How To Orgasm With A Vibrator

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How To Orgasm With A Vibrator
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Figuring out how to use a vibrator can be a little overwhelming, particularly when you’re searching for your very first sex toy . Should you get that slightly intimidating-looking rabbit vibrator or that tiny little bullet vibrator?
That’s why Teen Vogue spoke to sex experts to get the best tips on how to use a vibrator—and which ones are the best for getting down as a first-timer.
“Buying a pleasure product for the first time is an exciting and freeing experience,” said Kit Richardson , certified sexual health and pleasure educator and the buyer and merchandiser for the Museum of Sex . “You are investing in pleasure and yourself, so you want to make sure you do it the right way. Set aside the preconceived notions, myths, taboos, and guilt surrounding pleasure, and you are ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime.”
If you’re a first-timer, here’s how to use a vibrator—along with some suggestions for the best ones to start your ~sexy adventure~.
If you’re having a hard time getting out of your head, a little ambiance goes a long way, Richardson said.
“Plan your sexperience with a date night for yourself,” she said. “Take a bath, light some candles, and even turn on some Billie Eilish. Relaxation and arousal are essential to experiencing pleasure, and if your body is prepared, [your] vibrator is charged, and your mind is at ease, pleasure will come naturally.”
Try: This little wand vibrator by Luna , which has a powerful vibration that you can use on the muscles all over your body to release tension during a full-body self-massage before you use it to get down.
Nothing kills the mood like a dead battery.
“If battery-operated, make sure to use fresh batteries,” said sexologist Megan Stubbs, EdD, author of Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness . “Don't pull the ones from your remote — they aren't strong enough. If it’s a rechargeable vibe, make sure it’s fully charged. You don't want [the] disappointment of being so close to orgasm only to have your toy die on you.”
Try: Unbound Babes’ Divvy , a fantastic remote vibrator that makes charging easy with its design and universal charging cord. Plus, you can use it either with the wireless remote control or as a standalone!
It’s understandable to feel a little performance anxiety even when you’re going solo, but don't be afraid to go slow and figure out what feels good to you. “This isn’t a race,” Richardson told Teen Vogue . “[S]ometimes, when we go too quickly, especially when pleasure is involved, we miss the beauty of the process.”
Try: The Flex Vibrator from Crave , a USB rechargeable vibe that boasts an extra-long battery life, so you can take all the time you need.
You can have all the right materials, but it can be hard to get started if you don’t know what you like! “If you haven’t explored your body and the sensations that turn you on, you’ll have some difficulty picking the right product,” Richardson advised. “Spend some time navigating the pleasure points of your body. Once you’ve established what feels good, [whether it's] internal stimulation, external stimulation, or even both, you are ready to start the process of your pleasure product purchase.”
Try: Unbound Babes’ Bender , which Richardson highly recommends. “The Bender is a flexible vibe that lets you change the shape of the toy to find what works best for your anatomy,” she says. “ … Who doesn’t want more agency over their orgasms?”
Don’t forget that most vibrators come with multiple settings and that they might feel extra good to you in certain contexts — but you’ll only know if you try.
“Play around with different techniques, settings, and positions,” Richardson said. “The same vibrator may feel different when you are lying on your stomach versus when you are lying on your back. Get creative. This is your time.”
Try: The SENDRY Wand Massager is a waterproof rechargeable toy that Amazon customers love, probably because it comes with not 10, not 20, but a whopping 160 vibration patterns. How’s that for variety?
If you have some trouble finding what you want, why not make what you want? “Versatility is sexy, but so is customizability,” Richardson said. “There are products on the market that allow you, the user, to customize your toy for the best experience.”
Try: The Rave from We-Vibe , a unique asymmetrical vibe that offers the ultimate in control: “[It’s] app-compatible and gives you the opportunity to create your own vibration settings from your smartphone,” Richardson says.
The fun isn’t just in the sex toys, Richardson highlights: there are gels and lubes that can help enhance your pleasure. “These enhancers can be used to add extra sensation to playtime,” Richardson explained. “Often a gel and can be applied directly to the clitoris, enhancers encourage more blood flow to the area, making you more sensitive, and [they] can have warming, cooling, and even tingly effects.”
Try: The High on Love Objects of Desire gift set, a favorite of Richardson’s. The rhinestone encrusted palm vibe comes with their best-selling stimulating sensual oil, which “contains cannabis seed oil that helps with increased sensation for a more intense experience,” Richardson said.
It’s good to be goal-oriented, but in this case, don’t get too stressed about the big O. Focus on having a good time instead, and remind yourself that there’s no “right” way to do it.
“Don’t get discouraged,” Richardson told Teen Vogue . “It’s a new experience and can take a few times getting used to. Have patience and take your time. Our goal isn’t orgasm, our goal is pleasure.”
Try: This rubber ducky vibrator from Babeland that will remind you to have fun with it.
We’re talking literally here: Keep your vibrators and sex toys clean. “You’ve invested in a product and yourself, so you want to make sure that product lasts,” Richardson pointed out. “Cleaning your product is key to a long toy life and a happy body.”
Try: PlusOne Toy Cleaning Wipes , which “are body and toy safe, discreet, and easy to travel with,” Richardson says. Want other options? “Without a doubt, Intimate Earth Green Foaming toy cleaner is one of the most natural cleaners on the market, and if you are looking for more of a spray, Sliquid Shine is the way to go,” she says.
Don’t just toss your sex toys under your bed when they’re not in use. It’s important to have a designated, clean place to store them, Richardson highlighted: “[W]ash your toys before and after use. Now, that is ideal, and we often get caught up in the moment and don’t have time to clean beforehand; therefore, just make sure once playtime is done, you clean your toy with your new cleaner and keep it in a safe spot away from the sun, dust, and other toys.”
Try: A storage box for your toys, like a Joyboxx —and keep them separate. “Some toy materials can react with one another causing the materials to become unsafe and a bit melted looking,” Richardson added. “Protect those toys and yourself with a good cleaner and anti-microbial storage bag.”
Stubbs highlights that you don’t have to marry your first vibrator. You might opt to buy budget versions of different styles before investing in a higher-price product. “Try multiple styles of toys!” Stubbs emphasizes. “If one toy doesn't work for you, try another type like a bullet, wand, dual motor, rabbit, pebble, or ride-on toy.”
Or, try: A toy that comes with different attachments, like the Complete Le Wand Petite Pleasure Set , which comes with different wand heads, making it like five sex toys in one.
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There’s a lot of vibrator fear-mongering out there, mostly from idiots who are threatened by female sexual empowerment. Worried that you might get addicted to a vibrator? Or that your male partners would be intimidated by your vibrator usage? Let’s bust through the BS and talk about how to make your vibrator a healthy part of your masturbatory life.
If you’ve never used a vibrator before, you’re in for a treat. Vibrators create much more intense stimulation than fingers, tongues, or penises can. If you’ve never had an orgasm before, you may find it easier to have your first one with a vibrator. If you’re regularly able to orgasm in other ways, you may find your orgasms to be much more intense when they’re coming from a vibrator. There are women out there that just aren’t big vibrator fans (nothing wrong with that), but most women enjoy the sensation.
In purchasing your first vibrator, my first recommendation is that you make an investment. You may be tempted to buy something cheap if you’ve never used a sex toy before, but I really think you’re better served saving up your pennies to buy a high-quality product. More money typically buys more thoughtful design, a more powerful and durable motor, and body-safe materials. You won’t regret it.
My favorite vibrator for orgasm newbies is the Minna Life Limon . I like it because it’s simple and intuitive to use, fits in the hand nicely, and packs a punch despite looking cutesy. I’m also a big fan of the two-pronged design of the CRAVE Duet . It might look a little intimidating for a first-time toy, but many women will love the clitoris-cradling sensation it creates. Both the LELO Lily and JeJoue Mimi are pretty straightforward and uncomplicated, while still being high-quality. I suggest reading reviews online to get more perspectives about your potential purchase. (BTW, A Roll In The Hay and Oh Joy Sex Toy are two of my favorite reviewers).
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If it’s your very first time using a vibrator, spend some time getting yourself warmed up and excited for this experience . This is going to be fun! Gently stroke all over your body, and spend some time caressing your labia and clitoris with your fingers. In short: get your own motor running before you turn on the battery-powered one.
I suggest using your vibrator in conjunction with lube , which will help your toy glide gently across your clitoris instead of tugging at it. If you have a silicone toy, you want to avoid silicone lubes, which can break down your new purchase. I recommend Toy Love by Wicked . It’s a water-based lube (safe for silicone toys!) that has the same wonderful texture as a silicone lube.
Now, it’s time to grab your vibrator! Turn it on to the lowest power setting, and gently touch it to the surface of your clitoris. For some women, this will feel like hardly anything. For others, it might feel so intense that you leap off the bed. Clits vary wildly in their sensitivity, so it’s best to start super soft. If even the lowest setting is too much for you, try holding the vibrator against your labia, so that it’s not touching your clitoris directly. Or put a towel or blanket between you and your toy, or keep your underwear on. If you need more intensity, gradually increase the speed settings. (This is why I like the Limon so much; you simply squeeze harder for more speed, instead of having to fiddle with any buttons.) You’re looking for a setting that feels nice and moderate, not like it’s power-waxing your clitoris.
Play with where you like the vibration, too. Some women like having the vibe front and center on their clitorises. Others like more indirect contact, like you’re sneaking up on your clitoris instead of pouncing on it. Imagine that your clitoris is like a delicious pie cut into four slices, and try touching the vibrator against the edge of each slice. Compare that to what it feels like when the vibrator is on your clitoris.
Once you’ve found a good speed, try messing with the vibrational pattern settings on your vibrator (if it has them). Cycle through all of your options, and try to find the ones that you like best. It’s not likely that one particular pattern will blow your mind more than the others, but some women may find that they have decently strong preferences. If you feel a little baffled about all the options, just stick with the constant vibration pattern.
It’s good to give yourself time to play around with different speeds and settings, but once you’re ready to orgasm, you’ll want to stick with your favorite settings. When you’ve got your vibrator dialed in, hold it against your clitoris, and let it do its job. You may find yourself squirming around a bit underneath the toy; that’s natural. Let your body respond how it wants to respond, and hold on for the ride!
Let’s get one thing straight: there’s no conclusive evidence that shows that you can get “addicted” to your vibrator. That being said, it’s still a good idea to put some thought into how you would like vibrators to function in your sex life. Namely, do you want your orgasms to be the result of a vibrator, your own hands, your partner’s efforts, or a combination of the above?
There are some women out there who would be perfectly content having every single one of their orgasms originate from a mechanical motor. That’s totally cool; do your thing girl. But if you ever experience vaginal numbness or tingling, if you feel like you have to keep using higher intensity settings on your vibrator, if you notice less clitoral sensitivity, or if you feel like it’s becoming harder to orgasm without a vibrator, try taking a 1-2 week vibrator hiatus (these are all extremely unlikely possibilities, but they’re still possibilities). Your body may have become acclimated to vibration, but those effects will go away after a short break. No fear-mongering here!
There are going to be other women out there who would like to orgasm from a variety of stimulation. If that’s the case for you, just be moderate in your vibrator usage. If you’ve never had a non-vibrator orgasm, try tucking your vibrator into your bedside table for a while and learning how to orgasm in other ways . If you can orgasm without a vibrator, try masturbating about half of the time with your vibrator and half the time with your hands. A little moderation is all you need!
Have any other questions about masturbation? We’re doing a series of articles about it , so feel free to reach out if there’s a masturbation topic you’d like to see covered!
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy. It’s her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom. Have questions about sex? You can reach her at vanessa.marin@lifehacker.com , or at VMTherapy.com.
Lifehacker: After Hours is a new blog aiming to improve your sex life. Follow us on Twitter here .

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