How To Prepare For Anal Sex

How To Prepare For Anal Sex
Some super crucial tips for preparing your body before butt stuff.
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Zoë Ligon is a sex educator, writer, artist, and the owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique , which is based out of Detroit. She loves psychological thrillers, saunas, weed, and girthy sex toys.
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Butt stuff is an entirely different type of play from oral and vaginal sex for many reasons. Those who love anal sex are often appreciative of its highly intimate nature and the unique sensation of fullness it gives the receiver.
Almost everyone has an anus, and since the anus has a ton of highly sensitive nerve endings, it’s absolutely thrilling to try anal stimulation if you haven’t explored it before. Having said that, butt stuff should be something you choose to do — not something you do to please anyone but yourself, and certainly not something anyone can be pushy or coercive about doing with you.
While it is fun as heck when done right, there’s a whole bunch of misinformation out there about it. Because everyone deserves to have a beautiful bum experience every time, here are seven tips that will help you prepare for and then enjoy yours.
First things first: Figure out your safer-sex approach. Keep in mind that if you're not using a condom, anal sex is a higher-risk sex act , especially for the receiver. The rectum doesn't self-lubricate and its lining is more delicate than that of the vagina or mouth, meaning you’re more likely to tear something during anal than during vaginal or oral sex, and tears can allow viruses or bacteria to enter the bloodstream. HIV and hepatitis are easily spread this way because they're transmitted through blood-to-blood or semen-to-blood contact.
To minimize risk, you can use a latex condom (like this one from Sustain ) or polyisoprene condom (which is free of allergens, like the Skyn condom from Lyfestyles ) during anal sex with a penis or dildo, unless you can completely sterilize the dildo . You should also utilize dental dams during anal rimming, and nitrile gloves during manual penetration. (Of course, even if you are using a condom, many common STIs, including syphilis and herpes, can still be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact.)
If you're fluid-bonded with your partner — meaning you've chosen to stop using barrier methods, a choice that should be based on the results of comprehensive STI testing — it's still important to avoid transferring bacteria from the rectum to other parts of the body, for example the vagina. Switching from anal to vaginal sex without replacing the condom or thoroughly washing the penis or dildo can lead to a vaginal or urinary tract infection.
Your rectum is not a vaginal canal, nor is it a mouth and throat, so don't expect your anus to work like other orifices. If you’re going to be the giver of anal penetration, don’t fuck an anus like any other orifice. Not only is the rectum a canal that does not self-lubricate as the vaginal canal and mouth do, the entry is also "gated" by two — yes, two — sphincters. This means that you shouldn't dream of having anal sex without a thick water- or silicone-based lube .
It also means you've got to take it easy, at least at first. Pain is the body’s natural way of telling you to slow down or stop what you’re doing. While moments of discomfort may occur when you’re new to all the booty feelings that come with anal, sharper sensations are warning signs that something isn’t happening correctly or that you’re moving too quickly. Some folks combat this by using numbing or relaxing creams, but I urge you to avoid these at all costs. If you can’t feel pain, you won’t know when your body is telling you to stop, and you risk injury to your anal tissues.
Some people with hemorrhoids find anal too painful, but others find it can actually relieve pain (stimulating the butt draws blood to the area, which keeps circulation flowing). Again, it’s your choice whether or not to play with your butt, so if you have hemorrhoids, just do what feels right for your body.
Some people fear that anal sex is going to result in an explosion of poop. These fears are generally overblown, but it's not unusual to encounter bits of poo from time to time. Some people anally douche before doing butt stuff, but many of us don’t and it works just fine. In my opinion, it’s completely unreasonable to put your body through the douching process each time you want to do butt stuff, so unless you really love douching, there’s no need.
You can reduce your chances of encountering poop by choosing to do butt stuff when you know you’re not still digesting food. For the most part, though, you won’t see any poop unless you’re about to have a bowel movement. Feces are stored in the colon, which is where the rectum highway leads. Poop only passes through the rectum as it exits the body; otherwise, it just chills up in the colon.
If you find that longer phalluses that go inside you anally have a bit of poop at the tip when they're pulled out, that’s probably because they've entered the colon. It’s no biggie, but it is something to be aware of, and you definitely want to be more gentle the deeper you go.
Clockwise from top left : Tantus ProTouch $40 ( Shop Now )/ LifeStyles Skyn Condoms Lubricated Non-Latex $6 ( Shop Now )/ Sliquid Sassy Water-Based Anal Lube $8 to $20 ( Shop Now ) / Fun Factory Bootie Plug $35 to 45 ( Shop Now ) / Sustain Ultra Thin Condoms $14 ( Shop Now )
By now you know that lube is non-negotiable for butt play. A good sex toy, meanwhile, is an ideal tool for getting accustomed to the sensations of being anally penetrated. Even if you’re looking to achieve penetration with a penis eventually, it’s wise to start out with fingers or an anal-safe toy — and, again, so much lube .
A toy is safe to put in your butt if it has a flared base or another stopping point. That's because the rectum can suck things inside the body like a vacuum (unlike the vaginal canal, which ends with the cervix). The last thing you want is to end up in the ER with a vibrator lost up your ass.
Starting with small toys will help you become familiar with how your rectum feels as things go in and out of it so that you’re prepared for a larger thing, like a strap-on dildo or penis. For a great starter toy, check out Fun Factory's Bootie Plug (in the small size) or Tantus' ProTouch . Note: Keep in mind that you shouldn't use silicone lube with silicone toys since it can degrade the material.
While we can clench and unclench our outer sphincter consciously (try it right now), the inner sphincter cannot relax unless you are super duper chilled-out inside. If you’re the receiving partner, calm your mind, steady your breathing, and try to identify and let go of any tension you’re holding inside of your body. You or your partner should begin by slowly massaging the outer ring of the sphincter and surrounding areas until you feel the anus relax. Don’t jump the gun — you have plenty of time to get to the main event.
Your breath and mind are crucial parts of successful booty play. If you’re anxiously forcing something into your body, you’re just going to clench up more. Take deep belly breaths and let the residual tension go with every exhale. See if you can identify what I call a “tension cord” in your midsection: Some of us notice that this cord releases during the insertion process, and once it does, that's when the fun begins.
If you find yourself repeatedly tensing up, take a break and pick things back up if and when you feel ready to try again. If your partner isn’t attuned to your body's cues, it’s especially important to vocalize what does and doesn’t feel good so they can respond accordingly.
You might think that whatever you’re putting in your butt should enter head-on, perpendicular to the body, but this may actually make insertion more difficult. Approach the sphincter at a 45-degree angle to the body, and if you aren’t using your fingers as the insertable object, use an index finger to put pressure against the tip of the toy or phallus to guide it in at an angle until it “tips” in.
Once you’ve got a centimeter or so in, pay close attention to the way your body feels receiving and the way the sphincter is interacting with the insertable. If the fit feels too tight, ease out. If you feel your butt opening up and accepting what you’ve put against the entryway, slowly continue ease in. You can make subtle in-and-out motions if that feels comfortable, or slightly wiggle side-to-side to massage and relax the anus.
Anal penetration can directly stimulate the prostate if you have a penis. If you have a vagina, anal penetration can indirectly stimulate its sensitive front wall, which some call the G-spot. Both the prostate and this front wall are typically located about two to three inches inside the body on the belly side, so angle the insertable up and toward the belly at a medium-to-shallow depth to stimulate them.
Short strokes are ideal if you’re using a dildo or penis, and “come hither” or side-to-side motions work great if you're using fingers. Be sure to not prod or poke at this area, especially if you’re stimulating the prostate because it can feel incredibly uncomfortable for the receiver.
Even if you’re already familiar with "G-Spot" stimulation, you might find this new method of indirect stimulation even more delicious than stimulation via the vaginal canal (and I know many folks who prefer it, in fact). And remember that just because you're focusing on the booty doesn't mean you should neglect other parts of the body: Stimulating the clit with a hand or toy during anal penetration can make for a delightful combo.
At the end of the day, when it comes to anal sex, do what makes your body feel good. And don’t give up if your first attempt isn't immediately wonderful: This type of play can have a bit of a learning curve, so go at your own pace, communicate with your partner, and enjoy the ride.
Now, watch Rachel Bloom's delightful song about orgasms:
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FWIW, you could be doing it all wrong.
For a lot of women, just hearing the words "anal sex" can make them clench their cheeks and change the subject quicker than they can say "no, thanks!"
But it's 2019, people! If it feels good and you like it, what's with the negative stigma around a little lovin' in the booty hole?
Newsflash: Anal sex can feel good, ladies. Your anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that can make your orgasms so much stronger and more amazing than just a normal O, says Susan Block (aka Dr. Suzy), PhD, sexologist and owner of the Dr. Susan Block Institute.
So if you think you might be open to giving the ole booty-loving a test run, here are some things you’ll want to do to prepare yourself first.
Remember girl, this is your body and you are fully in-charge of what happens with it. "Just because your partner wants to experiment or try something new doesn't necessarily mean you're obligated,” says Block.
It's great that your S.O. is so open about their wants and desires, but if you're feeling uneasy about anal sex, talk it out to see if you can find some common ground. Maybe you're not ready for actual penetration, but perhaps you're open to the idea of starting with fingers and/or experimenting with toys until you feel ready (or not!) for more.
Incorporate anal play into your masturbating sessions, suggests Block. After all, you're the only person who knows what feels good and what doesn't. "Try to fantasize not necessarily about anal sex, but about the things that turn you on," says Block.
To get your body revved up, you have to get your mind right. So breathe deeply and relax, and think sexy thoughts as you're exploring back there. When you get to the point during your touch-yo-self sesh when it starts to feel really good, you'll have a better idea of what to try with your partner.
"If fingers are going to be involved, always make sure they’re cleaned, trimmed, and filed with no hangnails," says Block. It also wouldn't hurt to incorporate a ~sexy~ foreplay shower to not only get your juices flowing, but to also freshen up back there.
And as for the hair sitch? Totally up to you, girl. (As a kid, my father used to always tell me that if you look good, you feel good—and while he definitely wasn't referring to the grooming habits of my asshole, I think it totally still applies.)
If you feel sexy AF completely waxed, keep your bald eagle shining. If you feel like a boss beyotch au naturale , then that's your prerogative. If you're confident about the way you look down there, you'll be more likely to relax and enjoy the sensation you're feeling—regardless of whether or not you have a little hair in your crack.
There are times when alcohol makes sense—like, when you're ripping shots on your 21st birthday or drowning out your conservative uncle's political views during Thanksgiving. But your first anal sex experience is not one of those times. "It's best that you're in a sober mindset so you can not only fully consent, but also recognize what you can and can't handle," says Block.
If you know anything about the digestive system, you know it's probably best to not try anal sex right after you've housed a Chipotle chicken and cheese burrito.
“If you just had a big meal, it's not the best time to do it..." warns Block. This is your kind-of-stretching-but-still-trying-to-make-a-point-here excuse to not eat your vegetables (or any other high-fiber snacks) before anal sexy time.
You're not a GD porn star who's able and willing to take it up the ass sans lube or foreplay, mmk? Your booty deserves some prodding and attention before you go for a home run.
“Before insertion, there should be a lot of play with the outside of the anus, as it’s very sensitive,” says Block. After that, try inserting one finger at a time. “The first time might just be fingers—and maybe not even the whole finger," she says. Either way, take it slow.
Just because it's anal sex doesn't mean you have to take it from behind. In fact, for some women, doggy style can be the most painful position, since it's reportedly the position where men can penetrate the deepest. For your first time, Block recommends lying on your back with a pillow under your butt, similar to a comfortable missionary style. You can also try it while spooning, but be prepared for some awkward falling out and re-adjusting.
Although the vagina is self-lubricating, the backdoor unfortunately doesn't have that same luxury. Silicone lube is your friend since it will last the longest (but if you're using a condom, go with water-based lube, which won't break down latex). The more you use, the more slidey, glidey, easier, and less painful the experience will be.
“Just because you're having anal sex doesn't mean the rest of your body is not involved,” says Block. Make it more fun by stimulating other areas of the body because, like, it doesn't have to be entirely all about ~dat ass~. Encourage your partner to pay close attention to your clitoris, nipples, neck, and anywhere else that feels good—as these erogenous zones can help distract from the pressure you're feeling in your booty.
Make sure you’re practicing safe sex, says Block. You’re obviously not going to get pregnant from anal, but there’s plenty of other stuff that you definitely don’t want transferred...like a potential STI. If your partner has a penis, make sure he’s wearing a condom and opts for water-based lube.
Let your partner know how it's feeling—the good, bad, and ugly. “You should always let your partner know if they need to stop, pull back, keep going, or if it hurts. And you should also let your partner knows if it feels good for good measure,” says Block.

Prepare To Have The Best Anal Sex Of Your Life

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There's a lot that goes into having anal sex (see what I did there?). If your partner has never done it before, for example, you'll want to do everything in your power to make it a positive experience, so that the two of you can work back door into you
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