Humiliating The Cuckold
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Humiliating The Cuckold
HoustonDcuckold
on October 11, 2014 at 7:19 PM
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on July 17, 2014 at 1:35 AM
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on March 21, 2014 at 11:13 PM
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Posted by Luvr | Jul 19, 2013 | Guides , Lifestyle , Spotlight | 19 |
Humiliation is part of cuckolding because it is a form of power exchange. In our culture it’s a submissive act to allow someone to humble you – especially for a male. I say humble because humiliation has this connotation of extreme acts when it’s simply a matter of deferring to another and nothing more.
There are really only two ways to (knowingly) share a wife as a husband: from a position of authority or from a position of non-authority. Couples not overtly one or the other are leaving a natural part of their relationship on the table, unexplored. Without someone in ‘control’ there will be chaos (or at least a lot of room for uncertainty). For some couples, one partner is clearly the dominant partner. In others, the couple has a very peered relationship, but each spouse has areas of the relationship/family that are mutually agreed ‘belong’ to them like finances or home repairs. Sex can be on of these areas where one spouse is seen as a leader and expected to bear more of the responsibility of sexual experiences and decisions. When a couple recognizes this for what it really is, they can assume roles open to much deeper exploration.
I’m bringing all this dominance/submission stuff up because whether people realize it or not, D/s is a part of our lives every day and always has been. When you were in school and you sized someone up and decided whether they were someone you might a) pick on b) be friends with or c) steer clear of, you were exercising an instinctive behavior of social ranking. Imagine a line. At one end we have submissive – at the other, dominant. We are all on that line somewhere, but where we are can shift depending on how we perceive (the social ranking of) those we interact with. We defer to those we recognize as ranking higher than ourselves and we assert ourselves with those we perceive as lower ranking socially. This behavior is who we are at an instinctive level. As we mature, we are told to repress this behavior in favor of what our society tells us is acceptable social behavior. This process of socially ranking each other continues to happen subconsciously at least for all of us. Those of us aware of this dynamic have more to work with.
The majority of us are more submissive than not. I say that because most people would rather follow than lead. The problem with this for males is it flies in the face of societal expectation. For women, it leaves them vulnerable to being taken advantage of and isn’t politically correct. This leads many who are natural submissives to live behind a facade of assertiveness. Some husbands will fight the idea they are anything less than the ‘alpha male’ simply because they can’t handle the conflict internally of not being the ‘alpha male’. This results in things like husbands who claim they are ‘dom cuckolds’ who want the experience of sharing their wives from a position of non-authority, but want to avoid anything that might challenge their ego as an alpha male. A truly alpha male would lead the sharing of his wife, establish the rules, make the introductions and be in charge of what does and doesn’t happen. A husband who puts all this responsibility on his wife (or just quietly gets out of the way) is a cuckold whether he admits it or not; he’s chosen to give up being responsible and a dominant is always the one most responsible.
The reason so many males are afraid to handle that ego conflict is the social stigma that a non-alpha male, or a beta, is somehow of less value than an alpha. This is simply and obviously not true.
When we overtly recognize these mechanisms we can leverage them and make them part of our conscious decisions, discussions and play. When we choose to ignore them, we turn a blind eye on the opportunity to know each other and ourselves more intimately and honestly.
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A loving dominant for couples since 1996, Luvr has personally enjoyed introducing and exploring cuckolding and D/s with couples for over a decade. Luvr launched FMSB.org in 1996 as a free community and resource to help educate individuals and couples about erotic cuckold marriages. FMSB.org became CuckoldMarriage.info in 2011.
I have never really had a cuckold relationship. With my ex though, there was always a power struggle. She was rich, and through fantasy talk, along with her admitting all the men she had been with had much larger cocks.
I would go down on her for hours if need be to give her orgasms. (they came hard for her) when I was doing this, I would say things like I am going to bring home a guy who has a huge dick and let him use you, well that would put her over. When I started talking about BBC she LOVED it. So I arranged for one…11″ and thick.
he fucked her a long long time and she made animal sounds. It was awesome.
I had tried to get her to cuckold me, although I didn’t know that word at the time, I was not able to teach her how to do it properly. So really I was the dominant.
I would have her walk around in heels and panties and follow on my knees asking to eat her ass. she enjoyed it, but I was always the one to make it happen.
I know that being humiliated is exciting to me. I would have her say things to me while fucking like how I was not filling her up, or she wanted more BBC, all kinds of things like that. She was never comfortable saying those things, but I LOVED it.
I am in Houston, and I am looking for a woman now that can cuckold me. The only thing I can’t accept is deceit. She can keep a secret till of her amorous adventures, but as soon as she is through I would want to be informed. Preferably with pictures, and her wet thighs spread open with her heels dug into the bed.
before I realised what I was..we were out with friends one night in a pub..an ex fling of my wifes whom she hadn’t seen for ages spotted her and came over..he didn’t know who I was. He hugged her said he hadn’t seen her for ages..and kissed her right there. A real full on deep lasting kiss..my friends all looked at me..should I intervene? No…I didn’t..I just smiled and watched them..and yes instantly I had a raging erection. I was a cuck even before I knew it. I am cuckolded now by my wife..albeit no one knows. Because of family and work it would not be practical to be open about our relationship. However, I would love for her to be out with her lover in our town..seen canoodling and obviously together. We have done this outside our locale..me bringing in my wife and her sitting with him..strangers looking on puzzled…or knowing. But if my friends knew..it would be humiliation permanently.
I was humiliated when my wife put an empty toilet paper roll over my erect penis and the penis still had close to inch over my penis and my penis fit inside without any trouble.
As a cuckold I feel very much in touch with humiliation. And this happens via many different avenues. Just knowing about communication between my wife and another man (a lover or a potential lover) is humiliating. This feeling of humiliation, whether slight or intense, becomes a common denominator for our relationship. And I know that I should feel this way. I married her knowing about her lack of experience with men. I always felt quilt about this; especially since I knew that I could not satisfy her thru intercourse. It was me who mentioned cuckolding to my wife. I needed to make things up to her. Letting her use her femininity as she should be able to use it, is the right thing for me to do. And feeling humiliated over this is how I should feel. In the posts above we see I am not alone in accepting humiliation. One husband tells of seeing his spouse at a party talking to another man. And of the humiliation he feels seeing this. I totally understand what he is speaking of.
There are many ways that my wife can bring out my humiliation seeking side. Watching my wife getting dressed, to be with another guy, is humiliating indeed. Sometimes she will want me to help get her get ready; other times, she’ll prefer me to just watch her prepare. And other times, she’ll want me to see her prepare but then suddenly want me to do something; like, helping her put on a necklace. To me, simple things, like her getting ready, for another guy, is very special; it is humbling, humiliating; even hurtful (in a compelling way), and, erection producing. My wife has taken pleasure in the art of dressing for another guy, while I watch. She, many times, has strongly suggested that I not touch myself, as I watch her preparing herself for another man. And that I lie naked on the bed. And she is very articulate about it. While naked she will ask me which shoes I think he will like her in. She will try on different pair of shoes. She will draw me out, by asking how she looks in each pair; by asking me which shoes will be sexier to wear during intercourse with her lover. This alone is so humiliating. She will slowly go through, several steps. And my wife, will take notice when my erection begins. She wants to know the triggers, visual and verbal, for my erections. She will enjoy the humiliation which I clearly show in helping her decide which panties she should wear and which bra. She will try on different bras and different panties. This provides overwhelming feelings of humiliation. And she will comment on my erection, or the stage of my potential, but, partial erection; seeing this process, I always have at least a partial erection. By the time she is ready, I will be fully erect. She so likes when she tells me from the beginning (as I mentioned earlier), that I should not touch myself. Watching this process of preparation, causes me to feel, along with the humiliation, a sense of jealousy; and, a sense of envy for him, and, his better endowment and body. The last time she prepared herself for a lover, she told me to help her with the placement of her perfume. She told me to put it two places on her body where I want him to kiss her. Very humiliating. I was jealous of his kisses before they even happened. My wife realized that simple humiliation was very natural. Humiliation is a layer of cuckolding. For us anyway. Another dimension of power. Her power.
There are some great posts here, the honest and thoughtful account of how humiliation led to Victoria starting up with the better guy and Aileron’s above exploring cuck psyche above amongst them. I respect the fact that some cucks see the sexual arrangements as devoid of humiliation, as an adjunct to their relationship, an extension of pleasure, but in my experience, some form of humiliation is often at the centre of things and it may be what sustains the lifestyle longer term. It is what takes cuckolding out of the bedroom and into every other room, the way the couple live with each other. Whilst dictionary definitions don’t include that, sex is like language, it is live and it evolves. In a short definition there was never enough space to capture the psyche of cuckolding anyway. Cuckolding is about managed inequality, accenting this in ways that are sexually stimulating. The wife can fuck where she pleases and the husband waits patiently.
There are endless societal debates about the rightness, the naturalness or otherwise of competition and comparisons on the basis of ability and achievement. Society is wrapped up in this. We admire sports people and how they out compete others-they become heroes and heroines. We have universities to educate elites, to ensure that able people can use their skills to the full. We want our kids to go to ‘good schools’. But we need too a degree of niceness, of civility, that sustains a society as well. We tense back and forth, republican and democrat, labour and conservative, left and right, about capitalism and whether inequality (yes, its what they really mean by opportunity-assuming that resources are not infinite) sustains and develops a society.
No one welcomes unbridled capitalism, a ludicrous inequality that is undignified to humanity. But before we get within a hundred miles of such an extreme, there does seem a need to accept that people are unequal and that inequality is somehow sexy. Sex is a performance, an ability and a skill, some people are better lovers. Some have better bodies than others and yes, ugly as it seems, I think that the genetic drive of a society has fed on this. Women have learned to judge men and their potential-in all areas of life. Women have been taught the value of their companionship, their own bodies, their intellect, their beauty and been encouraged to use that in the mating game. Its then hard for old social conventions to sustain absolute monogamy. Elite women are tempted to go with elite men. The chances of this are heightened when these same women have great careers and big pay checks. The dynamics of relationships and families have changed.
Cuckold sexual arousal accommodates such change. It might even be an evolutionary means to protect it. He is aroused by seeing her with him. Its hard, jealousy inducing, but the erection is a saving grace. Appraising her suitor the husband slowly takes stock. He is better than me-in xyz ways. People have learned to evaluate themselves in this way, their relative appeal to others. As the beta male shares his arousal with his alpha wife, there is a chance for her to decide whether she will take the opportunity. I can expect and have more. I can sustain what i have, provided that I considerately train the beta male. The very fact that the husband has at last talked about this, signals a first submission to her will. It is a hell of a compliment. Its offered through an appraisal of the other male and his own worth. It is suggested on the back of an appraisal of the husband’s perceived standing against his wife’s. It is an act of devotion. We fall in love, admire personality, kindness and sensitivity, but its a different thing from appeal and appraisal. That can return as part of marriage later and couples have to handle that. The invitation, to consider other men (for a cuckold) is not a cheap request for voyeur sex. It is so often about humiliation and the need for that, as part of the relationship mix. Let’s sustain our unequal but highly desirable relationship-I will support your choices.
Hell, this is pretty heavy and already too long. But you get my drift. A happy cuck eventually, in my view, accepts that things ain’t equal, and that this somehow fuels his needs as well as offering his alpha wife new rights. Humiliation is then the means by which they negotiate and reinforce those rights. However uncomfortable it is at outset, humiliation becomes a reward, a need, for many cuck men.
I agree with what you’ve written in this post, but there’s one part of the humiliation aspect that perhaps could use a bit of exploration. Specifically, this part: “The reason so many males are afraid to handle that ego conflict is the social stigma that a non-alpha male, or a beta, is somehow of less value than an alpha. This is simply and obviously not true.”
No doubt some cuckolds want everyone involved to assess the Alpha and beta as equal value. Many other cucks, perhaps even most cucks assess the Alpha as a higher value male than the beta.
There are many facets of a cuckolding relationship that seem to work best when everyone involved recognizes, even enjoys the higher value of the Alpha over the beta. For example, a cuckolding relationship frequently involves the beta obeying the Alpha. Unlike a job, in a cuckolding relationship the beta gets no compensation for obeying the Alpha. The cuck obeys the Alpha because he wants to obey him, and a common reason the cuck wants to obey the Alpha is because it feels right, even pleasurable to obey the higher value male. For all but a tiny fraction of human evolutionary history, a beta male obeying an Alpha male wasn’t just fun and games; it was essential for beta male well-being. It’s for this reason I suspect recognizing the Alpha’s higher value and obeying him feels right and pleasurable for beta males. It’s deeply embedded into our genes.
Another aspect of cuckolding that seems to value the Alpha over the beta is the wife’s choice for real or symbolic reproductive sex. Frequently the wife gives the Alpha exclusive bareback access, while she relegates the cuck to vaginal sex only with a condom or denies her cuck vaginal access entirely. It’s hard to construe this in any way other than the wife valuing the Alpha more than the beta, at least in terms of the reproductive value of the Alpha male over the beta male, whether real or fantasy.
I am one of those who sees the act of a husband knowing his wife is having sex with other men as a form of humiliation even though he is in complete agreement with the activity and is excited by it. I say this because we live in a patriarchal society which deems it so.
We like to add some humiliation games in our play because it spices things up especially when it is unexpected but I have the highest respect for Michael and nothing we do as a cuckolding couple can change that.
First post so bear with me if this goes a little awry!
I really appreciated this thoughtful article, because right from the start this seems
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