How To Make My Girlfriend Orgasm

How To Make My Girlfriend Orgasm

Medically reviewed by
Dr Roger Henderson and words by Sarah Berry

The essential orgasm guide for women
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Dr Roger Henderson
Dr Roger Henderson is a Senior GP, national medical columnist and UK medical director for LIVA Healthcare
He appears regularly on television and radio and has written multiple books.

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Does your girlfriend struggle to come? We speak to a sex therapist about helping your female partner get off.
If your partner struggles to come during sex, it can be frustrating (for both of you). Self-esteem, anxiety, exhaustion and stress are just some of the lifestyle factors that can impact a woman’s ability to orgasm.
While it’s perfectly normal to not reach orgasm every single time you have sex, if your partner fails to come at all, it can start to take its toll on your relationship .
But before you despair you’re doing something desperately wrong and your sexual prowess is entirely to blame, lots of women struggle to come, and your partner is not alone. A study of more than 52,000 adults found that 95 per cent of heterosexual men almost always climaxed during sex – compared to just 65 per cent of women.
Which begs the question: why are the men hogging all the orgasms and, more importantly, how can you help the woman in your life up her come-quota and join you in the pleasure circle? Psychosexual and relationship therapist Sarah Berry offers her expert tips on how, why and what to do to help the woman in your life come:
I often hear male clients lamenting that they are bad in bed because their female partners can’t come . While there may be other relationship or sexual issues at work, a lack of orgasm does not reflect on your sexual ability, nor is it your sole responsibility.
Most women at one time or another have found it difficult to climax.
While some women orgasm easier than others, most women at one time or another have found it difficult to climax. Some can only climax alone and some have never had the pleasure. There are many reasons for this. It could be down to any one of the following reasons, or many more profound or mundane interferences:
What I would recommend is that you work with your partner to create a space where both of you feel happy and connected and where arousal can ebb and flow. If their arousal is working up to an orgasm, you can help nurture these feelings.
If you are with a woman who orgasms infrequently or not at all, I would ask them how they feel about it. Maybe she is frustrated, maybe she is fine with it and maybe she does actually orgasm, but it’s a less theatrical affair – not everyone does a full on When Harry Met Sally – style performance. Start by asking her how she feels and you might be surprised to learn it’s nothing to do with you at all.
If she does blame your technique for her lack of orgasm, ask her to tell you, or even better, show you, how she likes to be stimulated. You could have a mutual masturbation session where you touch yourselves in front of each other. While this is can feel very intimate and exposing, it can also reduce pressure and performance anxiety for both of you.
It’s worth noting that if your partner is tense, maybe they’re anxious or angry, then your touch is likely to tickle and not hit the spot, so let her lead the way.
Bearing in mind what works for one person may be uncomfortable for another, here’s some ideas for helping your female partner achieve an orgasm which you might like to try together:
It seems the done thing, in far too many heterosexual couplings, that when the man has come then sex is over, regardless of whether the female partner is done or not. Ignoring whether your partner has also finished is selfish. If she would like it, you could do some hand or mouth stimulation . If you are too spent, you hold her while she masturbates.
Yes quickies can happen. If you are both aroused and your genitals are primed for action then that’s great. But if not, foreplay helps all genitals – including penises that, contrary to popular belief aren’t always ready to go as soon as sex is hinted at – to be ready for sex. Without enough of it, sex can be painful, intrusive or simply just boring. Foreplay can include anything from saucy texts, to hand jobs, to oral, to spanking and anything else that feels playful, sensual or sexual.
Some people find sex toys , particularly vibrators, can help them achieve the big O. Others don’t like them; it could be they don’t like how they feel or they don’t like them on principal. There are many, many different sizes , shapes, colours, materials and types of stimulation available, so if you are thinking of getting one, I strongly recommend consulting with your partner.
Many women say that receiving cunnilingus is the most surefire way to get them coming. If you do both want to do this, but you’re not sure what to do, experiment until she starts making appreciative noises or writhing around. Some women prefer a tongue lapping consistently at the clitoris while others like the whole vulva to be slathered over, like you would an ice cream on a really hot day.
I’ve found that there are three main reasons why some women find receiving oral sex a bit uncomfortable:
• The first is that it can feel disconnecting: you’re down there being busy, while they’re up there not feeling in the moment and worrying about you, work, or that stain on the ceiling.
• The second is the fear that it is taking too long; indeed vaginas do generally take longer to get excited than penises.
• And thirdly, many women fear that their vulvas and vaginas don’t look good or smell.
So what should you do? If you are going down on her, being more animated can help. This can include appreciative noises or comments, eye contact, cupping her bum and stroking her body. If you’re tired, try alternating tongue and finger stimulation.
During your intimate time, you might feel awkward, nervous, detached, or any other feelings that could interrupt a pleasurable union. If this happens, I suggest that, rather than powering through, you stop for a moment. Tell them how you feel and give them a compliment, a hug, or something that can help the two of you can find some common ground and establish a bond. It means she may also feel she can do the same when she feels interrupted. Being on the same page during sex is sexy.
If someone feels close to coming but then their clitoris becomes painful or numb, then you could suggest that the two of you take a break. Maybe have a chat, a cuppa or a glass of wine, or a bit of a snog. If you both want to continue, you may be surprised to find that the clitoris is still pretty enlarged and doesn’t need much stimulation to get going again.
heIf s says to keep going in increasingly excited tones, then keep going. As you were. Don’t go faster. Don’t go slower. Don’t throw in some amazing trick. Unless you are in pain or discomfort JUST… KEEP… GOING!
Issues with sex can be a symptom that other things are wrong with your relationship. In this case, it could be that one or both of you is having doubts about your relationship or is harbouring resentment about something. Or they may see you as a good friend but just can’t get themselves to fancy you. Sometimes discussing these issues can be painful but getting through them could lead both to find happier places, either together or apart. Couples therapy can help negotiate this.
For further advice about helping your partner reach orgasm or any other relationship or sexual concerns you might have, try one of the following resources:
Sarah Berry is a psychosexual and relationship therapist. For more information about how she works and to book a session, visit www.sarahberrytherapy.co.uk
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Julia Naftulin is a health reporter with a focus on sexual health, psychology, and public health. Her work can be found at Insider, Health, Verywell Health, and more.

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If you relied on Hollywood as your guide to sexual pleasure , you'd think that the typical woman only needed to rock the sheets for 8 seconds before finding herself on the brink of an earth-shattering orgasm .

But in the real world, this usually isn't the way it goes. And the results of one study back up the fact that not only do most women need some level of hands-on touching to hit climax during intercourse, the type of touch—the rhythm, motion, and pressure—varies widely.

The study, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy , surveyed over 1,000 women between ages 18 and 94. Participants were asked how much touching they needed to reach orgasm and what exact strokes produced the most pleasure, among other questions.

One major finding: 37% of women said they need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Another 36% said that having this body part touched isn't necessary for reaching the big O—but it does make the experience that much better.

When it comes to specifics, two-thirds of the women in the study said they preferred up-and-down motions directly on their clitoris, while 52% enjoyed direct circular movements and a third liked direct side-to-side strokes. The majority of women reported preferring light to medium pressure on their vulva , with 11% preferring firm pressure there.

Among the two thirds of women who said they preferred indirect clitoral stimulation, 69% said they enjoyed touching "through the skin above the hood," the study stated. Approximately 29% said they liked it “through both lips pushed together (like a sandwich)." Twenty percent favored indirect touch “through the skin on the right side of [the] clitoris,” and 19.2% chose “through the skin on the left side of [the] clitoris.”

"I hope this study challenges the idea that certain things work for everyone or everyone should have sex a certain way," Debby Herbenick, PhD, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and a co-author of the study, tells Health.

"Forever, data on orgasms during intercourse focused on college women or people in sex therapy," says Herbenick. "But this study was nationally representative and speaks to women of all ages, educations, races, and ethnicities, since it matches the demographics of women in the United States."

While there's no formula for the perfect orgasm, the study shows that some types of touch are more popular than others. And while the researchers make no judgments, Herbenick has one suggestion for women hoping to experience more pleasurable orgasms: maintain an open dialogue with your partner about the type of touch you like.

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S3x is something that should never be exhausted and at the same time, you must be able to satisfy your partner. However, using only a particular s3x position won’t help the cause as after a certain period of time you may get bored and hence you need to try out new things so that you can add curiosity to your sexual life. So, here is the list of 10 positions that will make her orgasm every time during the s3xual encounter.
In the following position, you perform s3xual encounter from the back while your partner is resting. This is profoundly a very good s3xual position as it leaves your partner with more space to wonder and hence he can give you the much-needed excitement.
This is one of the famous s3 x positions that you should definitely try out on your partner. You can make use of the wedged pads, ties etc. you make your experience even more pleasurable.
Doing a missionary style doesn’t mean that your lady needs to simply lie down and you are indulged to do all the work. Rather, tell your lady to wrap her legs around your back so that she can move you closer to her and indeed add more excitement to your journey.
This is a terrific position that can give a guaranteed orgasm to your partner. All you need to do is make your woman sit on top of you which would further enable the full entrance which both of you will certainly enjoy.
This position is certainly wonderful as it allows as it allows your lady to control the speed as well as the point during the encounter. In addition, the following position offers better entrance which can help in the orgasm.
This is similar to the teaching position, however, the legs being up. Depending upon your adaptability, you can use one leg at a certain scenario until you adapt well to the process.
This move is simply exceptional in giving your partner the perfect orgasm and in the following position you move back and forward while rubbing the clitoris against him while your bosoms are placed in his mouth.
To try out the following move, you would need a kitchen table that can be adjusted to the abdomen of your men. You would need to lie on the table having your butt close to the edge. Allow him to rub through your clitoris and further enjoy the experience.
To implement the following move, you would need to sit at the edge of the kitchen counter and you can make use of the lavatory counter if you are a short person. Wrap the legs around the hip of your man and further hold the neck of your partner with your arm.
Put a leg on each arm of your partner and further unplug your treadmill. Moreover, give him a chance to place into you while you are suspended. This can potentially give you the best orgasm.
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