How To Stimulate Clitoris During Sex

How To Stimulate Clitoris During Sex

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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.

For as long as science has been aware of the clitoris, it has been the subject of much scrutiny, confusion, and dismissal.

The Greeks seemed to get the hype, as the word for the female organ comes from the Greek kleitoris , which has been translated as both "little hill" and "to rub." But that doesn't even begin to cover the treasure trove of nerves, blood vessels, and, in turn, the potential mind-blowing pleasure that it offers — right at our fingertips.

And that pleasure part is key. Casey Tanner , certified sex therapist and an expert for sex toy company LELO , explains that the clitoris is the only genital organ that functions solely for sexual satisfaction as opposed to reproduction. "The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in the tip alone," she notes. "That's twice as many as the penis, and yet the clitoris often gets only half of the attention, if that."

It's no wonder that, according to a study of over a thousand women published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy , 37% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse. And while you might think of clitoral and vaginal orgasms as two different things, we now know that what most of us think of the clitoris is actually just the external tip of the iceberg — the clitoris continues inside of the body, too. "Even vaginal orgasms are dependent on the clitoris, which is much larger than its visible tip such that it can be stimulated internally through penetration," says Tanner.

No doubt that's a case for learning more ways to enjoy the ultimate pleasure spot. Here, the best ways to stimulate the clitoris on your own or with a partner, according to Tanner and other sex experts.

Those same 8,000 nerve endings mean that the clitoris is sensitive in the best way, but sometimes friction can increase sensitivity to the point of discomfort or pain — especially when the clitoris is aroused, which experts will refer to as erect (yep, same as a penis), says Tanner. And although your vaginal tunnel is capable of creating its own lube when you're turned on, the clitoris is not.

For that reason, Tanner says it's vital to introduce a lubricant to stave off chafing and dryness. She recommends starting with a water-based lubricant (like LELO's Personal Moisturizer , $25 for 5 fl. oz.). "It uses natural ingredients, is pH balanced to prevent infection, and safe for use with toys," says Tanner. "A little goes a long way, so massage a few drops onto the clitoris and add as needed."

If you're new to clitoral stimulation, Tanner offers the following tips for getting acquainted with your clit.

Be mindful. Try explorative touch with the optional addition of a hand-held mirror. "Every clit is different, so notice the anatomy of yours," she notes. "Where is it in relation to your labia? How large or small is it? Take note of the clitoral hood, the small fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris. No need to judge or label – simply notice." After all, the more familiar you become, the easier it will be to locate during solo play, she points out.

Start with a super slow, gentle touch. "Even before you touch, you can give the vulva a little hug," advises Amy Baldwin, sex educator and co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast . "Cup the vulva with your well-lubed hand, and let it hang out there so the skin temperatures can acclimate to one another."

Try different patterns. "Use your index and middle fingers to massage the head in small, circular motions," advises Tanner, who adds that you might also enjoy rubbing the same fingers back and forth just slightly across your clitoris in small, straight lines, noting the difference in sensation.

Other motions to consider, according to Baldwin: kneading, pinching, swirling, stroking, tugging, and tapping on and all around the clitoris, including the labia.

Use varying pressures. "Experiment with pressing down harder as your massage, finding an intensity that feels stimulating without causing discomfort," suggests Tanner.

When it comes to the amount of pressure you might prefer, consider that the main factor in the sensitivity of your clitoris is the size of your clitoral hood. "The anatomical equivalent to the foreskin on a penis, the hood is the small fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris to protect its delicate tissue from friction," explains Tanner. "When the clitoris becomes erect, the clitoral hood retracts to expose the sensitive tissue to pleasurable sensations. Folks with a larger clitoral hood, and thus more protection, may be able to tolerate more direct and intense touch. People with a thinner or smaller hood may find that they enjoy a lighter touch."

And if you happen to have a larger clitoral hood, you can also manually retract it by taking your index finger and pulling upwards slightly on the skin above your clitoris, she recommends. Then, using your fingers or a vibrator, you'll notice the increased sensitivity to touch.

Be indirect. "If these options are feeling too sensitive, try massaging your clitoris indirectly, through your labia," notes Tanner. "Use your fingers to move your labial folds over your clitoris, and then try the same techniques again. If these options aren't stimulating enough, use a vibrator to up the intensity."

You can also simply spend time massaging the outer areas of the vulva, including the labia majora and minora and opening of the vagina where the clitoral anatomy attaches internally, recommends Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles .

If you're partnered: The same techniques described above can be used by someone else during partnered sex, either with a partner's fingers or tongue, notes Tanner. "Use directive language, such as 'a bit softer' or 'a little to your right,'" she suggests. "If you're comfortable doing so, move their hand to locate your clit, or show them where it is using your own hand. Introduce these activities by letting your partner know that you're learning more about what makes you feel good, and you want them to be part of that."

If you're a seasoned pro at jilling off, consider these next-level moves.

Try layering. "When playing solo, try massaging your clitoris indirectly, through your labia, to control for the sensitivity of your clitoris," recommends Tanner. "This technique involves using your fingers to move your labial folds over your clitoris before applying pressure."

Experiment with "broadening." In order to explore what different surface areas feel like on your clitoris, you can move away from using just two fingers and try using the surface of your palm instead.

If you're partnered: "When choosing a position, think about angling yourself such that each thrust or hand motion will also hit rhythmically against your clitoris," advises Tanner. "For example, ask your partner to lie on their back while you straddle them seated on top. Rather than moving vertically — up and down — angle your body forward at about 45 degrees, letting your clitoris rub against the shaft of their penis or strap-on." Another option: "Choose positions such as doggie style, wherein you or your partner have a free hand that can stimulate the clitoris with fingers or toys during penetration," she says.

Interested in incorporating some tech-savvy gear? Consider these tips.

Reach for a wand toy. There's no doubt that you can use a classic wand vibrator on the clitoris. Because the head is larger than a cylindrical model, it'll cover more surface area of the clit, says Chavez.

Try internal stimulation. "Thrusters or curved devices will stimulate the G-spot and can be moved from side to side and stimulate the internal anatomy of the clitoris," points out Chavez.

Explore with a clitoral vibrator. You might also consider experimenting with toys that were designed with clitoral stimulation in mind. If you're playing solo, Tanner likes LELO's ORA 3 ($169; LELO.com ). "It has a rotating tongue stimulator that mirrors the sensation of oral sex and can be applied directly to the clitoris for intense stimulation, or massaged around the clitoris for a slightly more gentle experience," she notes.

If you're with a partner: "If you're desiring more clitoral stimulation with a partner, try introducing TIANI 3 ($169; LELO.com ) in the missionary position," she recommends. "Insert the smaller arm into the vagina, and the larger one on your clitoris. You or your partner can then use the hand-held remote control to explore different settings and intensities."

No matter what technique you're using, do your best to be patient with yourself and how long it might take to reach climax. "Porn and romcoms depict people with vulvas orgasming after mere seconds of sexual activity, and this is not reflective of reality," says Tanner. "If your goal is to have an orgasm, it's not at all abnormal to need 20 minutes or more to get yourself there. Take breaks, or alternate between internal and external stimulation if sensitivity becomes a problem."

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Jasmine Gomez is the associate lifestyle editor at Women’s Health and covers health, fitness, sex, culture and cool products.

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You know how in A Midsummer Night’s Dream , Shakespeare famously wrote, “And though she be but little, she is fierce”? Yeah, that basically sums up your clit. “Research shows it’s clitoral stimulation, not vaginal stimulation, that is the powerhouse of the female orgasm,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner , PhD, author of She Comes First . In other words, clit stimulation is a must when it comes to mind-blowing sex.
Relationship and sex therapist Erica Marchand , PhD, agrees. "Clitoral stimulation is a necessity for most [people] to have an orgasm. Plus, it feels really good, helps [the partner] get turned on, can help with lubrication, and in general makes for a much more pleasurable sexual experience."
It's also a must for people who usually don't orgasm from penetrative sex whether that's because they're on their periods, find penetration painful, or simply don't get off from it. "Most women don't have orgasms through penetration alone—it would be akin to a guy trying to orgasm just from someone stimulating his scrotum and the base of his penis and never going near the head. Maybe it would happen sometimes, but it would be difficult!" says Marchand.
Sex therapist Wendasha Jenkins-Hall , PhD, also adds that the clitoris is the only organ on the human body that exists solely for sexual pleasure, so it's often the key to unlocking the female orgasm.
But given that your clitoral glans—that nub you can see on the outside, which contain the most nerve endings in the clit, 8,000 to be exact—can be anywhere from 2.5 to 4 centimeters away from your vaginal entrance, lots of sex positions won’t exactly do the trick, says Kerner. That’s why WH rounded up a few expert-approved moves that will hit all the right spots. Happy experimenting!
The Table Top position provides easy access to the clitoris, says Jenkins-Hall. "Either partner can stimulate the clitoris with their hands or a toy during strokes. Also, the clitoris can be gently pushed down to receive stimulation during the stroking motion." Plus, this position ups the intimacy, as there's plenty of opportunity for eye-contact.
Do it: You don’t have to do this one on a table—any surface that hits your partner at crotch height will do. Have them enter you while you’re sitting or lying at the edge of a table, counter, or maybe even your bed.
Modifications: If the position gets a uncomfortable, Jenkins-Hall recommends placing a pillow underneath of the receiving partner.
Want to feel every inch of your partner? Try this one. "This side-lying position is great because it provides skin-to-skin contact and the clitoris is readily available," says Jenkins-Hall. "Either partner can provide stimulation to clitoris while thrusting by simply wrapping their arms toward the front since both are lying and facing the same direction."
Do it: Both of you lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You bring your knees up slightly while your partner slides up behind your pelvis and enters you from behind in the spooning position.
Modifications: Since the position may make the clitoris a little harder to reach, the receptive partner should spread or widen their legs to make it more accessible, suggests Jenkins-Hall.
You already know pretzels taste good, but contorting your bodies into one can make for explosive pleasure. Deviate from the thrusting norm, and focus on friction for maximum results. “This position is about persistently connecting and grinding against each other,” says Kerner. That grinding action will help make your clit happy.
Do it: Lie on your right side. Your partner kneels, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around their left side. Have them enter you from here. This will provide deep penetration and easy clit access.
Modifications: Not feeling enough pressure? Have your partner lean back. “If they lean forward, it’s easier to manually stimulate you," says Kerner. "But leaning back offers the best angle to press into each other."
This romantic position is made with the added focus on your clitoris. You can give yourself a hand, or you can close the distance between your two bodies to go hands-free. “Rub yourself against them to get the stimulation you need,” says Kerner.
Do it: Your partner sits on a chair or the edge of the bed. You face them, straddling their lap. From here, you can control the angle and depth of the entry and thrusts. Plus, this position provides extra support, which is helpful for long sex seshes.
Modifications: Have them support your weight, then lean back for more clitoral contact against their body. “Think of it as them dipping you during a dance," says Kerner. "With that support, you can get a good rhythm going."
Get more bang for your buck. While this position is a natural for G-spot stimulation, it can be a winner for your clitoris, too. “When [your partner] is in a comfortable enough position, they can try to reach under you and provide clitoral stimulation,” says Kerner.
Do it: This is a modified doggy-style . To do this variation, get on your hands and knees, then, keeping your hips raised, rest your head and arms on the bed. Have your partner enter you from behind, while holding your hips for extra thrusting support. They can rub your clit from this position, or you can take matters into your own hands.
Modifications: If the thrusting makes it hard for them to keep their hand on target, have them grind against you in circles instead. Less in-and-out motion can make for a more consistent connection.
It’s an oldie and a goodie for a reason. “This can be nice if [you're] able to focus less on thrusting and more on connecting,” says Kerner. If you need a stronger touch, feel free to grab their butt and pull them deeper inside of you so that their pelvic area presses harder against your clitoris.
Do it: Lie on your back while your partner lies facedown on top of you. Have them enter you here, pressing close together so their penis or strap-on can rub up against your clit. From here, play around with the position a bit—shift the angle of your legs to change the sensation for both of you.
Modifications: Have them scoot their entire body higher up horizontally. “If they ride you a little higher, they won’t just be thrusting,” says Kerner. Instead, they’ll have to move their body down a bit each time they want to get deeper, which means their pelvis and the shaft of their penis or strap-on can massage your clitoris.
This move great if you want to have your partner stimulate your clitoris for you. “It may be hard to stimulate yourself because you’re on both hands, but they can lean over and reach under to touch your clitoris,” says Kerner.
Do it: Get on all fours. Your partner kneels behind you, with their upper body straight up or slightly draped over you. Again, this position allows for deep penetration and easy access to your clit. Either stimulate your own clit with one hand, while balancing on the other, or ask your partner to take total control.
Modifications: Ask your partner to lean over even more so their hand can stay pressed up against your clitoris , or transition from thrusting into smoother grinding motions. That way, you may be able to support yourself enough to get the job done on your own.
Feeling intimate ? This position offers the best of both worlds: ultimate closeness to your partner and plenty of clitoral stimulation. “Once you’re both comfortably positioned, you can get into a great grinding rhythm against their leg,” says Kerner.
Do it: From missionary position , without pulling out, turn together onto your sides, using your arms to support your upper bodies. From here, you get the same full-body press (good news for your clit). You can also try intertwining your legs here, for extra stimulation.
Modifications: One of you can slip a hand down south to get the most out of this position. “Since you’re on your sides, you have enough support to easily provide some manual stimulation,” says Kerner.
Opening up is a good thing when you’re trying to get off. “When your vulva is very exposed, there’s a lot of clitoral and inner labial stimulation,” says Kerner. Go to town with your hands, and focus on the visual of them sliding in and out of you if you need some erotic fuel.
Do it: Lie back with your legs raised all the way up and your ankles crossed behind your own head. Have your partner enter you from a missionary position.
Modifications: Do away with the hand action. Ask your partner to reposition their body a bit higher so that their pelvis is right against your clitoris, says Kerner.
Does it look like the dirty version of a move you’d do in barre class? Yes. Does it provide awesome sensations for your nether regions? Absolutely. Another perk Marchand points out: this position is perfect for watching. "The pinball wizard is great for being able to watch your partner do their thing! And al
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