How To Talk Dirty During Sex

How To Talk Dirty During Sex
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1. Ask yourself: How do I like to describe my body?
2. Think about which adjectives excite you (hint: recall your favorite compliments).
3. What do you like to do, and what are the best verbs to describe that?
4. Repeat after me: seduce, narrate, check in.
Ange-Lise Boulaud / EyeEm / Getty Images
5. Develop a dirty dialect and take it outside the bedroom.
6. Practice good "yes means yes" strategies.
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9. Stop worrying and love the tech.
10. Take inspiration wherever you find it.
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Tina Horn produces and hosts the kinky slut podcast Why Are People Into That?! . She is the author of two nonfiction books, Love Not Given Lightly and Sexting . Her writing has appeared on Jezebel, Hazlitt, Glamour, Vice, The Toast, The Rumpus, The Slutist, Refinery29, and The Establishment, as well as... Read more
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Communication is at the heart of every sexual connection. Since there are still so many mixed signals about sexual expression, especially for women, many of us struggle to feel confident in our sexual language , whether it’s asking for what we want and or enhancing an experience with taboo scenarios or hardcore words.
Developing a dirty talk style is the same as any other personal style, from your choice of lipstick to your musical taste: sometimes your choices are bold and sometimes they’re routine, but they always express a unique and beautiful you. I’ve been talking dirty professionally — as in, on camera and in print — for a decade. Here are 11 tips I’ve learned for developing your own personal dirty talk style.
One of the fundamentals of dirty talk is understanding how you like to describe your physicality to yourself and to your partners. The language of the body can be one of affirmation as well as erotic possibility. Anatomical language is very gendered, so being able to choose what words you prefer to describe your body, and letting your partners know this is how you prefer to be described, can be a wonderful expression of freedom.
Again, turn the question back onto yourself: do I like textbook words like vulva to describe my bits, or do I prefer X-rated language like cunt or pussy? Think about how the following potentially erotic words are feminine, masculine, or gender-neutral: tits, cock, junk, ass, hair, mouth. It’s your body: take ownership of how it’s described.
In sex as in the rest of life, everyone loves to be flattered. So think about what words make you feel great about your sexuality . Maybe you like to be nasty or filthy on occasion, or maybe you like to be told you’re soft and sweet (hey, you can be both!). Think of words that enhance your self-love — juicy, hot, tight, strong, cute, smooth — and enthusiastically inquire about your partner’s faves, too.
Sex is about action, and the best dirty talk is a call to action. Your favorite dirty verbs could be evocative smut (my favorite, for example, is screw), or a nuanced expression of how you like it: “Pound me!” is a different sort of request than “I want to caress you.” Compliments also go nicely with verbs; “I love the way you suck on me” is a great motivator to get exactly the kind of sucking you want, while "Nobody makes me gush like you do" is a perfectly filthy expression of tenderness.
The students in my dirty talk classes always tell me their biggest hurdle to successful erotic communication is the fact that their minds go blank in the heat of the moment. Here’s an easy to remember tip for that: you can always seduce (talk about the future), narrate (talk about what’s happening in the present) or check-in (return to something that’s happened in the past). To put it as simply as possible: I’m going to fuck you / I’m fucking you / I fucked you.
Seduction can begin weeks before over text, and lead right up to a teasing moment of foreplay, stating your designs on your partner’s body. Present-tense narration is a simple and surprisingly powerful way to transform language into a sort of vibrator for your mind, enhancing whatever you and your partner are already enjoying. And the check-in is a way to get more mileage out of your awesome sex by sending an aftercare reminder, bringing you back into the moment with the simplest sentence.
Dirty talk: not just for the bedroom anymore. Try slipping into some R-rated language during a mundane task, like doing laundry, in order to let your partner know you can’t stop thinking about last night’s hot sex…or how ready you are for round two, just as soon as the spin cycle is over. This is the perfect chance to be a little silly and embrace double entendres: develop your own secret coded language together.
One of the most loathsome critiques of consent culture is that explicit consent takes the thrill out of seduction. My counter-critique: you’re obviously not doing it right! Imagine someone you’re really digging on leaning in to murmur in your ear, “I’m having a really great time with you and I really want to take you home tonight.” Think about how much fun it is to instruct someone exactly how you want them to give you head. Practice being assertive, asking questions, and giving guidance in order to get on the same gloriously satisfying page with your partners.
Let’s say you and your partner want to have a threesome. Before you pursue a unicorn hunt in earnest, why not fantasize together within your established sexual routine? Prompt one another to explore different situations: if we brought someone home from the bar, what would you want to do first? You can narrate things that aren’t technically happening to see how your partner responds to different linguistic stimuli. This kind of erotic improv is the perfect low-pressure way to build on one another’s desires; so when the time comes to bring that real unicorn home, you know a lot more about how to make everyone’s fantasies come true.
Erotic role play provides the chance to get in touch with different aspects of your sexual identity, and you don't need expensive costumes to do it. A simple word can drop you right into a character you want to embody, whether it's a pampered "Princess" who is ready to be serviced by an underling, or a feisty "Puppy" who wants to play rough. Use your imagination to use different words for yourself and your partner: even something as simple as Sir, Boss, or Mistress can invoke a powerful new dynamic.
The intersection of dirty talk and technology is such a huge topic that I literally wrote a whole book about it. One of the biggest themes I wanted to emphasize with that project was that every technological innovation is a tool for belonging. From current trends in sexting and video chat to not-too-distant-future ideas like virtual reality sex and artificially intelligent robot girlfriends, we have the power to harness tech for connection instead of alienation. All we have to do is stay grounded in the needs that make us human.
I was recently re-watching some porn DVDs from my collection when I realized I had forgotten how on point superstar Sasha Grey’s dirty talk always is. She basically never stops talking when she’s having sex, and the result is a stunning stream of consciousness. She used a few lines — such as, “Aren’t you lucky you got to make me come today?” — that I immediately filed away for use with the right person.
I’ve also taken inspiration from music (my latest favorite is “Doves in the Wind” by SZA and Kendrick Lamar), movies (I love the way Margot Robbie dominated Leo in The Wolf of Wall Street ), literature (I’ll never stop returning to Anaïs Nin), and erotica (I recommend any anthology edited by Rachel Kramer Bussell).
Now, by “talk dirty with your friends” I do not mean sleep with your friends or stay friendly with the people you sleep with (although I’m not not endorsing that). I mean: get comfortable being open with your friends about sex. Have explicit, emotionally vulnerable conversations with your platonic loved ones: ask for advice, be critical, share knowledge and validate experiences. Make up for your lack of comprehensive sex ed and crowd-source the hell out of your erotic imagination.
Now, learn what makes this woman without nipples feel sexiest:
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Welcome to my guide on how to talk dirty .
There are 4 easy ways to dirty talk. First, you can start by expressing your sexual desires. Then, you can give sexual praise and have a naughty roleplay with your partner. Last but not least, you can ask flirty questions to arouse his/her sexual desires.
If you are new, worry not. You will learn more about dirty conversation in the following sections.
Dirty talk may feel strange if you have never done it before.
However, it plays a vital role in creating sexual tension and expressing what you like and want in a relationship. Just view it as creative self-expression, and you will be able to do it naturally.
Here are the three advantages of dirty talk:
1) It stimulates the brain It triggers the hearing sensation and imagination before you are physically intimate. Lacing sex with fantasy and anticipation during foreplay can significantly enhance the erotic experience in bed.
2) Increase the sexual pleasure While you are having physical intimacy, the creative expression of what you love from your partner makes the overall experience unique and more exciting. This can significantly increase her/his desire to wanting more from you and magnify the orgasm effect towards the end of sex.
3) For deep connection The verbal expression of you needing your love partner will make her/him feel good and appreciated. Taking the initiative to share desires and feelings will help you open up more, be more transparent with each other, and create a special bond. You will be able to make your partner keep thinking of you all the time, and can’t wait to see you.
If you are a total beginner, here are a few easy tricks you can use to start dirty talk with confidence. I have also given in some practical examples which you can apply in real life easily.
When you are not in bed, you can still dirty talk by expressing what you want from your partner.
Let your partner feel appreciated and aroused by giving him/her genuine praise.
Roleplay can spark excitement because it allows both of you to start fantasizing about something forbidden.
This helps to set the mood right and invite your partner to enjoy the moment with you.
If you are away and you cannot meet your partner, you can still talk dirty with her/him on the phone. It can still spark imagination and make him/her think about you all the time.
You can personalize the messages below to match your current relationship.
Please only do this if you have flirted with her and she is obviously into you. If you do it in the early relationship phase, it may backfire.
If you want to talk dirty with a girl without sounding embarrassing yourself, you should start flirting with her first. If she does not reject you or she flirts back, you know she is okay for you to cross the line of just being a friend. In other words, she wants more from you. Then, you can start to escalate to dirty talks or physical touches.
When you dirty talk with a girl, you should say it casually like it is not a big deal. Imply that we are all adults, and it is totally okay to talk dirty.
If you are being too cautious and nervous when you say it, it will make you look too intentional and trying hard. So, just say it as if you didn’t plan for it, and you are just saying whatever pops up in your mind.
If this is your first time trying to dirty talk to a girl, you should start with the most straightforward way first, which is by praising her.
You can praise how sexy she looks, her boobs, her ass, and the way how she gazes is driving you crazy. Again, I warn you that you only want to start giving sexual compliments if she is obviously into you and enjoying flirting with you.
It is not that different from talking dirty with a girl. Just let him know that you need him and be submissive, and he will be totally turned on.
You can say something like, I want you to touch me and squeeze my boobs gently, or I want you to hug me and tell me I’m all yours.
Make him feel he is needed, and you are ready to have him, and he will be aroused.
There are many things you can say during sex. To make it easier for you, I categorize them into foreplay, during physical intimacy, and after orgasm.
Erotic things to say during foreplay:
I highly suggest you talk dirty in person, but you can still talk dirty over the phone if you are in a long-term relationship.
It is not that hard to talk dirty on the phone. First, you let your imagination goes wild, and then you just need to describe it in words.
Here’s an dirty talk over phone example:
I’m always thinking of you. I would like to play with your hands and your hair. Then, I want to move you closer to me, and I want to bite your ear and kiss you on the lips. I want to kiss you so intensely and taste your tongue. Then, I want to smell your neck, and slowly moving down to your boobs, your abs, and softly kissing your pussy/cock. I decided I want to start licking it. So, I take off your pants now, and I put my head in your thighs. I start licking it gently. It is so yummy. This makes me so hard/horny. I can’t hold it anymore. I need more of you now. I want to fuck you now…
Below are some phrases you can tell or text your partner. You can adjust it to match your needs.
You are not alone if you have anxiety over dirty talk.
I assure you, once you shifted your mindset about it, you will be able to overcome the shyness and be able express your true feelings creatively.
Below are the 2 most essential mindsets to help you to become smoother at dirty talk.
Mindset 1: It is a natural thing to praise your partner’s sexual performance
Telling your partner that you love them and how amazing they are is vital in a relationship. When they bring you immense pleasure, let them know that they are amazing. It will arouse their desire and make them want to give you more.
If you enjoy the hugs, touch, kiss, and sex with them, you should express it, and her know that you want more of her.
Direct and honest communication like this will help her open up to you in return, and she will let you know what she wants too. This provides a positive feedback loop, and both of you will understand and fulfill each others’ needs better in the long term.
Mindset 2: Sex and love are inseparable
I understand that in some cultures or religions, talking about sex is considered taboo. They shame people who talk about it, and they view people who have sex before marriage as slut or playboys.
But, let’s be real and be truly honest with ourselves. Sexual desire is one of the most natural desires that everyone has. In fact, I would consider it not just merely a desire but an actual need.
So, I just want you to adopt a new mindset that you have full rights to express your sexual needs, and talking about sex is not something shameful. Dirty talk and sex can spice up your relationship and creates a strong bond. So, you should do more of it.
However, you want to learn what turns your partner on and off, so you won’t cross the limit. This way, both of you will be able to enjoy sexual activity and communication to the max.
If you are a total beginner, you can always start by praising your partner. Just let them know how sexy and unique they are. However, if you are uncomfortable about it, then, by all means, you can drop it anytime you want. You don’t have to force it.

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Fancy bringing something fresh into your usual sexual routine? If you’re in a long-term relationship and you're ready to take play time up a notch, or you simply like the idea of trying new things, talking dirty to your lover could be a good idea.
Forget what's in your pants for a moment. Your mind is actually your most powerful sexual organ – and dirty talk can activate the erogenous zones of the brain: the hypothalamus and amygdala.
Yep, the right words spoken at the right time can seriously supercharge your sex drive. To back this theory up, in a survey carried out by Superdrug Online Doctor , 90% of the participants felt aroused by erotic talk with their partner.
Having said that, if you’re shy or feel at all anxious, the idea of saying saucy things out loud might be a bit scary. But according to Silva Neves , an Accredited Psychosexual and Relationship Psychotherapist, articulating just what you want from your bae – and expressing how much you're enjoying yourself – can inject serious passion into your sex life. So how do you get started?
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to talking dirty. What’s important is discovering the type of language and vocabulary that you and your partner find sexy. Try the following 13 tips out for size and see where the words take you...
Anxious about divulging your darkest fantasies right away? There is no rush, so move at a pace that f
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