How To Make Orgasm

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Conquering the female orgasm has been an elusive task that has befuddled people since the dawn of time. It's no wonder we're still talking about it, to be honest. The full structure of the clitoris wasn't even discovered until the late '90s. The clitoris is, of course, the star of the female orgasm. It's no secret that women who identify as heterosexual have fewer orgasms than anyone else. We ladies have known there was something going on downstairs since pretty much forever, but science is finally coming around.
According to new research, scientists have found that the female orgasm is an "afterthought of evolution." Indeed, female pleasure is a key player in reproduction — how else are we supposed to want to want to have sex in order to have babies? There should be some incentive, no?
According to Dr. Rebecca Brightman, an OBGYN at East Side Women's Associates, the clitoris plays a role in sexual response: "During ovulation, women have an increased sex drive and libido. Positive sexual experiences foster procreation. So, indirectly, the clitoris plays another role than just pleasure."
So, now that we have some much-needed interest in the clitoris, female orgasm, and how to pull off the whole crescendo, look no further. We have the ultimate guide from real women themselves. Here are the best ways to make a woman orgasm — according to women.
The first thing to remember is to try not to put a ton of pressure on yourself to orgasm. If you get into your head, you won't be able to come.
"Falling into the sexual process with no end goal in sight and really digging the sensational experiences of being touched, fondled, and kissing is where arousal wakes up and begins its mysterious journey to orgasm," Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love, tells POPSUGAR.
Instead of putting all the focus on finishing, try to actually enjoy what is happening to your body. No one can get off if they're busy worrying about climax.
But where to touch is important, too.
"For the female orgasm to be achieved, it's best for the clitoris to get some attention," Polly Rodriguez, CEO of Unbound, tells POPSUGAR.
I cannot stress enough the importance of the clitoris in female orgasm. Even the G-spot is a part of the clitoris. I know, mind blown. The G-spot is actually the spot inside of the vagina that is closest to the root of the clit.
Stimulate the clitoris, and orgasm happens. The two things go together like peanut butter and jelly. Rodriguez suggests investing in a vibrator stat. There are even vibes that can be worn during sex. "There are a host of fantastic clitoral vibrators on the market that can be used without impeding intercourse — we love the We-Vibe, Eva, or Mio."
If you want to learn how to use these toys AND what position to be in to optimize your orgasm, check out the coital alignment technique. I can personally attest that it is fabulous.
According to deep analysis of over 33 studies of human sexual behavior, only 25 percent of women have orgasms during sex. Of women who rarely orgasm, 25 percent receive oral sex regularly.
This means . . . YOU NEED TO BE GETTING MORE HEAD. It's back to that clit drama. You need your C tended to, ladies. Oral sex is something we often feel weird asking for. We don't want to "burden" our partners. That is completely ridiculous.
"Making room for endless foreplay is a creative way to increase the opportunity to have clitoral orgasms happen either through mutual masturbation or oral sex or both," says Strgar.
If you want to have orgasms and a satisfactory sex life, you should ask for oral sex. Period.
"Why would you masturbate if your boyfriend has a perfectly wonderful penis?" This is an actual question my mother asked me over the phone. Uh?
If you want to be able to orgasm during sex, you need to know what you like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation, even if you're in a relationship.
Knowing what you enjoy and what makes you feel good will make sex with your partner more satisfying. He or she will love that they can make you feel good and you will feel more confident in your own skin.
Masturbation is a form of self-care. Don't dismiss it as trite or unnecessary.
If you want to get a woman to orgasm, you can bet that giving her clitoral rug burn is not the way. Lube is your savior. It makes everything better.
It may seem like no big deal, but it's legitimately important to good sexual experiences. It adds a layer of protection to your sensitive parts. When you're getting frisky, your clitoris and vulva can become oversensitive, making it difficult to orgasm.
Lube is your friend. Always use lube. Want to know which kind to buy? Read this.
According to a study from the Kinsey Institute, women need three things to come: genital stimulation (check), oral sex (check) . . . and deep kissing.
It may seem a little strange or bizarre, but kissing really can make women orgasm. A study from Chapman University found that 80 percent of heterosexual women who were orgasming regularly reported having all three things during sexual encounters.
I think we can all agree that a truly deep and passionate kiss during sex really does make things hotter. It definitely does NOT make up for oral sex, but it's an excellent addition.
If you want to have more orgasms, you have to be unafraid to direct the focus on you. Thirty percent of men think women orgasm through sex alone and that is . . . not good. So, let's make sex better for everyone by making sure we come.
Listen to The Step, a podcast for — and about — unstoppable women. Actress and comedian Ego Nwodim sits down with women who are boldly taking up space and reaching new heights with their never-ending hustle.

10 Tips For Having The Most Intense Orgasm Of Your Life
Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren't as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they're still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word "climax." Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it's Christmas in July.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don't like in a way partnered sex can't. "Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex," sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, tells SELF.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. "Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating," she says.
Kerner agrees. "Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal," he says. If you're not sure what gets you going, O'Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. "For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel," says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. "You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual."
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you'll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of deal.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
"Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary," says O'Reilly. "As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner."
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we're not trying to create a monster here). "Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm," says O'Reilly.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
Kerner calls the clitoris "the powerhouse of the female orgasm," and for good reason. "Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going," he says. Also, as O'Reilly notes, "Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm." While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. "Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator," says O'Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
6. But don't only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons.
O'Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. "That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm," she says. "As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft." It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia, too.
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
"Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of that blended orgasm," says Kerner. It may feel strange to mix those types of stimulation at first, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
"If you normally have sex on your back, flip over onto your stomach to discover new sensations," says O'Reilly. She notes that a small 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine used MRI imaging with an interesting result: "The research suggests that the pleasure pathways related to the clitoris and G-spot are different," she explains. Experimenting with different sex positions and the parts they stimulate might change up, and even amplify, your pleasure.
9. Don't be too shy to use your hand or a vibrator during sex.
This can be the key to wait-what's-my-name-again kind of orgasms, but you might be apprehensive about using one while you're with a partner. "You can use a vibrator to enhance sex without being dependent on it," says Kerner. One way to make both of you feel more comfortable is by starting to use it before intercourse begins, if it's on the menu, and even using it on your partner to show them the light (especially helpful if you're having sex with a guy). You can also use a vibrating penis ring or couple's vibrator so your partner feels more included.
We've said it before and we'll say it again: The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles many women forget to exercise. Kegels give your pelvic floor a workout, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Here's the right way to do Kegel exercises, plus a few tips for a regimen you can use regularly so your pelvic floor actually gets stronger.
You may also like: Try These 8 Things To Have Better Orgasms
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness. Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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