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By
Lorenzo Jensen III ,
August 6th 2014

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I got a boner during my wedding ceremony. My wife was showing some serious cleavage, as were the bridesmaids. I’m talking diamond hard. Took almost the entire ceremony to go down. Thankfully, with the angle I was standing and my tux, it was mostly hidden.
I was on a trip one time which made me be in a car for 30 hours straight. I fell asleep, with my mom driving (I was in the passenger seat). When i woke up it was about 7 am, and as any other male, I had morning wood, which my mom happened to glance at. I covered it with a pillow, but it was rather awkward for a while.
Oh boy. I feel like this is one of those things that girls just can’t understand, like how a guy just won’t ever fully understand what it’s like having a period. Here’s my best analogy.
Imagine, if you will, that when an attractive guy talked to you, your boobs doubled in size. You can’t control it, they just do it all by themselves, like how you can’t control your heart beating.
Now imagine you’re sitting front-row, at your grandmother’s funeral. This is a sad day. You loved your grandma, and now Nana’s in a casket three feet in front of you, about to be buried. You’re wearing a black dress, very modest, when you feel a twinge in your chest. Oh fuck, not now! You look down at your chest, and there it is, they twitched, they’re expanding. Fuck me, why the fuck is this happening now!?!? You cross your arms, hoping to shield the fact that your boobs are steadily increasing, getting too big for your bra and dress, except you just know that people can notice it. I mean, you are doing the most obvious movements possible that every girl does when her boobs double in size, the arms crossed, the leaning forward in your chair, the narrowing of the shoulders. You’re feeling extremely uncomfortable and acutely aware of a thousand imagined eyes on you, since your top blatantly no longer fits you. In the front row, of Nana’s funeral.
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We’ve all been there before, ever since we sat on a bumpy bus ride in our teens. The inappropriate erection. Of course, it’s only natural but it’s something that can cause no end of embarrassment and anxiety. Whether it’s with a hastily placed folder, zipping up your coat in record time or a bit or surreptitious ‘rearranging’, in polite society you need to cover it up, STAT!
The underground can be a place for many a bizarre encounter. Sometimes you catch someone’s eye or you bump into someone you’ve not seen in years. Suffice to say, the very nature of public transport is you never know you you’re going to meet or what may be sharing your carriage.
It’s not unusual to share a smile with a stranger, or maybe they offer you a seat. In the case of this chap, it looks to us like he’s sharing more than his seat. On more than one occasion over the years, this muscled up lad has been spotted sleeping on the tube after what you can only imagine was an exhaustive gym session. You don’t need to look far before you see that it’s not just his sweaty sports kit he’s packing.
Someone's had a tough day at the office
These pics have been doing the rounds for a while now but it’s fair to say this might not be an accident. Sure we can’t control a night time boner but in those very tight sweat pants, it seems just a bit convenient that this muscly dude just happens fall asleep with a raging hard on tucked to one side. Guys with big dicks certainly know about it and gay or straight they like you to know about it too. Could this just be a case of exhibitionism, because he sure looks like he gets off on it?!
It seems almost ridiculous that it happens now, but of course it is still illegal to expose yourself to unsuspecting strangers in public. Back in the day, some men got their kicks from flashing their bits to a shocked audience and loving every minute. Sure he’s got pants on and he’s not a seedy guy in a trench coat lurking in the bushes but is it the same thing?
The latest word from the police on the subject was back in 2015 in Manchester where a woman had been appalled by a lycra clad man in his 50s with a clear erection and consequently called the cops. While she was decried for wasting police time and her calls of public indecency drowned out in a chorus of muffled chuckles, they eventually said ‘Is it a crime to have an erection in public? Simple answer – depends what you do with it’.
Nice bulge, shame about the trainer
With our horned-up tube rider here, while he doesn’t appear to be breaking the law, he also doesn’t appear to be asleep. In a video clip (watched over 125k times, shockingly) he drools on himself rather unconvincingly and it’s possible he’s even using his phone to capture people’s reactions. Ultimately it could be totally staged and that’s an object in his tight pants .
Gay or straight, accident or on purpose, fake or real, now that the tubes are back up and running if a pic pops up of this guy in a mask, snoring with his legs akimbo, we know he’s back in business.
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