How To Orgasm Alone

How To Orgasm Alone

For Women - How Do You Get An Orgasm By Yourself

MLA Style Citation:

Ng, Eng H. "For Women - How Do You Get An Orgasm By Yourself."
For Women - How Do You Get An Orgasm By Yourself .
26 Sep. 2011 EzineArticles.com.
10 Jul. 2022 < http://ezinearticles.com/?For-Women---How-Do-You-Get-An-Orgasm-By-Yourself&id=6585226 >.

APA Style Citation:

Ng, E. H. (2011, September 26). For Women - How Do You Get An Orgasm By Yourself .
Retrieved July 10, 2022, from http://ezinearticles.com/?For-Women---How-Do-You-Get-An-Orgasm-By-Yourself&id=6585226

Chicago Style Citation:

Ng, Eng H. "For Women - How Do You Get An Orgasm By Yourself." For Women - How Do You Get An Orgasm By Yourself
EzineArticles.com . http://ezinearticles.com/?For-Women---How-Do-You-Get-An-Orgasm-By-Yourself&id=6585226

By
Eng Hou Ng |

Submitted On September 26, 2011

If you are not having orgasm during your sexual activities you may think that you are abnormal. However, you are not alone. About 40% of women report some degree of sexual dissatisfaction. Factors like stress, medication, birth control pills, emotional health, hormone imbalances, chronic ailments and many other factors can influence female orgasm.
I think that in order for you to reach orgasm with someone else, it is better to learn to do it by yourself first. The reason being, the majority of women do not experience orgasm through intercourse alone. It is only after you know what kinds of touch you like that you can let your lover know how to please you. The following masturbation tips should help to get you started on your self-exploration journey to orgasm and sexual satisfaction.
First of all, set up a comfortable environment for yourself. If you are going to use toys, get them and also standby with some lubricant. To get yourself into the mood, you can read some erotic stuff. If you do not like reading, you can watch some erotic movies. If your ability to visualize past sexual encounters is strong, you may just want to turn on some music that will help frame that memory and turn yourself on in this way. The key is to do whatever it takes to get you in the mood. The following paragraphs are the different areas to stimulate when masturbating.
You can use your hands, fingers, knuckles, water spurting out from the shower head, vibrators and any object that will stimulate the clitoris. You can use your fingers to rub the area around the clitoris by grabbing the skin around the clitoris and rubbing it together. Make sure you are well lubricated to prevent yourself getting sore by rubbing the clitoris raw.
The shower head where you can adjust the stream of water, a steady, gentle stream and then a more powerful jet spray can be equally stimulating. Just be careful not to send strong stream of water into the vagina for a very long period of time because it can cause air embolism.
Getting a vibrator or some sex toys can help to spice things up. Holding a vibrator against your clitoris is the way to feel the maximum level of vibrations. But since this area can be hyper sensitive, you can also hold the vibrator around the general area, the vulva, the pubic bone, the anus and the area between the vagina and anus. If the vibrations are too strong, just put a towel or an index finger in between the vibrator and clitoris.
You can use a silicone-based g-spot vibrator or a glass-based dildo vibrator to stimulate the g-spot. You can also treat yourself to one of those multiple stimulation dildo/vibrators. This kind of vibrator provides simultaneous vaginal penetration, g-spot stimulation and clitoral stimulation all in one at the same time. However, if you can locate your g-spot (which is easier when you are highly aroused) and stimulate it with your fingers, the better it is for your pleasure.
The anus is a very sensitive area which can give you a lot of pleasure when you give it some tender loving care. You can explore the area with your fingers, by rubbing or tickling the area, or using small anal toys. Make sure that before you insert a toy, finger, etc into your anus, you have plenty of lubrication and the toy should have a flared based at one end of it.
Touching, rubbing, fondling and even attaching nipple clamps can be very pleasurable. If your breasts are large enough, try licking your nipples yourself can be equally stimulating.
There is no one right way to pleasure yourself and have a better sex life. Just relax and explore your body and see what feels good. For even more ideas, you can click on Best Self Help and Self Pleasure .
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Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona ) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries).

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If you’ve ever had trouble reaching climax—whether it’s because you can’t seem to get over the “almost there hump” or because the thought of your mountainous to-do list always pops in your head just before you get off—you’ve probably researched “how to orgasm” before. Hi, welcome back. You’re in good company. That’s because, according to one doctor from the Cleveland Clinic, only about 10% of people with vulvas reach climax easily while the other 90% struggle. So don’t worry, this isn’t just a *you* thing.
The bad news is that losing your orgasm completely sucks. But the good news is there are tricks, tips, and techniques that can help ensure you get yours when you’re going at it. One you’ve probably heard before is something along the lines of “just chill out, stop thinking about it, and it’ll happen.” Sound familiar?
Don’t worry, we’re not going to tell you to do that. In fact, the classic advice to simply “relax” your way to a mindblowing orgasm is straight-up wrong. “Entering into a sexual moment with the hopes of haphazardly and spontaneously arriving to pleasure is unrealistic,” explains psychotherapist and founder of the Center for Erotic Empathy in Montreal, Amanda Luterman . In fact, Luterman says the whole concept of “relax, babe, it’ll happen” can actually lead to increased substance use in women trying to enjoy sex. It's also just fundamentally not how the brain or body works .
In reality, there are so many reasons why orgasms might not be happening for you. Allbodies educator and sex coach, Myisha Battle , explains that stress, hormone imbalance, negative body image, prescription meds like SSRIs, or simply not liking a certain type of stimulation can all come into play and shoo away your feel-good release.
Regardless of your libido, sexual orientation , or comfort level with your body, orgasming can require some mental, physical, and emotional labor. In fact, Luterman says most people with vulvas need to consciously try to orgasm in order to make it happen. Depending on the type of sex you’re having, some tricks might work better than others, and while there’s no one-size-fits-all solution that’ll have you squirting like a firehose every time you masturbate or have sex , there are plenty of ways to make orgasms more accessible for your body. Read on for some of our best, expert-backed orgasm hacks that’ll help ensure you never spend your sex seshes going over your grocery list instead of getting off ever again.
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy claims that under 40% of people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Luterman says a more accurate number is closer to 100%. “Having sex with a vagina is the equivalent of never touching the head of the penis when having sex. It's like only stimulating the shaft,” she explains. Of course, rubbing the shaft without touching the more highly sensitive zones of the penis would be pleasurable and relaxing, but it would likely not lead to an orgasm. Same goes for the vagina and clitoris: It can be pleasurable and exciting to be penetrated , but without any contact with the clitoris, orgasms can be few and far between.
Not all clitoral stimulation looks the same, though. During penetrative sex in the missionary position , it may look like there’s no clitoral stimulation, but the grinding of the pelvic bones actually plays a key role in arousal. Larger penises or dildos may actually make it more of a challenge to reach orgasm in this position because the size prevents it from going as deep, which means there’s less opportunity for pelvic rubbing.
If that’s the case, Luterman suggests incorporating some vibration to stimulate the clitoris during penetration. She recommends a vibrator you can cup in your palm or a vibrating ring for your partner to wear around their penis or dildo so that the toy doesn’t interfere with all that good insertion.
If you find yourself getting close to orgasm but can’t seem to get past that “I'm so close, wait not it's gone" hump, an arousal gel might be the final push you (and your vagina) need. Essentially, these lubes and gels enhance sexual sensations, making it easier to climax.
Erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , Taylor Sparks , explains that arousal gels work by opening your blood vessels which amps up oxygen delivery and blood flow to the genitals. "This increases sensitivity and vaginal secretions to intensify orgasms," she previously told Cosmopolitan . This means you get wetter, and your climaxes come easier while you come harder. Think fireworks instead of sparklers, ya feel?
Never underestimate the power of a good tease. Touching the outer lips of the vulva, known as the labia majora, may not result in an orgasm on its own, but there’s a lot of value in slowing down and paying some attention to the full range of your genitals.
“Incorporate the fleshy deliciousness of touch, which is very erotic for people,” Luterman says. For a primo tease, she suggests having your partner reach down to your vulva, using their index and middle fingers in a “v” shape to rub either side of the inner and outer lips.
If you find that your clitoris is so sensitive that direct stimulation is actually unpleasant for you, which is not uncommon, Luterman recommends using the clitoral hood to your advantage.
“Some people need to press on the hood over the clitoris to not get direct clitoral stimulation, but to use the hood almost like a foreskin would be used when masturbating without lubricant on a penis,” she explains. Explore your genitals to discover what feels best, and don’t be shy about incorporating that into your partnered play.
For many people, if a partner is going to bring them to orgasm, the mechanics only account for half the equation. There also has to be some erotic charge to the exchange, which Luterman defines as “the flow of desire communicated between two people.”
“Articulating your preference for where you'd like to be touched contributes to eroticism,” she says. If you don’t like your nipple pinched, gently offer some feedback to your partner by telling them what you’d like instead. Tell them how hot it would be if they touched around your breast, or just under your breast, or if they used their tongue instead of their finger. That erotic intimacy will help to keep you present.
It’s also important for you to buy into your erotic appeal to your partner. If you don’t feel hot, you may have trouble coming. That being said, Luterman appreciates that for many folks, this radical self-acceptance is much easier said than done. Just know that it’s okay if all your insecurities are still there in the morning—learning to let go of those is a lifelong struggle, not something that can be fixed with one good sex sesh. Your only job is to believe that your partner thinks you’re sexy right now, at this moment. (Spoiler alert: They do.) If you can buy into that, you’re one step closer to your next toe-curling orgasm.
If you’re sitting there trying to will yourself to orgasm, you might be putting too much stress on the whole thing. One fun way to take a step back is to simply have fun and playfully connect with your partner. Sure, playing sexy games will get you turned on since they likely involve stripping down or licking body parts, but they’ll also get you talking which is big for arousal and climax.
"Communication is not only a form of seduction, but a precursor that lays the foundation for more meaningful, fulfilling, and pleasurable sex,” resident sexologist at Astroglide Jess O’Reilly , PhD, previously told Cosmopolitan . From literal sex board games (yes, this is a thing) to classics like dirty truth or dare , there are a lot of options out there that can build the sexual tension and help you get closer to getting off.
“Many [people with vaginas] describe feeling ‘stuck in their heads’ and experience worrisome or anxious thoughts during sex,” says sex coach, Tamica Wilder . “Too much mind chatter is one of the quickest ways to interrupt your access to pleasure and orgasm.” Consequently, many think the answer is to get out of their heads; to disconnect; to just “calm down.”
Instead of telling her clients to relax, Luterman says it’s more helpful for them to learn the skill of focusing and refocusing their attention, part of something she calls “mindful relaxation with an erotic anticipation.”
“Whatever you're thinking about or looking at is directly going to impact whether or not you're turned on,” she explains. If you're focused on the parts of your body you don't like, or the style of grasp that your partner is using that’s not appealing to you, Luterman says to practice shifting that focus to sexier things.
“Look at your partner's hand as they touch you. Look at how it's moving in a way that is appealing. Think about the pace, the music that's playing, the lighting, the feeling of the sheets, whatever variables that add to the cinematography of your movie,” she says. “By placing your attention on what is arousing to you in a mindful way, you are more likely to be effectively targeting your sensory arousal.”
Paying attention to your surroundings is great, but whoever said you couldn't get a little fantasy help? There are tons of different types of stimuli out there just waiting to turn you on and help you climax. Try reading, watching, or listening to some sexy stuff like erotic books , ethical porn , audio porn , and even just some hot music .
Dive into these when you're trying to get in the mood during/before masturbating, or—if you're comfortable with it and your partner consents—as you're going at it together. You might be surprised how much easier it is to get out of your head and stay in the moment (thus making it easier to orgasm) when you have some type of media to hold your attention.
Maybe you’ve always been curious about latex, whips, or paddles, but you’ve never had the courage to bring it up with your partner. Even if you think you have no kinks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven Taylor Sparks suggests inviting some lightly kinky play into the bedroom to shake things up and explore what makes you feel good. “Try tricks like orgasm denial or even incorporating bondage ,” Sparks suggests. This can help take your intimacy to erotic new levels, and by simply breaking out of the norm, you might ignite some dormant desire.
Finding ways to destress is vital to coming. “For people who struggle with orgasm, it may be good to explore where in their life they harbor too much control,” says Dr. Jenni Skyler, Adam & Eve ’s sex and relationship therapist. “Because orgasm is about surrender, when we try to control too many aspects of our life—or some aspects too tightly—this can leak over into orgasm function.” If you’re having a hard time letting go, consider chatting with a professional.
Find yourself losing your orgasm just before it happens? Wilder suggests trying edging (allowing a build-up of pleasure in your genitals and then intentionally stopping just as you’re heading towards a climax… then repeating the process). “During sex or self-pleasure, edging can dramatically increase genital engorgement and blood flow to your nerve endings, which creates such an intense build-up of pleasure, your sabotaging mental override doesn’t stand a chance,” she says.
The key to good sex might actually be just talking about sex . “When you normalize talking about sex—especially when you’re not having it—you create space in your relationships to more easily verbalize what you want in the moment,” says Battle.
In addition to chatting outside of the bedroom, don’t be afraid to use your voice while getting it on. “If you’re blocking your sounds, it’s likely you’re blocking your potential for orgasm,” notes Wilder. “When you can allow yourself to vocalize during sex and self-pleasure, you allow more blood flow to your pelvic floor, your vaginal canal, cervix, and the entire structure of your clitoris.”
While you’re getting all vocal, remember to pay attention to your breathing. Holding your breath or engaging in super rapid huffs and puffs could hinder blood circulation. To remedy this, sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes suggests focusing on breathwork. Not only will this help ensure ample blood flow gets to all your arousal organs (like your clit and your brain) that’ll help you climax, but it’ll also help you stay present in the heat of the moment.
“Focusing on your breath is the most direct way to get out of your head and into your body,” Menezes previously told Cosmopolitan . She suggests closing your eyes and breathing really deeply and slowly. Try different breathing patterns—like holding your breath in for three seconds before you exhale—to see what feels best.
Set aside a few evenings when this is the only item on the agenda for you and your partner. The only goal of the session: Practice some mouth-on-clitoris things that feel good for you (and for your partner to learn what works, too).
There are tons of ways to masturbate, so don't be discouraged if what you've tried isn't working so far. You may need rapid tapping motions, constant pressure, a slow circular rhythm with increasing pressure, or some other combination. Luckily, we’ve talked with the experts to gather the best solo sex tips you can try if you (and your clitoris) are in need of a little ~inspiration.~.
If manual stimulation or friction during sex just isn’t getting you there, trade up for some electronic assistance. As mentioned, incorporating sex toys into your solo and partnered sex life could provide you with the sensation you need for a
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