How to Be the Comic Who Always Gets Booked (Despite Being Mediocre)

They say talent rises to the top - here's how to float in the middle indefinitely: 1. **The Reliable Hack** - Be the one who'll take any spot, any time, even if it's a Tuesday at 4PM. 2. **The Booker's Buddy** - Remember: it's not nepotism if you call it "supporting the scene." 3. **The Set Chameleon** - Have one clean set for corporate gigs and one dirty set you pretend is "your real material." 4. **The Social Media Illusion** - Buy 5,000 fake followers to look "established" (they can't all be bots). 5. **The Light Tech** - Offer to run sound - it's the backdoor to stage time. 6. **The Fake Humility** - "I'm just happy to be here" (while secretly plotting to steal the feature spot). 7. **The Strategic Laugh** - Laugh obnoxiously at other comics' sets so they owe you one. 8. **The Name Game** - "Oh you know [Headliner]? Yeah we did a show together... in 2014... for 7 people." 9. **The Vanity Credits** - Call that podcast interview "a special appearance." 10. **The Hustle Myth** - "You've gotta grind" is code for "I'm not actually funny enough." 11. **The Fake Growth** - Recycle old material but call it "my new hour." 12. **The Industry Plant** - Date someone in the biz long enough to get booked places. 13. **The Geographic Advantage** - Be the "local favorite" in three different cities somehow. 14. **The Nostalgia Play** - "Remember that bit I did in 2018? Well here it is again!" 15. **The Long Game** - Outlast the talented comics who quit out of frustration.