Howard Stern It's Just Wrong

Howard Stern It's Just Wrong
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Official site features news, show personalities, hot topics and image archive from The Howard Stern Show.
Today on the Stern Show, WWE Diva Christy Hemme participates in a game, Sam Simon ruins “Survivor” for Gary, and two past contest winners return to show off their … prizes.
For some reason, everyone seems to be ragging on Dan Rather now that he’s retiring. Howard played some clips of Donald Trump and Walter Cronkite really ripping Rather apart.
Co-host Robin Quivers said it’s weird because Tom Brokaw recently retired to glowing accolades and Rather is just getting bashed.
Howard said he just saw a retrospective on Rather’s career and he’s been around a long time, covering a lot of important event and now his whole career is tainted because of one stupid story on “60 Minutes II.” Howard played a tape of Trump saying that he’s not a fan of Rather’s, mainly because he feels that Rather did a story on him that was unfair and wrong. He said that Rather has been losing in the ratings for years and Trump didn’t understand why CBS didn’t fire him years ago. Trump said he would have fired him if he could have. Trump also thinks Rather is highly overrated and not particularly good at his job.
Howard said that’s why he loves having Trump on the show, he’s very outspoken. Howard then played Cronkite saying he’s surprised that Rather lasted as long as he did at his job and that he thought he would have been replaced years ago. He also thinks that Rather plays up a certain “role” more than just delivering the straight news.
Robin reminded Howard that Cronkite was pretty bitter when Rather replaced him at CBS because they pretty much pushed Cronkite out.
Howard said that Cronkite sounded horrible on the air his last few years because he had to keep clearing his throat every two seconds. Cronkite went on to support his dislike for Rather by citing how Rather did horribly in the ratings. Howard said that logic is flawed though because he’s sure the National Enquirer sells more papers than the New York Times but that doesn’t make it a better news source.
Howard talked a little about how he can’t get into the whole Ipod/MP3 player thing. He doesn’t understand why people need to be constantly with music.
Artie said he loves to listen to his Ipod when he’s jogging but Howard said when he runs he doesn’t like to be distracted by music. He said he likes to be aware of his environment and body, not a song.
Gary Dell’Abate said the worst offender of the MP3 age is Vice President of CBS Late Night Programming East Coast, Vinnie Favale . Gary said that Vinnie has about 60,000 songs ripped and stored on his computer at home.
Howard laughed and said that Vinnie’s ass must be really gross – all flat and full of cellulite – because he sits on it all day and works on stuff like that.
Gary said that it goes beyond music with Vinnie because he’s in the process of digitizing all his DVD’s into a new $12,000 DVD player he bought. The new player will allow him to access any of his movies from any room in the house, although Gary doesn’t understand why Vinnie just can’t carry a DVD from room to room.
Vinnie called in and said all of this was true, sort of. He said he has over 100,000 songs on his computer and over 2000 DVD’s he’s currently putting into that DVD player, and he plans on digitizing everything else in his life, like all of his books.
Howard laughed and said Vinnie wastes countless hours on digitizing all this stuff but if he died tomorrow that computer would probably be thrown out and forgotten about.
Laura, a college student, came in to interview Gary for a school paper. She had called saying she needed to interview someone in the entertainment business for her paper and Gary thought it would be funny to do it on the air. Howard played the message she left us and she wasn’t saying Gary’s name right, she kept calling him “Dell’Avante.”
Gary said he actually received a letter here the other day addressed to Gary Belafonte. He’s not even sure how it got to him. Howard told Laura to go ahead with her interview so she asked him her first question, who comes up with all the crazy bits on the show? Gary said that Howard is the main force behind the show and Artie and Fred do a lot of writing. A few minutes later Howard said he just heard a report that a lot of guys in the back office were mad at Gary for not including them in his list of people who write for the show. Gary said fine and started shouting out a bunch of names of people who work on the show. He joked that Tom Chiusano doesn’t come up with any ideas though and then Tom stormed in the studio insisting that he did! Howard agreed, saying Tom came up with the idea to censor the word “anal” for no reason. After a few more questions Howard wrapped up the interview and told Laura she could ask Gary more questions off the air.
Sherrie and Carrie, the winners of last year’s “Twin Sisters: It’s Just Wrong” came in today to show off their prizes from that contest – new boobs and flat tummies. Accompanying them was world-renowned plastic surgeon, Dr. Sal Calabro , who performs many of the breast implants given away on the show.
Carrie said she was the one who got the breast implants, going from a B cup to a C cup while Sherrie got a tummy tuck which took her from a size 6 to a size 0. Howard said the girls looked great and that Dr. Sal, who recently dropped over 50 pounds himself, did a great job. Doug Goodstein said he read on Dr. Sal’s site that he sucked out over one and a half tons of fat during liposuctions last year.
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Howard Stern has gone soft after years of being the quintessential "shock jock," Maureen Callahan writes.
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“The Howard Stern Show,” long in decline, is dead.
In March 2020, when New York City officially went into lockdown, Stern fled to his basement in the Hamptons. Over one year later and now vaccinated, as he first admitted on-air Monday — back from yet another vacation — Stern still has no intention of ever returning to his Midtown studio, his luxury Upper West Side apartment , or any semblance of pre-pandemic life.
The Howard Stern who stayed on air as planes flew into the World Trade Center is unrecognizable.
“Things will never get back to normal,” he declared just two weeks ago. “I do not believe the pandemic will ever be over.”
For a once-constant listener like me, this is heretical, especially here in New York City, where every single neighborhood is struggling to survive. Also, Howard: This pandemic will end, even though you, a germophobic recluse, clearly wish it would not.
But such sentiments have defined Stern’s show and attitude this past year: pessimism, anger, and a worldview that shrinks ever inward, limited in size and scope to The Basement — the literal and metaphorical dwelling place of this once-great show.
Stern, 67, renewed his contract with SiriusXM last December, signing for five years at a reported $120 million per . This is incredible, considering he works three days a week, Monday through Wednesday, broadcasting maybe three hours per day, about 112 shows per year with 253 days off.
That’s a salary of over $1 million per show.
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Once upon a time, you could argue that would be fair compensation; after all, one could never predict what Stern would do or say. As memorialized by an analyst in Stern’s 1997 biopic “Private Parts”:
“The average radio listener listens for 18 minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for, are you ready for this, an hour and 20 minutes . . . Answer most commonly given? ‘I want to see what he’ll say next.’”
As for those who loathed Stern: “The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day . . . Most common answer? ‘I want to see what he’ll say next.’”
Today, it’s all too easy to predict what Stern will say next. Don’t just take my word for it — endless Reddit threads and Facebook groups are devoted to carbon dating the show’s death, parsing over its comedic breadcrumbs and wondering why Stern even bothers anymore.
Indeed, Stern sounds like a guy who should have retired years ago, one begging to be fired, an attempt to end his own misery.
Howard: Your listeners are right there with you. Put us all out of your misery.
Consider a typical show, consisting — on a daily, “Groundhog Day”-like basis — of such content as imitations of his nonagenarian parents and their hearing loss (“What?! What did you say?!”) — as enjoyable as talking to one’s own hard-of-hearing relatives — while revisiting slights and traumas from his childhood yet insisting that decades of three-to-four-day-a-week therapy have made him less angry and more evolved.
We usually segue into graphic, sex-obsessed talks with Ronnie the Limo Driver, a 71-year-old Stern show mainstay who has now become its lead character, eating up airtime and surpassing Stern himself. (Hope Ronnie got a raise for all this heavy lifting, unlistenable though he may be.)
If it’s Monday, we may get a recap of Howard’s weekend, which typically involves how many Peloton classes he took, updates on his lifelong disordered eating, current blood levels, and rants on why the one-percenters who live near him in the Hamptons, post-vaccine, won’t wear masks all the time.
If his much younger model wife, Beth, comes up, it’s to discuss how efficiently she cleans (now that the maids are gone), her eating habits and blood levels, and the hundreds of rescue cats that cycle in and out of their house.
If “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” happens to be airing, we can count on a mind-numbing, 45-minute soliloquy.
Next, we’ll probably take some calls from the mentally impaired characters known as “The Wack Pack,” or be subjected to prank phone calls that Stern insists are real but are clearly fake and scripted.
In lieu of picking on society’s weakest, Stern will turn his rage on most any staffer in his sights. It says something that even the most picked-upon loyalist — say, his producer of 37 years — doesn’t even bother to really fight back anymore.]
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Why? My guess is that Stern’s rants are so expected and so often hit the same notes — personal hygiene, looks, financial status, marital troubles, professional incompetence — that even attacked staffers feel the same boredom that long ago came over the listener.
And how could they not? Stern long ago abandoned his best attribute, going after famous hypocrites. Hilaria Baldwin , for example, pretending for years to be from Spain — when really she’s from Boston — and bagging a movie star would once have been Stern show fodder for days.
But Hilaria barely rates a mention. Why? Can’t piss off Howard’s good pal Alec in the Hamptons. Howard’s in with the cool kids — all he ever really wanted, despite claims to the contrary.
Instead, we get musings on how wonderful Stern’s BFF Jimmy Kimmel is, what it’s like to go to parties at Jimmy’s house in LA and hobnob with George Clooney — Howard the everyman, the commuter’s best friend, RIP — or his days as a judge on “America’s Got Talent.”
This thin, tepid gruel is finished off with what it was like for Howard the Renegade to break into radio, deep-dive instructions on how to cue up songs on vinyl, and general “get off my lawn” gripes over life in America circa now: “I don’t know what you could do to get noticed on this YouTube”; “Just cancel sports — who cares? So f—king dumb”; “Podcasts — they’re bores, they’re f–king bores.”
Perhaps that last sentiment is related to Stern’s waning influence. Upon the announcement of Stern’s imminent contract renewal in 2020, B. Riley analyst Zack Silver wrote to clients, in part:
“Is Howard Stern really still worth $100M+ a year? Our recent survey work suggests that only a low-single-digit percentage of respondents subscribe to SiriusXM solely because of Howard Stern.”
Silver suggested that the re-up most benefited the company’s stock price. “For investors,” he wrote, “we believe that a potential renewal with Stern serves as a proof point that SiriusXM can continue to retain and attract top talent to its service.” Really, why should Stern put any effort into his show when he’s been rewarded for hardly working? The less he puts into the show and the more he treats his paying audience with contempt, the more money he makes. No wonder he won’t leave his bunker.
All that said, one of the most perplexing decisions to fans, of late, is the unexplained dropping of the show’s most popular segment, historically airing last: The News, with sidekick Robin Quivers going through the day’s headlines while Stern riffed extemporaneously.
The News cost nothing to produce, was a must-listen, and usually guaranteed at least one unpredictable hot take from Stern, earning him a spot in the news cycle. Yet in quarantine — the most newsworthy year in recent memory — this segment has completely disappeared, with zero explanation. There may be no greater F-you to his longtime fan base: Even that is too much work.
The self-proclaimed King of All Media has, without seeming to realize it, given a master class in how to lose an entirely captive audience.
SiriusXM doesn’t release ratings, but as far back as 2013, Stern knew he was in trouble. He called a crisis meeting, thankfully taped and leaked by a disgruntled employee ( you can watch it on YouTube ). This is Howard Stern as Norma Desmond, blaming everyone else for his decline.
Here he is standing alone on a stage, his beleaguered staff seated below.
“You know what?” he begins. “If this show isn’t here in three years, you don’t have a f—king job! . . . I’m pissed.”
He was just getting started. Why, Stern asked, can’t he get Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt — hell, even Neil Young — to appear on his show?
“It’s bugging the s—t out of me,” he said. “Neil Young shouldn’t be able to s—t without hearing somebody talking about me.”
A PowerPoint of favored guests, whom Stern fawns over to a disgusting degree on-air, turned into a verbal assault against almost every single one.
“Whitney Cummings was doing jack s–t when we found her . . . she was going nowhere fast,” Stern said. “Adam Levine owes us, man . . . no one was looking for him before ‘The Voice.’ And David Letterman — I’ve done his show . . . probably 27 f—king times, and he’s only been on our show twice.”
Maybe Stern should have asked himself why he, unlike some
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