How To Ruin An Orgasm

How To Ruin An Orgasm

Some Essential Oils to Better Your Bedtime Routine
We Tried to Get Natalia Dyer to Spill 'ST' Secrets
Your Personalized “It’s Not Over” Checklist
Important 'Only Murders in the Building' Theories
The Best Beach Blankets to Plop Your Booty On
Everything You Need to Know About BDSM Edge Play
FYI, These Are the Best Spreader Bars for Bondage
Just a Bunch of BDSM Movies to Stream Right Now
11 BDSM Games Everyone Should Try at Least Once
Carina Hsieh
Sex & Relationships Editor
Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.

Rachel Varina
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona ) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries).

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Our 4-Week Oral Sex Challenge Is Right This Way
Today's Lesson: How to Take a Good Dick Pic
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
My Husband Helps Me Explore My Queer Fantasies
Elevate Your Orgasms With These Sex Pillows
Read This Before You Date a Virgo Woman
How Astrology Helped Me Embrace My Fluidity
The Sexiest Things to Watch on Netflix Tonight

Sex & Relationships

Three Things that Get in the Way of Your Orgasm

6 Ways to Have Orgasms More Easily

11 Ways to Have A Blended Orgasm

The Blended Orgasm

Ask Him Anything

The Full-Body Orgasm You've Never Heard Of

We may earn commission from links on this page, but we only recommend products we love. Promise.

This BDSM practice is for those of you who love stop-and-start teasing.
While some people consider an orgasm during sex to be the gold star of intimacy, for others, forced or ruined orgasms are just another way of having The Best Sex Ever . Granted, if you're new to a concept of a ruined orgasm , you might be at a loss for what it is, how to do it, and why anyone would want to experience one.
So whether you're interested in experiencing a ruined orgasm for yourself, just want to learn, or arrived here after falling down an internet rabbit hole (welcome!), here's literally everything you need to know about ruined orgasms.
A ruined orgasm is one that’s the result of stop-and-start stimulation and teasing, generally under the control of your partner, explains Carol Queen , PhD, resident sexologist at Good Vibrations . It’s an orgasm that doesn’t give you the climactic feeling of pleasure you usually expect from an orgasm.
Generally, if someone enjoys and eroticizes being in control of another person, they’d get especially turned on during this kind of play. Mainly because "there’s a feeling of power and pride when you are able to give your partner pleasure and choose when to take it away," explains Daniel Saynt, founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW) , a private, sex-friendly members club in NYC.
"The sadistic pleasure of refusing to allow your partner to reach orgasm is rooted in control—wanting to be in control of a sexual experience and taking ownership of your partner's orgasm."
While ruined orgasms are commonly seen as a fetish and/or a form of dominant/submissive play , Astroglide resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly , PhD, says she's recently seen this term used to describe orgasms ruined by accident as opposed to on purpose.
"For example, if you’re about to orgasm and your partner stops or pulls away, you might have an orgasm that isn’t as satisfying . Or you might be right on the brink of orgasm and your partner says or does something that turns you off," she explains. "In other cases, an orgasm might be ruined by your own thoughts as your mind turns to distressful topics. Perhaps you’re watching porn and you’re almost there, but then the WiFi drops."
That said, in this context, we're talking about a ruined orgasm in the BDSM sense. If you lose your orgasm or have more of a blip orgasm, we've got tons of recourses for you as well, so check out some arousal tips or info about how to have a more intense orgasm , if that's what you're looking for.
While both are more commonly seen in the BDSM communities, a forced orgasm means you *are* allowed to orgasm as intensely as you’d like, whereas a ruined orgasm is more about minimizing the pleasure you feel when you climax.
"A dom might stimulate a sub just to the brink of orgasm and then stop. Even if they do have an orgasm, it can be a let-down or less intense than an orgasm in which stimulation continues," explains Dr. Jess.
"For those who enjoy submission, the ruined orgasm is a reminder that their partner is in control of their pleasure and can strengthen relationship bonds," adds Saynt.
That said, as with most things sex-related, there’s definitely some potential of overlap, and you might experience both at the same time. You could have a dom “ruin” a forced orgasm as well, says Queen.
So, a ruined orgasm isn't exactly no orgasm or a lost orgasm. Queen notes that she’s heard of ruined orgasms also being referred to as “ejaculation-only orgasm”—aka an ejaculatory response that’s separate from orgasm (which, yes, is possible).
A ruined orgasm could also mean a weak orgasm. “The difference between that and basically being interrupted or distracted away from your building pleasure, and having a meh orgasm as a result, is the control/tease/intentionality part of ruined-orgasm play,” says Queen. And in other instances, a ruined orgasm = a better orgasm, if the sub truly has a fetish for this and is that into it.
While the start-stop tempo of a ruined orgasm might seem similar to edging , they’re actually pretty different. The purpose of edging is to have more pleasure for longer, whereas the purpose of a ruined orgasm is to take away from the pleasure in order to serve the larger purpose of control, explains Queen. Edging also happens to be seen more frequently in masturbation, which doesn’t seem true of ruined orgasms.
There are a lot of reasons why someone would want to have a ruined orgasm. "Some people enjoy the torture/pain side of it, while others experience an extreme amount of pleasure from the continuous stimulation after the orgasm," explains Mistress Rogue , a professional dominatrix and founder of The Dom House. "It can make the sensation feel even more intense than the orgasm itself."
Additionally, a female dom working with a male sub subverts sex role stereotypes that are ingrained in many people. And Queen points out: “Considering that many cis men may have had a lot of orgasm-centric sex in their time, this is a way to change up the playing field.”
The long process of teasing and drawing out foreplay and learning your physical point of no return before orgasm is also v helpful in learning your own arousal patterns and your body, which is good to know in any situation. You can take what you’ve learned about your body in a ruined orgasm session and apply it to non-kink sex as well.
If you're wondering why someone would want to be the giver in a ruined orgasm situation, it usually comes down to control. "People enjoy giving ruined orgasms because it's sadistic by nature, and if you're a sadist, you get pleasure from tormenting someone in that kind of way," says Marla Renee Stewart, a sexologist and sexpert for Lovers sexual wellness retailer and brand. "Most people know that orgasms feel great, so to ruin something that's supposed to feel great can feel great to the person ruining it altogether."
Take Rogue, for example, a self-proclaimed primal sadist. "I enjoy giving ruined orgasms to submissives who enjoy the torture because it gives me all the control to continue or stop their pleasure and suffering," she says. "It makes them beg me to stop or continue and it takes the submissive into a headspace in which I can push boundaries and get what I want from them while they are cum-drunk."
While ruined orgasms aren't as physically risky as some other types of BDSM activities (looking at you, breath play), all sex carries risks, and with ruined orgasms, it's mostly mental.
Dr. Jess says communication, negotiation, and aftercare are especially vital when it comes to ruined orgasms, since humiliation and control are often at the core of the experience.
"Some people might find this type of play a fine line between consent and CNC (Consent Non-Consent,) because part of the play is trusting the Top to continue the stimulation and also trusting the Bottom or submissive to use their safe word when it's time to stop or it's too much," says Rogue. "Make sure both parties negotiate consent, to know exactly when and where is a good time to stop the stimulation."
Additionally, Saynt adds that as with most things, moderation is key here. "The repeated flow of blood to your genitals may cause discomfort or swelling," he says. That said, as long as you find time or orgasm at some point, the feeling should eventually fade.
First, have a conversation with your partner about kink and dom/sub play. “Don’t just tie them up and begin tormenting them without a clear sense that this is something they're willing to try,” says Queen. That's a biiiiig no-no.
Start by addressing your wants, boundaries, and hard limits with your partner. Then, let your partner communicate theirs. If you both are on the same page and decide to give ruined orgasms a try, here's how to get started safely:
The resulting orgasm should be meh and not as pleasurable as expected for all that foreplay, which is the point of it being “ruined.”
When it comes to how to make a ruined orgasm better, Stewart suggests starting with a BDSM website or group to connect you with others. "From there, you can get tips and advice about what you should or shouldn't do, as well as learn from other people's stories about what it's like to have one," she says.
If you're already out there having ruined orgasms and want to turn things up, Stewart and Saynt recommend incorporating toys into your play. "The Lovers Wonder Wand is great because it's a lovely fit in your hand and it's pretty powerful for a sadist who likes to ruin orgasms," Stewart says. It's like the Hogwarts equivalent of taking orgasms away, which will pretty much earn you top makes in all things BDSM.

Sandra studied nursing and sexual health and is named one of the world’s top 50 sexologists . She founded My Sex Toy Guide in 2016, where she and a team of experts write about relationships, LGBTQ topics, and other sexuality issues. She has been featured in Men's Health, Wedding Wire, InsideHook, ThriveGlobal, and more. Linkedin Profile
Latest posts by Sandra Larson ( see all )
Our articles may have affiliate links, and we may receive a small commission for purchases made through those links at no additional cost to you. Visit our Affiliate Disclosure page to learn more.
Copyright © 2022 My Sex Toy Guide. All Rights Reserved
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Reject
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities ...

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
Let’s talk about how to ruin an orgasm!
Orgasms are the ultimate sex goal today. With no climax, many people feel less fulfilled, sometimes even depressed. Unsurprisingly, most people put in a lot of work to reach the big-O, while others can go through a whole lifetime without experiencing one.
But did you know many individuals enjoy a ruined orgasm? Yep, that’s the truth, and my husband Tim is of them!
For us, sex has always been a pleasure journey where orgasm isn’t necessarily the goal. It became even more apparent when we started with BDSM, especially orgasm control. Tim was surprised how much pleasure he received from me being in control of his orgasms, sometimes denying him one.
Let’s start with defining what a ruined orgasm is. Then you can read our step-by-step guide, and in the end, we present some tools for your ruined orgasm journey. Let’s go!
A ruined orgasm is a type of power play commonly found in the BDSM community. The dominatrix (yes, it’s most commonly a female) will make the male submissive very aroused and then suddenly back off. Hence he will only experience a low-quality orgasm or with almost no sensation. There’ll be no euphoric explosion whatsoever!
Ruined orgasms can accidentally occur as well. Many of us may have experienced it, especially when masturbating. For instance, I tried masturbating with a dildo when I was 18, but suddenly, my mom walked in on me, and I had to pretend I wasn’t doing anything under the sheets!
Through the years, we discovered adult toys have proven to be effective and safe. We have a vast collection of sex toys, for example, a Magic Wand, which we like to incorporate in our orgasm denial play. You’ll know more about our favorites later on.
Physically, a ruined orgasm is still an orgasm but not as intense or explosive as the real thing. There are no fireworks, and it can be uncomfortable, even painful for men.
A ruined orgasm can also be emotionally unpleasant, even humiliating. In BDSM, the sub has no control over their body, and though they want to cum, the dominant will ruin it, leaving him with blue balls or his cock throbbing. The master will distract, humiliate, or completely stop stimulating the sub to deny him physical pleasure.
In our case, Tim would often complain about it post-orgasm. I understand him because it’s a very frustrating feeling to have something within your reach and not get it.
Despite the frustrations brought about by ruined orgasms, there are still those who have a fetish for it. Some men, for instance, are into the tease-and-denial aspect of BDSM, while some want to be “pressured” or “tortured” into doing something to earn an intense orgasm. In fact, ruined orgasms is one of the most common kinks for guys .
Many of us have ruined an orgasm, accidentally or intentionally, for our partner. If done right, it can be fun, thrilling, and pleasurable though not in the usual way we know of.
Whether you just want to tease your man or experience ruining his orgasm, here are the things you and your partner must do before diving into this sexual activity.
Note: BDSM/Bondage are advanced sex acts, and you need to take great care when doing them. Any action you take upon the information on this website is strictly at your own risk, and we will not be liable for any losses, injuries, and damages. Learn more.
First and foremost, ruined orgasm is an advanced sex play that requires 100% consent from all involved parties. Not only in the beginning, but the master needs to continuously check in with the slave to make sure he’s ok at all times.
Trust and communication are essential, anything else is abuse, and that’s not tolerated!
We are cautious when doing BDSM, especially when adult toys are involved. I like it rough, but Tim has his preferences. For instance, he doesn’t want to be gagged during BDSM, so I don’t do this to him.
Defining boundaries and limits what you can and can’t do is absolutely necessary.
As far as a safe word is concerned, we use “red” since it’s easy to say and remember. You can also use colors, fruits, or any object, and there are also non-verbal safe words you can use, like dropping an item or clenching your fist.
Wearing lingerie is enough to make men crazy with desire. Leather is sexy, and the material speaks of strength and power. I also like lace lingerie in red and black, and they make me feel desirable, and the thin fabric gives Tim a sneak peek of my breasts and pussy. Read more about leather fetish here.
Sometimes my choice of lingerie depends on the kind of BDSM play we’ll have. For instance, if I play a nurse who caught her patient not taking his medicine and punishes him for it, I’ll wear white cotton undies underneath my nurse’s uniform.
I’m always up for extended foreplay. We enjoy long wet kisses and lots of touching. Whenever I’m in control, I start by kissing Tim’s lips, darting my tongue in and out of his mouth. After that, I will kiss his face, neck, chest, and tummy until my hands find his cock.
I also like giving my hubby a nice massage using his favorite oil. This pampering will also set him in the mood for something hardcore, and if I’m lucky, he’ll say yes to have a ruined orgasm.
Aside from a good old back rub, Tim loves getting a penis massage, and it’s a great way to make your man hard as a rock without causing ejaculation.
Now, remember it’s different from masturbating.
For example, I use a water-based lubricant to massage his cock by running my hand up and down the entire length of his manhood. I also stimulate his balls by gently stroking them with my hand or licking them. We sometimes use a Fleshlight which is very convenient for both of us.
Ruining your husband’s orgasm calls for creativity. Simply put, you need to develop different techniques that guarantee absolute pleasure in a way that’ll take him on the brink of orgasmic euphoria. My tested and proven strategy is penetration teasing.
I do it in the cowgirl position, so I have total control of the whole penetration aspect of our sex act. I guide his cock inside my pussy, start pumping away, and suddenly withdraw. Another is just to let the head of his cock inside my pussy.
A ruined orgasm will never work unless you know your partner’s body well. Hence you need to be observant. Learn your man’s body language, listen to him, and study his facial expressions when he’s about to release.
Once your guy shows signs he’s about to release his semen, i.e., the point of no return, you must stop stimulating him. Consequently, he’ll be releasing his sperm without much of the usual pleasure. Fun hihi!
The below sex toys can make ruining your man’s orgasm fun, exciting, and pleasurable. However, be advised that these toys can also pose hazards to your health when used improperly.
Make sure to clean your toy before using it and apply as much lubricant as needed. Once finished, wash and clean your toys and let them dry before storing them. It’s also vital that you read the instructions that go with your toy.
Another is to keep these toys away from the eyes and reach of your children!
If you’re looking for products for ruining your man’s orgasm, we swear by these adult must-haves:
Disclosure: This article has affiliate links, and we may receive a small commission for purchases made through those links at no additional cost to you. Learn more .
The cock ring is one of our bedroom staples for ruined orgasm play. This one from Lovehoney is our a
Kelly Hu Tits
Shy Bj
Doggystyle Cumshots

How To Ruin An Orgasm

Report Page