How To Orgasm Without Touching

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How To Orgasm Without Touching
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Learning How to Orgasm Without Any Touching
If you want to make yourself come with your mind, the key is mental gymnastics and guided breathing.
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I am grinding my pelvis in semicircles whilst l lie on the floor, imagining a red light is glowing out of my perineum. Around me twelve strangers moan while doing the same. I'm in an energygasm workshop , trying to induce a hands-free orgasm with only the power of my mind.
Gayatri Beegan, our instructor, paces the room barefoot in a black lace blouse and patterned tights. "Focus on the circularity of your breathing! Inhale through the nose and exhale through open mouths!" I stare up at the whitewashed wooden vaulted roof above me and try not to hyperventilate.
I've been sent to cover the tantric workshop on a blustery afternoon in South London. We're approaching the climax of the session, and visualizing the red light emanating from our base chakra (the perineum) is the first step in the process of energygasm.
Weirdly, despite the fact that I'm making sex noises in a room full of people, I don't feel embarrassed. We're three hours into the workshop, and most of this time has been spent building trust with other participants as well as learning the techniques used to achieve energygasm, so I'm pretty chill, actually.
Holding hands with the participants of the energygasm workshop. Photos by Steph Wilson
Arriving at the workshop earlier that afternoon, I felt very differently. Pulling Gayatri aside for a chat before it begins, I confide that I'm terrified and spent the journey here trying to think of excuses to give my editor so I didn't have to go. Gayatri, a petite woman in her mid-forties, addresses my concerns in warm Scottish tones that give way often to an unexpectedly wonderful, full-throated chesty laugh.
"I was the same before my first energygasm!" she reassures me. "It was part of my training with [famous tantra practitioner] Barbara Carrellas , and I'd been dreading it. I was so scared I'd just be lying there like a stone whilst everyone else had these hugely ecstatic experiences, and it would be really embarrassing. And instead the energygasm opened up something tremendous inside me, and I had a vision of myself leading roomfuls of people towards orgasm. Since then I've run these workshops with over 400 people."
We watch as she experiences a full-on orgasm without touching herself. I'm 100 percent certain she wasn't faking it.
I ask her about her biggest individual group. "Probably leading 50 people, all in orgasmic experience at the same time. That was quite something." Her eyes glaze over in misty remembrance. I gulp down chai.
By this point people are trickling in, arranging yoga mats in a semi-circle around the room. I chat with a red-haired woman wearing Hand of Fatima earrings. She tells me that she wishes people would feel less shame around orgasm, before evangelizing about other tantra sessions she's attended with Gayatri.
As it turns out, most of the class (which ranges in age from early twenties through to people in their sixties) have encountered Gayatri previously, at festivals or specialist tantra workshops. As they enter she greets them by name and hugs each of them individually for what looks to me like a strangely long time.
Gayatri, the Energygasm workshop instructor.
The session begins with us sitting in a semi-circle and introducing ourselves to the group. I explain I'm here to cover the class for Broadly, but won't be describing anyone's experiences other than my own—a key condition of my being allowed to attend. After introductions are finished, we set an intention for what we hope to achieve today. I close my eyes. "I vow to keep an open mind."
Now for some trust-building exercises. We're asked to lock eye contact with another person in the room. "Welcome them with your eyes!" Gayatri urges. Maintaining eye contact with a complete stranger is oddly intimate. I fight the urge to laugh nervously as I welcome a green-haired girl to the room with my eyes.
We're taught chakra breathing as well as learning to focus our energy on the individual chakras within our body. This means breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth with no gaps in between, in what Gayatri calls a "circular breath." After practicing our chakra breaths, we close our eyes and imagine an entire universe circulating within the tip of our little finger.
I'm struggling badly at this point. I don't practice mindfulness or tantra, and sitting still for this long is alien to me. I find myself worrying I left my bag too close to the radiator and that the prawn salad inside it is going to go bad. I shove the thought out of reach, as if forcing an overflowing wardrobe door shut, and go back to imagining the Milky Way in my pinkie finger.
After two hours we break for tea, then it's back to class and we launch straight into some movement exercises. Gayatri hits play on Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On."
"Rock your hips in a figure of eight!" she bellows. "Repeat after me, I am sexy!"
"I AM SEXY!" I bellow whilst thrusting manically.
We do a frantic pelvic dance around her.
"Now, turn to the person next to you and say, YOU ARE ORGASMIC!"
I bounce up and down like an obscene lottery ball and shout "YOU ARE ORGASMIC!" at an unassuming man with glasses. I love this.
I'm getting really into it, so it's disappointing when Gayatri turns off the music and beckons for us to sit down.
Alongside breathing, energy, and movement, sound is the final component of an energygasm. Which means practicing our orgasmic sounds in a group chanting session, led by Gayatri.
Gayatri walks around us, telling us at what point to breathe, when to clench our PC muscles, urging us to chant louder in orgasmic sound.
Look, I could describe this for you, but what's the point? It sounded exactly how, reading this right now, you're imagining it sounded. I close my eyes and emit a monotone groan, imagining I'm scoring a porno soundtrack for the visually impaired.
After learning the final aspect of energygasm (clenching our PC muscle, which is the muscle that stops you peeing, basically), we're ready to move onto the actual process of achieving energygasm ourselves. Firstly, Gayatri gives us a demo. She moves a sheepskin rug to the centre of the circle. A dimmed hush ensues. We watch as she experiences a full-on orgasm without touching herself. I'm 100 percent certain she wasn't faking it.
The vibe is unsexy—it doesn't feel seedy at all. I find myself thinking how cool it is that Gayatri's so comfortable with her body, and I reflect on how social conditioning makes us feel like even talking about sex is wrong. I remember what the woman wearing Hand of Fatima earrings said earlier about wanting to break the taboo about orgasm. I get what she means now.
I start to feel a delicious sensation drifting through my body, a woozy, disconnected feeling.
By now it's darkening outside, and candles flicker in the dimly lit studio as we position ourselves on blankets on the floor and prepare for energygasm. Shamanic healing music blares out. We grind our hips whilst imagining a red light glowing out of our base chakra. Gayatri walks around us, telling us at what point to breathe, when to clench our PC muscles, urging us to chant louder in orgasmic sound.
I start to feel a delicious sensation drifting through my body, a woozy, disconnected feeling. The room seems warm; inviting. I feel floaty. I know this feeling. I love this feeling.
When I wake up Gayatri is tucking a blanket over me with a smile. I wonder if she knows I fell asleep. The rest of the class recline in post-energygasm bliss. I feel fucking great. I love napping.
Everyone I spoke to after the session told me they'd experienced something profound, although it's worth pointing out that an energygasm isn't the same as a sexual orgasm—if you're a dude you're not going to spunk in your pants. To be fair, I think a person more open to the experience than me (despite my best intentions) would have had better results. As well as being the sort of person who can fall asleep literally anywhere, I'd also been out drinking until pretty late the night before and had slept badly.
We wind up with a prayer for peace. Standing in a room full of strangers, holding hands, I'm struck by something amazing. There's a tangible sense of something in this room, bonding the people standing together. Not friendship, exactly, but community. Compassion.
As I leave, I hug each person in the room in turn, tightly and for a really long time. Only it doesn't feel like an abnormally long time to be holding someone in your arms. It just feels pretty nice, actually. If i've learnt anything from today, it's how to give better hugs.
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Reina Gattuso is a feminist journalist covering food, sex, and politics.
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Many of us have woken up from a sexy dream, throbbing with excitement. Some of us are even luckier, and can climax from nipple stimulation , or dry humping, or even intense genital-free makeouts. Sex worker, artist, sexologist, and world-famous sex legend Annie Sprinkle details seven types of female orgasm on her website, including some that happen without touch. But when my friend—an everyday, sex-positive lady—told me she could have orgasms without touching herself, I had to learn more.
There’s a well-worn cliche about chocolate being orgasmic (“It’s so good you’ll cum ,” bonbon ads basically tell us), so when this friend of mine mentioned that getting stoned and eating Nutella actually made her orgasm, I thought it was just a figure of speech.
“No,” she said. “I mean real orgasms. Genital and all-body.”
Being the intrepid journalist that I am, I had to get to the bottom of this. Is it possible to orgasm without genital contact? And if so—how could I get in on it?
When Beverly Whipple learned some women could have no-touch orgasms, she was as amazed as me. A pioneering sex researcher and professor emerita at Rutgers University, Whipple designed a study.
“We had women come to my human physiology laboratory at Rutgers University, and had them experience orgasm from genital self-stimulation and also from imagery alone,” Whipple says. “We found there was not a physiological difference between orgasm from genital stimulation and orgasm from imagery.”
The women who came without genital touch experienced the same increased heart rate, the same pupil dilation, and same increased pain tolerance as when masturbating. The same parts of their brains lit up.
But Whipple couldn’t figure out exactly what the women were getting off to. “I tried to get the women to tell me what they were imagining, but they just couldn’t do it,” Whipple says. “Either I wasn’t good at getting them to talk, or they just couldn’t tell me about it.”
“Orgasmic experiences brought on by breath don’t feel exactly the way genital orgasms do.”
For answers, I called up Barbara Carrellas. A sex coach, writer, and speaker, Carrellas turned to tantric sexual practices in the late 1980s, at the height of the AIDS epidemic.
Tantra is a set of practices and beliefs that are part of the broad, diverse cultural sweep of Hinduism. In South Asia, it historically advocated the breaking of dominant taboos around the body — including eating meat, having taboo sex, interacting with dead bodies, and breaking ritual caste taboos — to achieve spiritual awareness.
In the contemporary West, tantra is often reduced to its sexual aspect, and has been largely commercialized. But in the late 1980s, tantric sexual practices represented a much-needed connection to physical and spiritual pleasure for a community ravaged by stigma and disease. Carrellas studied tantra as part of a support group for people with AIDS and those who loved them. “We were all trying to find the answer to the question of how to have healthy, ecstatic sex without spreading the virus,” she says.
That’s how she learned about breath and energy orgasms. They use a combination of breath, sound, visualization, and movement to move energy through the body and achieve ecstatic experience without direct genital contact. “Orgasmic experiences brought on by breath don’t feel exactly the way genital orgasms do,” says Carrellas. “They’re more full-bodied. They happen everywhere except your genitals.”
Carrellas has been using this technique to facilitate sexual pleasure and healing for decades. She leads workshops with people who have spinal cord injuries, cliteredectomies, or other conditions that present a challenge to clitoral orgasm. Her sessions with college students, sexual assault survivors, and people with gender dysphoria that have brought participants to tears, evoked ecstatic laughter, and even inspired one attendee to dump her date. “I was about to make a big mistake,” the woman explained. Carrellas says, “She walked off alone and happy.”
One sunny November day, Carrellas worked the same magic with me.
Well, not directly. We chatted on the phone for a while, and then she passed along a set of written instructions so I could try them out. (You can purchase a guided meditation if you want to try it yourself.) Mid-morning in my empty apartment, I went for it.
Carrellas says to begin by lying flat on your back with your knees up, and breathe in seamless cycles. Each inhale should begin where the last exhale finishes, so that the breath is connected in a continuous stream. With the inhale, you’re supposed to fill your belly like a balloon. With each exhale, you press your lower back directly to the ground and squeeze your PC muscles.
The energy was climbing, my breath speeding, my heart pounding, waves of pleasure sizzling.
As you breathe, you allow energy to climb up your chakras, focusing on each place step by step — first your perineum, then your lower abdomen, then your solar plexus, all the way up to your third eye.
Most people, Carrellas’ instructions say, don’t make it to the third eye. They’re already too busy having full-body orgasms.
I didn’t make it to the third eye, either. I was on track by the time I got to my solar plexus. I rocked and rolled, I breathed in waves, I pressed my lower back to the floor. Moans came and I went with them. Things started heating up. The energy was climbing, my breath speeding, my heart pounding, waves of pleasure sizzling, and then — I reached for my vibrator.
Some may call this a failure of the method. But I think this is a sign of the method’s success. It turned me on. It connected me to my body. It didn’t matter how exactly I felt good or whether it was the sole reason for my orgasm. What matters is that I felt good and had an orgasm.
Beverly Whipple had beat me to this realization by several decades. “Each woman is different, each woman is unique, and each woman needs to know what is pleasurable to her,” she says. When it comes to orgasm, she says, “I never use the word ‘achieve.’ I use the word ‘experience.’”
In some ways, Carrellas’ method is simply a more conscious enactment of the movements many of us make in sex — the fast breath, the rocking pelvis, the giving yourself permission to experience pleasure for pleasure’s sake. Touch-free orgasm is not some esoteric, out-of-reach, super-secret technique. It’s something we all have access to.
And there was something different about the orgasm I had that morning. I’m a freelancer, so mid-morning orgasms are kind of de rigueur . But they’re not a great pre-work preparation method because frankly, coming makes you sleepy as hell. After this one, though, I felt charged up. Awake. Focused.
It wasn’t the most earth-shattering thing I’d ever felt, but it was something. It was a reminder that (and forgive the cliche) whatever magic we seek from sex is already in ourselves.
“We all live under a glass ceiling of possibilities,” Carrellas says. “These techniques shatter that ceiling and reveal a higher ceiling.”
Most of the time — especially in the brutal rat race of patriarchal capitalism — we try to break that ceiling by striving. We think that if we only push, force, exert, will, or do more, we can experience more pleasure, better love, a better version of ourselves.
But sex, really good sex, with ourselves and others, isn’t the result of an efficient workout routine or an effortful self-help regimen. It requires letting go. “Sex or sexual energy isn’t something you do,” says Carrellas. “It’s something you learn to allow.”
That may just be the secret of coming without genital touch: allowing yourself to have pleasure.
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Think Yourself Off: How to Orgasm Without Touch
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Some people can think themselves into an orgasm using pure imagination. I happen to be one of those people and I believe it to be a much more fulfilling and enriching way of getting myself off than getting messy with myself or sleeping around with random guys who may not be able to do the trick anyway. Not to mention thinking yourself off helps prevent STDs. You can practice this with a partner as well to bond emotionally and build up tension for the sex you do have. Thinking yourself off happens entirely in the brain but can cause a physic
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