How To Sex Online
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How To Sex Online
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Consider these tips before you hit send on that nude.
Sex is a lot more complicated than it used to be, and a lot of the reasons for that have to do with how we conduct ourselves online. More people than ever are engaging in virtual sex, which means that private information is constantly being swapped and shared over the internet — and as you can probably suspect, security and privacy can become an issue.
So, what is virtual sex? Basically, it can be defined as any type of sexual communication that happens over a digital platform. It could be anything from sexting to a one-night stand on Zoom to sending nudes.
In order to determine how to engage in safe virtual sex, Iman Hariri-Kia, Bustle's sex and relationships editor, spoke with Alison Falk, founder of Women of Sex Tech. Here are some of the lessons to take to heart if you're going to be engaging in any kind of sexual activity online.
"If it's someone you just met, or someone you don't know that well," Falk says, "maybe you don't want to show your face. Or maybe you don't show any visible tattoos or scars on your body. It's also important to watermark the content you're sending."
"Whatever you put out there, you don't know where it's going to end up or what people are going to do with it," Falk says. "You don't know who's going to be handle that person's phone and you don't want to accidentally send something to someone's grandmother."
"I always refer people to Signal," Falk explains. Signal is a messaging app — it's free for everyone and independent (not owned by Facebook). Even Edward Snowden uses it. "Signal has end-to-end encryption, and what that means is that whatever data is being sent or stored is encoded. Signal supports video calls, it supports texting, and it also has disappearing messages."
Once you've sent the nudes, the conversation doesn't end there. You need to have a conversation with the person you sent it to and make sure you're both on the same page.
Everything is always hackable, so if you're going to send nudes (even if you do it safely), you have to understand there is always a risk.
See more tips on how to have safe sex online in the video above.
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Set up a phone date. While it's true that, as with any other kind of sex, phone sex can "just happen", the session is more likely to go well if you've planned ahead, especially if it's your first time doing it together.
Pick a time when you're both alone and free to let your inhibitions loose . Your plan won’t work if you're rolling around in bed, feeling hot and heavy, while your partner is shivering in the rain outside the library.
If your partner is new to phone sex or feeling unsure, consider sending them this article, or reading it together.
Don't forget that you can always discuss what you'd like to do during phone sex before you start.
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Let loose and get in the mood . It will be difficult for you to enjoy yourself if you feel tense or silly, so before you call, do whatever you need to do to get yourself comfortable and feeling sexy.
Let loose: Lie in bed for a while, browse the internet, have a glass of wine , jog on the spot, do a silly song and dance in front of the mirror -- anything that will allow you to release the tension from your body.
Get in the mood: Setting up a sexy atmosphere can help put you in the right frame of mind, so consider doing whatever you'd do to prepare for any other kind of sex. Here are some ideas:
Tidy up your room and make the bed
Dim the lights, perhaps set up some candles
Play soft music
Have a bath or shower (and a shave, if you like)
Think of a role play to spice up the call (you two skinny dipping, etc.) [1]
X
Expert Source
Nicole Moore Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
Put on (or take off!) your favorite, sexiest clothes, and underwear
Set out some sex toys
Turn yourself on by gently caressing your body, or thinking about your lover, or imagining sexual encounters you've had or would like to have... but don't let yourself get too turned on just yet -- that's what the phone call is for!
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Begin the call. Once you have your partner on the phone, take things at a speed you're both comfortable with. There's no "correct" way to have phone sex.
If it helps you relax, spend a few minutes chatting before you get started... just don't let yourselves get distracted from your sexy goal.
A low, soft tone of voice or heavy breathing can help set the mood, but don't force it if doing so is unnatural for you: speaking and breathing comfortably in your normal tone of voice will be sexier than an awkwardly forced attempt at sounding sexy.
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Introduce a casual topic that will segue nicely into sexy talk. Getting started is possibly the hardest part, especially if it's your first time! Pick a topic that's easy for you to bring up, but which has the potential to spiral into steamier territory. Examples:
How much you miss them, or wish they were with you
What you would like to do if they were with you
What you're wearing and how you look in it
What you're doing
How you're feeling
Ask your partner to describe any of the above to you
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Escalate into sexy talk. Once you have the ball rolling and you're feeling comfortable, try getting bolder with your descriptions, or bring up new, sexier topics. A good approach is to describe or ask your partner to describe, the following three things:
What you're doing : Describe how you look and the way you're touching yourself. Be as coy or as raunchy as you like!
Ask for "advice" -- for example, "should I start playing with my underwear?"
Tell them what you'd like them to do if they're willing.
Don't feel bad if you're not comfortable with touching yourself -- you can still let them know that you're enjoying simply listening to them.
What you're imagining : This could be, for example, what you'd like to be doing with your partner, a moment from great sex the two of you have had in the past, or a mental image of what they're describing to you. [2]
X
Expert Source
Nicole Moore Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
You might want to start out slow: begin with tame descriptions like "first, I'd stroke your hair" or "I really like the way your chest looks in a T-shirt", before moving on to steamier things like "then I'd kiss your neck" or "remember when you did that thing to me in the shower?"
As always, how explicit you get, and how quickly, is entirely up to you.
How you're feeling : Describe the physical and emotional feelings you're experiencing as a result of what you're doing and/or what they're saying.
Moaning is a great way to communicate how good you're feeling. However, there's no need to do this if you're not comfortable with it. You can start with just letting your breath go at first, to help bring out little moans into louder moans.
Let them know when they've described or done something you really enjoyed . Likewise, don't be afraid to tell them when you don't enjoy something -- it'll allow the two of you to move on to something else that you'll both find enjoyable.
Tell me about your sexual fantasies: Describing your sexual fantasies allows you to paint a picture of their fantasies. [3]
X
Expert Source
Nicole Moore Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
Let your partner speak out loud about their fantasies and you can do the same. [4]
X
Expert Source
Nicole Moore Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
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Masturbate and orgasm (optional). Mutual masturbation and orgasm are excellent additions to phone sex, but they're not a requirement by any means.
Don't feel bad if your partner doesn't join you in masturbating. If you don't want to masturbate alone, ask them before you start if they'd be interested in joining you. Likewise, don't get anxious if they start masturbating and you don't want to -- you're not obligated to join them. Just enjoy listening to them pleasure themselves.
Don't worry if one or both of you fail to reach orgasm . Think of it as the icing on the cake, rather than the goal of the exercise.
If you reach orgasm before your partner is ready to stop, don't go quiet! Continue talking to them, describing what you're feeling and imagining.
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Finish having phone sex. The point at which you decide to stop is up to you. There's no need to wait for orgasm -- or, indeed, to stop just because you've both come.
There's no rule as to how quickly you should end the call after finishing. Some people prefer ending the call as soon as their breathing has gone back to normal, whereas others prefer to stay on the line and chat.
Let your partner know how much you enjoyed yourself before you end the call.
How can I arouse a girl over the phone?
Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Don't be afraid to use your imagination! Dial up the fun by asking something like: "If nothing was off-limits and it would be great no matter what, what would you want to do with me sexually that we haven't before?"
Is there any harm in having phone sex every day?
Not really, no. Since it's over the phone, there is obviously no chance of pregnancy or STDs. Just make sure you (and your partner) are not feeling pressured to do anything you/they don't want to do.
Why would couples do this in the first place? Why can't they just do this in real life?
Maybe if the husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend is away somewhere and the person they are dating wants to do it with them but can't. In this case, phone sex might might feel like they are being intimate from afar. There are many potential reasons why though, it's personal and between the consenting partners.
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
This article was co-authored by Nicole Moore . Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University. This article has been viewed 4,959,115 times.
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This article was co-authored by Nicole Moore . Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.
This article has been viewed 4,959,115 times.
Phone sex is a great way to spice up your sex life, whether you're doing it because your partner is far away, because you're not ready to have other kinds of sex yet, because you just want to try something new, or for any other reason! To have great phone sex, you need to let loose, stop being self-conscious , and be ready to get turned on, no matter how silly you may feel at first.
If you want to spice up a call with phone sex, start slowly by speaking in a low, soft tone and talk about something that will segue into steamier territory. For example, tell your partner how much you wish they were there with you or describe what you’re wearing. Once you get the ball rolling and you both feel comfortable, start to describe what you’re doing and get as raunchy as you want. You can even ask your partner for “advice,” like “Should I start playing with my underwear?” As the conversation continues to heat up, try masturbating together. However, don’t feel pressured about reaching orgasm, since that's the icing on the cake, rather than the goal of the exercise. For more advice, like how to set up a sexy atmosphere to get in the mood for phone sex, scroll down.
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