How To Recive A Blow Job
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How To Recive A Blow Job
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A little bit of etiquette goes a long way.
Thank you for your interest oral sex etiquette. While it's true that women actively pursue a good time, performing oral sex is not the act of martyrdom some would have you believe. You see, a lot of women have an innate attraction to the penis, or at least think it's "neat." Hence, the creation of sex toys, folks. So here's your guide to making the experience enjoyable for all parties involved. It's certainly possible, if you study up.
A 1993 survey concluded that 55 percent of women found oral sex "very normal," 32 percent found it "all right," 9 percent found it "kinky," 4 percent found it "unusual," and 1 percent didn't realize there was any other kind. (Strangely, when subjects were asked about instant pudding, the responses were identical.) Another study from the '90s, the unofficial "Decade of the Blow Job," concluded that "twice as many women who went to college have given or received oral sex compared with those who did not finish high school," which clears up a lot of confusion about the definition of "liberal arts." According to sexuality educator Logan Levkoff, while many women do it simply out of reciprocity, "there are some women who love to give oral sex," wanting nothing in return.
Dr. Jack Summers, director of research for San Francisco's Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, says, "It's just like sucking a Popsicle. It shouldn't be any more ergonomically challenging." In turn, Ted McIlvenna, president of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, has accumulated reams of data on this very subject. Upon learning of 13 cases of whiplash, he determined that "when you lean over too much, the jaw can be inconvenienced." He suggests that anything that will make a man orgasm faster will help reduce the number of this kind of repetitive-motion injury. He says the "number-one culprit" of men not orgasming faster is drinking too much. So, don't.
The "number-one culprit" of men not orgasming faster is drinking too much. So, don't.
But perhaps the problem is bigger than we know. In his research, McIlvenna found that women were less likely to speak up about these things than the men he spoke to, many of whom took issue with the inconvenient placement of several public glory holes. "They preferred a position where they could be on their hands and knees," explains McIlvenna.
I've put calls in to every living woman, and I'm still waiting to hear back from a couple, but so far, the rest of earth's female population says that hand placement in relation to the head "is all in the attitude."
We understand it's natural for your hands to land on whatever's in the vicinity (head, shoulders, soft-serve ice-cream machine, senator, whatever), and some good-natured hair-stroking shouldn't be a problem. However, you must be very, very gentle. You'll also want to avoid using your hands in a forceful, demeaning sort of way. Very few women are into that. The fact is, you needn't feel pressure to do anything noteworthy with your hands. Idle hands are no longer the devil's playthings.
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Marissa Gainsburg is the Features Director at Women's Health, where she oversees the magazine's news-meets-trends Warm Up section and Love & Life section.
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The mighty blow job —intimidating for sure, but probably one of the best sex acts to have in your pleasure arsenal. Though taking full control of your partner's penis or strap-on can feel empowering, you may have sometimes wondered if your blow job technique could use a little improvement. After all, how do you give a good blow job anyway? Sex ed definitely didn't cover this.
Well, it really comes down to personal preferences. But for many, just getting a blow job is a huge turn on. "[People] love blow jobs because the act feels like sex, but it's a very different experience—they get to relax and receive and just enjoy what's happening in front of them," says Vanessa Marin , a certified sex therapist in Los Angeles.
Plus, the visual element of watching their penis slip in and out of a mouth really gets a lot of people going, Marin adds. Not to mention, unlike a hand job or even penetrative sex , no one can replicate the sensation of a blow job on their own (obviously). Your mouth is wet and warm, like a vagina (or a lubed-up hand), but your lips and tongue are living, roving, irreplaceable works of art.
It’s definitely not everyone’s thing (reminder: your sexual preferences are only decided by you, and no one should ever make you feel bad about them!), but when you’re really clicking with a partner, a blow job can be a great way to amp up affection.
"Although it may not seem as intimate [as sex] because there isn't as much face-to-face contact, the willingness to do this adds a level of trust and intimacy that is underappreciated," explains Kimberly Resnick Anderson , LCSW, a certified sex therapist based in L.A.
So, back to technique, what else should you know about blow jobs aside from the...uh...basics? Well, here's exactly how to take your oral sex game to the next level, according to certified sex therapists.
By far the number one rule for giving good head is actually wanting to give good head.
"The biggest complaint I hear from clients about blow jobs has nothing to do with technique and everything to do with their partner's enthusiasm about it," Marin says. "Recipients will have a great time if they know their partner is enjoying it." (Awww!)
"There's a big difference between 'they do this for me because I like it' and someone that is actually being turned on by giving oral sex," adds Anderson. "If someone is earnest and motivated to please them, that's 90 percent of it."
That's not to say you should pretend you like doing something in the bedroom if you straight-up don't. (In that vein, never do something you're not comfortable with just because a sexual partner asks you to.) But if you're considering going down on someone—which, if you're reading this article, it seems like you are—the best thing you can bring to the BJ party is a good attitude.
A few ways to show your enthusiasm:
A blow job might count as oral sex , but that doesn't mean your mouth has to do all the work. "I like to think of the mouth as providing wetness and your hands as providing tightness," says Marin.
If your jaw starts to feel sore or tired a few minutes into the job, you're likely suctioning too hard with your mouth. So shift some of the work to your hands, counting on them for pressure.
Here's your basic stroke once you've warmed up a bit:
If their penis is larger than average, you can keep your mouth in one place and move your wet hand up and down separately.
Then from there, you can mix up your hand technique a bit. Try the Wrist Twist: With your mouth on the penis (this is still oral sex), rotate your firm wrist in clockwise circles as you move your hand up and down.
Bring your other hand into the game once you've gotten your bearings. "Focus beyond just the penis," says Anderson. "Some people like nipple stimulation, touching their leg...make it a full-sensory experience, beyond just the pelvic region." When in doubt? Cup and gently squeeze the balls.
During one of the first blow jobs I ever gave (to a guy I'd been dating for five months, so we were super comfortable with each other), my partner told me to spit on him. It freaked me out for a sec, but then realized he just liked it extra wet.
While everyone has their own, ahem, moisture preferences, I've found that most agree a good blow job requires a lot of saliva. You don't want to go overboard to the point that your hand is slipping all over the place, but try to do some **sexy** spitting (read: make it subtle) whenever the penis starts to feel a little dry.
On that note, it's not a bad idea to keep a glass of water nearby to prevent dry mouth—you may need it.
When giving a blow job, your tongue provides the warmth, texture, and wetness that they can't get elsewhere.
To maximize this sensation, both Anderson and Marin suggest keeping your tongue soft in your mouth when you're moving up and down (the majority of your job), then using the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum—the underside where the penis head (if circumcised) meets the shaft.
Those two areas, especially the frenulum, are packed with nerve endings, so expect your partner to go crazy.
You can also use the flat side of your tongue to lick from the bottom of the shaft to the very tip and down again, or throw in a few tongue flicks.
At some point during my writing career in women's magazines, I picked up a tip from a sexpert (I wish I could remember who!) that has become my trusty signature move. (I almost hate sharing it, but in the name of better blow jobs for all...)
As you suck, try to keep your lips in a slightly fish-face position—pretend you're about to say "purple." The word naturally contorts your lips into the perfect head-giving pout: They're slightly curled and pillowy, which makes them feel wetter and creates ideal suction.
A huge factor of a blow job is the visual component, Marin and Anderson agree—presentation is everything, people! "If someone is on the bed and you're between their legs, try going to the side," says Anderson. "Think about changing the 'traditional' view." It also allows your partner to take in the full view of your awesome bod, so give 'em a wink and strike a pose.
You can also try placing yourself in different spots around the room—say, having your partner up against the wall and you on your knees in front of them. You can even place yourselves in front of a mirror so they can take in every angle. "Anything a partner can do to make it more visual" will be a win, says Anderson.
Deep throating—where you take the member so far into your mouth, it's in your throat—is definitely an advanced skill. Why? Two words: gag reflex.
Some people’s gag reflex is more easily activated than others, but if you're able to train it—I did by practicing on, no joke, frozen ice pops—you can surprise (and by that, I mean SHOCK) your partner with moments of deep throating.
Not only does deep throating feel amazing to them (your throat is obviously tighter than their mouth), but it’s a turn-on seeing their entire length somehow fit inside your mouth. (Back to that visual thing from the previous point.)
A word of caution: Ease into this, and only when you can breathe well through your nose. No penis is worth choking over.
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Let’s be honest: Even if you consider yourself a blow-job aficionado, there may be some techniques you haven’t tried or ways to mix it up down there that are low-effort for you, with major pleasure payoff for him. Whether you love giving head or it’s your last resort in bed, these tricks will make it a better experience for both of you.
Below, 10 of my top tips for giving the BEST BJ of all time.
Probably the most important thing is to be enthusiastic. Be into it. Even though it’s called a blow job (and may require some skills and effort), remember that it’s not actually a job OR a chore—and if it feels like one, you probably shouldn’t be doing it!
Seduce! Women tell their partners not to go directly for the clit and to instead build up anticipation—let’s do that for cocks too! Explore everywhere when you’re down there, not just his actual penis.
Keep a hair tie around your wrist just for this occasion. Not only will it keep your hair out of the way, but it’s great for the next tip….
It might feel a bit awkward or too intense at first, but try it—it adds a whole extra layer of anticipation and sexiness. Watch your partner watching you. Mirrors are also awesome for this and provide a bit of a buffer.
REALLY wet. I personally like to add a tasty treat by incorporating flavored, edible lube in flavors such as Salted Caramel , Mocha Java , Candy Apple , and more. Pro tip: They’re sweetened with stevia, which stimulates saliva production. You’re welcome.
Everyone is different. Often, a man’s preference is established through masturbation and repetition. Some have a sensitive head, shaft, balls. They may not tell you with words, but they’ll always show you.
This is also a personal preference thing, but please explore your options, since many men love having their scrotum licked and tickled.
Variety is important. You can start with some serious tongue action, flicking the head, and then lick your way down the shaft. Then move onto using your hands. Then suck gently. Then go back to using your hands—this keeps it exciting and him anticipating your next move.
Anal play is something many enjoy. Even if it’s not penetrative, your partner might enjoy some touching or tonguing. Do unto them as you would have them do to you: Ask permission, start slowly, and use lots of lube—that’s always the golden rule of any anal play.
For the grand finale, you have many options. Facials—when he comes on your face—are the norm in porn, but do what feels comfortable for you. Many love the visual, and this can be achieved by having your partner come on any part of your body—breasts, cheek, chin, or you can even give him an amazing hand-job finish.
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