How To Not Jerk Off
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How To Not Jerk Off
by Jordyn Taylor and Zachary Zane Published: Jun 9, 2022
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Jordyn Taylor is the Deputy Editor of Content at Men's Health. She's covered health, wellness, fitness, and lifestyle since 2013, and has previously worked as a reporter and editor at Mic and the New York Observer.
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If you haven’t changed things up since seventh grade, read this.
Most people with a penis learn to masturbate as quickly and quietly as possible. After all, when you're a testosterone-loaded adolescent, you have to content with the very real risk of your parents or siblings walking in and disturbing your, ah, personal time.
And there isn’t just a fear of getting caught jerking off—there’s also a lot of shame surrounding sexual pleasure when people are younger, says Dr. Uchenna “UC” Ossai, Pelvic PT, certified sexuality counselor and founder of YouSeeLogic , an online sexual education platform. “Few people were told that masturbating is natural and an excellent way to learn more about your sexual pleasure,” she says.
Those secretive, fast-and-furious masturbation habits can spill into adulthood, Shamyra Howard, sexologist and Men's Health advisory panel member, says in Men's Health Best. Sex. Ever . "Many guys are masturbating the same way they did when they were teens—all rushed," she says. "You need to change things up. If you're right-handed, use your left hand; involve sex toys; or try masturbating on your stomach. Also, don't focus only on your genitals. You have a whole body. Get your nipples, perineum, and anus involved."
The options might sound a little overwhelming. If you're sitting there thinking, I'll just go back to my old ways, thanks —WAIT! According to Howard, exploring new ways to masturbate can help benefit your sex life on the whole.
"As long as you're switching things up when you masturbate, you get an opportunity to explore and try different things with your body and to learn what you like," she says. "You can learn how you like your penis touched, which things turn you on, and which angles lead to more pleasure."
Try these 13 masturbation tips and techniques the next time you feel like getting down with yourself, and get ready to feel good— really good.
You’ve likely masturbated in the same position now for years, so try switching it up. “If you are a stander, try laying on your back. If you like to sit, stand up,” Dr. UC. says. “Changing positioning can improve your pelvic floor muscle resting tone, which can help improve the blood flow to your penis.” So changing up your masturbation positions won’t only feel good for the novelty, but it may also increase the strength of your erections.
Do you ever feel really horny after working out? Well, there’s a reason for that . You release hormones while working out, including adrenaline and dopamine a.k.a. the so-called "feel-good" chemical. Dr. UC adds that it’s excellent to masturbate after working out “because your endorphins are quite high, blood flow is great, and your pelvic floor muscles are completely relaxed.”
"The perineum is the area between the penis and the anus. It's full of nerve endings and very sensitive, so providing some vibration to it can often feel really good," says LELO Sexpert and NYU professor of Human Sexuality Dr. Zhana Vrangalova .
Try pressing a vibrating sex toy to your perineum while stroking your penis with your other hand. Vrangalova recommends either the LELO Lily 2 or the LELO Smart Wand . It's "sure to provide a different kind of orgasm," she says. There are also prostate massagers on the market that stimulate your perineum.
Sex toys aren't just for people with a vulva. For penis-owners, Emily Morse, a sex expert and host of the popular podcast Sex with Emily, recommends the Fleshlight, the popular handheld column that you slip over your junk to simulate the feel of real vaginal or anal sex . (You can even buy an accessory to free up both your hands.)
Vibrators have traditionally been marketed to people with a vulva, which makes sense, given that most need some form of external clitoral stimulation in order to climax during penetrative sex. But recent years have seen an increase in vibrating sex toys designed for dicks , because honestly, those vibrations can feel really damn good on penises, too! One 2012 study found that 44% of heterosexual men had enjoyed the experience of using a vibrator at some point in their life, so don't be shy about trying some of these toys.
"A lot of men, especially those who identify as straight, regularly miss out on a huge source of pleasure: their butts," Vrangalova says. "Butts (of all genders) have a huge number of nerve endings and stimulating them can feel really good. If you have a prostate that you can (indirectly) reach this way, that anal stimulation can be literally mind-blowing."
So how do you bring a little butt play into your next masturbation session? Vrangalova recommends using your hand or a prostate massage toy .
She recommends the LOKI Wave , which "has a nice long handle you can hold with one hand while you stroke with the other, and the wave motion of the internal vibrating part hits the prostate just right."
A cock ring—also known as a penis ring —is a band and that goes around the base of your penis (and sometimes your testicles, too), trapping blood flow in your shaft and thereby strengthening your erection. Cock rings often come up in conversations about how to last longer during partnered sex, but there's no reason not to reap their rock-hard benefits during solo sex. Speaking of benefits: In addition to stronger erections, some guys anecdotally say that cock rings give them stronger orgasms.
Ever heard of the " death grip "? If you find yourself having a hard time reaching orgasm during sex with a partner, it might be because you're squeezing your penis too hard and stroking too fast during masturbation.
"This amount of grip pressure and stroke speed cannot typically be reached with a partner, hence their orgasmic difficulties," Vrangalova says. "To prevent this from happening, make sure you switch up the grip and stroking speed, so you're used to ejaculating in different ways."
The 5-minute speed jerk is fine for most days. But if you have a little extra time, “ edging ”—also called the stop-and-start method—can help you achieve more intense orgasms, Morse promises.
Work yourself right up to the edge of ejaculation and then take a short break—just enough time for your erection to soften a bit. Then start the process over again. Do this three or four times before you orgasm , and you’ll experience more profound, powerful ejaculations, Morse says.
You’ve probably tried incorporating your non-dominant hand into your solo act. You may have even attempted the mythical “Stranger”—sitting on your hand until it falls asleep, and then using it to simulate the sensation of someone else doing the dirty work. But Morse advises using your opposite hand in more creative ways.
Turn your hand so it slides down your penis forefinger-first, and twist it as you stroke. You could also try holding your penis against your stomach with one hand while rapidly sliding a few fingers up and down the underside of your shaft. Like switching positions during sex, mixing in unfamiliar hand maneuvers can break up the tedium, Morse says.
There are nearly as many sex-specific nerve endings in your testicles as there are in your penis. Don’t neglect them, Morse urges.
While individual preferences and sensitivities play a big role in what you’ll enjoy, a lot of men discover an untapped source of stimulation—and more intense orgasms—by pulling down on their testicles rhythmically before ejaculation.
Some guys learn to ignore their penis entirely as they approach the big O, Morse says.
Masturbation entails sexually pleasuring yourself, but it does not mean you have to do it alone in a room with the door locked. Masturbation side-by-side with a partner can be an intimate experience—not to mention an easy, sexy option for when you're both too tired to do anything fancy. "Sex is so much more than penetration," Howard says. "Sex is any type of emotional, spiritual, physical, or erotic connection, and that includes mutual masturbation."
Plus, watching how your partner touches their own body can be a great way to learn exactly what they like in bed, and vice versa.
We know it sounds counterintuitive, but the less you obsess about climaxing, the more enjoyable your sexual experience is likely to be . In our race to have an orgasm, we often end up overlooking the most important aspect of a sexual experience: pleasure. If you have time on your hands, do what feels good —not what you think will get you over the finish line fastest.
"Most people masturbate because they want that release, but allow yourself to focus on the moment of intimacy between you and yourself," Howard says.
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS , at Civilized .
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By Melissa Lamson , President and CEO, Lamson Consulting @ melissa_lamson1
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
Recently, I've had several clients come to me with the same problem--their co-workers think they're jerks. (Sometimes more colorful language is used not suitable for Inc.com ).
These revelations have come to light in 360s, performance reviews and regular feedback sessions.
And the thing is, these people aren't jerks. But, they're doing common things perceived as jerky--things you may be of guilty of doing, too.
So, to better your reputation and play better with others, stop doing these four things...right now!
Don't take other people's ideas and call them your own. People who are more autonomous by nature are especially in danger of doing this. They may express ideas without realizing they were originally expressed by someone else.
If this could be you, put yourself on notice and be aware if someone else expressed the same thought already. And, give credit where it's due.
If you don't, others will notice and assume you aren't collaborative. Or worse, they may think you're out to get them by stealing their ideas.
So, instead, listen and add on to others' thoughts and ask for input on yours.
Being direct is certainly not a bad thing, but it can be off-putting or offensive when it's about something negative, including constructive criticism.
Instead, learn the art of the compliment sandwich. That is, say something positive. Insert the criticism. Then, end with another positive.
And, make sure the compliments are related to what you're concerned about. I've had people tell me I look nice, then follow up with apprehensions about my ideas. That doesn't cushion the blow. Instead, show appreciation for people's time and participation.
This is for those people that monopolize meetings, launch marathon chat sessions, and delegate time-intensive tasks.
Be aware of how much air space you're taking up and how much of another's time you're consuming. This is especially true for those of you who have a habit of pontificating or complaining. Collaboration is key.
People who don't respond to emails, stay on mute on conference calls, and never say hello in the halls, are perceived as jerks.
Instead, be responsive and communicative. Always say hi virtually or face-to-face to everyone--from janitors to managers.
Over email, don't forget the greetings--that's a "hi (name)" and "best regards", or something of that ilk. Otherwise, you come off as rude.
These actions are really very simple. You can start them right now and turn your reputation around! If you don't, well, no one wants to work with--or for--a jerk!
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How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk Paperback – March 19, 2008
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McGraw Hill; Revised edition (March 19, 2008) Language
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English Paperback
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336 pages ISBN-10
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0071548424 ISBN-13
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978-0071548427 Item Weight
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15.5 ounces Dimensions
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5.9 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
4.7 out of 5 stars
955 ratings
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The first twelve chapters were great. Well thought our, detailed in description, and I already started to use them when addressing relationships I see. Van Epp provides excellent advise. However, it all reads very normative. That's the main audience so I can't complain much there. The last chapter which was on sex suddenly read like something from the 1950s. No mention of different libidos. No mention of asexuals. No mention of anything polyamory related. Very white picket fence and two kids vibes. It read like a very old school mentality of how to treat sex. Skip the last chapter but enjoy the rest of the book.
Great, sound advice backed up by logic and data. Gives me hope that I can finally change bad patterns and be with someone who treats me well.
[Update: As another reviewer has note
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