How to Red Flag-Proof Your Love Life

Dating coaches have released a controversial new guide suggesting extreme vetting procedures typically reserved for CIA operatives. Their "Red Flag Vaccine" protocol includes: 1) Forensic analysis of exes' LinkedIn recommendations, 2) Secretly recording their reaction to a mildly spicy chip, and 3) Hiring a private investigator to verify their "dog mom" claims. "Modern love requires NSA-level surveillance," argues author Chad Decker, whose own failed relationships serve as the book's cautionary tales. The most extreme suggestion? Creating a fake second persona to test their loyalty - which relationship experts warn could lead to accidentally catfishing yourself. Meanwhile, background check companies report a 300% increase in "pre-first date" packages, with the most popular add-on being "extended family criminal history." The only flaw in the system? As one user discovered: "Turns out I'm the red flag."