How To Talk To A Guy Who Is Shy
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Last Updated: February 5, 2021 References
Men and women understand and communicate differently. This may be the reason that they often find it hard to communicate their feelings or needs to each other.[1] Changing your communication methods to be shorter, more focused, and positive can stop poor conversations. You will use different methods when talking to a guy who you have just met versus a man in a relationship, in your family, or in your job. By practicing simple communication techniques like active listening, you can improve your communication skills with the opposite sex.
Be aware of your surroundings. You want to always make sure that you feel safe when you are approaching a stranger, no matter the gender. Make sure you are in control of all of your facilities and have a way to leave a situation. Avoid talking to strangers when impaired. Always try to make sure that someone you know is aware that you approaching a stranger.
Introduce yourself. The first way to converse with a man is by introducing yourself. An introduction will show that you are interested in getting to know or conversing with him. Maintain eye contact to show that you are being direct.
State your name and repeat theirs. Repeating someone's name is an excellent way to not only remember it, but also show that you are interested in getting to know him. [2]
Speak clearly with a strong voice. You want to give a good impression and you want your listener to understand what you have to say.
Ask questions. To get to know someone new, ask questions to him. Ask questions on a neutral subject such as hobbies or pets. Try and avoid inflammatory questioning such as politics or religion.
Practice active listening. Ultimately, you want to start a conversation with a man and not just do all of the talking. To do this, practice active listening skills. Ask questions about his replies, or ask him to clarify a topic to show that you have been listening. You do not want to dominate the conversation by you doing all of the talking.[3] Here are some ways you can try active listening:
"Oh, I hear that you like football. I have always been more partial to hockey."
"That's very awesome that you like Thai food. I know of this great restaurant downtown!"
"You like go rock climbing? I don't know much about that, can you explain how to do that?"
Compare hobbies. A great way to get to know a man is to compare hobbies. Once you find that you have something in common, you can compare what you know with what he knows. This tactic can keep a conversation going in a natural and easy manner.
Practice direct communication. Despite what it may seem at times, spouses and boyfriends do not have the ability to read minds. Make sure you practice direct communication by telling him exactly what you mean or what is on your mind. Try not to make him guess.[4] You can practice direct communication a number of ways. [5]
Find the right time to talk. You want to make sure you are bringing up a conversation at an appropriate time. Be aware of your surroundings and pick a time and a place that is comfortable for the both of you.
Think and do not attack. Make sure you are courteous to your loved one. Do not verbally attack him if you are angry or frustrated. Think about what you want to say before you say it. Practice it if you feel like it will be an emotional conversation.
Do not bottle up emotions. Express your feelings often to avoid being overly frustrated. Remember that your loved one is there for you and wants to help you. Be honest with him and share your emotions so that you may approach a conversation as a unified team.
Ask questions to show you are listening. When he is speaking to you or telling you about his day, he is looking for someone to vent to or to decompress. Show you are listening and you are empathetic to his needs by asking active questions or repeating back something he said. Engage in the conversation rather than just hear it.
Answer questions as they are asked of you. “What do you want for dinner?” can definitely be a fight-starting question. When questions are asked to you, answer him honestly. If he gives you suggestions, do not be vague in answering them. Tell him what is really on your mind or tell him that you are unsure what you want or think. You can say what's on your mind in a few ways. Try using some of the following:
"I appreciate that you suggested pizza for dinner tonight, but I'm not sure what I'm in the mood to eat tonight. Can we name a few options and I can tell you what sounds good?"
"No, sorry, I am not feeling like being social tonight. I love that you want to go out to the party, but can we stay in and relax instead?"
"I'm sorry. You really hurt my feelings last night when you came home late from work. I would really appreciate it if you would call or text me next time you will be home late so I don't worry."
"I really do not have an opinion one way or another on the paint color for the living room. I think the color you have picked out will work great!"
Be honest. Always be honest with him. Communication is much easier when you do not have to pick and choose between lies and half-truths. Your relationship will be stronger if you can share what is on your mind with him. [6]
Verbalize your needs. In order to communicate effectively, you need to directly say what you need. Your family member can respond to these needs easier if he knows exactly what it is you are asking.
Utilize body language and non-verbal cues. Communicating relies more on just talking. You can communicate effectively with the men in your family by using verbal and non-verbal communication skills.
Verbal communication implies direct communication through speech. You can do this by asking questions or voicing your opinion.[7]
Non-verbal communication is the use of body language. Pay attention to how you are standing or where your hands are when you speak. If you stand with your arms across your chest, for example, you may come across as hostile or angry. [8]
Rely on common vocabulary. You have probably spent a good deal of time with your family member. You probably have a common vocabulary or common memories. Use those to your advantage when conversing. Sometimes, you may even share nonverbal cues such as gestures or body language. Strengthen family communication by being familiar in your conversing practices. [9]
Stay in touch. Life sometimes can get busy and it is easy to lose track of time. It is easy to let communication, especially with the ones we love, fall to the wayside. Make time to talk with your family members. Find a medium that works for you both. Try texting, letter writing, or e-mail.
Be respectful. You want to show yourself as a valuable employee and communicator. When talking with men you work with, you want to be respectful. Do not try and “one-up” or boast about your achievements. You do not have to stay silent about them, but practice humble language to show respect to those you work with. [10]
Avoid ambiguous speech. Your time is valuable. When talking with coworkers and bosses, try and get to your point quickly. You do not want to waste time on details if they are not needed. If it is an important project or topic, you can fill in details as needed or request. This will make you look excellent at time management skills and respectful of other’s time.[11]
For example, instead of saying something like: "I'll get back to you," try and be specific. "I am not sure when I am able to get back to you, but I know I will send you out an e-mail by Friday."
Learn to say “No!” Women in the United States traditionally hold fewer leadership positions than their male counterparts. This may lead you to want to agree to more projects or ideas than you are comfortable with. Learn to say no to your male counterparts in a direct and respectful manner. [12] Try some of these tips when trying to say no:
"Thank you so much for the opportunity, but I have three cases this week. Maybe if my schedule clears up a bit, I can take on the extra work."
"I would love to stay late tonight, but I have actually worked late every night this week. Can we schedule a meeting tomorrow to go over these notes?"
"Your ideas for this new newsletter are great, but I simply do not have the time to implement all of these changes. Have you talked to the design and marketing team? Maybe they can help."
Stick to the facts. The workplace is a place of business. To be most effective in your communication, stick the facts. You want to be able to finish projects and show yourself as a capable employee or leader. Sticking to the facts shows others that you can focus on the task at hand. Use your knowledge and statistics to make a lasting impression:
"According to my report, sales went up 45% last year."
"We saved $25,000 last year by eliminating our direct phone service."
How can I be more confident when talking to boys?
Working on yourself, getting help from therapy, or hiring a good coach is super important. Insecurity comes out of a lack of self love or fears that stem from abandonment or trust issues. Try surrounding yourself with a good support system of friends and family that will have your back as you put yourself out there. I also recommend trying to understand your past so that you can move forward and prevent past dating mistakes from affecting you.
One of the best things you can do is have a man that you really respect read your profile. A lot of times, we think we're being funny or being ourselves, and it really does help to have someone you trust look it over. You should also be aware that the pictures you include in your profile are very important. Choose photos that give the impression that you want.
There is this boy I like, but he asked my bestie out. I wanted to feel happy for her, but I'm not. He said he was going to ask her to formal, but I feel I should be the one. What do I do?
There isn't anything to do other than wishing your friend the best. If you and that boy are meant to be together, you two will have mutual attraction at some point in future.
This guy I hardly know or talk at school came to me and told me that he has a crush on me, which has now turned into love. What do I do? He does seem nice and all, but is he the one for me at all?
The only person who can answer that question is you. The only way you can answer that question is to spend time getting to know him. The best way to get to know him is to talk with him about absolutely anything! The fact that you talk with him is more important than what you talk about. (Writing back and forth can help, too, but it's not as good as face-to-face.) If it's awkward at first, that's okay; it'll get better. You can discuss him with family and friends, but ultimately all that matters is how he makes you feel.
This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 26,077 times.
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Last Updated: March 1, 2021 References Approved
If you want a guy to notice you, one of the best ways to do so is to talk to him. Talking to your crush can be hard, however. It's intimidating to approach someone you have feelings for. Try to stay calm and strike up a conversation. Maintain the conversation for a bit, and then work on talking regularly to get to know him. When you feel ready, ask him out. Remember, you can't make someone like you so prepare for a potential rejection.
Rehearse what to say if you're nervous. It can be scary to start up a conversation with your crush. It may feel silly to you, but many be people find rehearsing what to say ahead of time can help. If you're unsure how to approach your crush, stand in front of the mirror in your home and practice.[1]
Try to think of ways to start a conversation. Where do you normally see this person? If you have class together, you can practice asking him about a homework assignment or making a comment on the latest test.
You don't have to plan what you'll say word-for-word. In fact, rehearsing too much may make your conversation sound strained. Instead, have a general idea of what you want to talk about.
Find a conversation starter. Look for observations or comments you can make to get the conversation started. There are a variety of ways to begin a conversation. Once you're talking, you can proceed to keep things flowing, allowing you to get to know your crush.[2]
Try starting with a compliment. For example, say something like, "Hey, I love your sweater."
You can also make an observation. For example, "What did you think of that quiz yesterday? I thought it was really tough."
You can ask a question. For example, "Do you know when that report is due? I forgot to write it down."
Try to approach him in comfortable situations. If he's not distracted, it will be easier to get his attention.
Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Break the ice by commenting on the environment around you. Say something about the people at school, the mound of stuff your boss assigned at work, or even why you're both at the mall that day. It's an easy way to break the ice.
Ask questions. Once you start talking, ask some questions. It can be difficult to establish a smooth flow of conversation at first. One helpful tip to remember is that people generally enjoy talking about themselves. If you want your crush to keep talking, ask him questions. This can also help you get to know him better.[3]
Ask him about things you have in common, at first. For example, "What do you think of this class?" and, "Do you think you'll go to the football games this season?"
Once you're in a conversation, try to ask more broad questions that relate to the topic at hand. If you end up discussing a movie you watched in class, say something like, "What kind of movies do you like in general?"
Maintain the conversation for an appropriate amount of time. During the initial conversation, you don't want to overdo it. Pay attention to how the guy is reacting. Wrap up the conversation when it seems to have reached its natural end.[4]
After you exhausted a certain topic, you both may get the sense there's little left to discuss. The guy may start giving shorter answers.
This isn't necessarily a sign that the guy is not engaged. Conversations just have a natural beginning and end. Rather than trying to force a conversation to go on longer than it has to, try to wrap it up. Look for an organic way to exit the conversation. For example, say something like, "Well, I should head to my next class. I'll see you later."
Discuss shared interests. You want to be yourself around your crush, so don't center all the conversations around him and his interests — let him get to know you, too. Once you're talking regularly, try to look for shared interests to discuss. This way, you'll get to know each other better and bond through common traits.[5]
For example, say you find out you both like Dancing With The Stars. Try asking him about the latest episodes after they air. For example, "Did you see Dancing With The Stars last night? It was so crazy."
From there, you can look for broader topics of shared interests to discuss. For example, "Do you like dancing? I just love dancing and musicals."
Get to know him by asking questions. If a conversation is slowing down, ask a question. Asking someone about themselves will usually keep a conversation interesting. This will also give you a sense of whether you want to eventually ask your crush out. If you have a lot of shared interests and opinions, you're more likely to be compatible. You can ask questions like:[6]
"What's your favorite movie?"
"Do you have any hobbies?"
"What's your favorite subjects in school?"
"What's the coolest place you've ever visited?"
"Who's your favorite television character?"
Be yourself. When you really like someone, it can be very tempting to try and be the type of person you think they would be interested in dating. For instance, if the guy is really sporty but you couldn't care less about sports, you might be tempted to pretend you're also a big fan. Avoid this. Don't deny your own interests, hobbies, and friends out of fear of judgement or rejection. You can be polite about it ("Oh, I'm not really into football."), and use it as an opportunity to help him learn a little about you ("I actually really love going to see live music.").[7]
It can be hard to keep this in mind when you are crushing hard, but remember that someone who doesn't like you for who you really are ultimately isn't a good match for you.
Text him regularly. If you get his number, texting can be a great form of communication that can help you get to know him better. Try to text him once in a while and see how he responds. This can help you see if he likes you as well. A guy who texts back eagerly is more likely to be interested.[8]
Be yourself when you text. If he asks you questions, give honest answers. Use your own unique voice and sense of humor.
Throw in an occasional emoji. Don't overdo it, but a few smiley faces now and then can come off as flirty.
Allow him to initiate texting on occasion. You don't want to overwhelm him.
Try to flirt some. As you're getting to know a guy, try to do some light flirting. This will convey your interest and allow you to get a sense of whether a guy likes you. If he flirts back, it's likely he's interested.[9]
Smile. Smiling is contagious. Keeping eye-contact while smiling is key. This keeps the tension in the air flirty and fun. A smile to a guy gives him motivation to pursue you. Give him a brief smile and then look away.
Make eye contact. This will convey interest.
Try to introduce gentle touch. Lightly brush his arm when you're talking to him, for example.
Avoid certain topics. Some topics can tank a conversation, so they should be avoided. If you're trying to get to know a potential romantic interest, stay away from topics that may make him uncomfortable.[10]
Avoid putting yourself down. You want to show that you like yourself and you're not insecure.
Never say anything negative about his friends or family.
Look for signs of attraction. Before you ask someone out, it's a good idea to see if they're interested as well. If the guy doesn't seem at all invested, it may be a good idea to stick to being friends.[11]
A guy who's interested will often show this in his body language. He will lean towards you when he talks, make eye contact, and smile frequently.
People often subtly mirror one another's body language when they're interested in someone. A guy may, for example, cross his legs when you do.
If a guy makes excuses to touch you, this is a sign of attraction. He may brush your arm, give you a hug, or try to touch you in other ways.
It may also help to notice if he acts different around you then he does other people. This may suggest he likes you, and may even go against the normal signs. For instance, if he is usually very flirty with just about everyone but is more quiet and shy around you, this may actually be because he is nervous around you.
Keep in mind that none of these are definite signs he is interested.
Be straightforward. Sometimes, it's best just to be straightforward. It can be scary to confess your fee
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How To Talk To A Guy Who Is Shy
