How To Start Bdsm

How To Start Bdsm
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Home Love How to Start Your BDSM Journey?
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Sharon King, RD, LD - July 10, 2022 0
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Since we’re talking about the basics here, let’s start with the definition. BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. This is an umbrella term to describe a variety of kinks that fall under the same broad category. People involved in kinky communities acquire sexual gratification through physical means of domination, bondage, and submission.
The sexual art of domination and submission is not new. It has been around for ages and has evolved over the years to become an enjoyable sexual lifestyle. However, despite being a popular choice for many couples and singles in most parts of the world, and after even gone a bit mainstream with the release of 50 Shades, BDSM has managed to acquire a notorious reputation riddled with myths and false beliefs.
If you are looking to start your journey towards incorporating kinky practices in your bedroom or are curious about the bondage lifestyle, reading up on the ins and outs about it is extremely important. Knowing what to expect is the key to having a wonderful experience. Moreover, since BDSM is much more physical than other sexual kinks, reading up on a few things before getting started with your journey might save you a lot of trouble down the line!
A BDSM experience is far from the conventional dating scenario. Most people are either afraid of the concept of bondage and submission or reluctant to own their tendency for the particular lifestyle. Therefore, it can be challenging to find people who are into it as much as you are.
Thankfully, finding people who are into kinky stuff just as much as you are, or even more, it should be your prime goal. The online world is perceived as a far better place to admit to one’s tendencies, making it easier for like-minded people to meet and match. Even if you want to incorporate bondage routines into your regular sex life, ask for advice only at the best online dating sites . And if it’s not working out, you can always look for someone who can satisfy your lust for the kinky experience at the same place.
BDSM is very different from a regular dating experience. Carelessly jumping on the bandwagon might prove dangerous. You and your partner might even end up hurting each other in the process. Therefore, a few things need to be kept in mind when you’re starting with your BDSM journey.
One thing to understand about BDSM is that it does not refer to a single way of domination or submission. It is a collective term used to describe different types of bondage, dominance, submission, Sadism, Masochism, and other such associated kinks. Not everyone involved in BDSM enjoys every aspect of it. People have different definitions of what pleases them through bondage. Multiple couples might have completely separate and distinct approaches to BDSM altogether.
When starting on your BDSM journey, it is advisable to explore every part of the community to find out what and who works best for you. You might have a hunch for some parts already, but you can just as quickly end up liking the aspects of BDSM that you don’t know much about. You can learn what works best for you and what to steer clear of this way easily.
An extremely crucial aspect of an enjoyable BDSM experience is being true to yourself. BDSM, in essence, is much more physical than other dating and sexual lifestyles. Anyone who is not aware of the full physical extent of their BDSM tendencies can quickly end up hurting themselves or their partners. Knowing and sticking to what works best for you can mean the difference between having boosted energy levels and staying down for the rest of the day. Identifying what works best for you and your partner is extremely important for a safe, healthy, and fun experience.
While exploring new dimensions of BDSM, you must remain honest with yourself and your partner. If you are trying new things in the bedroom, be frank about the kind of impact they have on you. Rather than going along with something just for the sake of experience, you should stay true to how you feel about each new dimension of BDSM that you explore.
As mentioned before, a dominating/submissive routine can prove dangerous if you’re not careful. Not just that, having a meaningful BDSM experience is all about keeping things to the point where it’s enjoyable rather than pushing too far without thinking about the consequences.
While exploring new things with your partner in the bedroom, learn to identify your boundaries. If things become uncomfortable at some point, point them out or make a mental note to point it out the next time it happens. Remember: bondage, submission, and all associated kinks are supposed to be fun, despite their physical nature. If things are starting to feel tiresome and uncomfortable, you might want to reevaluate your boundaries in the bedroom.
Similarly, staying aware of your partner’s boundaries also goes a long way to having meaningful bedroom adventures that’ll please both of you.
It is natural to look up the internet for ideas to try in the bedroom when starting out with your BDSM journey. The internet will provide you with a lot of stuff that might sound interesting. However, it is essential to remember that exploring new ideas when it comes to BDSM works best with your partner.
Look up new stuff to try together and decide on the extent. Finding new ways to be kinky in the bedroom together helps define expectations and strengthens the bond as well.
According to The Guardian , BDSM is a collective term used for a lot of things. It is possible that you might not be into much of these kinks. It is also possible that you might be into all of these kinks. However, what matters most is that you end up enjoying your BDSM journey the way you intended to in the beginning.
Don’t perceive it as a one-time thing. It’s a lifestyle. Therefore, it pays off well to think about it that way. While there are many things to be aware of when starting your BDSM journey, the main objective is to have fun and enjoy the journey without worrying about the nitty-gritty too much.
Linda Raley is a Psychology Faculty student, a freelance writer on sex and relationships, and a relationship beginner psychologist-consultant.
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5 thoughts on “How To Start A BDSM Scene?”

I think the real problem that causes subs to misbehave is that there is an insecure feeling about how to start a nice evening.

Let me tell you how it started to go wrong with me and my former Master (and relation).
The only way I ever started a session was by saying 'honey do you want to come upstairs so we can cuddle' Well we started with cuddling and on the way we started with bound wrists etc.

Most of the time He started the 'moments'. Or he prepared a session or he 'dragged' me upstairs.

In the 4 years we had a relation I can count the times I did more then a 'come cuddle' on both hands.
I'm ashamed of that but I really do not now how to start from nothing. So the result was that I misbehaved so the evening could start.

After a while he found out that I used that attitude to get started, that i started to like being whipped. So he didn't whip me on the attention-calling.

In the meanwhile other things didn't work out that well which was the reason the relation ended.

Now I only can ask you the following questions hoping that you will do something with them and maybe the results will help many more subs and dominants with the results.

-Can you describe a few scenario's. Which say how to start, what things one can do etc. This will help people a lot. As well from the dominant view as well as the sub view.

greetings,
V
Getting started is always tricky, especially when you have one or both partners that aren’t completely familiar with how BDSM ‘works.’ Now, with that in mind, you need to remember something: no one is perfect. There is no one right way to do anything. So long as everyone in the relationship is getting what he or she wants out of the relationship, then anything can work. After all, you’re the only two in your dungeon and it doesn’t matter what anyone else might say.
But as you’ve asked, let’s talk about some basic ways to create effective scenarios.
*************************************************** Getting Started ***************************************************
Starting scenes off can be tricky at first, since it’s unclear who should begin. In my opinion, I think the Dominant should always start things off, but there are ways in which you can have the submissive also begin.
DOMINANT VIEW: The Dominant walks into the room and tells the submissive to prepare themselves for a session. This could be a command to get into a certain position or to go into a certain spot of the house. Or the Dominant bring out the slave’s collar and put it on the slave. This could be the signal that training has begun once the collar is on, the submissive will then be under the complete control of the Dominant.
The Dominant can also have a phrase that signals when training will start. Once they say this phrase, the submissive will know that the Dominant is ready to train. The Dominant can say something like:
“Are you ready to serve, sub?” or “Bring Me your collar, sub”
I like using a phrase to start a session, because it gives the submissive a chance to let Me know if they are ready to train in a polite manner. Even though, a sub should be ready to serve at any time, sometimes life just gets in the way.
A submissive can express herself by using a few polite phrases:
The point is to communicate this in a polite manner, so nobody is offended.
SUBMISSIVE VIEW: In many relationships, the submissive is not in charge of the scene, so they may not be able to start things off. However, you might also be able to signal when you are ready for a scene by putting on a collar or by getting into a certain position that the Dominant enjoys.
My favorite way for a sub to start a scene is for them to get dressed in one of their slave uniforms, bring their collar and crawl to where I am located at the time. From there they will take request position with their collar stretched out in their arms. The sub will then request “Is there any way in which this sub can serve her Master?” or “This sub has been having strong desires to be XXXXX. Is there anything this sub can do for her Master to hopefully receive this?”
This doesn’t mean that a scene will instantly start, however, as the Dominant is still in charge.
*************************************************** What You Can Do ***************************************************
There are a number of different things that you can do in order to create a scene, and what you choose will vary, depending on the goals of your training.
A typical scene might look like this:
The slave hands over control, in some way. This might be with a collar, bondage in some way, etc. The Master/Mistress takes the slave and tests them in the lessons they have learned in their training.
If the tests go well, the Master/Mistress might teach the slave something new. If the tests do not go well, the training from the last session might be repeated. AND/OR A Master/Mistress might try to punish the slave for not behaving. The session may end with caring for any wounds and debriefing about how the session might have gone better. Don’t forget some much needed aftercare , with lots of water and food to replenish your body.
What you will notice is that this is a very bare bones outline, and it should be. You want to leave yourself enough room to adjust to how the training develops.
One example of a simple scene is when a Master/Mistress tells a submissive to get into the dungeon and prepare themselves. The submissive does so, taking off any clothing they have been instructed in the past to take off, folding them properly and putting them away. The Master/Mistress then orders the slave to get into a series of positions. When the slave makes a mistake, they are told that they have one punishment.
At the end of the test, the Master/Mistress might have a punishment session for the slave to ensure they have learned their lessons.
What you will notice is that this is TRAINING. There needs to be someone to train, someone who is providing the training, a lesson to be taught, and consequences if the lesson is not learned. For more ways to enhance your slave training check out the Dom/sub Relationship Guide .
If you have an idea about a different way to start a scene, please add your idea in a comment below.
The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 19 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 14 years.
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By reading and accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are responsible for any use of the information in this article, and hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates harmless in any claim or event.
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I train my sub to repeat a mantra over and over again when they are away from me and they desire to touch the self. This programs the mantra deep in their nervous system to willingly give up their control quickly to me. I always have my sub kneel before me and repeat the mantra over and over with permission to touch himself until I feel satisfied and he is centered. The mantra is: I belong to my MISTRESS.
I give my mind and body to my MISTRESS.
I am grateful for the privilege of serving my MISTRESS.
I am a cock slave.
My wife/sub needs a lot of sexual foreplay before she will submit. When she gets in the mood I can do as I please
Thank you, great post. As a sub, this has helped a lot with asking without seeming to top from the bottom.
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I have been rereading your book over and over, each time I learn something new.
Thanks to you I finally realize how strong of a person I am!
P.S. just love all the new tricks I have learned

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September 26, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments
Once again the question unintentionally revolves around Covid-19. At first, I wanted to keep the questions strictly on D/s and BDSM. But it seems the less you talk about it, the more it dominates our thought processes – like the elephant in the room. So, even though the following question is really about BDSM and not about the virus, it really is. Or something like that. So here goes!
Reader: My husband and I are in a long-term vanilla relationship. But recently, with these new “stay at home” directives, we spend a lot more time together, so we both want to include BDSM play in our lives. Do you have any starting points, pointers, or references for us?
Good news! My personal experience is that BDSM relationships have the longest lifespan when vanillapartners discover this lifestyle together. This is especially true if the duo is entering the BDSM world while still in a fulfilling relationship. So if my “polling data” is correct, this move bodes well for you. Now, how do you start? Simple…
First, read kinkweekly.com (plug, plug) – and the archives — to get a sense of the BDSM verbiage and other basics. Once you know the ropes, everything will seem that much easier.
Second, determine who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. If you are lucky, hubby will go one way, and you will go the other way. If you both want to be Tops or both want to be bottoms, we are going to have some trouble. The easiest way to find out what you are (if you don’t already know) is to talk about what turns each of you on. Surely your desire to add BDSM to your activities did not come out of the blue. Likely you both have concepts if what BDSM is about and how you want to integrate it into your lives. You are probably more semi-vanilla than straight vanilla.
I would suggest you take the activity that turns you both on the most and plan out your first “scene” together. What follows is my suggestion for a good way to get into BDSM play. This scene uses easy-to-find, inexpensive BDSM implements, does not require extensive BDSM furniture and is fun and easy to do! And it entails light rope bondage and cropping which are among the most popular BDSM activities of all.
First, pick your safeword. “Red” is the default safeword. Then, get some ro
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