How Women Masturbate

How Women Masturbate

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Female masturbation is often seen as a taboo subject. You’ve probably tucked yourself into a corner to read this article, peering over your shoulder for fear of odd looks from passers-by. To be honest, I even found myself hiding my notes for this piece when colleagues casually approached my desk to ask if I’d like a cup of tea.
Women discussing wanking is not the done thing, but that shouldn’t be the case. Despite research showing that women masturbate as frequently as men, it's still not a topic that all females openly discuss. The Swedes have even created a new term for female masturbation in an attempt to stop women from being put off talking about the topic by the usual male-associated words.
To help us shake off the persistent social stigma, we’ve created a guide to female self-pleasuring. We spoke to women about their own experiences of masturbation and got some expert tips on how to make things work for you, including from Strawberry Siren, former Miss Burlesque Australia and the creator of the Pussy Play Masterclass, a workshop on the art of playing with yourself.
The only thing to do now is read on, and plan an early night.
Understanding the different bits of your body is the first step towards successful stimulation. Don’t be put off by the fact that you may not know the names of your parts, as the first and most important step is getting to know how to ‘use’ them, say the experts.
Lisa Lister, author and creator of wellness website The Sassy She says that getting to know your body, and not getting hung up on terminology, is the best approach.
“It would be great if we were taught the technicalities in school, but unfortunately we’re not. Though it’s good to know the terminology, it’s not essential. My advice would be to explore, get to know what things feel like, and if it feels good, keep going!”
To help us on our quest to become more familiar with our anatomy, Lisa has provided us with simple, straightforward definitions for some of our bodily bits from her book Love Your Lady Landscape.
Vulva: "This is the outer part of your lady landscape. It includes the clitoris, labia lips, urethra and entrance to the vagina, and its opening is almond shaped."
Clitoris: "When people people talk about the clitoris, they’re usually just talking about the glans – the very sensitive outside part, but the bean-like bump you can see on the vulva is just the tip of the iceberg. It's the only organ of the body with the sole function of providing pleasure."
Vagina: "This is a pulsing muscle that opens and closes between the cervix (at the base of the uterus) and the external opening."
Lisa also thinks getting to know your menstrual cycle is an important way of ensuring you get the most from the experience.
"Some people find that they’ll want to be playful and explore more around ovulation. You may not feel the urge to masturbate during your pre-menstrual cycle, but the orgasms will actually be way better, even if they do take a bit longer."
Put it into practice: Use the Pussy Play Masterclass ‘Rise and Sine’ approach to get to know a variety of these areas at once.
"Using the tips of your fingers, lightly tap the pubic bone above the clitoris to wake the vulva up. You may also want to press down and rub in a circular motion."
Confused by the variety of animal-themed vibrators and neon dildos available online? Well, our girls think it's best to go organic.
Lisa thinks that, though sex toys can be a good way to introduce newcomers to the self-pleasure game, it's best to avoid becoming dependent on them.
“The real fun and pleasure comes through when you use your fingers,” says Lisa.
“Personally, I think that using a toy can desensitise the whole experience. You want to be able to touch yourself, so that you can be playful and get to know the speed and feel you want.”
Put it into practice: Put your fingers to the test with the ‘Scissors Sisters’ technique.
"Making a peace sign with your hands, place each finger on either side of the outer labia. Then, while pressing down lightly, wiggle the fingers towards each other, squeezing and lifting the labia together between the two fingers."
Get to know your clit "Your clitoris is awesome," says Lisa. As mentioned above, the clitoris is more than just the outer, bean-shaped part. "It's the most nerve-rich part of the vulva, containing over 8,000 nerve endings, which is twice as many as the penis. This makes it the powerhouse of pleasure."
Lisa explains that there’s more to the clitoris than initially meets the eye. “This tiny erogenous zone spreads the feel-good-love to 15,000 other nerves in the pelvis, which explains why it feels like your whole body is being taken over when you orgasm."
Put it into practice: Make your wildest fantasies come true and try out the 'Princess and the Pea' technique.
"Making sure the tip of your finger is nice and moist, slowly pull the hood over the clitoris back and gently stroke the head of the clitoris. You may also want to use a small circular motion, depending on your preferences."
There’s more to masturbation than the big O.
It's important to enjoy the whole experience, rather than racing to the finish line. Lube can be particularly good for assisting in the arousal process.
Lisa believes that engaging in foreplay can be beneficial for your relationships too.
“Be as indulgent as possible. Give yourself the full experience by making time to be exploratory and playful. By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with your own body and as a result, be able to have more confidence in a relationship to say exactly what you want and when.”
Put it into practice: Warm yourself up by trying out the ‘Escargot’ technique
“Starting at the base of the vagina, lightly drag your fingertip at a snail’s pace towards the clitoris. Make sure you don’t put your finger in too deep at this point, as you want to avoid touching the urethra."
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Because you probably didn't learn this in school.
Fun fact: Masturbation can be awesome! In fact, a lot of teens do it, and enjoying it doesn't make you weird. So, why masturbate? Teen sex health outlet Sex Etc said it best. "Masturbation is a good way to learn about your body and your sexual feelings without the complications that can come when you have sex or do sexual things with someone else." You can feel good without having to worry about risks like unwanted pregnancy or contracting an STD.
Which is why, if you're wondering how it is that you get aroused or what arousal feels like, masturbation is a great way to dip your toe into learning about pleasure and your body. And I'm talking about more than just your genitals. Your bod has various erogenous zones, which are areas of your body that are more sensitive than others. Think: your ears, neck, inner thighs, nipples... the list goes on.
Beyond learning about your body, masturbating will also help you get insight into what settings get you in the mood. You might like to listen to sensual music and dim the lights before you try masturbating. Maybe there's a time of day that you feel particularly turned on. Perhaps there's literotica fan fiction that makes you feel all the things. Don't be afraid to experiment and see what works for you. There is no right or wrong way to masturbate!
So, if your sex ed class skipped over the masturbation spiel, don't worry, we talked to Ellen Kate Friedrichs , a health and sexuality educator in Brooklyn, NY to find out everything you need to know.
1. Masturbation refers to touching your own body for sexual pleasure. Like your vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, breasts, or anus.
2. It involves more than just your vagina. Your sex ed classes might have glossed over the clitoris, but most people actually experience pleasure through clitoral stimulation, not vaginal penetration.
3. It's totally normal. One 2016 study found that 85.5% of female participants said they masturbated at some point in their lives, with women starting at average at age 13 and 14.
4. Guys do it, too. That same study found that 98.9% of male participants have masturbated, starting around 12 and 13.
5. It doesn't make you a bad/weird/gross person. You're not a freak or a pervert. It's not weird or gross. On the flip side, if you don't masturbate, that doesn't mean you're a prude or there's anything wrong with you. It's a totally normal thing that can help you explore your body and get more in tune with it, but if it isn't for you, NBD.
6. It's a helpful way to learn about your body. No two bodies are the same, so no two people like the exact same rhythms or movements. It'll take some trial and error to figure out exactly what works for you, and it's easier to do this without the pressure of having a partner right in front you. "You can learn about your body before you ever have sex with a partner and then, down the line, you can show a partner what you like," Friedrichs says.
7. You might have an orgasm. When a person is aroused, their muscles tense up. An orgasm is the release of all that tension , plus a rush of an endorphin called serotonin that spills into your blood stream. "These chemicals can cause intensely pleasurable feelings and can make someone feel happy, giddy or sleepy," Friedrichs says. "It can be hard to tell if you have had an orgasm since every body will experience orgasm a bit differently. But if you think of it like a roller coaster ride, with the moment before you descend being the peak of orgasm, it can help."
8. Orgasms don't happen instantly. "Don't give up, even if you think it isn't working," Friedrichs says, estimating that it might take you anywhere between a minute or an hour (or more) to have one.
9. But an orgasm isn't necessary to enjoy the experience. "While orgasms are nice and most people can learn to orgasm, if you like masturbating and aren't orgasming, that's fine too," Friedrichs adds.
10. It's the safest form of sex. Yep, masturbation is a form of sex — solo sex. And since there's no risk whatsoever of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, you can enjoy it without worrying about your health or safety.
11. You should wash your hands first. Clean hands prevent introducing bacteria into your body. When you're getting intimate, clean hands = the best kind of hands.
12. Make sure to pee when you're done. The most common cause of urinary tract infections (which can make you feel like you need to constantly pee and potentially lead to more serious complications) is when bacteria from the anus accidentally travels into the urethra. You might have heard that you can get a UTI from wiping the wrong way when using the bathroom — back to front, instead of front to back — but they can also occur if you touch your anus before touching your vagina (even if your finger just grazes the area accidentally). Peeing helps flush out any potential bacteria.
13. You can masturbate and still be a virgin. "Most people believe that a virgin is someone who hasn't had sex with another person, not someone who has never had anything in their vagina," Friedrichs explains. So if you insert a finger inside your vagina, but haven't had sex with a partner, you're still a virgin .
14. Masturbating won't make you looser down there. Unless you're doing it so frequently it's interfering with the rest of your life, it's absolutely healthy and fine to enjoy solo sex. You won't suddenly become looser down there and it won't ruin your ability to enjoy being with a partner — those are both myths.
15. If your boyfriend or girlfriend masturbates, it doesn't mean they're not into you. You can be totally satisfied with your relationship and still touch yourself. "Sometimes people worry about this out of insecurity or because they have a misunderstanding about what masturbating is all about," Friedrichs says, noting that a lot of people report masturbating more often when they're happy in their relationships. So if anything, take your partner's actions as a compliment.
16. You can use some toys as well. Sex toys aren't just for having sex. According to a study, 43% of women "sometimes" use a toy when they are masturbating, compared to just 13% of men.
17. It can help you deal with stress. According to Planned Parenthood, having an orgasm releases endorphins, which can make you feel better and help you with your stress.
18. Masturbation can help you with your period cramps. Yup, you read that right. Those same endorphins can be a natural pain killer for your period cramps, says Planned Parenthood.
19. You can do it everyday. While you may be worried about masturbating "too much," it's totally normal to do it once (or even twice) a day. According to Planned Parenthood, as long as it doesn't get in the way of spending time with friends, family, school, activities, etc., you're in the clear.
20. It can help you sleep. Some experts suggest to include masturbation in your nighttime routine, doing it right before you go to sleep. One study shows that having an orgasm increases the production of prolactin in the body, a sleep-inducing hormone.
Hannah Orenstein is the author of several novels, including Meant to Be Mine (out June 7, 2022), Head Over Heels, Love at First Like, and Playing with Matches. She's also the Deputy Editor of Dating at Elite Daily. She lives in Brooklyn.
Yerin Kim is the Assistant Editor for Snapchat Discover at Seventeen, covering beauty, sex & health, lifestyle, and entertainment. Originally from New Jersey but raised in Seoul, she is a proud Syracuse grad who loves fluffy puppies and a good Instagram opp. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram!
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You won’t believe some of the things she uses to get off
When Trevor (not his real name) came home a little early from a night out with the guys, he expected to climb into bed with his girlfriend. But instead, he was faced with what he described as “a clitoral exorcism” with a stuffed teddy bear.
“I walked into the bedroom and AC/DC's ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ was blasting; it was dark, there were candles and a wine glass, and she was humping this teddy bear so fast and furious to the music with this really intense, scary look on her face like she was possessed.”
He continues: “I kind of wanted to laugh, but I was more freaked out. The teddy bear thing made me wonder if there was something in her childhood that went wrong.”
It might surprise you to know that nothing in this “freaky” scene is really out of the norm.
“Often times, the first thing a woman uses as a little girl to masturbate with is something she'll continue to use into adulthood,” says Moushumi Ghose, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Her masturbation practices have been with her longer than her sexual practice with men.”
Since the typical girl didn’t have access to sex toys as a kid, Ghose says, she probably “used stuffed animals, furniture, and an electric toothbrush. It doesn't make her a freak, nor is it a sign of sexual abuse. It really is more common than most think.”
That said, going fast and furious with a teddy bear to heavy metal music is the least of the oddities when it comes to the habits around female masturbation .
Most have heard about women using vegetables in lieu of a dildo, sitting on a washing machine for the good vibrations, or using the showerhead for clitoral stimulation. Well, it goes way beyond that.
In an informal survey of female masturbation habits conducted by the HealthyStrokes.com website—which bills itself as “a site about masturbation and you!”—some of the most frequently mentioned masturbatory objects, aside from dildos and vibrators, are candles, cucumbers, carrots, bananas, hairbrush handles, bottle tops, pencils, and markers.
Less frequently mentioned—but still cited enough to make the survey—were icicles, teddy bears, wood sticks, hammers, and electric toothbrushes.
“It's simple—women need to rub it on something. Women masturbate with weirder things than men,” says Ghose.
That’s true for an 18-year-old Hispanic bi-sexual woman in the Healthy Strokes survey, who stated: “Will hump anything.”
(There are so many complicated, awesome things about her sexuality, and you need to start taking notes. Find out What Actually Happens During a Female Orgasm .)
Chris Donaghue, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture , advises men not to overreact to the discovery that their partners have... let's say, eccentric tastes in self-pleasure.
“Women's sexuality is far more complex than men’s,” he say
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