Howard Stern Sex Toys

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Howard Stern Sex Toys
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The clock keeps ticking for the Stern Show staffer whose favorite phrase is “whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the clock.”
Ronnie “the Limo Driver” Mund and his fiancée Stephanie are moving from New York to Las Vegas this summer, and on Monday they told Howard and co-host Robin Quivers they’re nearly all packed up and ready to go.
Howard struggled to wrap his mind around his longtime employee’s impending departure. “I’m very upset that Ronnie is leaving. I really am,” he said, before taking a stroll down memory lane and recalling how Mr. Mund went from a superfan clamoring for a driving job to the beloved radio star he is today.
“It’s really bumming me out that Ronnie’s leaving, but I get it,” Howard continued. “The guy’s 71-years-old and he’s doing the actuarial table. He’s saying, ‘Hey, I might have two or three years left.’”
Ronnie was sad to be going, too, but he remained convinced it was the right move. “I’ve had enough. It’s time for a change. Sorry,” he said.
While gearing up for the big move, Ronnie had seemingly spent much of his time boxing up his racing memorabilia and sex toys, including cock rings, lubrication, and vibrators.
“Did [you] keep the Richard and Sal dildos?” Robin asked with a laugh.
“I didn’t get to that drawer yet,” Ronnie said.
While the sex toys were headed west, the staffer’s pornography collection was largely headed for the trash heap. “You gotta see all the porno we threw out. Oh my god, it was insane,” Ronnie said. “I must’ve had 150 tapes … We kept about maybe 10 tapes. That’s it.”
Speaking of intimacy, Howard heard the staffer recently got lightheaded after he had “pumped one out real hard” with Stephanie.
“I was outside working all day, you know, throwing stuff out of the house,” Ronnie explained. “I was very charged up, but yet I was exhausted.”
“We had dinner, watched some TV, and I got really horny for some reason,” the retiring limo driver continued before going off on a tangent about how Stephanie stopped wearing yoga pants and bra-less tank tops.
“Sounds like Stephanie is retiring, too,” Howard laughed.
“You wanna ask her? She’s here,” Ronnie said, inviting his fiancée to hop on camera.
“Am I really supposed to look good all the time?” Stephanie said after joining the show. “Sometimes, after like a 12-hour shift and I’ve just been nonstop on my feet all day, I literally just want my sweatpants and a good hoodie, and to wrap up under a blanket, and lay down and watch some TV.”
Howard wondered if she was subconsciously trying to send Ronnie a message to slow down his libido.
“Maybe, but it doesn’t work,” she responded. “All I have to do is get undressed and I’m naked, and that’s it. It’s over.”
Stephanie then shared her side of the story about Ronnie’s recent bedroom health scare. “I think he’s just too stressed out,” she said. “He’s been going nonstop for almost a week … It’s been a lot on him, and of course he gets this urge and [goes] all out.”
Ronnie couldn’t explain it any better. “I don’t know what happened. It was kind of crazy. It was like this big explosion and I felt like I was gonna pass out,” he said. “I fell off of her afterwards and I was just laying there, breathing my brains out.”
“All my frustration came out inside her,” Ronnie added.
To Howard, it seemed fitting. “Wouldn’t it be appropriate if Ronnie died during sex?” he asked.
“It would be,” Robin laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to go that way, Ronnie?”
Gary Dell’Abate recently detailed his penchant for collecting fine scotch and on Monday, the Stern Show executive producer elaborated that the hobby is so deep, he even had a scotch master over to his house. “The guy comes in a kilt … he puts out a bunch of single malts,” he explained to Howard and co-host Robin Quivers of the spirit-centric parties. “It’s a lame excuse for drinking, I’m not gonna lie.”
“They used to call those guys alcoholics, now they’re scotch masters,” Howard joked in response.
Having been to several of these scotch master sessions, Gary likened them to one of Robin’s wine tastings . “He kind of teaches you what’s good, what’s bad, how they make it, how it gets the color and all that stuff, and then you just keep drinking,” he noted before highlighting the natural conclusion to such an event. “By the end, you’re just so fucked up.”
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The first time I gave a sex toy to a celebrity was when I was invited on the “Howard Stern Show” and I gave him a realistic vagina as a gift. He was so excited that he could hardly wait for the show to end so he could go home with his new vagina. At the end of the show, he told me that he would give his listeners all the juicy details the next day on his show.
I woke up early to listen to Howard the next morning in anticipation of his report and was mortified when I heard him mad as hell as he ranted on about how he got the vagina stuck on his penis, and when he finally was able to pull it off, his pride and joy was bruised.
That was when the light bulb went off in my head and I realized I had forgotten to give him any lubricant. Needless to say, I wasn't invited back because I nearly broke his penis.
Now I'm emphatic about telling everyone to love lube and put it on before you need it. Of course, the wrong lube can lead to disastrous results, so do your homework.
Never use household ingredients like cooking oil, or well-known products like Vaseline, bath oil, suntan oil, massage oil or anything that has petroleum because it will break your condoms and could lead to a nasty infection.
I tell my clients to have a lube love fest by purchasing as many different types of lubes as you can – from water-based, which are the most versatile and easiest to clean off with water, to flavored ones that can enhance an oral sex experience, to silicone-based types that you can use in water and are also great for anal pleasure.
But be warned that you cannot use silicone lube on silicone toys, as it can melt them – and that's not a pretty sight!
Sex toys feel better with lube whether with a vibrator, dildo or cockring and it's safer to use. But be sure to clean your sex toys with soap and water or toy cleaner before and after each use!
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Fellow Stern Show staffer Jason Kaplan weighing in on JD’s meeting conduct
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As he boiled water in his basement at the start of the show Wednesday morning, Howard began to ponder the things he’s longed for since quarantine began in March. “When we had our radio station in Manhattan there were people just assigned to bringing me hot water,” Howard recalled with a laugh to longtime co-host Robin Quivers. “Isolation and quarantine have made me do things for myself which is very, very disheartening. This isn’t my idea of fame.”
Howard listed some other perks he used to have back when the show was being broadcast at the SiriusXM studios including his “shusher” – a dedicated staff member to quiet the rest of the office down while Howard is meditating after the show.
“I was sitting there in Manhattan like some kind of fucking little king,” Howard joked. “I had people bringing me my Metamucil crackers with yogurt.”
In addition to Metamucil and hot water, Howard also had his lunches brought right to him. “I got so famous that, like, Ronnie has to run in with … a bag that keeps my lunch hot and he has to get it to me within 30 seconds,” he remembered. “I mean you’re talking fame man, I had it all.”
Being stuck at home has been understandably frustrating for many
since the onset of the coronavirus-induced quarantines, but like with most things late night
icon David Letterman has managed to find a silver lining. The comedian and longtime TV star connected with Howard from his “Y2K
bunker” on Wednesday and revealed he’s grateful to be spending so much quality time with his
teenage son.
“For me it’s great because since Harry started school this
is the most time I’ve been able to spend with him, uninterrupted,” Letterman said.
“I see this giant figure walking through our kitchen and I thought, ‘Holy crap,
we’re being robbed!’ But, you know, it’s my son. You’re just not used to seeing
him on a Wednesday shuffling through the kitchen.”
What kind of father-son activities are they enjoying during the
quarantine? Birthday haircuts, for starters. “My son, this is what
he did for my birthday,” Dave said, taking off his hat and pointing to a
place where hair had once been. “He shaved my head.”
“I like it but because we’ve had a chilly spring so far my
head does get cold,” he added.
Howard wondered how else the
retired “Late Show” host has been keeping busy.
“I’ve been doing a lot of vacuuming and I haven’t done
vacuuming since I was 11,” he said. “My main complaint about vacuuming … the
one thing in your life that’s designed to suck often just gives up on you and
you have to bend over and pick up whatever it is and throw it down the damn
sucking tube.”
Household chores aren’t the only work Letterman has been
known to do during times of crisis, of course. His “Late Show” famously
returned to the airwaves less than a week after the country was rocked by the
September 11th terrorist attacks. In doing so, as Howard explained on Wednesday,
he gave America permission to laugh once more. When Jimmy Fallon joined the
Stern Show earlier this month, he admitted Dave’s 2001 return actually inspired
him to continue broadcasting “The Tonight Show” from
quarantine .
Howard asked Dave if he too would’ve broadcasted from home had the pandemic hit before he stepped away from “The Late Show”
in 2015. “I don’t know. I’m not sure how I would’ve handled it,” Letterman
admitted, though he said he’s appreciative to those hosts—Howard included—who are currently soldiering on.
While Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and several others
have now returned to the airwaves, Howard noted that quarantine editions of
their shows felt noticeably different without live audiences. He recalled that Dave
did something similar in 2012 while broadcasting in the aftermath of
Hurricane Sandy.
“We didn’t have a studio audience,” Dave corrected with a
laugh. “We hardly had an audience every night anyway.”
But Howard wondered if it was hard for a host to do if they’re used to feeding off a live audience.
“Yeah, it’s all about timing. As Jerry Seinfeld once said
the audience actually helps you write stuff as you go because you hear what
they respond to, you hear what they don’t respond to. So that’s great,” Dave
said.
“I think I would become accustomed to not having a live
studio audience, but I mean Howard, to me, this development for you and others
who are doing it is the way to go, honestly,” he continued, adding that one
could even wear pajamas on the air if they were so inclined.
Howard and Dave went on to discuss their childhoods and the parts
their fathers played in forging the successful men they’d eventually
become. Dave said his dad always aspired to be a performer, whether he was rocking
a pipe organ in church or scouring the back pages of magazines for random writing opportunities.
“He liked to get up and do jokes. He was a showman,” Dave
explained.
His dad could never get a show business career
started, however. “He had to do things to make a living to support the family, but that’s
not entirely what he wanted and I felt bad for him,” he said, adding, “Most
men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
Dave said his father struggled with alcohol abuse for some
time before eventually going “all-in” with Alcoholics Anonymous. Dave vividly
recalled several anecdotes from that period, including one in which his dad
drove the family around while “shit-faced,” another in which Dave
accompanied him to an A.A. meeting, and yet another in which he slipped Dave his first
taste of liquor when he was just 12.
“My dad was a big fan of a scotch called Cutty Sark,”
Letterman recalled. “It was Christmas and we were all in a festive mood, so he
said, ‘Here would you like to try my Scotch and soda?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, why
not?’ And I did and [thought] whoa, this is tremendous.”
Young Dave soon found himself going back for more. “They
kept it under the sink. I would go in there after everyone had gone to bed and …
pound down a little Cutty Sark, which really helped.”
“Do you think you were self-medicating?” Howard asked.
Dave said he drank in excess through his college years and also the early
days of his entertainment career. He told Howard it got to the point where
doctors would point out his swollen liver during routine checkups. All that
changed, however, after he landed a new network show and vowed to make the most
of the opportunity.
“I got another chance at a TV show and continued to drink
and one day I said to myself, ‘I’m not only lucky to be on TV, I’m lucky to
have a second chance to be on TV, and the last thing I want to do is be the
reason this thing gets screwed up.’” Dave recalled. “I remember I was out at
the beach, I think it was May, and that was the last time I had alcohol. I was
34.”
As Dave matured so too did his relationship with his father.
“I think kids are typically pretty selfish about their own comings and goings and it wasn’t until he started having heart attacks that I felt really true,
strong empathy for his plight,” he said.
His dad never did become a big star, though he did once join his
son on TV back when Dave was on the air in Indianapolis. “I had invited him on
a show to be a guest and I thought, ‘Wow, I think that was good for both of us’
because I was able to give him that opportunity,” he told Howard.
“That was important to me and I hadn’t thought about that in
a long time,” Dave continued, explaining he reflects on their relationship far
more often since becoming a father himself.
“Are you a different father to your own son?” Howard wondered
at one point.
“I try to be, Howard,” Dave said. “God, I just love having him
around. He’s just a goofball and I love him. He’s very entertaining and … I’m
very lucky to have my family with me.”
While Dave’s son never appeared on camera Wednesday morning,
their dog Dutch did join the show for a few memorable minutes. “Is he a Yellow
Lab?” Howard asked.
“I think he’s a poodle,” Dave said.
“That doesn’t look like a poodle,” co-host Robin Quivers laughed.
Dave, whose “Late Show” once featured a beloved segment called “Stupid
Pet Tricks,” struggled to get his pooch to obey his commands. As soon as he said
“Trumpy is here,” however, the dog began barking. Through some combination
of treats and affection, the late night star eventually coerced Dutch into
showing off for the camera.
Near the end of the interview, Dave offered words of hope for
listeners struggling during the coronavirus pandemic. “Built into the human
spirit is a resilience unlike any other mechanism on the planet and this will
pass and we will survive,” he said.
Robin wondered if any good would ultimately come from this
tragedy and Dave revealed that for him it already has. It’s helped him discover what’s truly
important in life: his family. “We have too much as Americans and we take so
much for granted and we don’t need it,” he said. “Let’s don’t be so goddamned
selfish and so goddamned greedy. We’re all the same, for crap’s sake, and we’re
all carbon-based lifeforms and we’re all breathing the same air.”
Letterman shared several heartfelt words with the King of All Media
before signing off. “I have nothing but great admiration for the man you are
and the man you have become because when you and I were kids we were both two different
guys,” he told Howard, adding, “Now how do I turn this device off?”
Ronnie “the Limo Driver” Mund has a brand-new sex toy!
On Wednesday, the Stern Show’s resident sex expert
flaunted his latest bedroom acquisition: a replacement vibrator his fiancée Stephanie
bought off the internet. Howard, co-host Robin Quivers, and the Ronnie Puppet had several questions
about Ronnie’s new toy, but first they were curious about how the sexually adventurous couple managed to
break the last one.
“I didn’t really break it. I don’t know what happened. It
lost its power, it wasn’t giving a good vibrate, so she had to call up Amazon
and order a new one,” Ronnie said. “It’s great. It’s awesome. You want to see
it? I’ll show you.”
“It looks like a little egg,” Robin remarked after getting a
glimpse.
Ronnie then shared a sizzling new sex tip involving the
vibrator and went into detail about how precisely he and Stephanie are enjoying
it. His description of their sexcapades proved to be difficult to for some to
envision, however. “Could you draw that for me, Howard?” Robin asked with a
laugh. “Because I still can’t see it.”
Happy to oblige, Howard sketched a helpful picture of Ronnie
going to town. “Is anyone having a better time in quarantine than Ronnie?” Howard
wondered.
Stern Show staffer JD Harmeyer was caught red-handed
recently playing video games during a staff Zoom meeting and Howard was quick
to call him out on Wednesday. “What are you doing?” he asked point-blank. “I mean you’re in
a meeting, you’re supposed to be professional.”
“There’s no excuse,” JD admitted before struggling to explain
his actions. “I wasn’t really playing it, I was sort of like … it’s hard to
explain. Basically yes, I was on a video game during a meeting that I don’t know
what I’m doing at this meeting.”
Eventually, the staffer did blame fatigue for the misstep.
“There’s like 50 million people in this meeting … I started zoning out after a
little bit,” he detailed. “This was like my third meeting of the day.”
Fellow staffer Jason Kaplan had his own insight as to what
happened. “The meeting JD’s talking about is probably one of the most important
meetings we have each week,” he described. “We ask him to be there because his
opinions and thoughts are valuable to us. It was just weird, we saw him with
the controller in his hand, like he was trying to hide it under the screen … he’s
clearly not paying attention.”
Though JD argued the meeting was so well-attended
and that he chimed in whenever he had something to say, Jason didn’t let up . “To a
lot of guys in the office you’re a senior guy, you’ve been here a long time,” Jason
continued. “They see you, a senior guy, playing Madden for an hour and a half
while we’re trying to create content for the show.”
“It was ‘MLB: The Show’,” JD corrected with a laugh before ultimately
accepting responsibility for the faux pas. “I was very unprofessional.”
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