.
Nursing is one of the bloodiest jobs out there. You will literally see more human blood than water most of the day. So if the sight of blood turns your stomach upside down, think several times before entering this career.
Prepare to awaken your senses if you’re planning to be a nurse. Aside from gory episodes, you will also deal with different smells–some are nice but most are nauseating. They usually come from patients’ body fluids so it shouldn’t come as a surprise.
You believe Nursing is always a “high-paying, recession-proof” job
As I said, healthcare is a business and with the recent changes in insurance policies, newbie nurses can only expect for the worst. In reality, some hospital are now hiring more anxillary staff, leaving registered nurses competing for a few part-time positions. They do this to avoid paying on benefits but sadly, it’s not what those Nursing ads are telling us. Of course, it varies for every State but one thing is always clear: Nursing is getting more competitive and merciless nowadays.
Nursing is not what you see on TV. You only need a few years in this profession to realize that reality is far from what you were taught in Nursing school. Get your facts straight. Check your priorities. And most importantly, take up Nursing with a sincere intention of MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
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A few weeks ago I was floated from my regular floor to Med/Surg where I was given five patients (we're max 5:1 in my state). Three of them were pre/post ops, I had two discharges, and one new admission where the night shift nurse hadn't called for orders. When I saw the patient list I asked the charge nurse why I was given five patients when all the regular med/surg nurses were all given four patients, but I was given five. She stated that this was because they didn't want to give me an admission, but one of my patients was pretty much an admission because the night shift nurse hadn't done much, other than the admission screen charting.
Well, to say my day shift was shit would be an overstatement. I was overwhelmed, dealing with four patients who kept calling for pain medication, a family member who was up my ass every ten minutes demanding stuff for her relative, and an overwhelmed charge nurse who was covering two units so I got absolutely no help and didn't know where anything was half the time because I've only floated to this floor one time before.
I messed up big time - I didn't get to the pre-op checklist for one of my patients because I erroneously assumed that the charge nurse had taken care of it. I got a call from one of the OR nurses during my lunch demanding to know why I hadn't done the pre-op checklist and antiseptic wiped my patient down before they went down. I answered truthfully that I thought that the charge nurse had taken care of that, that I was extremely overwhelmed, and that the OR techs had taken the patient down without letting me/charge nurse know they were taking them down. I got yelled at by the OR nurse and told that this was completely irresponsible of me and that they could write me up for this and that it better not happen again.
I apologized profusely and stated that I was working as hard as I could and that I would double check on my other two patients to make sure that the checklists were done properly before they went down for surgery. I stayed for three hours after my shift was supposed to end in order to finish my charting for that day and I went home crying and feeling like a horrible nurse.
I didn't think anything about it until a few weeks later when my manager came up to me yesterday and asked about a formal complaint that had been lodged against me from that day from the OR nurse. I explained the situation to her and she didn't seem mad and she seemed to support me in what had happened and said she'd take care of it, but I'm devastated. I worked my butt off that day with no help from anyone, explained to the med/surg charge nurse that I had reservations about taking this high of a patient load that day, and I end up getting in trouble and reported for being a bad nurse. I'm mad and I'm pissed and I'm devastated that I let this happen. I'm a new grad and have only been off orientation for two months and I already have a formal complaint against me.
I don't know where to go from here and I'm afraid every time I go into work that they'll float me back down to Med/surg and that the same exact situation will happen again. I'm afraid for my job and my license and I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
You're not a horrible nurse. Everybody has an overwhelming day sometimes, we're routinely expected to do more than possible. The OR nurse is being a bit of a dick, yea it shoulda been done but a formal complaint? I'd be pissed off too.
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