How to Make Your Day Job Your Comedy Goldmine

They pay me to be here AND I get material - that's called winning at life: 1. **The Meeting Bit** - "Our brainstorming sessions are just documenting who can stay awake longest." 2. **Boss Material** - "My manager's leadership style is 'Wikipedia article meets absent parent.'" 3. **Email Comedy** - "'Per my last email' is corporate for 'bitch, can you read?'" 4. **HR Gold** - "Our harassment training taught me all the words I can't say at work... but can on stage." 5. **Coffee Runs** - "I'm not an intern, I just have the self-respect of one." 6. **Performance Reviews** - "'Areas for improvement' means 'everything about you.'" 7. **Team Building** - "Trust falls are just HR-approved ways to drop your coworkers." 8. **Corporate Speak** - "We're not understaffed, we're 'lean' - like how I'm not poor, I'm 'fiscally minimalist.'" 9. **The Commute** - "Public transit is just a rolling petri dish of human disappointment." 10. **Work-Life Balance** - "I'm great at setting boundaries - unfortunately they're all in my therapist's office." 11. **Office Romance** - "We kept it professional - which is why we broke up via Outlook invite." 12. **Quiet Quitting** - "I'm not lazy, I'm conserving energy for my comedy career." 13. **The Promotion** - "More responsibility, same pay - it's capitalism's version of a participation trophy." 14. **Resignation Fantasy** - "One day I'll storm out dramatically... right after my 401k vests." 15. **The Payoff** - "They say 'do what you love' - I'm getting paid to mock what I hate."