How To Rub Your Clit

How To Rub Your Clit
Updated on November 10, 2021 @ 09:00AM

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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.

For as long as science has been aware of the clitoris, it has been the subject of much scrutiny, confusion, and dismissal.

The Greeks seemed to get the hype, as the word for the female organ comes from the Greek kleitoris , which has been translated as both "little hill" and "to rub." But that doesn't even begin to cover the treasure trove of nerves, blood vessels, and, in turn, the potential mind-blowing pleasure that it offers — right at our fingertips.

And that pleasure part is key. Casey Tanner , certified sex therapist and an expert for sex toy company LELO , explains that the clitoris is the only genital organ that functions solely for sexual satisfaction as opposed to reproduction. "The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in the tip alone," she notes. "That's twice as many as the penis, and yet the clitoris often gets only half of the attention, if that."

It's no wonder that, according to a study of over a thousand women published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy , 37% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse. And while you might think of clitoral and vaginal orgasms as two different things, we now know that what most of us think of the clitoris is actually just the external tip of the iceberg — the clitoris continues inside of the body, too. "Even vaginal orgasms are dependent on the clitoris, which is much larger than its visible tip such that it can be stimulated internally through penetration," says Tanner.

No doubt that's a case for learning more ways to enjoy the ultimate pleasure spot. Here, the best ways to stimulate the clitoris on your own or with a partner, according to Tanner and other sex experts.

Those same 8,000 nerve endings mean that the clitoris is sensitive in the best way, but sometimes friction can increase sensitivity to the point of discomfort or pain — especially when the clitoris is aroused, which experts will refer to as erect (yep, same as a penis), says Tanner. And although your vaginal tunnel is capable of creating its own lube when you're turned on, the clitoris is not.

For that reason, Tanner says it's vital to introduce a lubricant to stave off chafing and dryness. She recommends starting with a water-based lubricant (like LELO's Personal Moisturizer , $25 for 5 fl. oz.). "It uses natural ingredients, is pH balanced to prevent infection, and safe for use with toys," says Tanner. "A little goes a long way, so massage a few drops onto the clitoris and add as needed."

If you're new to clitoral stimulation, Tanner offers the following tips for getting acquainted with your clit.

Be mindful. Try explorative touch with the optional addition of a hand-held mirror. "Every clit is different, so notice the anatomy of yours," she notes. "Where is it in relation to your labia? How large or small is it? Take note of the clitoral hood, the small fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris. No need to judge or label – simply notice." After all, the more familiar you become, the easier it will be to locate during solo play, she points out.

Start with a super slow, gentle touch. "Even before you touch, you can give the vulva a little hug," advises Amy Baldwin, sex educator and co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast . "Cup the vulva with your well-lubed hand, and let it hang out there so the skin temperatures can acclimate to one another."

Try different patterns. "Use your index and middle fingers to massage the head in small, circular motions," advises Tanner, who adds that you might also enjoy rubbing the same fingers back and forth just slightly across your clitoris in small, straight lines, noting the difference in sensation.

Other motions to consider, according to Baldwin: kneading, pinching, swirling, stroking, tugging, and tapping on and all around the clitoris, including the labia.

Use varying pressures. "Experiment with pressing down harder as your massage, finding an intensity that feels stimulating without causing discomfort," suggests Tanner.

When it comes to the amount of pressure you might prefer, consider that the main factor in the sensitivity of your clitoris is the size of your clitoral hood. "The anatomical equivalent to the foreskin on a penis, the hood is the small fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris to protect its delicate tissue from friction," explains Tanner. "When the clitoris becomes erect, the clitoral hood retracts to expose the sensitive tissue to pleasurable sensations. Folks with a larger clitoral hood, and thus more protection, may be able to tolerate more direct and intense touch. People with a thinner or smaller hood may find that they enjoy a lighter touch."

And if you happen to have a larger clitoral hood, you can also manually retract it by taking your index finger and pulling upwards slightly on the skin above your clitoris, she recommends. Then, using your fingers or a vibrator, you'll notice the increased sensitivity to touch.

Be indirect. "If these options are feeling too sensitive, try massaging your clitoris indirectly, through your labia," notes Tanner. "Use your fingers to move your labial folds over your clitoris, and then try the same techniques again. If these options aren't stimulating enough, use a vibrator to up the intensity."

You can also simply spend time massaging the outer areas of the vulva, including the labia majora and minora and opening of the vagina where the clitoral anatomy attaches internally, recommends Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles .

If you're partnered: The same techniques described above can be used by someone else during partnered sex, either with a partner's fingers or tongue, notes Tanner. "Use directive language, such as 'a bit softer' or 'a little to your right,'" she suggests. "If you're comfortable doing so, move their hand to locate your clit, or show them where it is using your own hand. Introduce these activities by letting your partner know that you're learning more about what makes you feel good, and you want them to be part of that."

If you're a seasoned pro at jilling off, consider these next-level moves.

Try layering. "When playing solo, try massaging your clitoris indirectly, through your labia, to control for the sensitivity of your clitoris," recommends Tanner. "This technique involves using your fingers to move your labial folds over your clitoris before applying pressure."

Experiment with "broadening." In order to explore what different surface areas feel like on your clitoris, you can move away from using just two fingers and try using the surface of your palm instead.

If you're partnered: "When choosing a position, think about angling yourself such that each thrust or hand motion will also hit rhythmically against your clitoris," advises Tanner. "For example, ask your partner to lie on their back while you straddle them seated on top. Rather than moving vertically — up and down — angle your body forward at about 45 degrees, letting your clitoris rub against the shaft of their penis or strap-on." Another option: "Choose positions such as doggie style, wherein you or your partner have a free hand that can stimulate the clitoris with fingers or toys during penetration," she says.

Interested in incorporating some tech-savvy gear? Consider these tips.

Reach for a wand toy. There's no doubt that you can use a classic wand vibrator on the clitoris. Because the head is larger than a cylindrical model, it'll cover more surface area of the clit, says Chavez.

Try internal stimulation. "Thrusters or curved devices will stimulate the G-spot and can be moved from side to side and stimulate the internal anatomy of the clitoris," points out Chavez.

Explore with a clitoral vibrator. You might also consider experimenting with toys that were designed with clitoral stimulation in mind. If you're playing solo, Tanner likes LELO's ORA 3 ($169; LELO.com ). "It has a rotating tongue stimulator that mirrors the sensation of oral sex and can be applied directly to the clitoris for intense stimulation, or massaged around the clitoris for a slightly more gentle experience," she notes.

If you're with a partner: "If you're desiring more clitoral stimulation with a partner, try introducing TIANI 3 ($169; LELO.com ) in the missionary position," she recommends. "Insert the smaller arm into the vagina, and the larger one on your clitoris. You or your partner can then use the hand-held remote control to explore different settings and intensities."

No matter what technique you're using, do your best to be patient with yourself and how long it might take to reach climax. "Porn and romcoms depict people with vulvas orgasming after mere seconds of sexual activity, and this is not reflective of reality," says Tanner. "If your goal is to have an orgasm, it's not at all abnormal to need 20 minutes or more to get yourself there. Take breaks, or alternate between internal and external stimulation if sensitivity becomes a problem."

by Claire Lampen Published: Feb 8, 2018
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When it comes to the clitoris, that old saying "different strokes for different folks" has never been more true.
"Clitorises are very unique! There's really not one standard type of stimulation that works for all women," says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School , an online orgasm course for women. And, considering orgasms aren't even on the table for many women without some clit play, figuring out what makes you tick is pretty important.
"In general, most women are divided into two camps: those [who] prefer direct clitoral stimulation, and those [who] prefer indirect," says Marin. To determine which brand of stimulation your body likes, she suggests starting with two different strokes: "First, try circling your clitoris with one fingertip, without directly touching it. If you want more stimulation, make your circle tighter until you start touching the clitoris itself."
Once that baseline for pleasurable touch is established, feel free to get creative. Here are six new ways to stimulate your clitoris you may not have thought of before.
It may be tempting to just zero in on the clit and start rubbing away, but that may not quite be what makes your clit tick. Try building sensation first. "If you like direct stimulation, try stroking diagonally across the surface of your clitoris," Marin suggests. If you prefer indirect, try stroking the sides of the clit and the clitoral hood rather than the clit itself. Mix it up by using two, three, even four fingers if you typically just use one. Experiment with different patterns over your go-to.
A light touch may be best, but instead of just stroking your clit, try playing around with pressure: Try squeezing the clit, gently gripping the skin on either between your thumb and pointer finger. Once you've established what degree of pressure feels good for you, try manipulating the skin by moving your hand up and down—like a tiny hand job for your clitoris.
Edging means building up to climax, but then backing off just before you reach the point of no return. When you finally do cum, the sensation is...let's just say, worth the wait.
That said, it requires practice: You need to know your body well enough to discern how close you are to orgasm and exactly how much further you can go before pulling back. Try it on your own before you do it with a partner: start slowly, and build up pleasure with light touches around your clit. Engage in meditative, yogic breathing to help pace yourself. As you feel yourself about to climax, switch from whatever rhythm's getting you there to something else: pulsing over strokes; left hand over right; one finger from two; broad circles from a diagonal. Tease yourself until you can't hold back any longer.
Sex toys are, obviously, a reliable way to get off; most readers, however, will likely be most familiar with the penetrative Rabbit-inspired models, or maybe the iconic Hitachi wand. But for couples play, it helps to incorporate something smaller.
"In most positions, you can squeeze a sex toy between your legs to get some clitoral stimulation," says Marin. "My favorite vibrator recommendation is the Minna Life Limon ($119, minnalife.com ). It uses a squeeze technology, so the harder you squeeze, the harder it vibrates. It feels more intuitive than many other vibrators."(Or check out Squish ($99, u nboundbabes.com ), Minna's collaboration with Unbound.)
Or, choose a hands-free vibrator—like Dame's Eva ($135, amazon.com )—that's designed to stay positioned on your clit during sex. For solo play, the Satisfyer Pro ($48, amazon.com ) is designed to mimic the sensation of cunnilingus using air pressure. Stimulating!
Don't want to shell out for a sex toy? Maybe reconsider some of the stuff you have just lying around the house. "A lot of women masturbate by grinding against pillows, towels, hairbrushes, or TV remotes," says Marin. In case you were feeling weird about humping your duvet cover.
Certain penis-in-vagina sex positions work better for clitoral stimulation than others— Women's Health has a whole list for your pleasure—but in general, any situation in which the clit is grinding against another body part will be more likely to yield orgasmic results. Think: rubbing up against your partner's thigh or pubic bone.
"When you're on top during intercourse, have your partner hold his thumb upright against his pelvis. You want it located directly under your clit. As you move, grind your clitoris against his thumb," Marin suggests.
But if you prefer positions that leave your clit out in the open, like doggy style, "touch yourself!" she urges. "So few women actually do this."
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Seventy-five percent of women need more than just penetration, sooo….
Meet your clitoris, the small and sensitive part at the top of your vulva. With its 8,000 nerve endings, it exists to give you some serious pleasure. I mean, you can basically credit that thing to any orgasm you’ve ever experienced according to new research .
“It turns out that all orgasms are clitoral,” says sex therapist Holly Richmond , PhD. “They discovered that the clitoris actually has legs. These nerve endings are expanding all through the vagina and pelvic floor muscles.” So rather than thinking about the clitoris shaped as a button, it’s more similar to a wishbone.
Most easily, it can be achieved by masturbating and experimenting with your hand or toys, as it’s actually pretty dang hard to experience one during sex considering 75 percent of people with vaginas need more than penetration to orgasm.
“Masturbating allows a woman to know more deeply what type of touch works for her,” says psychologist and sexologist Denise Renye, PsyD . So regardless if you’re single or partnered, to experience a clitoral orgasm, it’s important to take time alone to get to know your anatomy and touch preferences.
Some people’s clitorises are so sensitive that they don’t want to be touched directly but prefer circular hand motions above the external clitoris. Others want an intense vibration directly on the clit. The only way to find out is to explore, which luckily isn’t too daunting of a homework assignment.
Here are our favorite toys to nail that clitoral O
After you’ve explored what works for you, share with your partner how you like being touched. You can use your hands, have your partner rub your external clit, or add a vibrator to your penetrative sex life.
And if you enjoy oral sex, feel free to get comfy and allow your partner to go down on you for as looong as you want, girl.

you can use ice cubs= COLD!! tape=wierd
um id think she wants to use a dick.
something soft, go with that first.then ask again
Try a Miele washer/dryer. I'm just a man but I hear they work wonders. Try humping the spin cycle. It seems 2 work in Australia.
- Dildo - Twisted up towel. - Squat down and use a table leg - small clit-Vibrator - a tongue (my favorite) - Banana in a condom - vibrating back massager - Big vibrator (think Hitachi Magic Wand style) - your heel (clean) - Ice pack (wooo!) Did I mention a vibrator? - Washing machine on the spin cycle, according to legend. Don't know anyone that has actually *done* that though. Really, anything small enough to fit between your legs and isn't rough or spilntery.
Don't bother with the spin cycle. In order to get a good enough knock out of it, you have to load the clothes unevenly, and that can break the machine. And it only works on top load
Ooosex
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