How To Swallow A Penis
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How To Swallow A Penis
InStyle is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.
Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show." She is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix .
Am I a horrible BJ giver because I don't swallow? It makes me gag and tastes gross. I am, however, very enthusiastic when giving one. Does a guy get upset when you don't? Can I train myself to like it? —Spit Take
There are lots of people who don't swallow. And, lots of men who don't care and think a blowjob is the greatest sexual gift no matter what. What matters is knowing your partner well enough to know what is important to them. Yes, you can learn to swallow, if that's what you really want to do. But unless it is someone really special (who has been tested) and who is eating you out like there is no tomorrow... why would you?
There are many reasons why men enjoy having their semen swallowed. For some it is the ultimate sign of acceptance and embracing them for all that they are. "Some men feel that swallowing indicates a degree of passion or acceptance or even love, and that spitting is rejection," says Ian Kerner, sex expert and author of such titles as Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man and She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman .
For others, it can be an act of dominance. "For some men, it also is a behavior that's linked to a fantasy of feeling powerful. So some guys treat swallowing like it's part of lovemaking, others feel like it's part of eroticizing a partner during sex," he explains.
While it is important to understand the preferences of your partner and to be able to work together so that everyone has a great sexual experience, the pleasure of receiving oral sex is not dependent on the swallow. Focusing on the finish ignores the talent and skill that is takes to perform a great blow job, not to mention the pleasure that provides. According to Kerner, "Oral sex feels great, but swallowing has little to do with the actual physical pleasure. The essence of a blowjob is friction to the head of the penis, pressure to the base, and lubrication to facilitate the process. Suction and tongue-work augment the friction."
In addition to technique, there is a lot to be said for enthusiasm and passion. "Beyond physical pleasure, the difference between a great blow job and a not-so-great blow job is the psychological stance of the giver, namely does she seem into it?" says Kerner. "There are lots of ways to be into something — sensual, sweet, passionate, powerful — and guys can tell the difference generally between authenticity and going through the motions."
In other words, you can swallow a river but if your technique sucks, so to speak, and you seem repulsed, you're not going to impress anyone. Showing him you're really down, with authentic groans and getting into it, will go a lot farther than one gulp.
1. Communicate with your partner about what you are comfortable with.
Let him know what you are comfortable with and, if there are circumstances that might help you to feel differently, what that might be. "It's important to communicate your likes and dislikes and also be able to talk about them and feel like you're both listening and being heard. Taking a sexual behavior like swallowing off the table shouldn't be a deal breaker, especially if a partner enjoys other aspects of oral sex," Kerner says. "Also, if not swallowing allows you to really enjoy the other parts of fellatio, let your partner know this."
High-level technique requires study. When you were in school, if you wanted to get an A on a test, you studied for it. To get an A as a lover is no different. Many people have a hard time putting their ego aside to learn about sex and anatomy. "Why should I? I already know how to give a blow job," you may think to yourself. But you can always heighten your partner's pleasure, give better orgasms, and learn new things. When it comes to technique, no matter how much you know, it is best to put your ego aside and approach this learning process from a place of openness and humility. There is no shame in learning, and asking what feels good — and what could feel better — is a good place to start.
Spice things up by going deeper than you usually do. Check out some tips and techniques from my column about deep throating to give swallowing a whole new meaning.
Make sure that oral sex is reciprocal, that one person is not doing all the heavy lifting while the other lays back. This can breed resentment and make a partner nitpick and focus on what he isn't getting (swallowing) instead of what he is getting.
5. Don't let up til the orgasm is over.
A really common mistake that people without penises make is to stop blowing mid-orgasm which can make it less pleasurable. If you don't want to swallow, Kerner recommends, "don't stop applying friction with your hand until a guy has finished ejaculating."
It's okay. You don't have to swallow if you don't want to. And, if you want to work past your aversion, that is an option, too. Here's what you can do.
You can use your fabulous oral sex techniques as a warm up to intercourse. Once things are hot and heavy, you can jump on top of him to take him inside of you (assuming he's consenting and game, of course).
There are so many places for him to cum! The world is his oyster... and your oyster is only one of them. He can cum on your stomach, your face, your boobs; roll over and give him your back as a palette if you want. He can cum on himself or shoot it across the room. Just try to keep his jizz out of your eye, which is not only mood-killer, but potentially dangerous. If that does happen make sure to rinse it with warm water, put a compress on it and check in with your doctor if things get inflamed.
There is nothing wrong with spitting it out. Just don't act like you are grossed out or find his juices repulsive. You can be so discreet he will hardly know. You should always have a wash cloth or tissue nearby when doing anything that involves bodily fluids, anyway. He'll be psyched about the orgasm (and probably that it happened in your mouth), and you can just discreetly spit it into the cloth you already have on-hand. Win-win.
If you want to get over your aversion, there is nothing like exposure therapy. Perhaps you had a bad experience with some "funky spunk" like Samantha did in Sex and the City . Maybe your current guy has a better taste than someone you were with in the past. Diet, health, and lifestyle habits can make a huge difference in acidity and taste. Another option is to let him shoot it further back in your throat so it does not hit your taste buds. Sometimes a bad experience — like a partner who did not warn you it was coming or one who pressured you to swallow when you weren't ready or didn't want to — can spook you for a long time after. Having a sensitive partner who lets you be more in control and doesn't pressure you can be very healing here.
For myriad reasons, you should think twice about any man who pressures you to swallow or shames you about not doing it. You should always have a conversation about STI's and HIV status before swapping fluids. People forget that they can catch something from oral sex but it happens. It is also okay to save something for a committed relationship... or, save it for never and straight up say no! After all, a sexual encounter with someone you're into should never be that hard to swallow.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
Posted on April 17, 2015
- By
TaMara Griffin
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
“Great taste, less filling” is the mantra for those who advocate for swallowing semen. Nevertheless, it’s like talking, chewing gum and drinking water at the same time. For many people, it ain’t happenin’!
Before you Oooo, aaah, ugh and say how disguising it sounds, let’s take a look at what semen is. It’s a natural source of proteins, vitamins, minerals, natural sugars and nutrients. Healthy semen, mostly fructose (sugar) and proteins, doesn’t contain any harmful chemicals. Besides, if it’s mild enough for a vagina, it can’t be any harsher in the mouth or throat. According to a report from MSNBC , swallowing semen has been known to lower blood pressure, enhance moods, boost the immune system, and lessen acne. Some people even regard swallowing sperm as a spiritual, cultural, and social “norm.” Not to mention that swallowing can create an awesome visual effect that will blow your man’s mind. So, with all the great benefits of semen, how could one pass up on an opportunity to indulge in one of nature’s great wonders?
Well, most people don’t like the taste. So, in order to get you to try it, your man may have to sweeten the deal a little — literally! Men, entice your partner to partake in your manhood nectar by eating naturally sweetened fruits like pineapple, mango, strawberries, kiwi, etc. Blend these fruits into a nice delightful smoothie and drink it about an hour or so before receiving fellatio and that should do the trick! Your partner will notice and appreciate the change in the taste. Also, eating such mouthwatering fruits will not only make your semen taste a little sweeter but it will also give you a boost of vitamin C and other nutrients as well.
Also fellas, if you’re a drinker or smoker, you might want to cut back on the booze and lighten up on the smoking; these things will make you taste bitter. Acidic foods like broccoli and asparagus will leave a bitter taste in your partner’s month as well. While this is no excuse to skip out on your daily serving of vegetables, if you’re looking for a little head this evening then you may want to forgo the extra serving of greenery during dinner. If you want your partner to go down and enjoy, it’s a pretty simple equation: 2 much acidity+ 2 much substance use = bitter semen. Bitter semen = no blow job 4 you! You do the math!
Okay! So, he’s eaten the fruit, cut back on the drinks and smoking and you’re still not having it. Well, it’s time to get creative and work together to cum up (pun intended) with some alternative. You need a visually stimulating way for you to get gradually comfortable with the notion of swallowing. Start by letting your partner ejaculate on your hand, breast, chest, chin, lips, etc. Another alternative to swallowing is catching semen in the month and then discreetly spitting it out into a small towel or letting it trickle down the sides of the mouth. (Having breath mints handy and popping one in the mouth immediately afterward will help with the taste as well.)
When giving head never gag or say “ugh” when the semen is in your mouth. Ladies, you know you wouldn’t want him doing the same to you if he got a taste of your vaginal fluids so try to be as considerate as possible. However, if it’s just that unbearable, excuse yourself and spit it out in another room.
At the end of the day (and before you pour out all your liquor, quit smoking and run out to Wal-Mart to purchase the #1 Smoothie machine), remember that the key to a successful BJ is communication. Talk with your mate or partner regarding your apprehension to swallow. Develop a “BJ” agreement — written or orally agreed upon — detailing the mutual dos and don’ts and make it something that both of you are comfortable with.
Keep in mind that a BJ can add a lot of spice to an otherwise boring sex life. But, more important than swallowing is the enthusiasm and enjoyment you put into blowing your partner’s mind. That’s what truly makes the difference between good and great head! To swallow or not to swallow is the question. The answer is totally up to the both of you!
Finally, guys, don’t get too offended if your partner won’t swallow your semen! Lead by example and show them how harmless it is and taste a nice BIG ol’ teaspoon of your own semen. Everybody say aaah!
DISCLAIMER : By no means am I promoting giving head to any and everybody! BJs are just an “extra” tool in your lover’s repertoire that you can pull out to “WOW” and share with that very special someone! And even if you’re in a committed relationship, make sure you know your partner’s HIV and STI status. This will help to keep the both of you safer by lowering your risk for HIV and other STIs.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, author, speaker and media personality with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, http://www.drtamaragriffin.com .
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InStyle is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.
Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show." She is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix .
I enjoy giving my boyfriend head. And not to brag, but I think I'm pretty decent at it. Recently though, he has hinted that he wants me to try deep-throating. In the porn I've watched it looks pretty intense — and I'm worried about my gag reflex. Any tips for how to deep throat for a first-timer? — The Shallow
I respect your willingness to swallow your pride, so to speak, and come at this with an open mind (and gullet). As you seem to already know, the gag reflex tends to be the biggest inhibitor of the deep throat technique.
Also known as the pharyngeal reflex or laryngeal spasm, the gag reflex is the contraction of the back of the throat that occurs when triggered by an object touching the roof of the mouth, back of the tongue, tonsil area, or the back of the throat. It is meant to prevent things from going down your throat that aren't supposed to be there, and to stop you from choking. The unfortunate truth is that our throats are not designed to swallow dicks! That said, some people have it easier than others in this category. Studies show that 37% of people do not have a gag reflex . On the other end of the spectrum, 10 to 15% of people have a hypersensitive gag reflex (HGR). Regardless of where you fall, you can learn how to deep throat if you care to. Consider these tips and then dive right in.
There are throat training exercises you can do to help desensitize your gag reflex. Keep in mind, this training must take place over time in order to be effective. Pick a phallic-shaped object, starting with something small like a toothbrush or your finger, and slowly move the object toward the back of your throat. When you feel yourself starting to gag, stop and try to relax while taking deep breaths in order to suppress your gag reflex. Try to hold it there for 10 Mississippis.
The more you practice this, the sooner you will see improvements. Once you are able to hold it there for the full 10 seconds, experiment with moving the object in and out slowly. This may stimulate your gag reflex even more. Make sure to keep breathing. Once you have conquered this with a small object, work your way up to a dildo. Hot tip: Do not practice this with a banana. It could break off into your throat and cause you to choke, which would be a very embarrassing way to go.
Positions that create a straight line from the mouth to the throat, allowing the penis to go there, are ideal. There are a few positions that are particularly good for this type of sword swallowing endeavor.
Whatever position you try, one of the most important things is that you are able to feel comfortable, safe, and relaxed with your partner. Feeling pressured or scared, besides creating a very negative experience for you, will lead to you tensing up the muscles in your jaw and your throat, which makes it less likely that you will get the results you were hoping for. Coming up with a signal that lets your partner know to stop is of the utmost importance, as is open communication any time sexual experimentation is going down.
When it comes to deep throating, creating optimal breathing opportunities and using breath to help you to relax are important ingredients for success. Stuffed up with a head cold? Wait until your sinuses are cleared out, then try.
Try experimenting with your breathing. Inhale as you slide him out, using that moment to take a breath. Try the reverse as well, inhale as he is going in and exhale as he is going out. Many experts recommend sticking your tongue out or flattening it in order to allow the penis to slide further down the throat. Keep in mind that this leaves your soft palate exposed and available to poking and prodding which is likely to trigger that gag reflex.
Go in hydrated like you are about to run a marathon. Dehydration is your enemy. You need saliva to do a good job. Putting some lube on your lips or on him can allow your mouth to go up and down smoothly which helps the whole process. If you are able to bring his penis into your mouth far enough, the back of your throat will begin to lubricate with a thick saliva.
There are many different tricks that are recommended to enhance your deep throat technique. They range from old wives' tales to more scientifically-based recommendations.
In order to feel safe and have a great experience, talk it out first. And make an ejaculation plan in advance. Are you comfortable swallowing? How do you want to be warned that he is about to cum — and where do you want it to go? Most importantly, like any sex act, this should be about wanting it. You should never feel pressured or coerced. With that? You're far from the shallow now.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
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