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It’s happened again and my vagina is… hurting.
It all started a week ago, when women noticed a puzzling pair of bikini bottoms sold by Beginning Boutique .
"Oh, okay," the women responded. "Those swimmers ignore the fact that females have genitalia but okay."
A number of comment threads on the brand's swimwear went viral, with women making such observations as:
"Hmm, nice clit hammock. Sell anything for women with vaginas?"
"If this woman has a small camel toe wearing this I'd look like a panda sat on a tightrope."
"Do you have any suitable for mums with vaginas that hang like the sleeve of a wizard?"
You can see exactly what happened when Clare Stephens tried Beginning Boutique's bikini bottoms here:
"Man my vagina would eat these up... if you're happy and you know it clap your flaps."
And now, the clit hammock is back (it... it never went anywhere), courtesy of online retailer, Black Swallow . But now, it's in one-piece form, giving the ladies the benefit of a) no where to fit your breasts AS WELL AS b) no where to fit your vagina.
The Boracay swimsuit will set you back $49, which seems like a fair price for a one-piece but not a fair price for the fact you're still... nude.
As soon as actual human women saw the ad, they started leaving wildly vivid and vulgar comments because of course they did.
"Omg this is stunning! I’m buying one right after my surgery to remove my vagina."
"Her clitoris wins the bird box challenge."
"This would disappear into most women faster than a vodka soda."
"When you forget to pack your cozzie for a pool party and you have to borrow the random one some 10 year old left behind last time."
"I'm guessing you're called 'swallow' because your clothing is designed to be swallowed by a vagina?"
While some have suggested that the viral comments about 'clit hammock' swimwear constitutes body shaming, I can speak from experience when I say: Sir... no.
This isn't about making fun of the women modelling the swimmers.
This is about the fact that for the average human woman, genitals are a thing that preferably need to fit inside swimwear.
I tried the Beginning Boutique bikini bottoms recently, and had to WEAR NUDE STOCKINGS IN ORDER TO SIGNAL THE PART OF MY VAGINA THAT WOULD BE ON DISPLAY.
Please, no more clit hammocks. Or boob... slings.
On behalf of people with vaginas, we want to SWIM. And PLAY. And WALK.
Preferably without worrying we're going to pop a flap.
Soon trendy swimmers will just be three spaghetti straps with a postage stamp sized piece of material (that ironically only covers your belly button).
Hey, how did you know that! I thought I already banned you from my Instagram?
Jeeeeez... I'm pretty sure I saw one with a zipper... It seems after years of hogging all the opportunities to get our genitals stuck in a zipper we've decided to let women give it a try too...
Clare it is a vulva not a vagina. Even in these 'swimwear' (if one can call them that), you still can't see a vagina. You actually need a doctor's light, and an internal camera for that. We've made so much progress on here on this topic, please, please do not drag us back.

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10:15, Fri, May 13, 2016 | UPDATED: 12:31, Fri, May 13, 2016

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Already popular, Christina Blackwell has gone viral for a different reason than her reporting skills.
While the blonde beauty was doing the weather report for Univision, viewers got an eyeful that they weren’t expecting.
Wearing a chic black off the shoulder top and fitted white trousers, Christina looked smart and professional.
She finished off the look with a long necklace.
Christina moved around the screen energetically throughout the broadcast, and at first there were no problems.
But the pretty lady soon ran into problems with her trousers.
It appeared that the white slim fitting trousers were a little too small.
The material gathered around her crotch and appeared to give her unfortunate ‘camel toe’.
Unaware of the situation, Christina smiled her way through the weather report.
Unbeknownst to her, viewers around the world have watched her mishap thanks to one person uploading the clip to YouTube.
Since then, thousands of people have watched the clip of Christina.
Christina has a loyal following on Instagram, and describes herself as a “wife, mompreneur, INSANITY live Instructor and Univision Correspondent.”
She regularly posts clips of herself working out, as well as photos of her healthy lifestyle.
Christina is Latina, and speaks both Spanish and English.
Christina’s clothing mishap comes as one 'dumb' blonde didn't realise that France was a country .
The pretty lady was on a gameshow and didn't know the answer to the basic question.
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