How To Sex Love
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How To Sex Love
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Paisley Gilmour
Sex & Relationships Editor
Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ.
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This may seem obvious, but they're the difference between average and great sex.
How do we know how to have sex ? Unfortunately, we've been conditioned to think sex has to be shout-the-house-down, swinging-from-the-chandelier incredible every single time (and that it HAS to end in orgasms). And this, is one of the most potentially harmful myths surrounding sex that is steeped in so many levels of bullsh*t it's ridiculous. And it's part of the reason we're all wondering how to have sex properly and whether we're doing it right.
"The truth is, we all have so-so sex, even with partners who are incredibly special to us," says Lovehoney 's sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight. Annabelle says the first thing you need to know if you're wondering how to have sex is that "your sexual happiness improves for you and your partner(s) if you constantly develop your techniques." So, here's how to do that and have the best sex.
"It sounds obvious, but the best sex happens when you have a deep connection with your partner ," Annabelle says. "Half of cis men (48%) and 39% of cis women reckon that love is the most important factor in achieving sexual happiness, according to research by Lovehoney."
Whether you're actually in love the person you're having sex with or it's just a casual fling, a good connection undoubtedly makes sex wayyyy better because you'll be comfortable, relaxed and trusting.
"So, you’ve met that special person and are madly in love, but the sex isn't that great. The only solution to this is to tell them," she explains. "It's vital you keep the channels of communication open to enjoy good sex. Don’t be afraid to say, 'That really doesn’t work for me.'
"Talk about what really DOES turn you on, and allow them to do the same." If you do this in a positive way, highlighting what your partner does that you really enjoy, it can be a constructive conversation rather than one in which someone gets hurt.
"Eat the same meal every night and you will soon get bored of it. Why would sex be any different?" Annabelle says. "Too many couples get stuck in a sex rut where they do the same things, at the same time with the same results. Sex becomes routine rather than something special to look forward to."
So what's the solution? "Mix it up in whatever way works for you: pick a different room in the house to have sex each time; drive to the countryside and find a secluded spot; try having sex in the morning instead of the evening; or treat yourselves to a new sex toy, " she suggests. As long as you're breaking the routine every now and then, you're groovy.
"Very few couples have consistently great sex every single time. Most of us experience a mixture of fantastically great sessions, ‘ordinary’ ones and the odd funny incident throughout our sexual relationships," Annabelle explains. "Even couples who rate their sex life as fantastic admit only two to three sessions out of every 10 are sheet-grabbing material, so yes, enjoy the phenomenal sessions, but appreciate the good ones just as much."
The idea that all women and people with vaginas can orgasm through penetration alone is the biggest and most damaging myth surrounding sex.
"Most don't orgasm solely through vaginal penetration, with 7 out of 10 requiring additional clitoral stimulation to reach climax. The result is that men and people with penises have at least three times as many orgasms with a partner than women who sleep with men do. The rates for casual sex are even more abysmal: only 4% have reported having orgasms through casual penetration," Annabelle says.
So to make sure both partners are getting pleasure out of sex, she recommends turning to toys. " Sex toys are a great way to stimulate the clitoris and improve women's chances of orgasming. Plus, they’re not all intimidating and scary - kick things off with a clitoral vibrator , which is just as much fun to use on your own as with a partner."
"A lot of couples underestimate the importance of kissing, which is a shame because it’s the perfect way to establish intimacy, and is arguably the most important pre-sex act," she says. "Because kissing usually kicks off any sexual activity, knowing how to kiss well can set the tone for the whole evening. Whether it’s lots of tongue, no tongue, nibbling, light pecks or deep, romantic kisses, knowing what your partner enjoys is key to kicking things off right."
"For as long as humans have been having sex or at least documenting it), we have known that we needed lubricant. There seems to be an incorrect assumption that younger women and people with vaginas do not need to use lubrication, and if they do, they have a problem," she explains. This is obviously not the case.
Annabelle adds, "Lube just makes sex more fun (and comfortable, and safe) for everyone. It can decrease painful friction, it can help offset some issues that affect your natural lubrication, and it can introduce delightful new feelings during sex. Using lube frees up your mind to focus on the sex at hand."
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Romantic sex is fantastic. It’s all about foreplay, building anticipation, and connecting emotionally.
Romantic sex is all about sharing a moment with the love of your life.
It’s about experiencing something together. Savour it as best you can
Everyone loves being romanced every once in a while. Here are some of the romantic sex ideas for couples to rekindle the heat in your relationship:
If you want to have romantic sex, you need to set the mood. After all, it’s hard to focus on making love with your partner while your phones are blowing up, the TVs are on in the background, or you have a limited time to get down to business.
Create a romantic atmosphere by dimming the lights, putting on some soft music, and lighting some candles.
Kiss and build sexual anticipation by flirting throughout the day.
Make it a date. Romantic sex is best had when you have the proper time to devote to your spouse.
If you want to get the most out of your sex life, one of the romantic sex tips is that you must be willing to communicate.
Communicating about sex boosts relationshi
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