How to Effectively Burn Out at Work

A controversial new business bestseller provides foolproof methods for achieving maximum burnout in minimum time. Key strategies include: answering emails during childbirth ("multitasking!"), volunteering for projects during your own funeral ("initiative!"), and developing an espresso IV drip ("biohacking!"). The author, a former FAANG executive currently hospitalized for exhaustion, insists the methods work "if you commit fully to having no boundaries." Early adopters report impressive results - one consultant achieved "complete psychological detachment" during a Zoom call about synergies, while another spontaneously forgot all his passwords in what doctors call "a beautiful act of subconscious rebellion." HR departments are torn between banning the book and bulk-ordering it as a "what not to do" guide. The most effective tip? "Treat your self-worth like a company metric - constantly benchmarking against impossible standards."