How To Make Yourself Cum

How To Make Yourself Cum
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Annabelle Knight Bsc Dip and and Alix Fox. Words by Emily Gulla

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Annabelle Knight Bsc Dip
Annabelle Knight Bsc Dip is one of the most relevant experts when it comes to dating, sex and relationships, a certified couples counsellor, qualified life coach and has a diploma in psychosexual therapy.

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Relax, take the pressure off and NEVER forget the clitoris
Looking for some expert advice on how to orgasm ? You've come to the right place! ICYMI there are loads of different types of female orgasm for women and people with vulvas, but if you get into the nitty gritty the tips for having a good orgasm are pretty universal across all types.
Women and people with vulvas have got a long way to go before finally reaching true equality, and that’s reflected in the bedroom, too. According to sex expert Alix Fox, who has worked with brands like Durex, two thirds of women and people with vaginas don't climax every time they have sex. On the flipside, men and people with penises are much more likely to climax during each of their sexual experiences.
Of course, orgasms aren't the be-all and end-all of sex: sometimes it's about the journey . Some people have more difficulty orgasming , and others just aren't able to climax - that doesn't automatically mean that something is wrong. But if you've got a male partner who's coming every single time while you're not, you may feel like there's an inequality there that could benefit from being addressed. Sound about right? Read on: here 's how to learn how to orgasm.
Preparation is everything, and that even comes down to creating a welcoming and relaxing atmosphere.
"Many women and people with vaginas report that their ability to orgasm with a lover depends on how they feel emotionally as well as physically – it’s about what’s happening between their ears as much as what’s going on between their legs," Alix says. "Stress and anxiety can kill orgasms faster than a stake to a vampire’s heart. Your partner should aim to create – and maintain – an intimate atmosphere in which you feel safe and comfortable enough to truly relax, express yourself and let go; not nervous, rushed or judged."
Alix explains that small things can make all the difference, "like fitting a lock on the door if you live in a shared house or with kids, so you know you won’t be interrupted by anyone bursting in, and keeping the room a cosy temperature so you’re not distracted by being cold (you want to get goosebumps through excitement, not frostbite!)"
Nothing quite kills the vibe quite like a partner who's a little too, shall we say, goal-orientated . The pressure to orgasm can be huge because you might want to make your partner feel like they're doing a good job or might want to avoid hurting their feelings. The pressure your partner feels to make you orgasm, on the other hand, can be huge because we've been taught that this is the decider on whether sex is good or not. But remember, both of you should keep in mind that orgasms don't have to be the end goal, and whether you cum or not doesn't dictate whether the sex was pleasurable.
"Dissuade your partner from making grandiose promises to give you a mind-blowing, head-spinning, knee-trembling orgasm, come hell or goddamn high water," she suggests. "Instead, ask them to simply pledge to give you a good time. Even if their intentions are admirable, someone declaring that they’re 'going to make you come so hard' can unintentionally put pressure on you to feel like you have to perform, and that if you can’t climax, you’ll disappoint or upset them."
What your partner should say: "' Tonight I just want to make you feel as great as possible, and I’d love you to tell me what you like and what feels best.'" Alix says, "That way, you're likely to feel empowered and confident about directing the action."
For a lot of women and people with vaginas, their sexual response cycle is usually longer than that of men and people with penises - i.e. they usually need more time in order to orgasm. That's where foreplay comes in: spending longer on foreplay will mean more time, and more stimulation, to help you get there. Foreplay has typically been a word that describes oral and manual sex (aka fingering) and that centres penetration as "the main event" that all this other stuff leads up to. Firstly, we need to rethink how we define foreplay because newsflash, penetrative sex isn't the be all and end all. And then we need to focus more on all the other lovely, pleasurable types of sex that not only feel good but have to ability to make us orgasm.
"Foreplay isn’t just an appetiser," says Lovehoney 's sex and relationships expert, Annabelle Knight. "The problem with the term 'foreplay' is that it suggests it's something you indulge in before the real sex begins. But for many people, foreplay is real sex, so don’t cut it short."
Foreplay can include basically anything that you'd do before or instead of penetrative sex, whether that's a massage , oral sex , kissing , erotic storytelling, showering together , fingering , or giving your partner a hand job .
Plus, many women and people with vaginas don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and non penetrative sex can be just as good (or even better!).
The key to kicking off great foreplay is through good kissing, says Annabelle. "Whether it’s lots of tongue, no tongue, nibbling, light pecks, or deep romantic kisses, knowing what your partner enjoys is key to kicking things off right," she says. Good thing we've got more tips on how to kiss then, eh?
Learning how to orgasm isn't just about making changes to the partnered sex you have. It's also about trying new ways of having sex with yourself. And that could include masturbating in different ways or using toys.
"Of course, one solution is to use sex toys with your partner, as well as when you’re playing solo. That’s something I thoroughly recommend – toys are fabulous tools, and I don’t want to diss ‘em! - but I also think it’s a wise idea to switch up the techniques you use during self-pleasure sessions, and reacquaint yourself with how delicious lighter, skin-on-skin touches can feel too," Alix says.
But, Alix says, "If you suspect over-using a bullet vibrator might be killing your sex life, or that your mains-powered magic wand might be casting evil spells on your lovemaking, pop the toys back in their boxes for a month or so, and learn how to hit those handmade highs."
If you feel that your usual vibrator just isn't doing it for you anymore, then trying a new kind of sex toy might be just the switch you need - and it could even mean you experience a whole different kind of orgasm.
Clit sucker sex toys work differently to vibrators, using gentle suction and pressure waves that can result in a more intense orgasm. Use them alone or with a partner - and some are even waterproof if you fancy trying it in the bath.
Masturbation is the best way to figure out what actually gets you off. And why keep that important info to yourself? Enter: mutual masturbation .
" Masturbate in front of your partner, so they can learn precisely where and how you prefer to be stimulated from the ultimate expert - you!" suggest Alix. "As well as being an educational exercise, this can be deeply erotic. Command your lover to sit on a chair facing the bed, then tell them that you’re going to put on a show – and you demand their close attention.
"Tell them that you’re going to put on a show – and you demand their close attention"
"If dirty talk turns you both on, get them to describe each move you make: the spot you’re touching, the speed you’re going, whether you’re moving your fingers in circles or stroking up and down. In addition to sounding seriously sexy, vocalising what they’re viewing will help them commit it to memory, so they can put their lesson into action later."
Alix also suggests trying to find sex positions that mimic how you masturbate, which can make you more likely to orgasm.
"Do you lay on your stomach during ‘downstairs DIY’? Perhaps you squeeze your legs close together? Try placing your body in a similar arrangement to whatever makes you come when you’re going solo, to replicate the effect."
Most women and vagina-havers need some kind of clit stimulation in order to orgasm, so make sure you incorporate some kind of clit play if you're having penetrative sex with a partner.
"There are more than 8,000 nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris alone. That’s double the number of those in a penis," explains Annabelle. "The key with clitoral stimulation is to start off soft and slow and then apply more pressure or speed as the body asks for it," she explains.
If you're looking for some moves to start off with, Annabelle suggests three basic ones to try out:
"The rub: use your fingers or a sex toy to slide up and down or back and forth across your clitoris and clitoral hood. Alternatively, try the tap dance: a gentle tapping motion on the clit and hood can help to slowly build to orgasm.
"Third, try the pinch: use your first two fingers to softly pinch your clitoral hood and gently tug up and down."
If you're looking for a stronger, more powerful orgasm, edging can be the key to achieving it.
Edging basically means that you bring yourself to the point where you're about to orgasm, and then stop. You can even bring yourself to this point and then stop a few times in a row - but when you eventually let yourself cum it will be a whole lot more intense (and worth it, we promise).
"Concentrate on your breathing and allow the pre-orgasmic sensations to wash over you," says Annabelle. "They will subside and once they have, you start all over again."
If you're with a partner, let them know when you're about to cum and tell them to stop. There's no rule as to how many times you should bring yourself to the edge - just as many times as you can handle! Just be careful not to totally lose your orgasm altogether, which can happen.
"It’s worth giving an intense orgasm ge l or balm a whirl: when applied to the clitoris, it gives waves of cooling, warming or tingling sensations, and encourages blood flow to your hot spots, making them more sensitive," says Alix.
"Some people report that it helps them to hit climax with a partner faster and more easily, and makes orgasms more overwhelming and wondrous when they do arrive. Different people experience different effects, so experiment to see how it works for you, and take it gradually – one or two drops is all you need to kick off with."
"Try getting your partner to apply lube for you: challenge them to stroke it onto you as slowly and gently as possible - the application should amplify the thrill. Go for a brand like Sliquid , which makes organic, vegan, hypoallergenic lubes that are long-lasting and feel great against the skin.
Liquid Silk is also a really great water-based lube that is super easy to use, and isn't sticky.
As well as keeping your skin hydrated with lube, it's important to keep yourself hydrated too - and drinking water can even help when it comes to orgasming.
"Dehydration can lead to vaginal dryness which can lead to more painful sex, " explains Annabelle. "Good hydration helps with your body’s natural lubrication. When you are hydrated, more blood flows to your nether regions, heightening the chances of better and longer orgasms."
Plus, drinking more water can give you more of an energy boost, Annabelle adds - and you're more likely to enjoy sex when you're energised than when you're tired.

Love and Sex -

Mar 22, 2017

By: Taryn Englehart

WE'RE DESPERATE
FOR YOUR APPROVAL.

Plenty of women have difficulty giving themselves an orgasm. But don’t take a defeatist attitude! With the right tips, you can make yourself cum more powerfully than you ever thought possible, because every woman is capable of having an orgasm that can shatter windows and change the personalities of neighboring dogs. If you’re looking to up your O-game, here’s how to make yourself cum so hard you fall off the bed and right down the stairs.
Women masturbate in many different ways, but most enjoy some kind of clitoral stimulation, so start slowly and figure out what makes you feel good. If you’ve done yourself right, you’ll be cumming so hard you roll straight off your bed, onto the floor, then down the stairs until you hit the foyer. Much like flying through a windshield when you’re drunk, falling down the stairs when you’re cumming works out fine because both drinking and cumming act as muscle relaxants. Imagine a cumming flubber flopping down the stairs – that’ll be you! So what’re you waiting for, girl? Get to it!
Much like any other skill, masturbating requires practice, so make time for it. You might feel a little awkward at first, but when you really get into a rhythm you’ll know exactly how to make yourself finish so intensely you plummet right over the edge of your bed and then down a winding staircase, or around and around if it’s a long spiral staircase. To keep things from becoming predictable as you get into a routine, however, masturbate in different locations, like the bath. Fill up your tub with hot water and suds and try making yourself cum so hard you drown. Oops! Maybe we should be afraid of the female orgasm!
Being overly goal-oriented about climaxing can suck the fun out of masturbation, so never put pressure on yourself to orgasm until you reach the exact moment you feel ready to eat shit tumbling down the stairs. Think of what you’re doing as an exploration of what feels good to you and you alone. You don’t want to half-ass your orgasm so you only cum hard enough to fall in the crack between your bed and the wall. That’s a bad orgasm! Take however long you need to cum so hard you somersault a few stories down the stairs and into the basement where there is no light. You deserve it!
This tip seems obvious but it’s important: Never close your door. Otherwise you won’t be able to roll seamlessly from your bed to the stairs. So leave it wide open, and don’t let anyone shame you into closing it. Better yet, leave the front door open as well so you can tumble right out your door, down the stairs then out the front door into the yard. Why hide your sexual liberation?
No matter how unsatisfying your sex life has been in the past, try these tips to give yourself a great orgasm. All your friends will be jealous when they ask, “How’d you get all those bruises?” and you say, “Oh I don’t know, I just finished so hard I fell down the stairs.”

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