Husband Watching Wife

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Key points

Dan Savage has explained the phenomenon of wives having sex with other men in front of their husbands as the "eroticization of fear."
After watching their wife with another man, a husband can be prompted biologically to have longer, more vigorous sex.
There are many possible explanations for why wives have sex with other men in front of their husbands, including voyeurism and misogyny.

This post is in response to

Sex at Dawn in the News
By Christopher Ryan Ph.D.

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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

Posted July 8, 2010

|

Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Author and blogger Chris Ryan guest hosted the Savage Love sex advice column this week. It's a great read, and a wonderful plug for Ryan's new book, Sex at Dawn .
The first letter he answered was from a woman whose husband wanted to watch her have sex with another man, a request she fulfilled. But as she described the enjoyment her husband had at watching her and having "after" sex with her, with the other man's ejaculate inside her, the wife became concerned that maybe her husband was gay.
Ryan and Savage's responses normalized the desire and behavior, suggesting that the husband was heterosexual, and was driven by the biological impetus of sperm competition , and voyeurism.
I like Ryan's responses, especially the nonpathological view, but I also think that this is a very complex behavior, with a lot more reasons behind it.
So I thought I would use this post to explore these issues. Even though the practice of wife-sharing focuses on the wife's sexuality , in my experience, this is almost always prompted by a husband's request. Wives simply do not often or unprompted go to their husbands and request permission to have sex with other men.
In the research for my book, I heard lots of varied reasons for this desire. Some were nice, and some were not so nice, but a discussion of this phenomenon deserves consideration of all the reasons and motivations.
So here is my list of the motivations, based upon my research, behind why men would be interested in watching their wives with other men:
A common fantasy is that the practice of wife-sharing starts when a husband catches his wife cheating, and finds himself strangely turned on. This might happen sometimes, though very, very rarely. But it is at the root of Dan Savage's past responses to these men, a response that he and Ryan didn't repeat in this column. Usually, Savage quotes the "eroticization of fear " hypothesis, that these men so fear their wife's infidelity that they eroticize the fear, in order to reduce the anxiety , managing it by sexuality, until they have turned the fear into a sexual fetish. In my book, I encountered a single man who described this scenario. It might happen, but it's a lesser answer than all of the above. Hopefully through their partnership, Christopher Ryan opened Savage's eyes to the wide range of other explanations.
Facebook image: Artem Oleshko/Shutterstock
David J. Ley, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist and the author of Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them .

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

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My wife and I have been married for nearly 20 years. She has always been fit, and smoking hot. Since nearly day 1 of us dating, I fantasized about sharing her with other men. As sexual foreplay we talked about my fantasy for years before she was willing to try it. She actually had her first experience with another married couple while I videoed. After that she wanted to try a black man and has never looked back. She has now been with more men than I can count but I have always been there...watching. Our s** life is hotter than ever and seeing her as this sexual creature enjoyed by other men is such a huge turn on. Now, I want her to start going out and f****** on her own. The thought of her dating and f****** without me there is a massive turn on. Is this completely insane?

Some people have all the luck i guess !

I love watching my wife when she gets a few c**** in her face as she slumps n licks b**** with her tongue out as we shoot c** on her face and she squirts when being a total c** queen I'm in love with her love to have her ass and mouth and l P**** for all that you can do she is a great person and she loves to help out as much as possible

We are a couple who just WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN with another couple and I fantasize about her having a c*** inside her while she is licking another woman

My wife and I would love to help you

Get in touch asap we are very wet lol

How do we get in touch with you both we really want to have some fun with another couple or singles !!!

Having fun together licking sucking women together and watching my wife suck c*** as her lovely p**** is being licked, we love it and have done a little of a while ago and now wish to do more so tell me how you would get to us x

If you need a hot hung experienced bull to assist you guys let me know,

That's good to know there are couples out there where there are husbands out there willing to let other wives men look up their skirts at their wife's silky petticoat stockings and suspenders and Silk full cut silky knickers ,and knowingly allows other men men to w*** and c** to her sensual and sexy views especially older women aged between 60-70. What more can another man wish for ,to see up another wife's skirt which turns both parties on . Don't you both agree . So envious of you having a wife who is willing to show while you are both out together ,please D M me with both your findings on this particular subject. G

I wish there was some way of contacting you because you so

My wife and me want to experience some fun with another couple, life in this damned heat is so boring its driving us nuts, my wife is a litle overweight and I am older than her but we just want to have some FUN

Why would you say she's a little overweight, bet she still makes a great feel and r*** no matter what age it's only a number so good luck let another guy have his way with her. I'm sure she will satisfy any man and I'm sure you you will enjoy and get turned on watching another husband give your wife a good f******" and it makes you hard and enjoy mastrubating and c*******" to them ,I wish she was my wife so jealous. Toooo many prude women about nowadays . My older mother was a bit of an up skit shower in her day years ago that was ground upon as much as it's today . D M me. G

Are you genuine and if you are how do we direct message you

Yes insane if my wife ever did this because i would beat her ass with a baseball bat

No its not insane, many men share the same fantasies but are to afraid to admit to them.

There’s a difference with actually doing it and fantasy I have got off on the fantasy most of my adult life , I have also been invited to s**** my mates girlfriend many years ago , it was nothing like the fantasy, I have also been suprised once to find my wife on top of her mates bed with two others getting it on , I was sent to make a drink only to return to see this my wife licking another woman the two women involved I had already f***** in a few years previously before I met my wife , I was so shocked and I was angry all mixed up , later she said why didn’t you join in that was the plan ? I admitted I was a little mixed up I was rock hard thinking I missed out on most guys fantasy we had a good session done her 4 times in a couple of hours but there you go not everything in fantasy is same in reality

Wow...Hot just reading the many guys that enjoy the wife having s** with other guys...mine also does...

Not completely insane as others have hotwife fetishes, but it is risky. I myself fantasize about my wife having lovers and being present to watch her being f***** and pumped full of their c** , while afterwards I reclaim her.

My wife has had several lovers and they do it in our bed. I have even picked up and returned her lovers, and have met all of them, I love licking her clean and reclaiming her afterwards. Best s** ever and I'm 62 years old...

Fantastic, much like my wife, except my wife can't get enough, usually 4 to 5 guys a day, many regulars! I love being married to a w**** !

I think about watching my wife being f***** by another man a lot.She says the ideal turns her on, but no, she won't do it. When I 'am giving her foreplay and talk about it, she really gets turned on. I told her if we did it I would want her to have a young handsome guy with a big d*** for this would be a special sexual adventure for us, and I would like to see her f*** him f*** with reckless abandon ,and let him ravish her p**** like never before. I told her I wanted to lay beside her and hold her when he was making her c**, I especially wanted to hold her when he was c******* inside of her. I truly love her and want to watch her have this experience. Am I nuts or what ?

NO YOUR NOT NUTS I would love to see my lovely wife suck and f*** a 9 inch c*** while she is licking another woman !!

That did happen to us several years ago We were the last couple to leave a private party and my wife had been drinking margaritas, sow after everyone else had gone, My friend and I, pretty easily talked her in to stripping for us. Well, as a result of that, we 3 ended up in bed and WOW, what a turn on it was to acctually watch my friend f*** my will and unload his c** in her She was a wild child that night and that was the start of an open relationship for us. We still love it, but the pandemic stopped us for a couple years.

Not many know the pleasure of kissing your wife as another enters her. That little halting of her breath is a tale tell sign he just split her thighs

Mpt at all i love watching my wife get f***** , peed on, whatever

I love the idea. I'm a bisexual female, and I think anything fun is good and healthy.

You sound exactly what myself and my wife are looking for, how do we get in touch with you we live in Lincolnshire

I can completely relate. I have been with my wife for 17 years. She's in her mid-forties, is extremely attractive, and in very good shape. We had our first experience with a threesome about four years into our marriage. She has always had a huge sexual appetite, so it seemed a natural extension of her sexuality. Since we first started, we have had threesomes with a few women, but have almost lost count with the number of men. There have been several occasions with multiple guys and her at the same time. A good portion of the men are friends or people we know and most are also married. I'm a straight guy, but after all these years, it still turns me on to see her having s** with others. S** between just her and me gets better every year. I'm sure many people I think this is weird or a sin, but it works for us. I don't see a stopping anytime soon.

I would love to to have that kind of relationship, I get hard just thinking about seeing her get f***** by other men, and I would enjoy clean up

Had got my to go with.other she love it watch he go bare with them.The best part is when I clean.her out after

I also related to your Reply, we have been married for 34 years, my wife also has a much higher s** drive than I have, I have always agreed with her seeing other men, in the past 5 years we entered the swingers life
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