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When it comes to knowing what makes your partner tick in the bedroom, Googling " mind-blowing sex positions (opens in new tab) " only get you so far. Stimulating and gratifying sex is all in the timing, the communication, and the spontaneity, according to Dr. Bea Jaffrey—a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist based in Switzerland—and Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston-based psychiatrist and sex therapist. But what does that mean you should do , exactly? Fortunately, Rapini shared tips with Marie Claire about what actually works in the bedroom (lots of her tips are backed up by research, to boot!), and Jaffrey gave us some pointers from her book on overcoming common sex issues ( 159 Mistakes Couples Make in the Bedroom (opens in new tab) ).
Research suggests that better communication is key to better sex (opens in new tab) —and no, we don't necessarily mean dirty talk. Communicating what you like and don't like can be instructional and informative, no matter how much you think you already know each other's bodies. If they're doing something you like, say so rather than relying on (opens in new tab) ambiguous gestures or noises. And if it's something you're not into, communicate that or guide them in a new direction. Want to try a different angle? Suggest one. If simultaneous orgasm is your goal and you're close to climaxing, don't be mum about it.
In a 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research (opens in new tab) , researchers analyzed answers from 39,000 heterosexual couples that were married or cohabiting for over three years. Sexual satisfaction reported to be higher among the couples who revealed that they gave each other positive affirmation during sex and were open enough about embarrassing moments (opens in new tab) during sex to joke about them and move on. Dr. Jaffrey notes that this lighthearted approach to sex is key, saying, "Don't take life too seriously. Happy couples laugh together."
Even great sex can start to feel monotonous over time if it's more or less the same old routine. To mix things up, Marie Claire's guy expert Lodro Rinzler suggests: "If you're in bed with someone and have a sense of something new you or your partner might enjoy, be it some teasing, a change in position, anything…go for it."
Dr. Jaffrey also recommends switching up the time and place to avoid falling into a rut of once-a-week "duty sex." "Try new places to have sex, maybe on the sofa, in the car or on the kitchen countertops? Or how about the back row of a movie theater? Be careful though, because sex is illegal in public places. Try role-playing...take a bath together. Be inventive, have fun."
Long-term desire is built on a foundation of novelty. Otherwise erotic energy will naturally dissipate for most couples. Trying new things is the key to keeping the fire going.
Jaffrey notes that setting the mood for sex is vital, for women especially, and that foreplay should start long before sex even begins: "I am talking here about the mental foreplay that happens days in advance, not the one that you have just before sex. Make sure to be attentive to your partner. Small gestures and nice comments are significant to setting the right mood for sex." She also suggests keeping up communication during the day through texts or emails.
Having good sex requires knowing what you like in bed. The only way to fully understand your pleasure potential is to masturbate and explore your body. Masturbation is a healthy form of self-exploration and should be encouraged for all people, even those in relationships. Studies show (opens in new tab) that masturbation doesn't make you want sex less, it actually has the opposite effect.
Try to spend at least two days a week enjoying your own body. This will improve your sex life, because your partner is not a mind reader. When you know exactly how you like to be touched, you can better communicate your desires to your partner.
Before you put anything inside a vagina, it's important that you're fully, properly aroused. When you're aroused, the vagina expands and gets wet while the genital tissue becomes engorged with blood. This helps intercourse and penetration feel good rather than painful or uncomfortable. Be sure you're giving adequate time and attention to the clitoris. If possible, have an orgasm before penetration. Women and female-bodied people have orgasms most reliably through oral sex or with a sex toy. Make your pleasure a priority.
The power of sexy banter (opens in new tab) in the bedroom gets underplayed, but it can be a serious mood-enhancer when you're trying to liven things up together. Going about that, however, isn't the easiest for people who aren't used to actually vocalizing 50 Shades -esque fantasies (opens in new tab) . "What my [clients] benefit the most from is when they go to a bookstore or they go online and they find an erotic book," says Rapini.
She suggests that couples read from erotic books together, especially if they want to work on developing a "dirty talk" vocabulary that gives them the language cues without feeling self-conscious. Reading off scripts, she says, never works as well as if couples find a book they really like together and can build off of that jargon.
One way that Rapini counsels long-term couples on how to explore the unknown to enhance their sexual experience is to try shopping for products and toys together. That could mean anything from couples' vibrators (she recommends the remote-controlled Fiera (opens in new tab) ) to massage oils to body paint to blindfolds, though Rapini says another way to set the scene is to try adding music as sexy background noise (opens in new tab) . "Make massage part of your routine and start touching each other. Many couples will start feeling their libido rise after they do that," she says.
There is no "right amount" of sex you should be having. This is a myth. As long as both people are satisfied, you're doing great. There isn't one golden rule, but a recent study (opens in new tab) suggested that more sex doesn't mean better sex and that the happiest couples have sex only once a week.
So if you're anxious about you and your partner not screwing like rabbits, there's proof that the more energy you put into making regular weekly sex *better* will pay off in the long run. Focus on how much pleasure you and your partner are experiencing during any one session, not how often you're physically hopping in bed.
It's often underestimated how important empathy is when it comes to sex. Empathy is the care and understanding of a another person's feelings, and this is incredibly important in sex because when you feel that your partner actually cares about your pleasure, you're going to be more into having sex with them. We often come to sex with too much ego, and that's a real shame. We should be understanding and loving towards one another. Sex can be confusing, awkward, weird, and very hot. Make room for your many, many feelings in order to co-create an amazing erotic experience.

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If you want better sex, it's time to learn some new bedroom tricks.
Hey, it's okay to ask. We should all be doing whatever it takes to get more pleasure for ourselves and our partner (or partners) during sex. No one has the time these days to waste, so we'll make it easy for you. Want to know how to last longer in bed? We've got easy advice on how to tack on minutes. Looking to add some new moves to your routine? Try reverse cowgirl, rimming, or even tantric sex on for size. In this collection of the best sex positions and advice, you'll find tips and tricks, ideas, and expert intel on pulling off better sex moves. Take notes and study hard; your new and improved sex life begins now.
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A beginner's guide to being non-monogamous without being a jerk.
Everything to know about sex and dating apps before jumping in bed with a stranger.
There are four ways to do it well. Because you can't skip this step.
Your house is full of things just waiting to become sex toys.
These are a whole lot sexier than "Truth or Dare."
A brief guide to choosing the right one. Grab a toilet paper roll.
It's not just what you say, it's how (and when) you say it.
A four-step guide to maintaining control during sex.
Get over nerves and fear so you can both enjoy the experience even more.
If you feel strong and flexible, it will show in the bedroom.
Enhance your pleasure with these devices, for yourself, or for you and your partner.
Remember these eleven things that she expects from you.
It's not as long as you'd think, according to science.
You could have four or five orgasms. She could have twelve.
Tea bagging is a sexual kink, and a darn good one at that.
How to have it without slipping and fumbling all over the place.
Tips for giving and receiving it correctly.
Keep things interesting by spicing up your pre-sex practices.
How to find her G-spot, and her cul-de-sac.
You and your partner should be watching porn together. It doesn't have to be weird.
From breakup sex to mile high sex, here's the rundown on all the ways to do it.
In case you needed more convincing, there are nine reasons having sex is good for you.
The 22 Best Sex Toys for Men to Buy in 2022
The 10 Best Male Masturbators for Men
10 Best Lubes for Every Kind of Sex 2022
10 Best Condoms to Make Sex Better and Safer
A Brief Guide to Choosing the Right Size Condom
The 21 Best Sex Podcasts—No Matter Your Taste
A 4-Step Guide to Kissing. Because You Asked.
Sex Games a Whole Lot Sexier Than 'Truth of Dare'
A Brief Guide to Dating Apps in 2020
Every product was carefully curated by an Esquire editor. We may earn a commission from these links.
©Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Christopher is a Southern California-based editor and has been with InStyle since 2018. He covers all things entertainment, celebrity, and culture.

Published on April 13, 2021 @ 10:40AM

InStyle is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.

From Fifty Shades to Eyes Wide Shut , when movies go there with sex, it makes for plenty to talk about. From uproar over explicit content to the fine line between being rated R and the ever-elusive NC-17, movies are always trying to find a sweet spot between showing too much and expressing the artistic vision — and shock — that can come with a steamy sex scene.

According to Esquire , one of the very first movies to be screened for the public was 1896's The Kiss , which featured a full-on kiss and shocked the prim and proper 19th-century mindset. Moviegoers have come a long way since then, especially with the movies on this list, which range from full-on explicit to laugh-out-loud disbelief. With names Amy Schumer involved alongside Tom Cruise, it's no surprise that there really is something for everyone.

One of the '90s most eyebrow-raising movie moments happened when threesomes became part of normal conversation thanks to Denise Richards, Matt Dillon, and Neve Campbell looking to shed their glossy teen-movie personas.

According to Esquire , this unforgettable scene, which involved Jack Reynor, Isabelle Grill, and just about a million extras, took two weeks to film.

Say what you want about the not-so-vanilla scenes in this much-maligned movie series, the steamy, softcore BDSM sequences between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan got people talking.

For another take on BDSM, viewers can check out this cult-favorite 2002 film starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader. Gyllenhaal sauntered in her stockings and heels so Dakota Johnson could bring BDSM to the mainstream.

It's hard to believe that Showgirls is rated NC-17. It does, however, have the honor of being the highest-grossing movie with that rating. Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan star in everyone's favorite worst movie, which comes with a laughable sex scene for good measure.

While not exactly arousing, the gold medal-worthy sex scene between Sebastian Stan and The Big Bang Theory 's Melissa Rauch can best be described as "athletic." It's as far from a CBS sitcom as you can get.

Another scene that was meant to get laughs, John Cena and Amy Schumer reportedly ad-libbed the whole thing for a cringe-worthy moment that involves "there's no I in team," "just do it," and even phrases in Mandarin Chinese.

The sequel? Really? Even though the first Basic Instinct has some iconic film moments, the second installment included masturbation, an orgy, and a threesome. The threeway had to be cut so the film could avoid a NC-17 rating.

If viewers are looking for laughs alongside the love scenes, Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder deliver more on the former than the latter in this rom-com.

What's more iconic? Tom Cruise's underwear-clad dance sequence, his Ray-Bans, or the train scene with Rebecca De Mornay?

Of course, Cruise had to be on the list twice. Who could forget this Stanley Kubric classic? Co-starring his then-wife Nicole Kidman, the couple was reportedly pushed to their limits during the production. They'd eventually divorce in 2001.

There's more than one unforgettable scene in this movie, but the scene-stealer in every single one might be Mark Wahlberg's enthusiasm — and his prosthetic penis, which was originally a foot long and had to be shortened because it looked too ridiculous.

Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman's on-screen tension comes to a head in one of the award-winning movie's most memorable scenes.

The movie that launched a million peach memes (and Timothée Chalamet's career) had more than a few steamy scenes.

OK, while this isn't technically a sex scene, it's an informative educational moment that brings the laughs no matter how many times people have seen it.

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