How to Be the Comic Who Always Gets Booked (Despite Mediocre Talent)

They say talent rises to the top - here's how to tread water in the middle forever: 1. **The Yes-Man** - Take every spot, even the 2PM Tuesday "retirement home" show. 2. **Booker's Best Friend** - It's not brown-nosing, it's "networking with benefits." 3. **The Set Chameleon** - Have one squeaky-clean corporate set and one filthy bar set (same jokes, different words). 4. **Social Media Mirage** - Buy 10,000 followers (if 80% are bots, that's still 2,000 "fans"). 5. **Tech Guy Gambit** - Volunteer to run sound - it's the backdoor to stage time. 6. **Fake Humility** - "I'm just happy to be here" (while mentally stealing the headliner's act). 7. **Strategic Laughter** - Cackle at the booker's jokes like they're George Carlin reincarnated. 8. **Name-Drop Fu** - "Me and [Famous Comic]? We go way back... to that one open mic in 2016." 9. **Credit Inflation** - Call that podcast appearance "a nationally syndicated special." 10. **The Hustle Myth** - "You gotta grind" is code for "I'm not actually funny." 11. **Material Recycling** - Repackage old jokes as "my new hour of fresh perspectives." 12. **Industry Plant** - Date someone influential just long enough to get booked at their club. 13. **Geographic Hack** - Be the "local favorite" in five different time zones somehow. 14. **Nostalgia Play** - "Remember that bit from 2018? It's retro now!" 15. **The Long Con** - Outlast all the actually talented comics until you're the last one standing.