How To Seduce Your Daughter

How To Seduce Your Daughter

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I got intimate with my step-dad and it's killing me
I am a third year student in campus. I have some confessions to make. My mum and my step-dad have a daughter together. My mum loves him very much and she has always favored my step-sister over me and this has made me develop a lot of anger towards her. We are very close with dad and I always thought he often made passes at me but did not make much out of it. Recently, we were watching a movie and ended up getting intimate and now I can't get him off my mind. He also seems to have the same problem and I think he has fallen in love with me. I love him but I know that this will only bring trouble if my mum was to find out so I am looking for a way to end this. This is becoming difficult because I like him and the fact that we see each other daily worsens the situation. Please advise...
Now that you have gone to bed with your mother’s husband, how do the two of you behave when she is around? Even if he is your step-dad, it is still weird and unimaginable. Yes it is less weird than if it was your actual father but it is just inappropriate. I cannot even begin to imagine what I would feel if I was in your position. End this now please!
I think you are looking for a sugar daddy to spoil you by giving you money and other things. However, be in the know that you are looking at the wrong man. Suppose it was you whose daughter was sleeping with your husband? How would you feel? What would you do to your daughter? That very answer is what your mother will do when she finds out about this. And that liking and favoritism she has for your sister will increase ten times when she finds out.
Imagine getting a child with someone you are calling a father? A man who has slept with your mother? Why do you want to break her heart? This man could be having other affairs outside and could infect you even with HIV. Sleeping with somebody you call your dad is a curse to you. If you got a child with him, what would that child call your mother? Stop thinking like a girl who has never stepped inside a school, you are a Third Year student in the university. Concentrate on your studies as this man is only wasting your time.
By law, he is and remains to be your father. Your story is a bit ambiguous because it is not the resentment to your sister but the intimate love you have with your dad. The African culture and tradition do not support this and history will judge you harshly. Someone who sees your mother naked should never do that to you and at the very age you are. This is incest and an abomination. There are many single unmarried men that can date you. He is not the only remaining man on earth. Stop this to be at peace with yourself and with others.
This is one of those things in life that are just unacceptable. It is probably the highest form of betrayal you have both exposed your mother to and without a doubt, you ought to find a way to deal with this. I believe this is why you have shared your issue with us so before I give you some pointers as to how you could deal with this, let's put your situation in the right context.
The first and very solid fact is that no "love" can exist and grow between a girl and her father. Real dad or step dad, that man is your mother's husband and as such you remain to be his daughter. Indeed he can like you and even love you very much but not with the kind of love that would allow you to get intimate with him. You are therefore not in love with him rather you are only infatuated. It is common for girls to be infatuated with their fathers but this only lasts a short while then they grow out of it. Make no mistake about this; there can never be any true love between a girl and her father. But of course there can be many other kinds of love, just not the kind you are implying. He did this out of lust and you participated in it out of ignorance. If anything, it is in order to say that he took advantage of his daughter.
You both need to find a way of dealing with this but you cannot do this if you don't accept that what you did was unacceptable. Often, confession is the best approach to closure. However, in your situation, this may not be the best. There is no way you can continue living under the same roof with those two. Yes, it is about time you moved out and let them be as you try and find your way around this life. Living in that house will only lead you back to the same situation and the consequences are unimaginable. Have you thought about what could happen if you conceived a child with him? Have you even remotely imagined what would happen if she got wind of this matter or if she caught you in the act?
Please know that nothing good can come out of this and this is one of those situations you really need to quit while you are ahead. Talk to them about getting you an apartment so they can enjoy their marriage as you find your way through life. Yes, she may favor your sister over you but this should not be an excuse to mess her marriage. That man is not straight and it seems he can even do this with his own daughter. Like you put it, it is difficult because you see him every day of your life. Get a way out of that house and with time all this will end.
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S1: This ad free podcast is part of your slate plus membership.
S2: So you have your your own 16 year old daughter now and you’re wanting to talk to her about her sexuality, but you’re not exactly sure how can you explain why?
S3: Well, you know, I mean, some of that, I think is like that general male acculturation we have that it’s the mom’s place.
S4: So like if they’re going to have a conversation about dating or boys or whatever. That’s mom’s thing. And even though actually I’m really interested in my daughter and I are very close, there’s this part of me that feels like I should stay out of it because it’s going to be uncomfortable.
S3: It’s uncomfortable for you or uncomfortable for her. I think we’re uncomfortable over her.
S5: Adam’s daughter is halfway through 16 and is at that age where she’s starting to explore. Her dad isn’t the type to try and sabotage, though. He actually wants to get involved and try and help guide her. Relationships in high school can be trap doors. And he’s thinking he actually can teach her things that her mother can’t. But there’s this problem. He actually has to bring it up first and get his 16 year old to listen.
S6: Hello and welcome to MAN UP, I’m your host, a minus smile. And on this show, we crack questions big and small about manhood. This week, Adam’s dilemma.
S5: Adam obviously isn’t the first dad to take interest in his daughter’s dating life, for better or worse. But he’s not trying to control her. He genuinely thinks that he can help. We usually hear about the other kind of dad, the one who bullies their daughters into abstinence or harasses the boys that they date. Are you familiar with the rapper T.I.?
S4: I only only a couple of songs. Oh, are you talking about this thing in the news?
S1: Re-architect. Yeah. Yeah, I heard about it. Yeah. Yeah. He he. I mean he now said it was a joke, but he was describing how he would cart his daughter to the gynecologist to have her hymen checked. Yeah. And I feel like he rightfully caught flak for that.
S7: It was pretty cringe to hear what I know usually like the day after the party. She’s enjoying the gifts. I put a sticky note on it. Don’t get no tomorrow. Oh, great. You know, I grew up that way.
S8: And like, I don’t know what his religious or cultural background is completely. But, you know, for for me. I grew up around the idea that, like, once you’d given your virginity away, you were kind of damaged goods. Right.
S4: Almost like like you could do this, but it would ruin it would ruin sexual experience or like it would diminish sexual experience for the rest of your life because you didn’t have a pure relationship between a husband and wife with nobody else that intruded on its subjects. But that’s like an old type of thinking that I’ve sort of put on the shelf. So I can I can be in contact with it emotionally. But it doesn’t have the same effect on me that it had.
S1: Then I kind of had that image in my head of the overbearing father who when his is going on a date, will like bring the shotgun to the door and throw on the date to be like, bring her back by 9:00 or X-Y. Yeah. Did you always feel this way or did any part of you feel uncomfortable with the idea of her one day having sex?
S4: I think, you know, when she was a little or a girl like ten or eleven, I think before she hit puberty, I knew it would happen intellectually. But of course, she’s still my little baby, you know. And I think I kind of pushed it off more. But I think I think what happened for me is. The more that I began to hear about her peers through the grapevine, the small school culture were part of, you know, she’d share she’d dish a story about a classmate that was, you know, very sexually adventurous and maybe, you know, racing way ahead of her peers or whatever. It was like, OK, well, this is gonna happen. And so how do I help her have this experience where she doesn’t expose herself to a lot of gossip. She’s respectful of her own privacy. You know, there’s no pictures, video or otherwise that are floating around anywhere that will come back and bite her in the butt. So I got, you know, like I think I just kind of got over it like this is going to happen. So, like, help her get the most out of it with the least risk.
S1: It sounds like you’ve done a lot to to sort of try and guide her. I wonder if you’ve actually tried to sit her down and discuss that with her?
S4: No, not really. No, no, absolutely not. Like I’ve I’ve talked to her mother about whether I should talk to her other moms, like you should try. But like, it’s still, I think, really embarrassing. Definitely. Every now and then, I’ll tease her a little bit, because, you know, when she has when she has a guy over, normally they spend most of time in a room, quote unquote, studying. I’ll teach her. I’ll be like, good, you know. So she had an assignment. She and her boyfriend didn’t do that well on the assignment. And I said, you know, maybe you guys should change the ratio of how much study and versus how much make out you’re doing.
S9: And she was like she just put up her hands. She goes, stop.
S1: We started to get a sense of like how uncomfortable this could actually be. Yeah. Exactly. So can you just help me understand, like, what is the nightmare scenario here? Is it that you expect her to totally be grossed out and withdraw or what exactly?
S8: Yeah. You know, I mean, I think the things that are on my heart I really want to share with her are the two of them are really difficult. I mean, like they’re like. Yes. I mean, they’re like the triple axel in the father child talk about sex. And one of them is. Trying to help her understand that, you know, probably a lot of the boys that she will be with or want to be with probably are really, really ignorant about sex. And like a lot of them get it way too much information from porn.
S4: And so like if she wants to have pleasurable experiences or teen and young adult years, she’s going to have to be assertive, like she’s going to have to be willing to educate a guy and like set boundaries and be able to prioritize her own pleasure. See that how you talked about that? You know, like not I don’t know how to get there as a dad to two, a daughter. But I think the other thing and what I worry about, too, is that I think a lot of times young people seem to have a much more casual view towards sex than when I was growing up. And I worry about her putting herself at risk for sexual assault because she’s gonna put herself in situations where she doesn’t realize that she’s at greater risk than she does. She understands because she’s smaller, you know, and the alcohol is ever involved. Like, you know, just like guys can be dangerous. And like, you’ve got to be wary. You know, we’ll talk about it so much. So I always know if she if she really understands that.
S1: Is not having the sex talk with her. No longer an option for you? Why?
S4: Why do you feel it have to do not only a longer option. I could still put it off. Are you planning to? I have talked to a lot about protecting yourself around assault. And you know, she heard that like that. Like that conversation didn’t go so badly. She really listened to it.
S1: So do you feel like you can trust her in those situations? Do you feel like you’ve done your part?
S4: Yeah. I mean, I know that there’s gonna be things she’s gonna do and not tell me about C-6 for the.
S10: Yeah, but for the big stuff. Like I do think I can trust her. And.
S4: You know, she’ll get there, she’ll she’ll do something that, you know, like steps outside of that. But like, my big goal was just to stave it off as far into the future as possible. Like. Yes, she’s probably in a mess around with alcohol and drugs down the road, you know. But if we could if I could get her to her very late teens or early 20s before that happens, I’ll be ecstatic.
S1: So if your wife kind of has a handle on everything, like what can you tell your daughter that her mother can?
S4: So I think some of it is that my daughter and I are a little bit more similar personality style. So sometimes think like she might take me a little bit more seriously if I shared with some of this. But I think the other thing, too, is like just maybe understanding a little bit the male experience and like how males kind of view this and can view this in the like, the cultural pressure that males have around dating and sex and conquest. And, you know, just so that she kind of goes into that sort of armed. I was told, Cameron, that we had this interesting thing where there was a young man who she’d been really interested in and she thought was interested in her. And they were together all summer. And then he kind of started really pulling back and didn’t seem to have time for her anymore. And we could tell her heart was really breaking and she was getting upset and she kept making excuses for him. And I my wife was like, well, you know, maybe he’s really busy or, you know, you know, maybe you should talk to him about how you feel. And you’re like, Mom, you don’t do that. Like, I’m not going to presume that, like, you know, he’s he’s got time for me or whatever. All right. And the more I was listening, the more I just kind of was. I said to my wife, I said, look, oh, she can hear this, but he’s just not into her. Like he’s got his driver’s license. He only lived fifteen minutes away. If he wanted to say or he could make type work. How did you know? Because I was a horny teenager. What if I. There was a.. If there was a girl I wanted to be with. And I could make I could squeeze time into it. I would I would make it happen. You know.
S1: So you have like that valuable male’s perspective that might be able to help her understand what she’s really up against it at work to walk or to talk about it.
S4: Sure. Because like the way I the way I dealt with that is I just passed it off to my wife and I said, look, she’s not a door. She just kind of needs to move on. She’s get ready to walk. And I don’t know, I don’t remember or know my wife, like, really pass that on to her. Not like but she you know, eventually I you know, through circumstance, eventually, I think got the message.
S5: After the break, we hear from his daughter, M.G..
S11: Hey, UMG. Hi, how are you? This is Aymond. How are you? All right. I was just doing some homework, so I remember homework.
S5: And geez, Dad describes her as having a good head on her shoulders. But she’s 16. I get why you can get icky. We’re all socialized to believe that boys and girls are on opposite ends of the spectrum. So it makes sense that she’s thinking that her dad just can’t relate.
S2: So how would you describe your relationship with your dad?
S12: Me and my dad are really close. We’re very similar, especially like with our personalities and our sense of humor. So I think that, like, I feel like I can tell lot. I’m very comfortable, like I’ll tell you what’s going on in my life. But he’s still awesome, my dads. It’s like there’s obviously, like downtime. Everything but me and him are very similar. So it’s easy for us to get along and understand each other, I guess.
S1: No, I really like standing right next to you. Is that what you’re saying? All those nice things? No, he laughs. So I know that talking about dating in like talking about sex can always get awkward no matter who you’re talking to about it. How do you feel about talking it through with your dad?
S12: I mean, that’s definitely something I typically talk to my mom more about. But I feel like a lot of times dads stereotypically are very strict when it comes to their daughters, like starting to date. And my dad is actually like really open about it. And he like, trust me a lot. But he also there have been times where he’s like tried to, like, give me advice.
S13: But it’s just always really in control is just kind of lame. Let’s say that for my mom. But my dad tries. So I guess that’s what matters.
S14: So would you be interested in his advice?
S13: I mean, yeah, I am always open to his advice. But he also I like to make fun of him because he was like kind of nerdy when he was in high school. He was on the travel chess team. So what? Yeah. So I like to make fun of him about that. And like, well, I mean, like, at least I’m cooler than you, dad.
S12: I mean, I was a nice girl like you when you were in high school. So I don’t know.
S13: I think I’d like to make fun of him. So, yeah, I do take his advice, but I also kind of give him a hard time about it.

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