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Home » My husband fantasizes about sucking off other men

Giving in to a kink won’t get it out of someone’s system.

by
Dan Savage
May 5, 2020 August 18, 2021

Chicago’s alternative nonprofit newsroom

Q: I’ve been with the same amazing man a dozen years. We’ve had our ups and our downs, same as any other couple, but these days life is better than it ever has been for us. Except in the bedroom. A few years ago he started having fantasies about sucking dick. Specifically, he wanted to suck a small one because his is very big and he wanted to “service” a guy who’s less hung than he is. Which is fine except it’s now the only thing that gets him off. We seldom have sex because his obsession with sucking off a guy with a small dick makes me feel unattractive and to be honest I don’t share the fantasy. I even let him suck a dude off in front of me once and I didn’t enjoy it at all. He tells me he still finds me attractive but when we’re having sex the talk always goes to how he wants to take “warm and salty loads” down his throat. I’ve told him I’m not into it but he enjoys talking about it so much he can’t help himself. I thought allowing him to live out his fantasy would help him “get over it,” so to speak, but that didn’t happen. So now we just don’t have sex except once every few months. I’m not sure how to make him see that it’s just not my thing and to get the focus back on just the two of us. —Loves Obsesses About Dick Sucking

A: If you can look at your husband and think, Things are better than ever! , despite the dismal state of your sex life, LOADS, I hate to think what life with him used to be like.

There’s not an easy fix here. If you’ve already told your husband the “warm and salty load” talk is a turnoff and made it clear it’s the reason your sex life has pretty much collapsed and nevertheless he persists with the “warm and salty load” talk, well, then your husband is telling you he would rather not have sex than have sex without talking about warm and salty loads.

Now I’m assuming that you actually told him how you feel, LOADS, in clear and unambiguous terms and that you said what you needed to say emphatically. And by “emphatically,” LOADS, I mean, “repeatedly and at the top of your lungs.” If not—if you’re doing that thing women are socialized to do, i.e. if you’re downplaying the severity of your displeasure in a misguided effort to spare your husband’s feelings—then you need to get emphatic. Sometimes it’s not enough to tell, LOADS, sometimes you have to yell.

You’re obviously GGG—good, giving, and game—but your husband has taken you for granted and been almost unbelievably inconsiderate. Because even if he needs to think about sucking dick to get off, LOADS, he doesn’t need to verbalize that fantasy each and every time you fuck. Even if you were into it, which you’re not, it would get tedious. And it wasn’t just selfish of him to ignore how you felt, it was shortsighted. Because women who are willing to let their husbands talk about wanting to suck a dick—much less suck a dick—aren’t exactly easy to come by.

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I guess what I’m trying to say, LOADS, is that your husband really blew it. If he hadn’t allowed this obsession to completely dominate your sex life—if he’d made some small effort to control himself—you might’ve been willing to let him act on his fantasy more than once. But as things stand now, it’s hard to see how you come back from this, LOADS, because even if he can manage to STFU about warm and salty loads long enough to fuck you, you’re going to know he’s thinking about warm and salty loads. So the most plausible solution here—assuming that you want to stay married to this guy—would be for him to go suck little dicks (once circumstances allow) while you get some decent sex elsewhere (ditto).

Finally, a lot of vanilla people think—erroneously—that acting on a kink will somehow get it out of a kinky person’s system. That’s not the way kinks work. Kinks are hardwired and kinky people wanna act on their kinks again and again for the exact same reason vanilla people wanna do vanilla things again and again: because it turns them on.

Q: I have what most people would consider an amazing life. I have two healthy kids, financial security, a stable career, and a husband who is the exact partner I could ever want. I really couldn’t ask for more. I just have one issue: my husband wants to be intimate more often than I do. We are both nearing 40, and his libido has not slowed down. I, on the other hand, due to a combination of being busy with work and us both taking care of the kids (especially during the lockdown), find myself with a decreased sexual drive. Because of all my (and our) obligations, I find myself alternating between a state of tiredness, anxiousness, or distraction, none of which get me “in the mood.” We’ve talked about the situation, and he is absolutely respectful when we do so, but he has made it clear he’s very frustrated. I think once a week is more than enough and he could go multiple times a day. It’s to the point where he feels he’s begging just to fit some “us” time into our lives, which he says makes him feel undesirable and humiliated. There isn’t anything wrong with him that leaves me not wanting to engage in physical intimacy, we just seem to have different physical intimacy schedules, and it’s putting a serious strain on our relationship. How can we work to find a comfortable middle ground, or at the absolute least, help me explain to him why I’m not as randy as he is? —Completely Lost In Tacoma

A: You don’t need to craft an elaborate explanation, CLIT, as what’s going on here is pretty simple: your husband has a high libido and you have a low one.

What you need is a reasonable accommodation. Opening up your marriage obviously isn’t an option right now, CLIT, and it might not be an option you would’ve considered even if it were possible for your husband to find an outlet (or inlet) elsewhere. But there is something you can do.

Your husband is doubtless jacking off a lot to relieve the pressure. If there’s something he enjoys that you don’t find physically taxing and if he promises not to pressure you to upgrade to intercourse in the moment, then you could enhance his masturbatory routine. Does he like it when you sit on his face? Then sit on his face—you can even keep your clothes on—while he rubs one out. Does he love your tits? Let him look at them while he beats off. Is he a little kinky? It doesn’t take that long to piss on someone in the tub and it wouldn’t mean adding something to your already packed schedule, CLIT, as you have to find time to piss anyway.

It would be unreasonable of your husband to expect sex three times a day—that would be an irrational expectation even if you were childless and independently wealthy—but your husband isn’t asking you to fuck him three times a day. He wants a little more sexual activity, some erotic affirmation, and more couple time. Giving him an assist while he masturbates ticks all those boxes. That said, this will only work if your husband solemnly vows never to initiate intercourse during an assisted masturbation session. If you catch a groove and start feeling horny and wanna upgrade to intercourse, you should. But he needs to let you lead because if he starts pressuring you for sex when you’re just there to assist then you’re going to be reluctant to help him out.

If he can follow that one rule, CLIT, you’ll feel more connected and you’ll probably wind up having more PIV/PIB/PIM sex—maybe twice a week instead of once a week—but it will be sex you both want. v

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I started with just a fascination of men’s cocks that over time developed to desire. Being married I always worried about catching somthing from someone so didnt act on it for a long time. Now in a sexless marriage thats harder to do. So I am meeting another married man this afternoon to exchange bj’s.
My current wife and I confessed everything we had done sexually as we got together after our divorces. She had many more experiences than I had. She fucked married men and single men, had a Mff, did some bondage etc. I had sucked a few cocks, been to a gay bathhouse, gay cinema/glory hole etc. Since we got together we’ve been to two swinger clubs and had two bi foursomes. We have fucked everyway...including both our asses and used toys. All great stuff. Two experiences stand out...sucking a big cock together while his wife watched in our foursomes...sucking my first wife’s brother until he came in my mouth and I swallowed and then we French kissed.
So, how did your exchange go? Feel free to share the details.
Bi Husbands, what have you tried as a result of your curiosity? Have you thought about it and tried to connect? Did you connect and have an experience? What was it and how did you enjoy it? What is it that you enjoy the most about your bi experiences, the lust ,the satisfaction,both?
Last night I got together with my frined and we were going to give each other bjs. He sucked me off first, then I started with him. He was very horny because he hasn't cum in over a week, not even having the time to jerk off alone.(his aunt was staying at his house for the week).
This triggered another thought in my head. Most of the time, he cums in my mouth. The one time I got it in my face was by accident. This time I wanted it intentionally. My wife would never let me do it to her, but she would often jerk me off and get me to shoot on my own face. I would get some in the face, but not the full facial treatement. I sucked and stroked and teased him until the head of his cock looked like it was going to burst. I began to flick my tongue on the tip and jerk him fast. He let out a big grunt and started cumming like a porn star. This had to be the equivilant of 3 or 4 of my ejaculations. Cum was dripping from my face all over. It covered me from my forehead, over my nose and lips, all over my cheeks and onto my ear and was dripping off my chin. I felt so slutty, it felt so cool.
What have you tried out?

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I so want to try it. Never been with another man yet though.
I so want to try it. Never been with another man yet though.

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U can try my 11 Inc dicc...I love getting head
That’s kind of how I expect my first time to go down. I thought it was gonna happen 2 months ago at a mall restroom known for guys cruising. Got the nerve up to walk in and there was a guy in there at the urinal. I took the one next to him and realized he was stroking. He let me look over the wall at him while he was stroking. Got me rock hard super fast. Then a janitor props the door open with his cart to come clean. We both zipped up and left. He was a younger guy in what looked like his 20s. Smooth cock. Trimmed pubes too. I think I would’ve sucked him off or at least jerked him. Damn.
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Discussion in ' Bisexual ' started by topper , Jul 29, 2008 .

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Home Mom Life Humor My husband is well endowed
Mom - Wife - Humor writer. Don't laugh.
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I know that’s not anyone’s business but it is a piece of information you need to know before you continue reading because unless you’re me or maybe my husband’s high school hockey player friend or even his mom, you wouldn’t know this.
My husband, Scott, is well endowed.
Remember the Oregon Trail computer game where we learned how to ford river, caulk a wagon, and then we died of dysentery before reaching Oregon? Your success was largely due to which profession you gave yourself. Banker? You start with extra cash to purchase supplies. Doctor? You’re more likely to survive accidents or illness. Hunter? Your family will never starve.
In many ways, the Oregon Trail is like modern life. Doctor? Your kids will never see the inside of a hospital unless they’re literally dying. Hunter? You’ll never have to shop the meat department at the grocery store. Banker? You’re probably a good saver.
Writer? Oh, this shit is funny as hell and gather, gather around.
I am a writer. One of the things I love about Scott is he allows me to write about our family. I don’t normally ask Scott permission to write about him but this time I did. He said it was fine but his mom and grandma couldn’t read it.
So if you’re Scott’s mom or grandma, please stop reading. Everyone else – you’re good. Gather around. It’s story time.
My writing niche is humor. I never meant to become a humor writer; the words just happen to come out that way. But a few times – oh, a few times – life hands me a bulging, ripe piece of fruit and it goes straight to the Internet.
For months, Scott complained of a “pulling and achey” sensation in his lower abdomen. The degree of discomfort varied on the day but it was constantly present. He made an appointment with his internal medicine doctor.
Scott wasn’t seen by his doctor on the initial appointment because Scott’s doctor was on vacation.
I’ll tell who wasn’t on vacation – his doctor’s smokin’ hot nurse practitioner . A true ten. A knockout. A beautiful angel saving others in the name of medicine, even if her contribution means asking Scott to drop his pants , turn his head, and cough.
To stand in front of a medical professional with your pants down and legs spread apart is probably uncomfortable. I’ve never stood in this position but I’m guessing it’s similar to the “slide your butt all the way to the edge of the table” speech women hear every year. You have to remind yourself that medical professionals see this every day. You’re one of a million penises, testicles , vaginas and buttholes they’ve seen in their life.
When a patient comes in complaining of a pulling or achey sensation in the groin, the first thing a doctor – sorry – a smokin’ hot nurse practitioner will do is check for a hernia. Based off my WebMD search, I diagnosed Scott with a hernia when he walked in the house.
Me: You never texted me back! What did the hot nurse say? It’s a hernia, isn’t it.
Scott: No, no hernia. They did an ultrasound too. I’m still waiting on the radiologist to call me back but the tech said he didn’t see anything.
Me: Well, that’s good. I wonder what it is?
Scott: The nurse said it sounds like a lower abdominal muscle tear. I still need to drop off my urine but she’s guessing it’ll be fine.
Me: Hm, so maybe stop working out so much? What’s wrong with you? Why are you so quiet?
Scott: LIKE A BUTTON ON A FUR COAT.
Scott: It shrunk. He shrunk up like a frightened turtle.
Scott yanked his jeans open and dropped his underwear and jeans to his feet. There he stood with his penis whipped out in our kitchen.
Scott folded his penis like an accordion so the tip was showing.
Me: No! It’s never shrunk that small, Scott. I’ve never seen it like that. You’re probably overreacting. Just the tip? It’s too long to go back that far inside your body.
Scott: Just the tip. I looked down and there he was, all scared with stage fright. I’ve never seen him like that before.
Me: But you said the nurse was hot?
Scott: HELL YES, SHE WAS HOT! SMOKIN’ HOT.
Scott: Of course not, baby. It doesn’t really matter because I couldn’t even get a chub. I would’ve been happy with it halfway normal. Like this. Or maybe this. She asked if I’ve been with any partners other than you and I’m like, “well, obviously not. Apparently I need my wife in the room for him to come out of his shell.”
Me: Maybe she didn’t look. Did she laugh?
Scott: No, she had two fingers digging in my groin and told me to cough.
Me: I’m sure she’s seen all kinds of penises. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. Look at women’s vaginas after giving birth. We have to —
Scott: LIKE A BUTTON ON A FUR COAT.
This post originally appeared on JulieBurton.blog
Stage fright, he got over excited at the thought of seeing the hot nurse practitioner, his brain overpowered his penis, got stage fright, lol
I laughed SO hard. Great story. Even better writer. Thank you.
This was great. Thanks for the laugh!
Thank you for making me laugh so hard! Unlike you husband’s….. !!!! Sorry i had too. Who could resist a pun like that!
LOL sorry man, but maybe it was for the better. It happened to me when I was in the hospital for my knee replacement surgery. They took the catheter out too soon and some hot nurse had to come put it back in….worst three minutes of my life.
I just wanna know what the real problem wa! There’s no conclusion!
You have done the right thing by validating your husband’s endowment to the world. WE BELIEVE YOU. This was a trip to read. Thank you both for sharing.
THIS!!!! This was hilarious, absolutely made my day. Yes, sometimes our husbands need us to validate out loud (or in your case, online)!!!
I was honestly intimidated the first time I saw my husband erect… especially since I had already caught a glimpse of it soft… or rather his foreskin and balls. I had NO IDEA that “grower not a shower” could be so extreme! I asked him later “Where the hell was THAT hiding??”
I mean, I was no virgin, but it was my first time reacting with a mental “Sweet Jeebus, will that even FIT?”, lol.
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