How to Make Your Awkwardness Work for You

My social skills are so bad I once waved back to a security camera - here's how to monetize your awkwardness: 1. **The Overthinker** - "I spend 3 hours crafting a text, then panic when they reply 'k.'" 2. **Small Talk Terror** - "I can discuss the weather for 45 minutes if it means avoiding real conversation." 3. **Eye Contact Issues** - "I maintain eye contact just long enough to seem normal, then stare at their forehead like it's giving me the answers." 4. **Party Survival** - "I'm either clinging to the host's dog or pretending to be fascinated by the dip." 5. **Delivery Failures** - "My jokes either land perfectly or crash so hard they qualify for federal disaster relief." 6. **Phone Addiction** - "I scroll through my contacts looking for someone to hang out with... then keep scrolling." 7. **Dating Disasters** - "My love life is just a series of 'we should do this again's that we never do." 8. **Family Gatherings** - "Thanksgiving is just 6 hours of me explaining why I'm 'between opportunities.'" 9. **Public Transportation** - "I've perfected the 'I'm not crying, I just have allergies' face for bus rides." 10. **Grocery Store Hell** - "I'll pay extra for self-checkout to avoid saying 'paper or plastic' to a human." 11. **Neighbor Encounters** - "I know all my neighbors' schedules so I can avoid them in the hallway." 12. **Workplace Survival** - "The break room is my personal Hunger Games - may the odds be ever in your favor of not talking to me." 13. **Texting Anxiety** - "I analyze emoji responses like they're the Dead Sea Scrolls." 14. **Social Media Lies** - "My Instagram is 90% food photos because food can't judge me." 15. **The Silver Lining** - "At least my panic attacks give me great material for my therapist AND my act."