How To Meet Guys
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How to Meet Men: 7 Powerful Tips to Meeting Men in the Real World
Figuring out how to meet men is the top frustration I hear about from single women I coach.
When you’re in college, it’s easy to meet people. In class. At parties. Everywhere.
But something happens as you get older. It gets harder and harder to meet men. Either they’re already paired up or you simply don’t find the opportunity to meet them.
You don’t want to date someone from work. You’ve been set up by friends before and…well, that was awkward. So how the heck are you supposed to figure out how to meet men in this day and age?
Please believe me: it is absolutely possible to meet men…you just have to know where and how to do it. And that’s exactly what I’m going to teach you in this video and article.
P.S. You’re definitely going to want to up your flirting game as part of learning how to meet men. Join the thousands of women who have gone through my Flirting Workshop and instantly amped up their flirting skills.
Sometimes it’s less about knowing where to find single men and more about how you present yourself wherever you are. The following tips will help you discover ways you can make yourself approachable, wherever you are. Whether you’re reading a book at the coffee shop or waiting to check out at the grocery store, these tips on how to meet men in person will instantly boost your game.
First things first: if you aren’t comfortable in what you’re wearing, you won’t be confident in talking to men. I know some women that take this whole comfort thing too far: they run errands in their favorite ex-boyfriend sweatpants and three-sizes-too-big t-shirt. Let’s move a bit away from that level of comfort, m’kay? You want to wear something that you feel good in and that complements your body. Maybe it’s red, the color that warms up your skin tone. Maybe it’s your Lulu yoga pants that your butt just looks damn good in. If it’s something you’ve gotten compliments wearing and it’s comfortable, it’s good to go.
Now, I’m not saying every time you leave the house you need to dress to meet a man. But do you want to run into the cute guy that you met 6 years ago at a friends party un-showered and wearing last nights pajamas? Take pride in your appearance. You should leave the house feeling like a million bucks. You should feel like strutting down the street (even if you don’t actually do it) ready to conquer the world. What you wear should build your confidence.
Another tip for how to meet men is to pay attention to how you smell. So, just like with the clothing, pick a scent that you like (and please, shower frequently!).
Have you ever noticed how one perfume can smell completely different on two people? That’s because it mingles with other elements like your pheromones as well as any other products that have a scent. Lindsey Bordone, M.D., assistant professor of dermatology at Columbia University Medical Center says:
“The favorable smells that make up a person’s scent are more a combination of their body wash, shampoo, deodorant, fragrance, hair product, fabric-softener sheets, and other scented products used throughout everyday life. While there is uniqueness to a person’s scent, there are many other things that influence the final ‘product.’”
So while you can’t help how you end up smelling once all these things mix together, you can choose a perfume that fits your personality. Are you girly? Try something floral. An outdoor lover? Go for a scent with an earthy base. A food lover? Try something with vanilla or chocolate undertones. Then be confident that your unique scent will attract the right guy!
Be approachable; put down the phone or book.
I know that eating a meal alone or sitting by yourself in a coffee shop can be a bit intimidating, and the first thing you do is try to look busy. That’s actually the worst thing you can do if you’re trying to learn how to meet men.
Look at it like this: if you saw a cute guy in a coffee shop and he was immersed in a book, would you interrupt him to talk to him? Probably not. You wouldn’t want to disturb him. So the same goes for you. Certainly, bring the book, but look around every page or so and make it obvious that you wouldn’t mind putting your bookmark in the book to start up a conversation with the right person.
Your phone is a crutch when it comes to blocking you from meeting men. If you’re constantly on it, scrolling through dating profiles or whatever, you’re not looking up. And then you might miss the totally hot guy checking you out! Put the phone down, take the headphones out, and be open to conversation with someone new.
A lot of the frustration I’ve noted from women about how to meet men is that they’ll see a guy, lock eyes, and be sure that he’s interested. But then…he never comes over to introduce himself!
Men aren’t always sure that you want them to approach. They don’t know if you’re single or waiting for your husband to sit down. So they err on the side of caution and don’t approach. But it’s within your power to draw them over!
Using what I call “come-hither body language,” you can give the right signals that will inspire a man to come talk to you. All you have to do?
And not one of those half-ass smiles you give any stranger you walk past. A genuine beam that tells him that he’s the recipient of such a winning grin. This shows him you’re open. It may not tell him you’re single, but he can at least find an excuse to talk to you. Maybe he asks what you’re drinking or if you have the time (while he’s holding his phone, which of course has a clock on it!).
Another must-do when working on how to meet men and show that you’re interested is to make eye contact with him for several seconds. Again, give it more effort than just a casual glance you’d give just anyone. Let your eyes linger. Make sure that smile you’ve perfected works its way up to your eyes. Smiling with your eyes — or smizing, as this article calls it — is authentic and shows that you’re not just smiling to be polite.
From the guy’s perspective, let me just say: there’s nothing more exciting than when you’re out with friends and a woman makes eye contact with you for a millisecond longer than would be normal. If your friends notice, they’ll rag on you to go talk to her. If you’re smart, you will.
So give him that opportunity by prolonging that glance.
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If you’re shy, you may have trouble with learning how to meet men. You may be taken off guard when a guy approaches and talks to you…and you might end up driving him away without meaning to.
Always be open to a conversation with a stranger, whether you find him attractive or not. It’s good practice. In addition to responding in a friendly manner, make sure your face and body language also communicate your openness. Again, smile! Turn your body toward the man, and lean toward him.
Even if he starts the conversation, find a reason to continue it. Ask questions. Make jokes. Keep it light.
Him: “Excuse me. Can I please borrow your salt shaker?”
You: “Certainly! But fair warning: it seems to be all lumped together. I guess it’s the humidity.”
Him: “Yea, it has been rather humid lately. I have to shower right after work because I’m drenched.”
You see how a simple request for the salt shaker turned into a conversation? It’s partly your responsibility to keep it going, otherwise he takes the salt and you never speak another word to him.
Like I said: some guys won’t approach you. You shouldn’t take offense to that. They may just be shy or insecure, or may fear you rejecting him. But realize: he’s out because he wants to meet a woman…so be that woman!
And take it from me: men like it when women approach. It shows that they’re assertive, and it makes it clear that they’re interested.
But some tips on how to meet men by taking that initiative. Don’t force it, first of all. If you’re feeling gross because you’ve got a pimple the size of Mount Vesuvius on your nose, you won’t feel confident and approaching him will probably not achieve what you want simply because you’re not feeling 100%.
Also, realize that you don’t have to ooze sexiness over to him. So many women I’ve coached have this misconception about what men find attractive. You don’t need to slink over in a dress that barely covers your stuff and lean over so he gets a good look at your cleavage. All you have to do is be you. Smile and say hi. If you’re naturally funny, make a joke. Ask for the salt shaker (you know the guy in the last example didn’t really need it, right? He just needed an excuse to talk to you). Compliment him.
Go into it with zero expectations. Heck, he could be married or gay. You have no idea. You’re just approaching a man that you find cute and hoping something comes of it. But if it doesn’t? No skin off your back.
Pay attention to what he’s saying, and respond with questions.
Now that I’ve given you 7 easy tips on how to meet men, let’s dive a bit deeper into how to start a conversation with a man. After all: meeting him is just the first step. Ideally, you develop a conversation that leads to more conversations that lead to one date and then another…
But it all starts with that first conversation. If you nail it, you’ve succeeded.
This is such an overlooked but simple way to get the ball rolling! Whether you start talking by introducing yourself or interject it a few exchanges later, you’re taking things to the next level. Giving him your name creates even more opportunities. He can introduce himself in return. He can comment on your name. He can ask where you’re from. So many options!
I realize you have limited data about this guy just seconds after meeting him, but pay attention, because you’ll find opportunities to ask really thought-provoking questions…or just ones that will make him laugh. Here are a few examples you can glean simply by observing him for a few seconds.
“Wow, that’s quite a scar. Do you have an awesome story about how you got it?”
“I need to ask you something intensely personal. How can you possibly drink IPA??”
“Laptop open. Are you working or playing?”
“I saw tattoos like that when I traveled around New Zealand. Does it have personal meaning?”
Did you realize there are different types of listening? Sometimes you’re not really listening but are putting more energy into thinking about what you’ll say next…or even what you want to cook for dinner. This is passive listening.
Active listening, on the other hand, requires you to actually pay attention and reflect upon what the other person is telling you. You can show that you’re listening by keeping eye contact, nodding, and then repeating or asking about something he’s said
Don’t let him do all the talking! You need to give as well as take in this conversation, so find fun anecdotes to share that will intrigue him and make him linger…or better yet, get your number so you can continue the conversation over dinner later!
As I said at the start of this article: learning how to meet men is as much about paying attention to your behavior as it is being in the right place. If you position yourself as friendly and approachable, men will approach. Trust me.
In part 2 of this article, I give you tips on where to meet men to practice these tips. Want access to part 2: Where to Go to Meet Men? Join the Sexy Confidence Club to not only get instant access but to also find an incredibly supportive community that will be there every step of the way as you work to find the man of your dreams.
Also, if you’d like to join me on a brand new webinar to learn “why men flake, avoid commitment and consistently ghost until they meet a woman who’s following these 7 simple steps”, then register here (it’s 100% free).
My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story
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When you’re single and looking, it can be supes frustrating to hear meaningless platitudes like “Your soul mate will come along when you least expect it!” from your most happily coupled-up friends. Cool, guys, I’m sure my next S.O. will just waltz into my living room one Tuesday night when I’m binge-watching Netflix on the couch. Yeah, no. Truly putting yourself out there and meeting people can be super hard, let alone meeting people you actually legitimately like enough to start a relationship. Plus...what if you’re not the waiting-around type? “When I least expect it” isn’t a time you can plug into your Google calendar. Sometimes, you want to take things into your own hands and actively look for a new partner on your own schedule. And while we love dating apps, they’re definitely not the only way to find a new flame. (Although, yes, it can totally feel that way sometimes.) After all, people used to figure out a way to do this on their own, face-to-face! But you may have to get a little more creative and adventurous than hitting up the same old bars you and your friends always go to. Now’s the time to branch out and try something new in order to meet someone new! We rounded up 39 totally creative ways to meet guys IRL—and nope, none of them involve swiping of any kind. Sorry though, they most definitely *do* involve getting off your couch. You’ve got this. (And once you meet someone new, we’ve got you covered with fun, unexpected date ideas too. You’re welcome.)
Google “free events in [your city]”
You’d be surprised by how many fun, interesting, and, most important, *free* events there are going on on any given night in cities all over the country. Anyone clever enough to show up at an actually cool free event is probably also going to be great at planning dates...just saying.
Strike up a conversation at the airport
You’re both basically stranded here for a bit, so you might as well make the most of it! If they’re from wherever you're headed, ask for some tips on the best local spots to check out...and, you know, maybe even whether they’d like to join you.
Go to a sporting event with friends
The adrenaline of cheering on the home team may just translate into striking up a convo with the crew to your right...or at least some flirty banter with the opposing team’s fans!
It’s a fact: People love to feel good about themselves. Something as simple as saying, “Those shoes are so cool,” while waiting in line can go a long way in kicking off a conversation. (The same goes for making friends, if you don’t spot any romantic prospects.)
Spring for tix for a ~fancy~ charity event
Bonus if it’s black tie so you can look amazing in a rented ballgown. And hey, it’s for a good cause! (Your love life. The cause is your love life.)
Take advantage of the built-in community around your favorite podcast and go to (or organize!) a casual get-together in your city. You’ll have built-in topics to talk about, so conversation will flow naturally. Plus, you already know you have things in common with whoever’s there!
Best case scenario, you chat it up with someone new and ~artsy~; worst case scenario, you still have a day’s worth of Instagram Stories that make you look super cultured. Oh, and actually looking at the art is cool too.
Olesia Valentain / EyeEmGetty Images
Instead of keeping your eyes on your Insta feed while you’re waiting in line at Starbs, you’ll be forced to make eye contact with the cutie in line in front of you.
Ask your friends/coworkers to set you up
Sometimes you just gotta ask! You never know which of your friends is secretly hiding Prince Charming.
If you’ve been crushing and flirting for a while with each other and are looking for a sign, this is it! Odds are, he’ll be pretty impressed and flattered if not stoked to go out with you, and if not, then you can ride that energy and use it to keep asking cuties out until you meet your soul mate.
Strike up a conversation at a bookstore
Tell him you are getting a gift for a friend and can’t decide which book is better. Ask him to read both jacket flaps and see which story he finds more interesting.
Laughter + a crowd that’s thirsty for low-stakes entertainment = many, many bonding moments.
Single dudes with dogs are always trying to settle down. That’s just science! You don’t get a dog if you’re trying to be alone forever—you just don’t.
Go to an event one of your Facebook friends is hosting that you typically wouldn’t show up to
Not only are you being a supportive friend, you’ll probably meet some cool people!
If you hit it off with a cutie in line for a concert or movie or in line for the bathroom, suggest you follow each other on Instagram to keep in touch
This way you can stay top-of-mind and let a slow burning Insta-flirtation build.
Again, shared interests are a great way to find potential dates. Plus, since it’s not just a one-off thing, you’ll have time to build chemistry with people.
Not only are your odds of meeting people pretty high, but it’s also good to realize you don’t need a squad to go out and have fun.
Seriously nothing cheesy about spending a few minutes perfecting your “I’m approachable” smile if it gives you confidence to use it out and about.
Send a cute guy at the bar or restaurant a drink or a plate of fries
When he looks over, channel your best knowing wink and wait for him to come over.
Sign up for a class you’ve always wanted to take
Obvs, never take a class to meet a guy, but if you’ve always wanted to try painting or music theory, the upside is you may meet cool new people who share your passions. Just go in it with zero expectations of meeting your future boo and all intentions of having a fun time doing what you love.
A healthy sense of competition sounds ripe for sexual tension, right?
Most people sign up to volunteer alone so you won’t feel awks about a cliquey environment. Also, you’re simultaneously doing some serious good for the world.
Enlist one or two friends to be your wing women
The smaller your squad, the least likely he’ll be intimidated.
Banter with someone in a comment thread
If there’s one good thing Facebook offers (and there are so, so few), it’s mackin’ on a friend-of-a-friend you have never met but just realized ALSO studied abroad in Paris and recommended the SAME café as you did.
Hit up someone you went to school with
High school was all about social status, and maybe you thought you simply couldn’t ask out the cute jock. But everyone’s older and more mature now, so if you’ve had that forever-crush on someone and they’re def single, just comment on their Insta or something!
Muster the energy to go to tha
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