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Why do lesbians have affairs with married women?
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Welcome to Ravishly, where we celebrate the mess of being human. A community for sharing what makes us tick, what ticks us off, plus pictures of our dogs (or cats – inclusivity is important). We laugh. We cry. We do it all together.
It's surprisingly common — but that doesn't mean it'll end well.
Do lesbians fall for women who are married to men? All the time! And if that's you, be prepared for things to get hard. Don't expect it to be easy or for the wife to depart her marriage without a lot of hesitating, questioning, and false promises. She and her husband have a life and probably a house and kids and bills and extended family.
Who is responsible for this messy situation?
Sometimes it's the wife. She's unhappy in her relationship with a man and she's trying to figure out how to feel better about life.
Even though she's been questioning her sexual preferences for a while, she may believe she has to stay married. Maybe she's not attracted to her husband anymore and is wondering if she's a lesbian. Maybe he's not paying attention to her and she's lonely. Maybe she got married for all the wrong reasons and is looking for answers. Or maybe she just got drunk one night and decided a lesbian encounter would be a great experience and a story to tell her friends.
On the other hand, the problem may stem from you. Perhaps you are a lesbian who prefers more feminine women and finds it hard to meet femme or lipstick lesbians. Or you're a lesbian who finds heterosexual women sexy and likes to flirt with straight, married women because it's a great way to feel powerful, seductive, and connected to someone who isn't really available.
Once in a while I hear from two married women who are having an affair with each other and aren't sure what to do. They aren't defining themselves as lesbians but have discovered they'd rather be with each other than with their husbands.
Dr. Lisa Diamond of University of Utah does research on human sexuality and has spent a lot of time looking at why women become attracted to other women. She has concluded from her years of research that women are more open and more fluid in how they connect to other individuals than we generally think. And that sometimes, when a woman forms a very strong emotional bond to another woman, sexual attraction can follow. These women are not necessarily repressed lesbians as much as they are expanding their sexual preferences based on a deep emotional connection.
Of course, ultimately, affairs between a lesbian and a married women happen because there is something wrong with the wife's marriage.
When a relationship goes into the doldrums and distance starts to grow between a couple, an affair always becomes a possibility. Especially when someone shows up and starts paying attention to a woman who is lonely and desperately wants someone to really see her and appreciate her.
It can also be easy for a married woman to tell her husband about the time she is spending with another woman. Certainly much easier than trying to spend time with another man. When a married woman is hanging out with a female friend, many husbands never question it. Something really odd has to happen for a husband to even notice.
But most of the time, the cat gets out of the bag; the husband finds out or the wife tells. Then what happens?
The husband gets really mad and throws the lesbian out, telling her never to come back. She sneaks around for ages trying to get the wife to leave her husband but the wife won't go. The lesbian is heartbroken and alone.
The husband says he loves his wife and is open to letting her try this out and get it out of her system. They experiment with an open relationship, sometimes all living in the same house together. This works for a while and then someone gets upset. Most often that's the husband, saying he's done being nice about it and wants his wife back. The lesbian is heartbroken. The wife may be too, but she's too scared to leave.
Once in a while, the wife leaves her husband. Then there is a big mess to get through because of the divorce. However, this is actually a happy outcome for a lesbian and will hopefully lead to a long and happy relationship for both women.
I'd like to say it's simply because you don't believe you can find love any other way. But nothing about love or sex is that simple when it comes to women.
If you're about to have an affair with a married women, think twice.
Affairs happen. Some couples survive them. Some wives leave husbands for their lesbian lovers, but many lesbians are left out in the cold when it all falls apart.
Learn to take care of your heart and yourself. Get connected to a great therapist, counselor or coach who can help you navigate the decisions that will lead you to a great life and a great love.
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Eddie Van Halen ‘s wife Janie Van Halen will be performing at an LGBTQ pride charity professional wrestling show on Saturday. Michael Anthony confirmed a 2020 tour with a Van Halen icon yesterday.
Janie said, “Hey #LasVegas #JanieandLouie are coming to town and the wrestling ring this Saturday, November 16th! Please come out and support us and a good cause. #prowrestling #kingofthefloor #litalamae #badguys #heels #lgbtq #philanthropy #bigvalleyprowrestling.”
A Van Halen member revealed he’s fired multiple bandmates over the weekend. With the apparent dissolution of Van Halen’s latest lineup, fans are looking back now at A Different Kind of Truth . DRFC posted, “Tattoo, She’s the Woman, Bullethead, Outta Space, Big River and Beats Workin’ are the obvious re-makes, and As Is has been discussed here. Dave created a melody over Ed’s old riff and Wolf probably arranged it.
Blood and Fire is ‘Ripley’ from The Wild Life, with Dave creating a melody.
Honeybabysweetiedoll is likely something Dave brought in, as it sounds a lot like one of his No Holds BBQ songs (Flex version 2). Dave wrote Stay Frosty and Wolf arranged it.
My guess on Trouble With Never and You and Your Blues is they are like Stay Frosty — songs Dave brought in that Wolf (and maybe Ed) arranged.
I don’t think Dave could write the music for China Town — my guess is it’s something Ed created from an old riff like As Is and Dave just did the melody.”
BSBLL4 responded, “I seem to remember Ed talking about Trouble with Never as being a song he put together going for the Jimi Hendrix vibe, but I can’t remember where I read that. There’s a good chance he did that several years prior to the ADKOT sessions, though. According to Dave the four of them never sat down in a room and wrote a song for that album.” An Eddie Van Halen bandmate revealed a sad funeral demand a few days ago.
Hey #LasVegas #JanieandLouie are coming to town and the wrestling ring this Saturday, November 16th! Please come out and support us and a good cause. #prowrestling #kingofthefloor #litalamae #badguys #heels #lgbtq #philanthropy #bigvalleyprowrestling pic.twitter.com/J6klNFrgGq
— Janie Van Halen (@JanieVanHalen) November 11, 2019


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Lionguy21 , April 14, 2013 in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender



So my my wife and I have been together for almost 7 years. About a year ago she told me she has been curious and may want to see what it is like to be with another woman. She say she has had these feelings since high school but never came out with them. I tell her if she wants to act on em let me know first about the other woman and please let me her first. I realize that if she wants to be with another woman than that is something that I can not satisfy her with and she wants to find a woman for her needs than I am fine with it as long as she doesn't hide it. She tells me she actually wants me involved in the relationship and wants her, me and the other woman to have threesomes( as long as there is no contact between the other woman and I). Naturally I was very aroused by this and told her when she finds a woman let me know.

The other night she goes out dancing and drinking with some of her friends, and one of them is a bisexual woman. My wife told me about her and they have ben good friends about 6 months but my wife says she is not attracted to this other woman at all. My wife comes homes about 6 in the morning yesterday (clubs here don't close until 5), still drunk and stumbles in. She lays down half asleep and say don't be mad but this bisexual woman and I made out at the club and fooled around more on the party bus ride back home. She didn't go into much detail about what happened at the club or how anything happened or how much happened on the ride back home. My wife has acted very quiet and weird the past couple of days and wont even look me in the eye. At first I wasn't mad but it has been eating at me a couple days for a few reasons. I know like many people after a few drinks she gets very horny, and my wife is a horn dog to say anyway so after a couple drinks she is dragging me to the bedroom. So is this first time she has got out dancing and drinking when I wasn't around and had some sort of a one nighter before. We both usually go out and enjoy a couple nights on the town with friends and without each other a month, but then I think about the times i don't even know she went out. I used to be in the military and went overseas, I used to go out for a month when i was deployed with no phone, limited mail ( I mean we weren't showering for month we were so for out and about). Even today since I left the military, I cant talk a lot about it, but I leave for several weeks at a time and I am not always at a place where I can call my wife. This is just making me wonder how many times has she gone out and did this sort of thing with another woman, especially if she has been attracted to other woman since high school, or how many time has she gotten drunk and found another guy? When I always leave its not like I am out drinking for a month, Im doing my job and its demanding and there are reasons I cant always call.
My question is what are the chances this was her first time doing this, she only told me because she was drunk. Since then she wont talk about it.
While I don't think she has gone off with another guy, I would think maybe she has done this with a woman before. If she does hook up with women, do you feel like it's cheating or are you ok with it?
It depends to me, if she hides it or is only willing to say when she so drunk so she wont remember the conversation then yes i would. I she would let me know there is another woman beforehand than no i wouldnt.
I think you're doing more damage to your marriage than you realize, or the fact that you have been apart for such long periods of time. That you've grown apart? Possibly your wife thinks that this is just a jerk off fantasy for you, nothing more. That you don't really care if she sleeps with other women because you are aroused by that, but would feel cheated upon if it were a guy because that prospect isn't arousing. I think that could be the reason why she doesn't want to talk to you about it.

A good frank discussion is in order about what it is that your marriage means and what you mean to one another.

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